PCL Ch 47

“Who’s number two? Number two.”

“…”

“Class leader, who’s number two?”

“Oh… I think it’s Ki Young-hyun.”

I awoke to the sound of my name from afar, having been sleeping with my head buried in my hand. I extend my head out like a meerkat I saw on TV, searching around the surrounding.

“Yes, yes?”

A bitter voice came back from the teacher.

“Ki Young-hyun, are you sleeping?”

“Ah… I’m sorry.”

“Read the first paragraph.”

My deskmate pointed to what the teacher said in my textbook. I grabbed the book with both hands and read it slowly, sentence by sentence. Only my voice echoed in the quiet classroom. It was unavoidable to doze off. Going to Lim Dae-han’s house from dawn to dusk was exhausting; I couldn’t sleep and I need to cook as well. This was not easy either. After I was barely done reading the paragraph, the teacher asked number 12 to read the next part. Number 12 was also sleeping, and after being called a couple more times, I could only hear his hoarse voice.

Poke-

Someone poked me from behind. There was only one person who would do this. It was strong enough to pierce my skin. I looked at the teacher’s eyes and turned my head at an angle so as not to get noticed. 

Lim Dae-han handed me a piece of paper from the textbook that was torn. He then patted my shoulder and motioned me to look forward again. He simply patted my shoulder, but I had no idea why it hurt so much.

I couldn’t even tell, so I mumbled and returned to my original position. When I unfolded the crumpled paper a black circle was drawn. What… was this again…  But, I couldn’t ask him right now, so I decided to pass it on for now. Instead, I took a pencil and filled in the black circle drawn by Lim Dae-han.

***

“Ah, damn it. Jung Ji-pil you bastard!”

“Is it a sin to not be able to kick? Don’t make a fuss about kicking the ball!”

Jung Ji-pil’s voice resounded in the clear autumn sky. His voice, which was a little higher than boys of his age, became sharp as if my ears were going to rip if he raised it a little more.

Jung Ji-pil was caught in the middle of a swarm of people chasing a single ball around the large playground. Jung Ji-pil, who was not particularly skilled at soccer but enjoyed it, resembled a dog chasing a ball.

Rather than a huge, bulky dog, he looked like a little dog. Chihuahuas, Maltese and such. It means that it seemed like a small thing has lost its fear and was fighting back and forth.

I wasn’t participating in soccer at the time. Soccer was an energy-intensive sport, and I didn’t want to waste my energy on it. It wasn’t only me who was missing out. Some of the guys were having a good time during physical education, which was close to their free time. That was sufficient for us. Because it was the fall of the second year of high school, which was about to enter the third year.

The entrance exam was due in two weeks. The 3rd graders scrambled like zombies as time passed, and we felt a strong sense of responsibility. So I was advised to enjoy the time during physical education class to my heart’s content, but I preferred to just sit and enjoy the wind rather than participate in physical education, so I stayed on my seat.

But the problem was.

“Hey, Dae-han-ah, ah, come on!”

“Dae-han, come in, please.”

“Dae-han!”

The guys who didn’t even talk to him kept calling out to him. But Lim Dae-han was by my side, ignoring all the voices calling him. The stone steps under the wisteria provide shade. There was a nice cool breeze. The sycamore’s palm-sized leaves were colored crimson and sparsely wrapped around the playground.

We weren’t the only ones there. The women’s team played foot baseball after dividing the playground in half.

They rush out to chase the ball when it was kicked high. Lim Dae-han tapped my shoulder as I was watched. My body tilted forward as my arm, which was holding my chin with my elbow on my knee, extended forward.

“Why.”

I managed to pull myself together and turned my head to him. Unlike me, who was wearing a jersey that reached all the way to my neck, Lim Dae-han took it off and placed it on his lap. It was not cold, and he was still wearing short sleeves. I met his gaze again after looking at his jersey. Lim Dae-lips han’s were pursed as he gazed at me. He then reached out and grabbed my chin with one hand.

“What’s the matter?”

I asked Lim Dae-han. Lim Dae-han looked at me with his head tilted. Then I adjusted my hand so that the back of it was against my side. I grimaced as the force holding my chin tightened, but for the time being, I let him do whatever he wanted.

Lim Dae-han, who was staring at me, reached out and placed his index and middle fingers on the corners of my lips. The corners of my mouth moved languidly as he stroked it with his finger up and down. I furrowed my brows a couple of times. Even though he could see my expression becoming increasingly uncomfortable, he forced me to laugh and cry.

“What are you doing?”

I asked again, but he stayed quiet. He just gave strength at the tip of his finger and lifted my lips to make me smile again. I thought it was strange that he was doing this all the time, so I tried to turn my head, but I couldn’t get out of Lim Dae-han’s grasp.

“…”

Instead, I gave strength to my eyes as if glaring at him. Lim Dae-han looked at me and smiled. Then, in a voice like a bully, he asked, “What are you looking at?”

He was the one who was bothering me, but I couldn’t say anything because he was so brazen. And I thought I’d become used to his tone of voice, but it turned out I hadn’t.

I was about to lose my mind because I was arguing with Lim Dae-han. Sswish-! I didn’t notice the ball flying fast towards me. Lim Dae-han squinted. He then pulled his fingers away from my chin. Plak! The sound was loud. I instinctively shrugged, and the back of Dae-han’s hand came into my eyes in an instant. The ball smashed into his palm and dropped to the ground.

I suddenly remembered Lim Dae-han throwing a ball into my head when I was a freshman in high school. Dae-han kicked the ball at me at the moment, but he blocked it this time. I felt strange again.

Lim Dae-han picked up the ball that had rolled while jumping off the stone steps. Then he left me alone and proceeded to the playground’s far end. I picked up the jersey that Lim Dae-han had left on the stone steps. Lim Dae-han dropped the ball he was carrying in both hands and kicked it hard without hesitation. Like a shotput, the ball went far and wide in a parabola. ‘!@#$@!# Pay attention and don’t let the ball fly out again. @#$%@#^#$.’ A vulgar swear word was also heard on the playground.

I could hear the girls who occupied one side of the playground and were having fun playing foot baseball and gossiping. However, he shook off his hand as if he didn’t care, then came towards me and secretly looked into my eyes.

“…”

“…” 

I was a little stunned as I had never heard such a swear word in my life. But it was because of me, so I smiled awkwardly. Lim Dae-han squinted one eye and sat down next to me after I showed him my smile with all of my teeth showing. He grabbed the jersey from my thigh.

“Ah, those bastards are just kicking balls at people for no reason.”

It was a little funny to see him rationalizing his own swear words. I chuckled as I bowed my head. Lim Dae-han then shook off his wrist.

“Is your hands okay?”

I asked with my head down. I looked into Lim Dae-han, who opened his eyes half-heartedly. Lim Dae-han stretched out his thick palm.

“…I think I’m hurt.”

He muttered as he massaged the palms of his hands with his fingers. I took his hand in mine and examined it. It was slightly swelled and red.

“You look hurt.”

Lim Dae-han gave me a strange expression when I looked up at him and answered. It wasn’t a smile or a frown. Lim Dae-han leaped to his feet when I rubbed his palm with my thumb. He then strode down to the playground, licking his lips with his tongue and not even having time to pack his jersey.

“Give me the ball.”

It came naturally between the guys who played soccer, and the ball was almost exclusively 

owned by Lim Dae-han. I ran out of the playground with his jersey and saw Lim Dae-han kicking the ball as if he couldn’t get enough of it. It was a little disappointing, but Lim Dae-han was originally fond of soccer. Even yet, I felt disappointed to rush away alone after we had spent a lot of time together.  I wanted to play soccer as well. But it was clear that it won’t be long before I run out of breath, and I would be pushed back into a physical fight… 

I should at least talk to him.

***

Friday before the weekend. I went searching for Lim Dae-han before the night self-study hour. He usually ate dinner before falling asleep at his desk during the night self-study hour, so I was concerned when I didn’t see him today. It was because I knew the night self-study monitor was the homeroom teacher.

“Have you seen Lim Dae-han?”

Jung Ji-pil puffed his cheeks and shook his head as he competed with his classmates in the hallway to see who could eat the most cookies. He wrinkled his brows and coughed and spit out all the cookies in his mouth as he opened his eyes and threatened me to go away. After watching the cookie powder flying from his mouth like firecrackers, I turned away.

The best thing to do was to stay away. Over his shoulder, “Argh! Seriously, you dirty bastard!” The guys who were playing with him started swearing at him. I could hear Jung Ji-pil’s voice full of injustice, but I continued walking towards the stairwell.

Maybe Lim Dae-han ran away. Anxiety washed over me all of a sudden. No, I don’t believe so. He would not. The reason why I believe him was that if he had not been able to study late, he would have told me.

If not… Did he go to smoke?

“…” 

I walked the hallway quietly and took a position at the far end. Lim Dae-han’s low voice could be heard. Despite the fact that I could walk up the stairs by steps alone, I stuck to the wall. I listened to Lim Dae-han’s voice quietly.

“Yes.”

He gave a short answer as usual. The person talking to him was the homeroom teacher. The two could have a conversation. As a homeroom teacher and a student, it was quite possible. But what the teacher said made me tilt my head.

“You should discuss it with your parents.”

A few days ago, I remembered the teacher had called out Lim Dae-han separately.

“All right.”

“Well, the bell will ring soon, so hurry up and get to class. Don’t sleep and study well.”

“Yes.”

Lim Dae-han lengthened the answer. When I heard the sound of slippers being dragged, I tried to get out of my position, but my feet would not move.  I wanted to run to the classroom, but I couldn’t. The distance between Dae-han and me was at most ten steps. It seemed clear that I would be caught along the way. In the end, I remain still. Lim Dae-han was walking down the hallway to the classroom when I ran into him.

“…”

“…”

He looked at me with his eyes wide open. It gradually faded away as if it had never happened before. I looked up at Lim Dae-han with my hands neatly clasped together. Lim Dae-han naturally placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned his lips to my ear.

“The bell is ringing soon. Where are you going?”

“Uh… you were not in class. I’m curious as to where you went.”

“Oh, well. The teacher called.”

Lim Dae-han drew his thumb from his hand and slid it over my shoulder. Wasn’t it a bit serious if the teacher asked him to talk to his parents? He patted my shoulder with a face that it was nothing special, and then I stared at the back of Lim Dae-han who was going ahead. I then realized he was hiding something.

Studying was not easy even late at night. I kept having a thought. At the thought of him having a secret, another thought came out, and another thought from that thought…  In the end, my mind was a mess.

I put aside my deskmate and glanced at Lim Dae-han who was sitting next to me. He rested his chin on one hand while scribbling something in small, messy handwriting on the workbook with the other hand. You had to pull out the chair all the way back to be able to sit comfortably, but it was a perfect posture for other people to fall asleep. A peach emoticon arm pillow rested quietly on his thigh. Lim Dae-han, who was rattling the mechanical pencil, pressed the button hard to see if there was a mechanical pencil core. Click, click, click… After repeating it several times, the guys in the front row turned their heads toward Lim Dae-han and moved back to their original position.

I looked through the pencil case. I took out a pair of B-sim mechanical pencil cores and handed them to Lim Dae-han. He took it carefully with his thumb and forefinger and put it down on his workbook.

It wasn’t very precise work, but he was more focused than when he was studying. After fumbling a few more times, he started studying again.

I stared at Lim Dae-han. I guess I’ll have to ask. I don’t think I’d receive a response if I asked him right now. When we’re alone… at his house.

I wrote carefully in the corner of the workbook.

I poked Lim Dae-han’s shoulder and pointed with my finger as he turned his head.

[Are you planning on returning to your home tomorrow?]

Lim Dae-han took a hesitant look at my writing and scribbled it on my deskmate’s desk.

[Nope]

[I think I have to go home tomorrow]

[To the house where my parents live]

“…”

“…”

I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just sat there with my mechanical pencil in the corner of the workbook. I could feel Lim Dae-han’s gaze. He then hastily re-wrote it under his own handwriting.

[I’ll be back]

[Let’s go out, I’ll buy you something delicious]

[Let’s watch a movie]

Lim Dae-han scribbled it down on his own. It was a bit amusing for him to write it down on his own while talking too little.

I looked through the pencil case and handed the eraser to Lim Dae-han who was getting ready to cover it with a mechanical pencil. Without hesitation, Lim Dae-han wiped away the writing he had made on the desk without hesitation. The dark lines on the B core expanded up and down as the eraser went, and finally, it was erased without leaving a trace.

The white eraser that I gave to Lim Dae-han was dyed black as though it had never been white before. It was halved as if an eraser’s neck had been cut. I made a bitter face at the eraser and wrote the words underneath what I had written.

[I’d like to visit your home as well.]

Lim Dae-han frowned when I said I wanted to go to his house with him. I felt nervous even if he didn’t say anything. I looked Dae-han in the eyes without saying anything.

Maybe he didn’t like it. I wondered if I was bothering him, but I had no intention of changing my mind.

Lim Dae-han spun the mechanical pencil around once in his hesitant hands.  He grabbed the mechanical pencil, which had returned lightly. Help me, help me, help me, help me! I felt like the mechanical pencil was talking to me. Lim Dae-han tilted his head and pulled my workbook. The worm wriggled under the letters I had written.

[I’m going to see my parents]

I also wrote the letters below it. My fairly neat handwriting and the handwriting of Lim Dae-han flowed freely like a stream of consciousness.

[I know]

[Is it okay?]

[Uhm… You don’t like it?]

There was nothing I could do if Lim Dae-han didn’t like it. Actually, I wouldn’t say, ‘We’re dating,’ but it looked to be a bit of a burden for Lim Dae-han. Regardless, he’ll have to be concerned about this and that, even if his family was clueless. I didn’t want to bring Lim Dae-han to my place for the same reason.

Lim Dae-han stared at the question I had posed with a serious expression on his face. He then wrote his answer.

[No haha]

[I like it so much]

Seriously. I clicked my tongue inwardly. If you liked it so much, why did you do that in the first place? Lim Dae-han made me very anxious. squeaky. The corners of my mouth, which I couldn’t hide, impulsively raised. When I turned my head, my eyes met with the crouched Lim Dae-han. I smiled at him. Lim Dae-han wrinkled his eyebrows and then banged his head on the desk.

Anyway… I’m glad it went well.