NFS 4.5

He slept as if he had passed out. Joo Seung-ha thought hazily as he opened his eyes, wondering if he had literally fainted. Just opening his eyes caused his whole body to ache. Despite sleeping, the fatigue hadn’t subsided, and every muscle in his body was screaming in pain. Well, they had been at it since dawn after all. Joo Seung-ha checked the time and forced his body up despite having slept less than two hours.

He still had to go to work though. Fortunately, there were no visits to external companies scheduled today, but he had many tasks to do at the office—wrapping up yesterday’s shopping broadcast, checking sales figures, attending meetings, etc. He left Seo Ahn-jae’s bedroom, which had become somewhat familiar after sleeping there several times, and looked around the house, but no one was there. Could he have gone to work already? While Joo Seung-ha was wondering about this, he went to shower, and when he came out, he ran into Seo Ahn-jae who was just entering the house.

“You’re up already?”

When Seo Ahn-jae asked disapprovingly, Joo Seung-ha paused drying his hair, puzzled.

“I have to go to work.”

“Take a day off.”

“What do you mean take a day off on the same day? Besides, I have a lot to do at the office today.”

“The company runs fine without you. You’re hurting, so go get some rest today.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s commanding tone was so firm that Joo Seung-ha almost had a moment of confusion. Are you my company’s CEO? But he hadn’t heard anything about a gaming company acquiring a pet feed company.

“I’m not hurting.”

At those words, Seo Ahn-jae’s gaze slowly scanned Joo Seung-ha’s body. Joo Seung-ha wanted to step back but instead pretended to wipe his face with the towel.

“Then show me.”

Show what? As he lifted the towel up, he found Seo Ahn-jae standing right in front of him and feeling startled, took a step back. Seo Ahn-jae grabbed Joo Seung-ha’s waist and smirked.

“I need to see for myself if you’re really not hurting.”

“See what?”

Even as he asked, Joo Seung-ha already knew the answer, making it difficult to maintain a calm expression. Seo Ahn-jae deliberately stared at him with a smile, as if wanting to make him more uncomfortable.

“You know where.”

His hand moved from Joo Seung-ha’s waist toward his bottom. Before it could reach its exact destination, Joo Seung-ha jumped away in alarm.

“That’s enough.”

“No way. You were crying all night about how hard it was, so I need to check with my own eyes if you’re really okay.”

Seo Ahn-jae grabbed Joo Seung-ha’s arm as he tried to escape and whispered in his ear.

“You probably couldn’t clean everything out properly while showering, right? I filled you up so much. Ah, did you perhaps get excited while fingering yourself clean?”

At these shameless words, Joo Seung-ha turned his head away in irritation. Ah, really.

“Stop talking like some horny old man.”

“I am a horny old man.”

It seemed another adjective like “sly” needed to be added to that description. Joo Seung-ha looked at the smiling Seo Ahn-jae in disbelief before finally noticing the bag he was holding. 

The bag had “○○ Bean Sprout Hangover Soup” written on it.

“Did you go out to buy breakfast?”

“Yeah. This place is pretty good.”

It must have been too early for delivery, so he went himself. Joo Seung-ha found it amazing how Seo Ahn-jae cared so much about his meals now. He hadn’t even received this kind of attention from his parents while growing up. Neither his mother nor any of his several stepfathers had ever once asked if he’d eaten. This was part of why he couldn’t get used to Seo Ahn-jae’s affection.

“Let me dry my hair first.”

“Come here, I’ll do it.”

“What?”

He asked blankly, while holding the towel. Seo Ahn-jae put the bag on the table and came back with a hair dryer.

“I’ll dry it for you.”

“There’s no need for that. I’m not a kid…”

“This part always sticks up a bit.”

“…It’s not always like that.”

“Sit down.”

Seo Ahn-jae sat on the sofa and tried to make Joo Seung-ha sit in front of him, but Joo Seung-ha stood firm.

“I’ll do it myself. It’s not a big deal.”

“Because it’s not a big deal, let me do it. I’ll do it better than you.”

“I know my own hair best.”

Does it really stick up that often? Joo Seung-ha pressed down the part of his hair that had been pointed out while continuing to stand his ground. Seo Ahn-jae found his refusal puzzling and looked up at him with a serious expression on his face.

“Why don’t you like it?”

Though he wasn’t holding tight, it didn’t seem like he would let go of his wrist. Joo Seung-ha had no other choice but to mumble an answer.

“This kind of thing feels awkward.”

“What kind of thing? Say it exactly.”

Joo Seung-ha swallowed a sigh and turned his gaze away.

“Expressing affection over such trivial things.”

It’s a bit too much. He barely stopped these words forming at the tip of his tongue. If he had said that too, it would have felt shameful, like exposing his unloved self completely. Seo Ahn-jae frowned, displeased about something, and spoke harshly.

“Fuck, what did those bastards you dated before do…Hah, never mind.”

Seo Ahn-jae took a breath as if trying to suppress his anger.

“Anyway, this means I’m the first person to show you affection like this? That makes me happy.”

Well, that’s because there weren’t any “bastards” before. Joo Seung-ha felt like his nose was growing like Pinocchio’s as his small lie kept getting bigger. But confessing now that he’d never dated anyone would still hurt his pride. So his words came out somewhat sarcastic.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you’d be so good at this kind of thing, since you’ve had lots of practice.”

“This is my first time too.”

“What is?”

“Showing affection to someone like this.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah,” Seo Ahn-jae responded lightly, turning his indifferent gaze to empty space.

“Think about it. Why would I care about someone else this much unless I was crazy?”

Joo Seung-ha tried to suppress his laughter while keeping his eyes stern.

“So you’re crazy now?”

“I am.”

“Completely crazy.” At his self-deprecating words, Joo Seung-ha couldn’t help but let out an incredulous laugh. He quickly bit his lip to hide it, but Seo Ahn-jae’s eyes were already fixed on his face. His silent stare seemed to beg for praise, so Joo Seung-ha reluctantly sat down. As he let Seo Ahn-jae take care of his wet hair, he muttered with a sigh, “Well, you’ll return to normal soon enough.”

“How would you know that?”

Seo Ahn-jae’s hands became rougher while drying his hair with the towel. As his head was being tossed around like a blow-up doll’s, Joo Seung-ha finally shouted,”Hey, ah, Sunbae!”

“This is how you dry it properly.”

“You mean properly break my neck and send me straight to a coffin?”

As Joo Seung-ha tried to escape, Seo Ahn-jae laughed briefly and pressed down on his shoulders. Then, with gentler hands, he pressed the towel firmly against his scalp.

“How do you know I’ll return to normal?”

Though he returned to the main point, Joo Seung-ha didn’t notice how his voice had lowered while drying his hair.

“Human love is just hormones, right? It’ll last a few years at most. We’re not dogs—I don’t believe in loving someone for life.”

“Then I’ll just be a dog.”

He hesitated at words that should have been ridiculous. He remembered someone who had freely called Seo Ahn-jae a dog before. Sensing Joo Seung-ha’s silence with uncanny accuracy, he asked, “Did you think I was like a dog?”

“No. Not me, but…ah.”

“If not you, then who?”

Without needing to think, Seo Ahn-jae named someone, “Seo Jihae?”

“…Stop casually using noona’s name.”

“At least I don’t call her a dog.”

Well, that much was true.

“And why do you take Seo Jihae’s side instead of mine?”

There was so much hurt in his voice that Joo Seung-ha had to try hard to suppress another laugh.

“Because she’s the kind person who adopted Cookie.”

“Hah. I’ll adopt about five dogs for you, so just be grateful to me.”

“Pet adoption isn’t something you do to receive thanks from others.”

When Joo Seung-ha got serious about this point, not even accepting it as a joke, Seo Ahn-jae responded equally seriously, “Does it have to be about love? Isn’t the commitment to take responsibility until the end what’s important? What’s wrong with having secondary motives like receiving your gratitude and making Jihae envious?”

Well, maybe the commitment to care until the end is more important than loving feelings. Since human love can be short-lived.

“You’re right, Sunbae.”

“Yeah.”

Though Seo Ahn-jae’s response was brief, it contained the confidence that he was always right, making Joo Seung-ha smile silently.

“But your secondary motives are too devious.”

“Just overlook this much deviousness when I’m adopting five dogs.”

Joo Seung-ha paused and turned to look at him.

“You’re not really planning to adopt, are you?”

“Why not?”

Joo Seung-ha tried to read Seo Ahn-jae’s expression but couldn’t find any trace of joking or lying. That made him even more dumbfounded.

“When would you adopt them? No, can you even raise five dogs here? I mean, even if they’re small dogs, you don’t have time to take care of them, right?”

When Joo Seung-ha’s questions came pouring out rapid-fire, Seo Ahn-jae turned his head back to face forward. Only when Joo Seung-ha couldn’t see did he break into a deep smile. Your reaction makes me want to adopt them.

“I’ll do it soon when conditions are right. I’ll focus on dogs that wouldn’t be adopted otherwise, so size doesn’t matter. These days there are good doggy daycares for care. And dogs would be happy with a big yard.”

“A yard…? Are you moving?”

“Yes. That would be good for you too.”

The words ‘what does my preference have to do with it’ almost came out of his mouth but ultimately remained unspoken. By now, the hands drying his hair had stopped. Joo Seung-ha quietly stared at the floor before asking softly, “Should it be good for me?”

“It’ll be your home too.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s hands came to rest on Joo Seung-ha’s shoulders. It wasn’t demanding an answer, but felt like pressure not to refuse. Instead of refusing, Joo Seung-ha asked, “If I’m not around, you won’t adopt?”

“Since making Jihae envious is also a goal, I probably would anyway.”

Ha. Joo Seung-ha lowered his head further and laughed briefly. He should be angry about such impure motives for pet adoption, but he couldn’t. He was just speechless at the fact that Seo Ahn-jae had made this decision because of him.

When talk of a big yard and five dogs came from his mouth, when Joo Seung-ha realized his own existence was included in that picture, something in a corner of his heart seemed to waver. No, maybe it wasn’t wavering but instead was rather a ticklish feeling.

Besides, Seo An-jae wasn’t one for empty boasts. Right, once he took responsibility for something, he would care for it until the end. And that wouldn’t be limited to just pets. This rational judgment about Seo Ahn-jae unsettled Joo Seung-ha’s heart.

“And it would be better for the dogs to live with me than be euthanized.”

It was a reason impossible to mock. Joo Seung-ha realized he had no right to judge his qualifications and raised his eyes. The words of gratitude for making such a decision wouldn’t come easily. Cowardly, Joo Seung-ha changed the subject lightly.

“Are you not on good terms with noona?”

As he asked this to change the mood, Seo Ahn-jae’s hands began moving again.

“No way. We’re not even close enough to care about each other that much.”

He frowned as if the very idea of caring about sibling relationships gave him goosebumps. Joo Seung-ha tried to suppress a laugh while saying seriously, “I envy having a sister like that.”

“Ha, why would you envy that?”

“Just because. It means having one more person on my side. And also because she’s family who takes care of herself and doesn’t cause me trouble.”

After adding that, it somehow sounded like a desperate excuse for craving family, so Joo Seung-ha fell silent.

“I’m on your side too.”

“What’s different about having you on my side?”

“It is different.” Seo Ahn-jae ran his fingers through Joo Seung-ha’s hair, combing it.

“I’ll dry your hair every day.”

“Ah, that’ll cost more in pain patches.”

“I’ll make sure you eat every day too.”

“I’ll be overeating from breakfast onward then.”

“I’ll pick you up every day.”

The playful responses stopped this time. It reminded him of how he felt last night when Seo Ahn-jae came to pick him up. Mixed with childhood wishes, it drew out something old. Thinking about it now, it was close to sorrow.

“…Never mind. I’m not a kid anymore. It’s burdensome.”

“Want me to tell you something more burdensome?”

What is it? Unable to turn his head to look at him, he raised his eyes instead. Then came a serious voice, “You don’t have to give anything back.”

How could that be? One-sided love eventually breaks down from imbalance. Instead of making a pessimistic response, Joo Seung-ha lowered his head again. Though he wasn’t ashamed of his distrust in love, he couldn’t bring it up proudly.

“Just stay by my side.”

Unlike Seo Ahn-jae’s characteristically dry tone, the way he stroked Joo Seung-ha’s hair was incredibly gentle and caring.

Though Joo Seung-ha went to work with his tired body after barely sleeping a few hours, he didn’t regret it. There was enough work to make it worthwhile. And while he received praise and was treated like a hero at the company for the shopping broadcast, Joo Seung-ha felt his best accomplishment was his answer to Seo Ahn-jae that morning.

‘Move in with me. Let’s live together.’

Seo Ahn-jae’s proposal couldn’t have been sweeter. If he hadn’t been facing away while getting his hair dried, his hesitation would have been completely exposed. Fortunately or sadly, rejecting him remained like an instinct that pulled at Joo Seung-ha.

‘I’m not suited for apartment living.’

He ended the situation with that nonsense, but Seo Ahn-jae’s temptation wouldn’t leave his mind. A big yard, five dogs running around. If there was space at the shelter, they could save dogs that were on the euthanasia list right away. In fact, large dogs rarely got adopted, so many stayed at the shelter for a long time.

Among them were some who couldn’t adapt and barely came out of their kennels even during walk time. Wandoo was a prime example—even after years at the shelter, he was too timid and shy, hiding whenever he saw people. If they could take in such a pitiful, concerning dog? And if they could bring in and train Soongneng, who liked people but had problems getting along with other dogs…

Joo Seung-ha realized he was already counting the pretty ones they could take in and felt frustrated. He had no right to criticize Seo Ahn-jae’s plans as devious. He himself was the dark one. Wanting to move in with Seo Ahn-jae because of dog adoption. No, not yet. It’s not like Seo Ahn-jae would magically produce a house with a big yard right away…

Huh? Since he’s rich, couldn’t he just buy one? He blanked out for a moment. Come to think of it, the common assumption that getting your own home takes a long time didn’t apply to Seo Ahn-jae. Damn it. Joo Seung-ha felt frustrated again. What must Seo Ahn-jae have thought when he mentioned apartments? He must have heard it as an order to buy a mansion with a garden right away. Goddamn it. Having this embarrassing memory surface during work rather than before sleep couldn’t be more mortifying.