PCL Ch 60

I shouldn’t have sent him off like that.

I knew in my head that Dae-han had done it for me, but my hands and legs were still trembling. My confused mind and body reacted separately. In the elevator, I stared at myself in the mirror. There was something loose on my face,  like the face of someone who has witnessed something horrible.

My older brother was standing in front of the front door when I entered the house. When I raised my head, my older brother was staring at me fiercely with a frown on his face.

“What are you…”

But my older brother was unable to finish his sentence.

“What’s going on?”

Instead, when he asked the question, I felt a shallow convulsive twitch in my lower lip and tears welled up in the corners of my eyes.

“Hyung…”

And my tears flowed like those of a child who met his missing parents at a lost child shelter. My tension was lifted as soon as I saw my older brother. My older brother said nothing to me, who broke into tears without even taking off my shoes. I tried rubbing the corners of my eyes with the back of my arm to wipe away the tears, but they kept pouring out.

“Who did it?”

my older brother grabbed my hand and asked, as I was about to sit down. When I made eye contact with my older brother, my tear-stained face reflected in his eyes, and I slightly bowed my head. I wanted to respond, but I couldn’t stop crying. I think I still have a long way to go before becoming an adult.

“Is it him?”

The person he was talking about must be Lim Dae-han. I shook my head because I couldn’t raise my head. I was ashamed and angry at myself for crying like a child, but I was so irritated that the tears I had been holding back the entire time outside suddenly poured out when I saw my older brother.

“Ugh… Lee, Lee Hyun-woo… Hik…”

“Lee Hyun-woo?”

“Ugh… that, that punk… Uh, really…”

My eyes were sore. He pressed me to tell him what was going on, but because the story of my misery came first, I just cried the entire time.

“Come in, for now.”

I walked inside when my brother had moved away a little. I changed my clothes and sat on the sofa without even unpacking my bag. My older brother walked into the kitchen and returned with a bucket of my favorite mint chocolate ice cream. It had only recently been unpacked, and there was no sign of touch. I accepted the spoon. I didn’t want to eat it, but I did since I was starving.

My older brother sat across from me, holding his breath as though attempting to calm down even more, and asked,

“Lee Hyun-woo, that bastard. The one that bullied you.”

Nod nod. Instead of responding, my older brother stood up and licked his lips with his tongue.

“Wait here.”

“Hyu, hyung, where are you going!”

With my eyes still sore, I caught him as he headed out the front door as if he was leaving right away.

“Kill him.”

“…You don’t have to.”

“…”

“Lim Dae-han-i, Lim Dae-han-i… he hit him.”

I bit my lips when I finished speaking again. I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment, but it was terrible because tears kept streaming down my cheeks. “Did he hit him?” my older brother asked. He frowned and sat down next to me again after I nodded.

“Then where is he?”

“…”

“Are you not going to speak properly?”

“Go, going… home…”

When my older brother threatened me, I quickly responded. I pondered why I was so ugly, but I couldn’t help myself. This was my face.

I put a handful of mint chocolate into my mouth. I was starving… I thought I couldn’t be a human being in the midst of this because I was hungry. Then I became enraged at my older brother, who wanted to blame Lim Dae-han for the incident. While gripping the spoon tightly, I raised my voice.

“It’s because of you, hyung!”

“Do you want to get hit? You bastard, kissing outside…”

“You can pretend you don’t know!”

“I’m fucking pissed off. Your mouth is about to burst. Did you get hit on the head? What are you going to do if our parents see you, you bastard?”

I would have let him go at this point, but my brother never looked at me. As soon as comments about our parents were spoken, I became more focused and directed my gaze to the main bedroom.

“… Where’s Mom?”

“Grandma’s house.”

“I… Does she know I’m out?”

“I said you were going to your friend’s house.”

“…Okay.”

I couldn’t believe it. I left the mess at night and went out. Still, it was fortunate that my parents were deep sleepers. They also went to bed early.

As my older brother put it, I’d been gone for a while. It was embarrassing to even call it a runaway. I sniffed and inhaled, easing my recently sniffed breath. My older brother tilted his head, took a deep breath, and said.

“Hey, Ki Young-hyun.”

“…”

“I don’t know what you’re doing out there. You spend the night out, had strange marks on your neck, return late at night, go out early on weekends and return late at night. Is that what a student is good at?”

“…”

The sinner remained silent. I didn’t have anything to say, so I remained silent, but my older brother shouted, “Are you good at it?!” while losing his temper.

“I, I was wrong…”

“And you said he didn’t even go to college. He says he’s not going, can he call you out like that?”

“No… B-but…”

“What.”

“I’m the one coming to him…”

“…”

“Even if he asks me to go home, I’d like to stay a bit longer…”

“You really.”

When my older brother glared at me, I immediately shrugged.

“A, anyway! He did nothing wrong. I… I did everything.…”

My eyes were teary again.

I didn’t know what to do if Dae-han was displeased with me.

What if I appear like a coward and he didn’t like me anymore…

I couldn’t help but feel afraid. I thought hitting people like that was only in movies and TV shows.  I had never imagined Lim Dae-han raising his hand and without hesitation hitting Lee Hyun-woo on the cheek. A scene like that occurred right in front of my eyes without a pause, but in fact, it was natural for me to be surprised.

“…”

I stayed still for a while.  The ice cream on the spoon began to melt and dripped down. I glanced at my brother, who stared at me silently before opening his mouth.

“You hit me.”

“…”

“Who hit their older brother. You also hit me with your fists.”

“That…”

“Either you’re sorry or not.”

“I’m not very sorry…”

When I responded as if I was going to run, my older brother snorted, as if he was impressed. Nonetheless, I was relieved he didn’t say anything. One way or another, the problem was with Lim Dae-han… It would be okay if we met and talked…  I should go into the room and call him.

***

There was no contact from Lim Dae-han.

“…”

It had been a long time since I had awoken to an alarm rather than a phone call from Dae-han. I turned off the alarm and went into messenger.

Wednesday, November 13, 20XX

Me: [Dae-han-a, did you get home safely? I have something to say…] 1:17 PM

Thursday, November 14, 20XX

Me: [Dae-han-a, have you eaten? I want to go to your house and have breakfast… I have something to say] 8:29 AM

Me: [Dae-han-a, aren’t you home? Why don’t you answer the phone (tears)] 11:09 AM

Me: [I will be home today, call me when you see my message] 12:47 PM

Me: [What are you doing?] 3:38 PM

Friday, November 15, 20XX

Me: [See you tomorrow at school. I’ll have the sound turned on, so you have to call me right away when you see the message…] 1:17 AM

There was no reply to the messages sent unilaterally. The number ‘1’ to confirm that it was read remained as well. There were no messages or phone calls. I put down my phone and fiddled with my lips while glancing at the constant contacts I had left alone.

“… I wish he was in front of the house.”

I murmured to myself as I got out of bed. After having breakfast, I got ready to go to school and left the house.  I exited the elevator and walked up to the apartment’s front gate, where Lim Dae-han was always waiting. There was no one there.

“…”

Because Lim Dae-han had come to pick me up every morning for several months. I was reminded of how big his absence was. I bit my lower lip. A sudden sense of anxiety overwhelmed me.

… Are we breaking up like this?

Lim Dae-han’s lonely-looking back kept flashing across my head. I should not have sent him off like that. But I couldn’t do anything at the time.

I quickly closed my eyes and shook my head. It can’t be. He must have forgotten to pick me up today… We can meet in school. Then I’ll act as if I don’t know anything and have forgotten everything. And act as usual.

***