PCL Ch 39 Part 1

Lim Dae-han kissing someone else. Lim Dae-han affectionately hugs and talks to others. Tears welled up in my eyes as I crouched down in the pavilion and thought of him. I couldn’t bring myself to blame Lim Dae-han for making me like a wet mouse. After all, it was entirely my choice to go out and walk on the beach while it was raining. I had no choice but to sniff or inhale through my nose.

I encircled my legs with my arms and buried my face between my knees. Ugh… I cried uncontrollably as tears of sadness flowed from my eyes.

Maybe I should stay here until the sun comes up.

I wondered if Lim Dae-han knew I wasn’t there.

Perhaps he still looking for mosquito incense.

“Why do mosquitoes bite!”

I was so angry that I stomped my feet while sitting. To be honest, would Lim Dae-han have gone looking for this mosquito incense if I hadn’t been bitten by a mosquito?

In the first place, I did not leave my seat because I was uncomfortable. It was much better to just go to the room where Lim Dae-han was, hold hands, and ask if he really had such a promiscuous life. Then my body wouldn’t get wet, and I wouldn’t sniff as I do now…

Tears continued to flow. I wanted to blame everyone in the world, but the arrow eventually found its way to me. I’d be fine if I hadn’t been acting childish.

I’d rather sleep here, but my mind wasn’t in good condition. I sat with my head on my knees for quite some time. I wasn’t even sure how long it has been.

It was then.

“Ki Young-hyun!”

I heard a voice calling me.

“…”

When I raised my head, I saw Lim Dae-han, who was holding a big towel. He was drenched, just like me. Haa, haa… The exhalation was rough. Lim Dae-han, who came inside, opened his eyes wide. He seemed angry.

“Why didn’t you tell me and go out alone?”

“…”

“Do you know how worried I was?”

Lim Dae-han’s voice trembled aimlessly.

“Sorry.”

He strode up at the same time as I apologized. I wiped the tears away with my arms again. Lim Dae-han’s hand, which was holding the towel, trembled violently.

“I’m sorry…”

I wiped away my tears while apologizing. Lim Dae-han approached me and placed a towel over my head. It was big enough to cover my entire upper body. I slowly raised my head, which was slightly drooping due to the weight. Lim Dae-han’s eyes were red. It wasn’t like the first time we held hands or the first time Lim Dae-han confessed to me.

“….”

“…”

He took out his cell phone from his pocket and type a message. Perhaps he was telling the others that he had found me. I was terrified because I had never seen him so angry before. I placed both hands on Lim Dae-han’s thigh.

“Dae-han-a… ”

I cried as the end of my voice trembled. Lim Dae-han sat still after contacting the other.

“It’s my fault.”

“You’re fine, so it’s okay. I’m sorry I got angry.”

Lim Dae-han responded with a voice that was far from not angry. We were deafeningly quiet for a long time. I could feel the chill and kept talking to myself, “It’s cold…” Lim Dae-han turned to face me and properly arranged the towel over me when I said it.

“Hug me.”

I took a deep breath and said it. Lim Dae-han opened his arms. As it was, I went into Lim Dae-han’s arms. Lim Dae-han fixed his posture and put me on his thigh. He put his legs together and stretched them out, and I sat on Lim Dae-han tighs while he held me in his arms. It wasn’t until then that everything seemed to settle down.

Lim Dae-han must have felt cold as well.

He patted my back.

“I was scared.”

Lim Dae-han’s voice quietly settled in my ear.

“I barely met you.”

“…”

I wondered why Lim Dae-han confessed to me that day. Even though it hadn’t been long, it was a vague memory. There was a sound of crying cicada, it was awkward in a taxi, and even a pink room cafe. It had already been a few months. I buried my face in Lim Dae-han’s nape and closed my eyes.

But before that, there was definitely something I had to ask.

When I saw lovers obsessed with the past while watching a love show on TV, I wondered why they were like that when it was all over. However, when I was with Lim Dae-han, I realized that this was not always the case.

In fact, it was no different from Pandora’s box. Everything would be different depending on what kind of answer I get from Dae-han.

I raised my head slowly, which had been buried in Lim Dae-han’s neck. When our gazes met, he drew me in and hugged me. Lim Dae-han wrapped his two hands around my back and buttocks and held them together. I asked as casually and naturally as I could. Actually, I wanted to ask that, but I didn’t know how the voice came out.

“You…”

“…”

“Have you ever lived in a motel with the other guys?”

Lim Dae-han’s face turned white.

His complexion turned pale. It was the first time I had seen a different face from him, who was always proud and arrogant. He appeared to be more flustered than embarrassed. I frowned even more as I looked at that expression.

I’d rather he be shameless on that, but if he did it, I could have pretended I didn’t know. However, he neither denied nor affirmed. He just looked at me with a surprised expression. My heart grew cold and my mood went down. Eventually, wrinkles formed on my brow, and I twisted my body to get away from Lim Dae-han, who was holding me in his arms.

“Let me go!”

I had no prior experience. With the exception of a playful relationship I had in middle school, kisses, and… It was my first time with Lim Dae-han. But I was not the first to him. I was an ordinary 18-year-old as well, so I didn’t expect a romantic movie about the sweetness of first love. However, I didn’t want to have my first experience with someone without chastity. So it was natural for me to be irritated when I learned that he had been living in a promiscuous motel.

Were all bullies like that? To be honest, I had no idea until I met Lim Dae-han because I had lived an ordinary, truly ordinary life.

In any case, I twisted my body with a cold face I’d never had before. I tried to break free from his arms with all of my strength, but…

“Ah, let me go!”

Lim Dae-han just put more strength on his arm and held me tightly. Whether I flapped like a fish or not, Lim Dae-han stayed still. To be honest, Dae-han’s forearms were nearly twice as thick as mine and I couldn’t overcome them no matter how hard I tried.

“… Ki Young-hyun.”

Lim Dae-han only spoke up after that. I turned my head to look at Li Dae-han while frowning between my brows. Lim Dae-han’s expression was similar to mine. I had never seen him frown that much. However, my expression was loosened as usual.

“Did they tell you where I lived?”

“They said you lived in a motel. I, what else am I supposed to listen to?”

In fact, whether it was Lee Deok or Park Yeo-sun, they didn’t know our relationship, so I had nothing to say if they were bluffing. However, because I was drunk, my emotions fluctuated more than usual. Lim Dae-han furrowed his brow.

“No, did they say what neighborhood it was?”

“Why do you ask that?”

Was it really that important? I shook my head, indicating that I had no idea. Lim Dae-han’s face showed no signs of relaxation. Spontaneously, I raised my voice.

“Why do you ask that!”

“Hey, Ki Young-hyun… Calm down.”

“Do I look like I can calm down? How, how can you hide such things?”

It was clear that everyone who dwelled on the past had good reason to do so. They had either lived a promiscuous life like Dae-han, or they had met someone like this before.

Lim Dae-han gathered his hands and drew me closer to him.

“I’ve been to a few places where the other guys lived, but nothing happened there, I.”

I stared at Lim Dae-han. To be honest, it was hard to believe. What couldn’t you put into words? And what Lee Deok said irritated me.

“I heard that Lee Deok became close with you there?”

“He lived there, and I… I have been there a few times.”

“How many times did you go?”

I didn’t want to hear it, but I kept asking Dae-han about it. Lim Dae-han’s voice seemed to be whispering in. His voice was quieter than rain, and mine was much louder.

“No, not that…”

Lim Dae-han was at a loss for words. He didn’t even know what he was talking about as he touched the molars with his tongue and the cheeks rose and then fell. I was speechless. Without realizing it from my mouth, “Huh…” A sound came out. Did I hear the wrong thing because I was drunk?

“In any case, I didn’t have anything to do with a woman.”

“…”

“Don’t you believe me?”

When I squinted my eyes into a thin line and stared at Lim Dae-han, he suddenly had the guts. There was nothing I could say. To be honest, what Lim Dae-han has been doing to me does not appear pretentious. I pressed my lips together and lowered them as if there was a heavy weight attached to the corner of my mouth. As soon as I opened my eyes, Lim Dae-han lowered his head. Our noses brushed against each other. I gulped, his posture showing that he was about to kiss me. My thoughts then abruptly diverged in an unexpected direction. Nothing happened with a woman…

Lim Dae-han…wasn’t he originally like men? 

I asked carefully.

“…Then, have you ever been with a man?”

The guys around Lim Dae-han came to mind. Lee Deok and Park Yeo-sun were especially close to him. However, Lim Dae-han, who cut off my delusion, immediately made an impression. As if it was ridiculous, and there was also a scolding, “What nonsense are you talking about?”

“I don’t know why you think I have experience.”

I stayed still and looked Lim Dae-han in the eyes when he said that. If I had to tell him the reason, it would be that he was good at skinship and did it well. If I hadn’t been dating Lim Dae-han, I wouldn’t be as fond of this or that thing as I was now.

And Lim Dae-han was quite popular. Of course, his physical appearance was important, but his personality was one that had no choice but to be popular. So he must have slept in such a motel. He was drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, doing what he was doing, and, of course…

“Haa.”

“Why do you get so irritated when you think to yourself?”

Lim Dae-han gently touched my cheek as the words left his mouth. The rough hand felt so good it was irritating. Lim Dae-han rested his forehead on the top of my shoulder. He made a gentle movement with his head as if expressing affection.

“Trust me.”

He looked like a puppy with ears perched on his head. The sea, the rain, and Lim Dae-han’s unique scent irritate my nose to the point of dizziness.

“Okay?”

He begged for an answer. I like Lim Dae-han. It should be obvious, but I didn’t think so. I don’t want him to be nice to anyone but me, and I don’t want him to speak or laugh lightly at anyone. I felt like I was going to die because my stomach was twisted, thinking he had exchanged breaths with other people and given up his body.

I like Lim Dae-han. Really.

Lim Dae-han was still burying his forehead on my shoulder. I stayed still with my eyes staring in the distance.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve never been in a relationship.”