OL Ch 43

“Wow, he looks so refreshed after becoming a civilian.”

Byeonggeon, having found new gossip fodder, tutted at Hayun’s group.

“Oh my, oh my, they’re dying of happiness next to him.”

“…”

“That’s how you should live. Be quick to get in and out. His abilities were mediocre anyway, so it’s better that he became a civilian. That punk went to our elementary and middle school, so he doesn’t have to go to the army, right? Then the time he wasted going to a regular high school won’t even show. While some of us are rolling around in the field, likely to die.”

Byeonggeon asked Mookyeong for agreement, as if seeking confirmation. He had thought so himself before, but he didn’t want to agree because the words came from Byeonggeon’s mouth. To Mookyeong, there was little difference between Byeonggeon, who claimed to be rolling around in shit, and Hayun.

But Byeonggeon, thinking he was superior, kept seeking Mookyeong’s agreement. When Mookyeong didn’t answer, he became curious about the day Kim Hayun lost his abilities. Whether Kim Hayun really lost his abilities because he overused his power while abandoning his family, who treated him like their own, and escaping.

“If that’s the case, then there really is divine punishment, right? Right?”

“The light’s changed, let’s just go.”

“Oh, yes, sir.”

The soldier glanced at Mookyeong in the rearview mirror, perhaps sensing Mookyeong’s sharpened mood, unlike before. Then he grabbed the gearshift. It was a good position to press the emergency button and the pager.

Seeing this, Mookyeong leaned back comfortably in his seat. The measuring device attached to his body was a little annoying. Mookyeong tapped the device with his fingertips and then turned his head to the window.

For a psychic who often induced rampages, either consciously or unconsciously, Mookyeong was generally indifferent to most things. Except for one thing, matters concerning Kim Hayun.

Of course, most people didn’t know this fact. Even the management office, which was closely monitoring Mookyeong, only knew that he had contact with Kim Hayun, not how much he got on Mookyeong’s nerves.

Contact with Kim Hayun mostly took place at home, and he no longer beat him to a pulp like before.

‘But why did he really smile?’

The image of Kim Hayun smiling shyly and the hands that touched him kept replaying in Mookyeong’s mind. No matter how much he thought about it, it was not something to smile about.

Did he like the praise?

Or did he like the touch of those people?

‘He liked it…?’

Whatever he liked, it was annoying either way. Mookyeong also disliked Kim Hayun, who acted as if he were about to die in front of him but led a normal life.

‘How dare you.’

You, and I, let’s see how long we can last.

Mookyeong had been living with that thought ever since Kim Hayun started clinging to him, asking to play his ridiculous game of being friends.

Even though he was aware that he was taking out his anger on him, his broken emotions poured out without restraint. But Kim Hayun didn’t give in and acted shamelessly. No matter how much he shot at him and pushed him down, he would come to him the next day as if nothing had happened.

And then he would ramble on about himself, which he wasn’t even curious about, and occasionally, like feeding a stray, he would talk about old memories. And when he did that, he would look at him with craving eyes. Mookyeong was not completely clueless about what Kim Hayun wanted from him.

It was extremely annoying, but Mookyeong didn’t question Kim Hayun’s look. It was unpleasant just to think about it, just to mention it.

But he only ignored the emotions that Kim Hayun sometimes showed; Mookyeong always sharpened his hatred for Kim Hayun. If he saw even a small gap, he would attack excessively.

Because he always wanted Kim Hayun to be unhappy.

But emotions are consumables, and no matter how sharply you sharpen them, they are bound to become dull and disappear. Mookyeong, who always sharpened his hatred for Kim Hayun, also felt it, and it was clear that Kim Hayun’s feelings for him, who clung to him desperately, would be the same.

Mookyeong realized why he was so shaken by Kim Hayun’s daily life.

Kim Hayun only groveled in front of him; elsewhere, he had already regained his daily life. For now, he was clinging to him because of guilt and feelings he didn’t want to define, but how long would those feelings last?

The wider Kim Hayun’s world became, the more people he met, the more Kim Hayun’s feelings for Kim Heewon and himself would fade.

One day, Kim Hayun would find what he wanted from him in someone else, and then Kim Heewon and he would gradually drift away from Kim Hayun’s world and finally be excluded.

Mookyeong didn’t want that to happen. Kim Hayun had condoned the theft of Kim Heewon’s life. Therefore, he had to be sorry to Kim Heewon for the rest of his life and should not live happily.

To do that, Kim Hayun had to be reminded of his situation again. Just then, when he returned home, Kim Hayun spouted nonsense, asking if it was okay to live with him.

While thinking that Kim Hayun’s words were crazy, he also thought it was a good thing.

Even if he was suffering, he wanted to bind Kim Hayun to him so that he couldn’t escape from his sin.

Although it was not in his plan for Kim Hayun to go a step further and ask to sleep in the same bed.

In conclusion, he had spent two seasons with Kim Hayun, but it wasn’t as bad as he had thought. Because Kim Hayun knew his habits better than he had thought.

But that didn’t mean it wasn’t terrible. Mookyeong often mistook Kim Hayun for Kim Heewon in his sleep. Moreover, Kim Hayun also often mistook him. That’s why Mookyeong warned Kim Hayun, but Kim Hayun pretended to listen well and sometimes touched him.

Moreover, it was difficult to tell if it was a mistake or intentional in his sleep. He was startled by the unfamiliar presence and moved his body without realizing it.

It was the same that day.

Mookyeong naturally accepted the hand that hugged his back and clasped his hands together. He was about to turn over and hug him back as if it were a habit ingrained in his body, but he was startled and woke up. Then, seeing Kim Hayun in front of him, he shook him off without realizing it. In the process, he hit Kim Hayun’s nose with the back of his hand.

There was a quite loud sound, and Kim Hayun got up, holding his nose. The moment he saw his dazed face, Mookyeong gasped.

His heart sank, perhaps because of the earlier shock. He hurriedly left the room and headed to the bathroom outside the room. He immediately took off his clothes and doused himself with cold water. He scrubbed the place where Kim Hayun’s hand had touched until it turned red.

‘It feels bad.’

No matter how much he scrubbed, the feeling of Kim Hayun’s hand touching him wouldn’t go away. Mookyeong swore inwardly. Only after dousing himself with cold water until his whole body was stiff did he finally think of leaving the bathroom. He roughly wiped himself dry and hurriedly changed his clothes. He just wanted to get out of this place.

As he was putting on his watch and leaving the room, he saw Kim Hayun standing on the veranda window frame. The weather in late November was such that a cold and strong wind blew in just by opening the window. Perhaps because of the wind, or because of the pale face and the dawn’s twilight, Kim Hayun was standing there with a pale face.

He stood close to the screen as if he would fall, and then he staggered terribly after looking down. Mookyeong laughed, finding it absurd to see the screen that hadn’t even been opened.

‘He doesn’t even have the thought of dying…’

What could he do with that kind of guts? Probably, even if he told him to die, Kim Hayun wouldn’t die. Mookyeong remembered Kim Hayun, who would greet him with a normal face the next day no matter how much he shot at him. He used to think he might die, but now he corrected his thoughts.

Kim Hayun was a shameless punk. He wouldn’t easily throw away his life. He would either ignore it as if he hadn’t heard or experienced anything, or he would run away like before.

‘Like before?’

Mookyeong mulled over the thought that suddenly came to mind and then finished getting ready to go out. He didn’t want to be with Kim Hayun. He thought that because he was there, Kim Hayun was acting as if he were protesting on the veranda.

But from the moment he closed the door and went outside, he imagined Kim Hayun falling from the veranda. In his imagination, Kim Hayun stepped on the railing with pale feet, looked down, and then threw himself down without any regrets.

Because of the upside-down position, his head hit the ground first. With a thud, his head broke, and red blood poured out of his body.

But there was nothing on the flower bed he had glimpsed on his way to work. Mookyeong thought he had such an imagination because he wanted it so badly.

Yes, it was something he wanted so badly.

Because Mookyeong wished that Hayun would just die.

It was something he had wished for so much, but he was startled and surprised whenever he heard something falling all day. Even when he returned home, he scanned the flower bed near the building entrance first. He looked around to see if there were any strange marks and then noticed that the veranda screen of his house was open.

Strangely, his vision went dark. Mookyeong hurriedly went up to his house. As soon as he opened the door, he felt a chill, unlike usual. As he had seen from below, the veranda window was wide open, including the screen, and a cold wind was blowing in relentlessly.

Mookyeong hurriedly closed the window and opened the bedroom door. Kim Hayun was not there. He either hadn’t come back from school or had gone home. Or maybe he had plans with friends, or even if not, he could have been late due to other business.

But even though he thought it was entirely possible, Mookyeong opened every door in the house. He picked up the bloody shirt that Hayun had taken off and left, and paced around the kitchen. He looked to see if there were any signs of having eaten breakfast and then suddenly felt anxious at the fact that the house was empty.

He felt a familiar and unfamiliar sensation. He was anxious and restless, and his whole body felt so dry that it was about to tear. Like a hangnail that was just barely caught but kept tearing the skin a little at a time, until at some point it had torn off a considerable amount of flesh and he felt the pain.

The bearable anxiety occasionally stung his heart.

Then, at some point, he became short of breath, and his fingertips and toes began to curl. At the signs of a rampage, Mookyeong, unlike usual, tried to endure it. Mookyeong didn’t want to admit that he cared about Kim Hayun this much.

‘No. This can’t happen.’

He shouldn’t give anything to Kim Hayun. Mookyeong couldn’t let anyone take what he had. Especially not if that person was Kim Hayun.

Mookyeong barely managed to stop the rampage. But Kim Hayun didn’t return even late at night. Strangely, Mookyeong couldn’t move. Just like an animal that curls up its body to endure severe pain, he just sat in the dining room chair and stared at the front door.

The terrible time passed, and the day broke, but Kim Hayun did not return home. He hadn’t sent a single call or text. Then, around noon, he returned home with a smiling face.

“Oh? You’re home? Is it your day off today?”

Mookyeong was dumbfounded by Kim Hayun’s face, who was looking at him as usual. He was about to get angry like a thunderbolt but closed his mouth because he didn’t want to.

“Mookyeong-ah?”

“…”

Mookyeong-ah. The moment Kim Hayun called his name, something hot surged up. Then his stomach churned, and his head spun. Mookyeong immediately ran to the bathroom. He grabbed the toilet and bent over. The nausea was unbearable.

After throwing up, he finally came to his senses. And he realized what he had done. Mookyeong took a deep breath and exhaled.

“…Get a grip.”

He shouldn’t give anything to Kim Hayun.

So that the returning Kim Heewon…, so that □□□…, so that…

“…”

The more he thought, the more his mind went blank. Mookyeong buried his face in his hands and scolded himself. But nothing came to mind.

As if he had nothing.