PSY CH 75

Had they been staring at each other for a while? Dohyun slowly stood up.

“Go wash up. You were sweating a lot.”

The back of Jooyoung’s head was still slightly damp from cold sweat. If left like that, it was obvious he’d start shivering again. Dohyun figured he’d go buy more fever medicine while Jooyoung was in the shower. The one he’d given earlier had been the last, and the rising fever didn’t seem normal.

“I’ll bring you some clothes.”

Thinking it was a good thing he hadn’t thrown away his middle school gym clothes, Dohyun turned to leave. He stopped mid-step, however, as Jooyoung’s words—“Don’t look at me with pity”—suddenly came to mind.

There was a time when Dohyun had desperately wished for it. That Jooyoung would at least pity him, so he wouldn’t look away. That he would treat him more affectionately, give him more attention.

But even after falling apart so terribly, Jooyoung still hadn’t done that. Now that time had passed and their relationship had completely changed, Dohyun found it a little bitter to realize there were still things between them that would never change.

“Bae Jooyoung.”

He looked down at the doorknob, worn from use, then slowly turned to face Jooyoung. 

“Try looking at me with pity for once.” 

Jooyoung’s eyes widened.

Dohyun gave a faint laugh and opened the door. A rush of cool air from the living room swept in. Even as the door closed behind him, no reply came from Jooyoung.

Not that he had expected one anyway.

***

Dohyun opened his mouth several times as he watched Jooyoung putting on his shoes. 

For the past few days, Jooyoung hadn’t returned to his lodging room and had stayed at Dohyun’s place instead. After crying his heart out, he had collapsed and come down with a severe fever. It kept rising and falling, showing no signs of real improvement. Thinking he couldn’t let it continue, Dohyun tried to drag him to a hospital—but Jooyoung, saying he was scared and didn’t want to go, refused to leave the house. So it all came to nothing. All Dohyun could do was keep buying fever reducers and wiping Jooyoung’s sweat.

Truthfully, Dohyun hadn’t had the chance to sort through his thoughts since that day.

To him, Jooyoung had always been someone who lacked nothing. He seemed cold at first glance, but was actually deeply affectionate and often offered quiet kindness. That’s why people who initially saw him as aloof soon changed their minds. He had plenty of friends and didn’t mind doing things alone, so Dohyun was always the one desperate for more.

Jooyoung only offered attention and affection when he felt like it, almost like giving alms. There were many times when Dohyun felt hurt by their unequal relationship, but he never thought it was strange. To Dohyun, Jooyoung was someone who was allowed to be like that, always looking down from above and occasionally handing out affection with casual ease.

And now, that very Jooyoung had tried to steal something. On top of that, he had a criminal record because of it. What in the world had happened to Jooyoung during the time they lived apart? How should Dohyun treat him now, so Jooyoung could stabilize emotionally, even a little?.

Dohyun decided to act as normally as possible. He would focus only on taking care of Jooyoung and keep his own complicated feelings hidden.

Above all, Jooyoung was on edge and highly sensitive. He would suddenly lash out at Dohyun and then burst into tears without warning. Sometimes, he even threw his phone usually, when someone called—either his second brother or his mom. 

Through it all, Dohyun didn’t lose his temper even once. He silently endured it all, focusing only on lowering Jooyoung’s fever.

“I’m leaving.”

The moment Jooyoung straightened his back, Dohyun impulsively grabbed his arm.

“How…”

How about just staying here, at my place?

The words were stuck in his throat. He couldn’t say them outright, because Jooyoung would definitely think it was strange. And above all, there wasn’t a good enough reason.

Should he say—“Do you know that you’ve been occasionally wandering the hallway late at night? I think you might be sleepwalking.” But there were too many complications. Just the fact that Jooyoung had been caught trying to steal something had already broken him. He was being tossed around by emotions he couldn’t control. Dohyun had never seen him like that before, and so he couldn’t bring himself to mention that day’s incident.

How should he say it so that Jooyoung wouldn’t refuse? 

And once again, the only idea that came to his mind was threatening him. It was such a pathetic way to force Jooyoung to stay in this house. But it seemed like the easiest option.

“Just stay here with me for now.”

“…What?”

As expected, Jooyoung looked at him as if to say, What are you even talking about?

Dohyun did his best to sound casual, like he had no hidden motives whatsoever.

“Calling you over every time is annoying. It’d be easier if you were just here.”

“…”

“Well, for you and I both…”

But even he knew how ridiculous it sounded. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Jooyoung’s eyes. Instead, he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand and stared blankly into the air.

“Maybe it’s just you who’d find it easier.”

Jooyoung seemed to think of something, then gave a short, scoffing laugh. He tried to walk past Dohyun and leave, but Dohyun quickly blocked his way. When he completely blocked the front door, Jooyoung shot him a glare.

“Didn’t I ask you nicely here?”

“Nicely or not, I don’t care. I don’t want to. It’s uncomfortable.”

“…”

“And didn’t you say you’ll forget everything if I told you why I came back to this place?”

Dohyun flinched, visibly struck. It hadn’t even been that long ago when he had made that exact offer after seeing Jooyoung wandering the hallway. 

“Then isn’t there no reason for me to stay involved with you anymore?”

“That… was…”

Unable to hide his anxiety, he roughly rubbed his chin. Then, in a slightly sullen tone, he muttered, “…Then you should’ve told me back then.”

“…”

“Since you didn’t tell me back then, it’s in-va-lid.”

At such a childish retort—one even a kid wouldn’t make—Jooyoung let out a hollow laugh. Dohyun, embarrassed, flushed at the nape of his neck and frowned. Even so, he didn’t back down.

“Then… how about just sleeping?”

“What?”

Jooyoung frowned as if he’d just heard something absurd. Apparently, Dohyun was suggesting they share a bed, not sex, just sleep.

As Jooyoung pondered this, he soon realized why Dohyun was making such a request. It was true that Dohyun suffered from insomnia, and he seemed to sleep better when someone was next to him. The woman in the parking lot had said something similar that time.

“…”

Recalling those words soured his mood again. Irritated, Jooyoung pressed him further.

“Is that really all?”

Dohyun furrowed his brow slightly, then relaxed and nodded. Strangely, he looked a little innocent like that.

Jooyoung didn’t particularly like sleeping in someone else’s house… but after how Dohyun had taken care of him like a baby these past few days, he didn’t think it would feel uncomfortable. Still, this wasn’t something he could decide right now. Above all, he was exhausted and just wanted to go back to his cramped little room and rest.

“If that’s all it is…”

“…”

“…Alright. I’ll think about it.”

“Come on…haaa…”

Dohyun let out a heavy sigh like someone at their wits’ end. He rested one hand on his hip and rubbed his forehead with the other.

“What’s there to think about? It’s not like you’ll lose anything here.”

Frustration oozed from both his movements and his tone. Jooyoung flinched but quickly hardened his expression. Seeing that, Dohyun finally realized his mistake.

“No, what I mean is—”

“Move.”

Jooyoung cut him off coldly, as if it wasn’t even worth listening anymore. Dohyun hadn’t intended to let his irritation show, but it had rubbed Jooyoung the wrong way.

“Move, Dohyun. Do you not understand human language?”

At Jooyoung’s firm expression, Dohyun reluctantly stepped aside. Jooyoung immediately reached for the doorknob. 

“…Shit.”

Dohyun cursed under his breath and clenched his fist. But a thought crossed his mind—he couldn’t let Jooyoung leave like this, not without getting a proper answer.

“Bae Jooyoung, wait a sec—!”

Dohyun quickly followed after him, trying to stop him somehow. But his outstretched arm caught nothing but air and froze in place.

“Huh? It’s Jooyoung-i hyung!”

The sound of light footsteps was followed by a familiar voice.

The tension between the two was shattered as Dohyun’s eyes flicked past Jooyoung’s shoulder. There stood Hangyeol, having just rounded the landing of the stairs. Upon seeing Jooyoung stepping out of Dohyun’s place, his eyes widened, and he quickly bounded up the steps past the security door.

“Hyung, why are you coming out of Hwangdo’s house?” 

Hangyeol glanced between the two of them, then pointed to Jooyoung’s outfit with a surprised look.

“Wait, isn’t that our middle school gym uniform?!” 

As Jooyoung ignored him and tried to walk past, Hangyeol grabbed him.

“Hold on! I came here for ramyeon, so let’s eat together!”

Then, in a tone completely unfitting for his size, he started whining at Jooyoung with exaggerated cuteness. 

“Aahhhh…. Come on, hyyyuuung!”

Normally, Jooyoung would’ve rejected him outright. But the earlier argument had drained him. He was emotionally worn down and physically tired.

“Huh? Huh? I’m really good at making ramyeon, you know.” 

As Jooyoung tried to shake Hangyeol off his shoulder, he suddenly noticed something odd about Dohyun’s expression. More precisely, the direction of his gaze was… off. He was staring intently at Hangyeol’s hand on Jooyoung’s shoulder. Because Hangyeol’s hands were large, his thumb occasionally brushed against the skin outside the gym uniform, and each time, the muscles in Dohyun’s jaw visibly clenched, and his lips stiffened. 

Only after taking in those physical reactions did Jooyoung realize the truth. It was the moment Dohyun’s carefully hidden emotions reached his fingertips.

“…Ah.”

He hadn’t known how to grasp the only weapon that could protect his secret. But now… he had a bit of an idea.

Jooyoung didn’t shake Hangyeol’s hand off.

“Should we?”

Instead, he smiled at him—sweetly, tenderly.