PSY Ch 66
by Lulu“You were holding medicine.”
He could feel the back of his neck stiffen with tension. When he ran into Dohyun in the parking lot and talked to him, he’d been holding a bag of medication in one hand. Realizing that too late, Jooyoung bit hard on the inside of his cheek.
Had Dohyun also read the name of the hospital printed on the bag?
“…I was sick, so I went to the hospital.”
As he said that, Dohyun glanced at Jooyoung’s expression. Seeing that, Jooyoung became certain that he hadn’t seen the hospital name written on the bag. The tension melted away, and relief settled in.
“Yeah, but I’m fine now.”
Jooyoung picked up the ice cream he had dropped. Then he stood from his seat and tossed it into the trash can since it was dirty from the dust on the ground.
“So?” He clapped the dust from his hands and walked up to Dohyun. “Can I come over today?”
After a long silence, Dohyun let out a sigh and slowly ran his hand through his hair.
“Do what you want.”
With a stony expression, he turned first and walked off. His wide strides quickly took him out from under the convenience store canopy, and Jooyoung followed behind.
Before they knew it, the night air had grown cool.
***
When he came out after a shower, Dohyun was nowhere to be seen. Jooyoung looked around and peeked out the door, spotting him sitting in the living room.
“What are you doing?”
Dohyun, who was sitting on the couch blankly, turned his head.
“You’re done washing up.”
At those words, Dohyun suddenly rubbed his face with both hands. Then, with his arms resting on his knees and his head lowered, he spoke, “Can you come over here for a second?”
He looked so serious that Jooyoung reluctantly went over. Water dripped from his wet hair.
When he stood nearby, Dohyun glanced up at him and nodded toward the spot beside him. Thinking this conversation would take a while, Jooyoung sat down on the couch as instructed.
“Why?”
No matter how much he thought about it, Jooyoung couldn’t figure out what would make Dohyun act like this. Dohyun didn’t respond, remaining silent.
“Hwang Dohyun.”
“Is something going on with you lately?” The question came out of nowhere. Jooyoung frowned in confusion, and Dohyun added quietly, “I mean… like, something bad happened?”
“Something bad?”
Dohyun nodded.
His elbows were on his knees, eyes fixed on the floor, so Jooyoung couldn’t see his face well. Staring at the back of Dohyun’s head, Jooyoung answered bluntly, “Sure, there is.”
“…”
“Us doing this?”
“Us doing this?”
Dohyun whipped his head around. His lips were slightly parted, like he’d been rubbing his mouth with his tongue. Jooyoung let out a short laugh at his surprised expression.
“What? It’s a truth, right? It’s bad for me.”
Dohyun slowly schooled his expression, leaned back with a thud, and sank into the couch. He rested an elbow on the armrest and tilted his head, rubbing his forehead for a while. His hardened face was filled with frustration.
“Not that. I mean… mentally, aren’t you kind of tired or something?”
“Nothing besides that.”
“Ha…”
He let out a heavy sigh, clearly frustrated. Jooyoung felt the same way, confused by Dohyun’s unpredictable behavior. Maybe that’s why he ended up asking sarcastically, “Why? Are you suddenly feeling guilty?”
Dohyun flinched.
“Guilty?”
“…”
“Guilty about what?”
The troubled expression vanished, and Dohyun’s face turned cold in an instant. He looked as if the word “guilt” coming from Jooyoung’s mouth was completely absurd. Letting out something close to a scoff, he said, “You’re the one who should feel guilty.”
Jooyoung hadn’t expected such a sensitive reaction to what he’d said without much thought, and it caught him off guard. His fingers resting on his thigh slowly tensed up.
“If you think about what you did to me.”
It was the first time Dohyun had ever mentioned the past. Jooyoung reflexively recalled that day—the last time they saw each other before cutting off contact…
The tension in the air tightened around him like a noose.
“…”
He didn’t know what to say. Apologizing for something long past felt meaningless, and he didn’t think Dohyun wanted that anyway. In the end, Jooyoung chose to avoid the moment.
“I’ll be in the room.”
After a long silence, he stood up.
That was when Dohyun spoke in a low, subdued voice.
“If you tell me why you came down from Seoul…”
“…”
“I’ll pretend none of this ever happened.”
Jooyoung, who had been heading to the bedroom, stopped in his tracks at the unexpected words. Saying he’d pretend none of it happened meant he wouldn’t use the past against him anymore.
“…All of it?”
He slowly turned to face Dohyun.
“Yes, all of it.”
It was a shocking offer—one with no reason to refuse.
In the stillness, Jooyoung’s heart thudded loudly. His eyes darted side to side in hesitation, and his tongue kept grazing his lower lip. It was a sign of the internal battle raging in his mind.
And finally, Jooyoung spoke, “There’s nothing to tell.”
“…”
“I wasn’t feeling well, so I just came down. That’s all.”
As if that were the whole truth, he answered indifferently and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall of the living room. His wavering gaze had settled.
“If you’re gonna do it, do it now. It’s late.”
Dohyun stopped Jooyoung as he turned again to go to the bedroom.
“Fuck, are you an idiot?”
Dohyun grabbed Jooyoung’s arm and yanked him around. He looked down at Jooyoung with a face full of disbelief.
“I said if you tell me the truth, you won’t have to sleep with me. Don’t you get it?”
Dohyun grabbed his arm tightly, almost shouting. Even as his thin frame trembled like paper, Jooyoung stood firm. He even let out a twisted smile, as if tired of the whole ordeal, eyes fixed on the empty air.
Anyone would think it strange. He only had to tell the truth, and everything would be forgotten—so why refuse?
What on earth was the truth he was hiding? Was he afraid of it, or was it that the truth Jooyoung carried was so heavy and unimaginable that even Dohyun couldn’t begin to fathom it?
“Just fucking say everything already.”
But Dohyun had already considered multiple scenarios. He’d gone over them in his head and thought he was prepared. No matter what Jooyoung said, it wouldn’t surprise him now.
So Dohyun pushed again. He determined to hear the truth.
“You don’t realize how weird you’re acting?”
“…”
“If you’d just be honest—”
Jooyoung suddenly cut him off, “Why should I?”
He glared at Dohyun, eyes sharp and cold.
“Even if I could tell anyone else, I’ll never tell you.”
“…What?”
That wasn’t in Dohyun’s calculations. He could tell anyone else, but not him?
The blatant disdain in Jooyoung’s words made Dohyun’s anger start to boil. It was infuriating—how little Jooyoung cared about his feelings when he made that offer…
“I’d rather die than tell you anything.”
Jooyoung’s voice was steady and deliberate. At the end, his tone was laced with poison, as if to provoke.
The grip on Jooyoung’s thin arm loosened, and at the same time, it dropped limply to his side.
“So…”
“…”
“You’re saying you’ll just keep sleeping with me?”
Dohyun couldn’t understand Jooyoung at all. Why would he choose the harder path? Why did giving in to coercion seem better than simply telling the truth? Jooyoung had always been difficult to figure out—but right now, he was utterly incomprehensible.
“…”
Dohyun rubbed his fingers together, trying to recall the warmth that lingered from Jooyoung’s skin. That fragile arm, light enough to crush with barely any force, was like paper. Even in the CCTV footage, Jooyoung looked the same.
That was why he didn’t realize it at first. He just assumed Jooyoung had come out of the room in his right mind. It wasn’t until he saw the CCTV footage showing Jooyoung appearing at the shoe cabinet repeatedly, a few minutes apart, that he began to sense something was off.
Jooyoung had been walking the hallway with slow, weakened steps. Even when he bumped into corners or walls, he didn’t stop. Like someone who knew nothing but walking. Or like someone not fully awake.
“Fuck, what the hell is…”
Dohyun clutched his forehead, feeling a splitting headache. He thought about telling Jooyoung what he saw—but the words wouldn’t come. Maybe it was just that night. Maybe he saw it wrong.
While he was confused and didn’t know what to do—
“What? It’s not like sleeping with you is such a big deal.”
Jooyoung’s casual remark landed like a slap in Dohyun’s ear.
“…”
Dohyun, who had been staring at the floor trying to suppress his frustration, slowly raised his eyes. Jooyoung had that same indifferent, slightly weary expression, like he genuinely meant what he said.
It was a look Dohyun knew far too well. A look he could never forget, no matter how hard he tried. The look Jooyoung always gave him, as if to say: why are you being such a nuisance over nothing?
He had worn that same expression the day after Dohyun sat alone for hours in front of a cold birthday feast. And again, when Jooyoung asked why he still felt sad about his grandfather, even though the man had always beaten him.
Thinking of that caused his blood, which had been on the verge of boiling, to turn cold suddenly.