PCL Ch 86

Surprisingly, the current awkward atmosphere persisted for quite some time. Lim Dae-han and I each played with our phones or watched TV in the living room upstairs. Lim Dae-han played the game with a frown on his face. The background sound of the game and the sound of the cookies running around muddled the sound of the television, but he did not ask for a heart for some reason. Finally, I sent a heart by first looking at Lim Dae-han. Lim Dae-han remained silent with a scowl on his face. But he did receive it eventually.

His older brother and sister arrived at the house upstairs less than two hours after we had finished dinner. It was still awkward, and I didn’t ask if Lim Dae-han was upset with me. Was it because I was discussing what happened at school? Still, I thought about it as much as I could on my own and only said that it was fine for his older brother to listen…

“Guys.”

The older sister spoke up and entered through the upstairs doorway. I sat up on the sofa, drooping, and straightened myself.

“Yes?”

When I answered a question mixed with questions, my older sister showed up.

“I’m going with my brother. What are you going to do?”

“Are you going to leave already?”

Lim Dae-han didn’t answer at all, and I asked instead.

“Since it’s the end of the year, I’m going to go out and play. I’m just stopping by for a quick meal. I heard Lim Dae-han’s grades on the CSAT were excellent. I came here to make fun of you because you are the only one in our family attending  a good university.”

“Oh…”

Lim Dae-han was teased by his older sister, but he only said, “Ah, don’t do it.” Something appears to be wrong… I couldn’t ask it because I didn’t know what it was.

His older brother who was standing next to his older sister also said, “If you want something to eat, tell me. Let me treat you.” Then he added, “There’s a place here that does good sashimi; would you like to deliver? To be honest, the word sashimi sounded appealing. We will become adults in just a few hours. I thought seeing him sip soju after eating sashimi would make him look like a real adult.

When I couldn’t say anything, Lim Dae-han looked at me with a wrinkled face and answered his older brother harshly.

“Just go because we’ll take care of it.”

His older brother and sister, who had been asking me if I wanted anything to eat before they left, eventually gave up and left the house. It became awkward again as the loud voice disappeared. I was becoming increasingly troubled as I looked into Lim Dae-han’s eyes. Lim Dae-han watched me fidget with my fingers intertwined, then moved his gaze slowly.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

“…Yeah.”

“Do you want me to order sashimi? The place my brother said earlier.”

“Well…”

After a moment’s hesitation, I asked.

“Then are you going to drink?”

Lim Dae-han smiled at that moment.

“You are so cheeky.”

Still, he wasn’t in a bad mood, so he looked at his phone with a more cheerful expression than before. He began using the delivery app one day because he always spends time with me. Originally, I was told that he didn’t order delivery food, but he could now do so quite well. I went to Lim Dae-han and sat next to him, fiddling with my phone and resting my cheek on his shoulder.

Lim Dae-han, who used to stiffen his body, was now used to pulling out the arm I was leaning against, wrapping my head, and stroking my cheek.

“Shall we eat this?”

“Yeah… these two.”

Lim Dae-han placed his cell phone next to him after we had finished selecting a menu and ordered. I thought he was upset about something until now, but seeing what he was doing now made me wonder if I was mistaken. Lim Dae-han positioned his body at an angle, and I landed on him. Lim Dae-han grabbed my cheek with one hand tightly.

My lips protruded like a fish in a tank. He then smiled again.

I hinted at today’s feelings after being caught by Lim Dae-han for a long time and becoming his toy.

“Lim Daehan, I think your older brother, you, and your older sister resemble each other.”

Dae-ryong didn’t look a lot alike, so I excluded him.

“Yeah. I heard it a lot.”

“But I think you all have different personalities. Your older sister is very funny, and your older brother is a little…”

I had nothing to say, so I remained silent. To put it bluntly, his older brother was a bit like Dae-ryong. He was shy and didn’t say much, but he had a lot of interest. He didn’t seem to dislike me, so he smiled quietly to himself before hardening his expression.

“Why, do you like my older brother?”

Embarrassed by the sudden remark, I shifted my gaze straight to Lim Dae-han.

“You couldn’t even take your eyes off of him.”

“…”

“Do you prefer adults?”

Was it because I was staring at him during dinner? But it was ridiculous. I only looked at his older brother because his smile was similar to Lim Dae- han’s. And it was good because I was looking forward to Lim Dae-han maturing as a person. Was this also referred to as jealousy? Is he envious of his family? I couldn’t say anything, so I lay down with my cheek on Lim Dae-han’s chest. Then I muttered a little to his chest.

“I like him because it’s your family, and I like you more…”

Lim Dae-han didn’t say anything. He just wiggled his hands and hugged my back tightly. Thump, thump… I spent the end of the year feeling drowsy, feeling the constant and fairly fast beating of my heart.

***

I felt like an adult after eating sashimi and drinking soju. I’ll be 20 in a few minutes, but I felt strange. To be honest, the soju was horrible. It felt like I was simply pouring alcohol. Nonetheless, I was the one who insisted on soju over beer, so I had no choice but to drink it. It was actually killing me.

The sashimi was extremely good, but the soju was not. And I quickly became drunk. Lim Dae-han drank four bottles of soju while I drank one. He was unquestionably good at drinking. We were the same age, but I wasn’t sure why he was so strong while I was so weak. I was sad and heartbroken, so I drank the soda all at once. There was a sweet taste in my mouth.

I got up from leaning on the sofa and climbed on the sofa. I took the blanket that was used to cover me when I was taking a nap on the sofa and covered it up to the end of my neck. The TV was broadcasting the year-end celebrations. I didn’t even watch dramas properly, but it seemed like the drama awards ceremony was just played for no reason. As I watched the middle-aged actors talking, I turned to the back of the sofa and then lay back on the other side.

Lim Dae-han was watching TV with his arms on the sofa where I was lying.  I was wondering why he was having so much fun watching the drama award ceremony when he didn’t even watch drama. I put my finger over Lim Dae-han’s index finger and stroked his back. Then he turned his head to me.

“Dae-han.”

When I called out his name, he just stared at me instead of answering.

“Can’t you lie down next to me?”

No matter how big the sofa was, it might have been too small for the two of us. But I liked the feeling of pressure that Lim Dae-han gave me when he hugged me tightly. Lim Dae-han stood up and lay down beside me. He gave me an arm pillow and rested his other arm on my stomach. When I lay down on the sofa, which was quite spacious, it became quite narrow even when I lay down on my own.

“It’s narrow…”

Lim Dae-han smirked I expressed the narrowness, “Ki Young-hyun.” He raised his head to call me, tilted his head at an angle, and pressed his lips against mine.

The kiss deepened in an instant. I buried myself in the backrest, receiving Lim Dae-han’s kisses over and over again. He kissed my lips before inserting his tongue into my mouth and licking it. When I put my tongue into Lim Dae-han’s mouth, he sucked it like he was sucking my penis.

The deeper the kiss, the more intense the atmosphere.  The lips met several times and for a long time before I was able to get away from Lim Dae-han. He touched my body while kissing, and my t-shirt was up to my chest. I made eye contact with Lim Dae-han without even thinking about getting my clothes fixed.

“Dae-han.”

“Yeah.”

Lim Dae-han kissed my lips once more after giving a brief response. Kiss. He rubbed his cheek against mine. Despite him being affectionate, his hand grabbed the band loop and slipped his hand into my pants. He clasped his hands around both my buttcheeks.

“No…”

I grabbed Lim Dae-han’s wrist. Lim Dae-han grabbed my ass again and let go. I climbed slowly up Lim Dae-hand’s wrist, which had just relaxed, and grabbed his cheek with both hands. Our gazes locked. His eyes were serious, but they were quite hot as well.

“Hey. Thank you for spending our 18 and 19 years together.”

Lim Dae-han remained silent. Nonetheless, I moved my hand and pinched Lim Dae-han’s cheek. 

“I thought I’d just finish high school like everyone else, but I’m so glad I met you. It’s nice and fun… ”

The end of my teenage years. The year was coming to an end. Spending my teenage years which were less than ten minutes with Lim Dae-han.

I remembered my time with Lim Dae-han. I first spoke with him on a hot early summer day. The day the air conditioner failed and I had to rely on a fan. Lim Dae-han was hotter than summer. Just looking into his eyes made me break out in a cold sweat. And the fun times we had together.

Lim Dae-han, who was staring at me, bit his lower lip briefly before letting it go. He pressed his lips to mine without saying anything. And he moved slowly apart.

I didn’t know what Lim Dae-han was thinking. Maybe he was thinking of the past like me.

There will be more opportunities to spend time together in the future. The time that has passed will only be a few of the days in the future. I was looking forward to spending more time with Lim Dae-han in the future. For some reason, I couldn’t stop my heart from racing. While looking Lim Dae-han in the eyes.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

After a long time passed, Lim Dae-han called me. I responded by nodding my head. Unexpected words came out of Lim Dae-han’s mouth.

“Can I say I love you?”

The voice which asked the question was cautious. The eyes I met had a warm light, in contrast to the cold winter night outside the window. In fact, comparing them was pointless. It was just Lim Dae-han looking at me. Whatever the analogy, Lim Dae-han was just Lim Dae-han.

“I love you.”

I said first.

“You liked me first, so I’ll say it first this time…”

He slipped his hand behind my back and hugged me as if he was lifting me as soon as I finished speaking. I buried my face on the nape of Lim Dae-han’s neck. I really wanted to see Lim Dae-han’s face, but it was a pity that I couldn’t.

“I love you, Ki Young-hyun.”

“…Yeah.”

“I love you.”

Goosebumps welled up in my arms at the sound of his voice. In fact, ‘love’ was a word we were very familiar with in our lives, but it was also awkward and embarrassing because it was not used often. It wasn’t a word often used among family members.

It wasn’t the first time in my life, but hearing I love you for the first time from my lover was awkward and embarrassing. On the other hand, I was overjoyed, as if the balloon in my heart had been inflated. I couldn’t put it into words. I wrapped my arms around Lim Dae-han’s neck who was hugging me. And I hugged him even tighter, just like he did.

At the same time, dang, dang… On the television, a bell rang. It was New Year’s Eve, the end of one year and the start of another. I turned 20 while still in Lim Dae-han’s arms. And so was Lim Dae-han.

“Dae-han.”

I calmly called out his name while still in the arms of Lim Dae-han.

“We are now twenty years old…”

“… We are adults.”

Lim Dae-han’s voice sounded strange for some reason, and I unknowingly swallowed dry saliva. Lim Dae-han slid me down from his arms and onto the sofa. Lim Dae-han’s face from below is extremely handsome. For a brief moment, his solemn face frowned mischievously.

“Let’s do what adults do.”

I’m still far from becoming an adult, though.

***