PCL Ch 81

Ginkgo nuts were strewn across the street as if a landmine had been struck. The sour smell wafted through the air, leaving a stinky smell. I didn’t want to step on the ginkgo nut, so there was a limit to walking around. First and foremost, Lim Dae-han, who had no preference between likes and dislikes, turned his head, frowning, as if he too despised ginkgo nuts.

The third year of high school was short. It was already autumn in the blink of an eye. Moreover, it was hard to believe that the CSAT exam was less than two weeks away.

I looked up at the sky. The sky seemed high, and it seemed not. In the cool autumn breeze, large puffy clouds flew gently.

The D-day of the CSAT was getting closer and closer, but it still didn’t feel real to me. Perhaps it was because I had passed the first round of early admission and even had an interview. I felt restless and floating. Actually, I didn’t need to take the CSAT, but I took all the subjects just in case.

I placed my hands in front of me and shifted my gaze to the side, fiddling with the long sleeves of the spring and autumn clothes I had already worn. Lim Dae-han had the same expression as usual, but he appeared tired. I think… Others had to put everything they had studied for 3 years at the shortest and 6 years at the longest in their heads for only a year and a half.  Lim Dae-han began studying seriously in December of last year, so catching up will be difficult for him after only a year.

But I didn’t say anything to Lim Dae-han. In early October, on the day the first successful applicants were announced, on the way home, Lim Dae-han told me.

‘Let’s study separately for the time being until the college entrance exam.’

So I haven’t been to Lim Dae-han’s house ever since. In fact, I told him that he didn’t have to take me home, but it was Lim Dae-han who said he wanted to because we hadn’t seen each other in a long time, and I didn’t want to refuse, so I was just passing the time.

To be honest, to be very honest, I was both sad and disappointed. It wasn’t that it was interfering with my studies, and I always knew who was the first to joke around and bump into each other when we were together, but he acted like that and said he wanted to be apart.

Nonetheless, I didn’t bother. We’ll be fine once the exam is finished. I was simply attempting to calm my heart. It was the same for me, but there will never be a more important time than now for Lim Dae-han.

I had to wait for the CSAT and entrance exams to be over as soon as possible.

***

I suddenly remember this time last year. It was a time when Lim Dae-han was debating whether or not to attend the career class, and I used to walk down the quiet, subtly sensitive third-grade hallways. The third graders were pouring all their passion into their studies at the time. Just like us now.

Looking around the classroom, it was clear that the majority of the students were eager to begin studying for the CSAT. The same was true for Lim Dae-han. He didn’t leave his seat at all. The band-aid remained on the first knuckle of the middle finger. When he attempted to heal a wound from holding a pencil, he was scratched again, and Dae-han’s hand was bandaged for nearly a year.

I should do something for Lim Dae-han, who was studying for the entrance exam. I gave it some thought. I pressed my lower lip together and was alone with my thoughts. Time flies, and if I closed my eyes and then opened them, the CSAT exam will be a week away, and then it will be right before the day before.

I took out my phone and looked up a gift for the entrance exam on the Internet. The majority of them were either chocolate or glutinous rice cakes. Snacks began to arrive at our house as well. It was not like my older brother, who was openly good at studying and didn’t care whether it was a Korean university or a university abroad. But no one dare to touch him when he prepared for the entrance exam. He was like a human needle at the time. Even our parents avoided him because he was so sharp and sensitive.

Lim Dae-han wasn’t to that extent…

How about buying me some chocolate? And write a short letter as well. He occasionally wrote me letters, but I never wrote him letters. I smiled alone and turned to see Lim Dae-han, who was studying hard once more.

“…”

However, there was no Lim Dae-han. Did he go to get something to study? I looked around, but he was nowhere to be found. Where did he go! I got up from my seat and walked out of the classroom. There were only a few people in the hallway. Red maple leaves hung precariously from the tips of the branches through the window, and rusty weeds grew uncontrollably in the playground’s corners.

I went to the restroom closest to the classroom without hesitation. Fortunately, Lim Dae-han was there. He looked at me through the mirror as he was washing his hands. He turned over and splashed water on me, raising the corners of his lips playfully. His expression and demeanor were the same as usual.

“Why are you frowning when you walk in?”

Lim Dae-han asked me. I shook my head. We didn’t do anything, so we left the bathroom side by side.

“Oh, I’m so sleepy.”

After he finished speaking, he put his arm around my shoulder. He leaned his head against my head and leaned all over my body. All I did was twist my shoulders. It was a complex that I was a lot smaller than Lim Dae-han, but I didn’t want to be pressed and I wanted to know what he was doing.

“Ah, you’re heavy…”

In the end, I couldn’t push him away and his shoulders were shaking as he laughed at what was funny.

***

It was the last night of self-study. The CSAT is in two days. Being a third-year high school student wasn’t a big deal; the school held various events for no reason. I also received a gift that seemed to have been bought with money from 1st and 2nd graders just by looking at it, and teachers who were more impressed than students talked about this and that and gave life advice. Even then, Lim Dae-han just bowed his head and studied.

– A, a.

After some time of studying, a voice came out of the speaker. The few students in the classroom looked around at the beeping sound. So did I.

The principal’s voice was heard.

– Kids.

It was an unexpected broadcast. If the broadcast was normally turned on, someone in the class should be called, and the class leader should bring the attendance book.  I couldn’t help but be surprised because it was such a word. As I looked around, my gaze was drawn to Lim Dae-han. I motioned with my hand to Lim Dae-han to quickly check his phone. He nodded and pulled his phone from his pocket.

– You’ve worked hard for 3 years. Watching everyone work hard for their dreams from afar, the teacher often felt the reward of becoming a teacher. The CSAT exam is just two days away, but students who have studied hard up to this time or worked hard for their dreams will be able to do well in anything they do in society. I trust you.

Someone said they get goosebumps. Oh, what? It was like this, and there were students who quietly listened with expressionless faces. I… I did as well. I just didn’t pay attention. I just wanted a reply from Lim Dae-han soon. Then, it lit up. The phone screen lit up. It was a message from Lim Dae-han.

Me: [I think I will have to go separately because hyung came to pick me up today] 8:47 p.m

Lim Dae-han: [Why] 9:39 p.m

Me: [I have something to buy…] 9:40 p.m

Lim Dae-han: [Okay] 9:41 p.m 

I was the one who called him. Today, I planned to go buy gifts with my older brother for Lim Dae-han. In contrast to summer vacation, I contacted my older brother, who rarely returns home, and begged him to come to pick me up. No matter how much my older brother cursed, even though he was complaining to himself, he abruptly stopped speaking and said he would come to pick me up at 11 p.m. He could just say it nicely. After all, he was a strange person

The atmosphere in the classroom became somewhat chaotic after the principal’s words, which had been reciting touching words for a long time. I sat still. Those who passed the early admission examination were treated in the classroom as uninvited guests. I just thought to myself that it was really the end. Then I was suddenly worried.

Because I was only thinking about university the entire time I was in school, it appeared that I had no idea what to do once I was accepted. I felt like an immature adult. I finally grabbed the mechanical pencil after staying still for a while. I was frustrated, so I decided to study right now.

***