PSY CH 78

“…Shit.”

He shot up, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. Jooyoung looked up at him from below, his gaze steady. There wasn’t a trace of impure intent in his eyes—only quiet concern, like an older brother watching over a younger one. Simple. Unadorned.

So why did his heart feel like it was about to burst? All because of a touch to the chin? It hadn’t even been anything special.

It felt as if an invisible thread was tied to Jooyoung’s fingertips and that thread was wrapped tightly around Dohyun’s throat, yanking him this way and that like a puppet.

“W-Why did you touch me?”

That’s all he could manage to say. Dohyun’s neck had turned a deep, burning red.

“Am I not allowed to?” Jooyoung said it with a faint smile. “After everything we’ve already done…”

As his eyes crinkled slyly, his whole face transformed. Like a kitten rolling around in the sunlight, warm and content…

It was the first time in a long while Dohyun had seen Jooyoung smile like that.

He couldn’t take his eyes off him, as if he were staring at the most beautiful gem in the world. He didn’t even know what kind of face he was making himself. He was completely entranced, and just when Jooyoung’s smile deepened—

“…Fuck.”

He cursed under his breath, and Jooyoung’s smile vanished without a trace. It made him felt empty, like having a gift suddenly snatched away from his hand. Though part of him was relieved.

“I’m… leaving.”

Roughly dragging a hand down his face, Dohyun turned around in a rush. A deafening alarm blared in his head, warning him that he couldn’t stay here any longer.

“Why are you leaving?”

A hand reached out and grabbed the hem of his shirt.

“Are you busy?”

His stomach churned, maybe because of how violently his heart was pounding.

“…There’s no reason for me to stay.”

“If there was a reason… would you not leave?”

His racing heart thudded, crashing down like a falling stone.

At that moment, an intensely vivid image flashed through Dohyun’s mind. The reality of being alone with Jooyoung in this tiny room—barely even ten square meters—hit him hard. A heavy ache began to build in his lower abdomen.

He backed away, then quickly turned and fled the room the moment he felt that tight, pulsing sensation between his legs. Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, Jooyoung didn’t try to stop him.

“Haa… haa…”

When he finally came to his senses, he was in the men’s restroom on the same floor. Between his legs, a very noticeable bulge had formed.

“Fucking hell…!”

Bang! He slammed the door and collapsed against it. His breath came hot and heavy against his palms.

He dropped his head low and covered his face with one hand. The heat against his palm was unbearably intense, just like the hardness between his legs.

Even with the strong smell of mothballs and the chill rising from the bathroom floor, his erection wouldn’t go away for a long time.

***

Finally, summer had faded.

As the long-delayed autumn crept in, the morning air had turned brisk. The stale, musty air of the pawnshop had dried up like brittle leaves.

Jooyoung covered the fan and pushed it into a corner. He thought about pulling out the electric heating pad his grandfather had told him to use when it got cold, but he decided it was still too early.

Once that was done, he had nothing else to do. The only sound was the ticking of the clock. Slowly, his nerves began to fray.

Just then—clunk. A sound echoed from outside. Jooyoung’s shoulders jumped.

“…”

He tensed and stared toward the door. But it turned out to be someone from the next office opening their door—no footsteps approached the pawnshop. Soon, lively chatter filtered in from outside. It was close to 9 a.m. when people started arriving for work. As his tension eased, his shoulders drooped.

“Haa…”

He’d already been exhausted by the time he left the lodging house. It had taken him a long time to work up the courage to leave that tiny room. He couldn’t count how many times he’d checked whether he’d taken his medication. Even though he knew it was obsessive, he couldn’t stop. The fear that another sudden impulse might strike was always lurking. It felt like holding a live time bomb. Suddenly, he understood why his family used to watch him so closely.

Jooyoung sprang up and began pacing around the pawnshop, restless. He needed to redirect his thoughts. Even though he’d already done it, he cleaned again and reorganized the ledger.

And yet, even the slightest noise from beyond the steel door made his nerves flare. He didn’t want to, but he reflexively turned his head. He kept imagining someone barging in with a terrifying face, saying they saw him stealing from the pharmacy. Even though he knew it was an absurd delusion, the thought wouldn’t go away.

“No one saw you but me. I’m telling the truth.”

Dohyun had said that, clearly. No one else had seen him. Only Dohyun knew the truth of that day. As long as Dohyun kept his mouth shut, nothing would happen.

It would almost be better if Dohyun blackmailed him for sex like before. If Dohyun wanted something concrete, Jooyoung could just give it to him. Simple.

Unconsciously, Jooyoung brought his hand to his mouth. He sniffed at his sleeve, but all he smelled was a familiar softener scent. Of course. The clothes he’d borrowed from Dohyun had already been washed and packed in a shopping bag.

Suddenly, a wave of anxiety washed over him. His breathing quickened. His vision narrowed, then widened again, over and over.

“…Ah.”

With a tearing sensation, the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. He’d finally bitten down too hard that his lower lip had split open.

“Shit…”

Unable to take it anymore, Jooyoung grabbed his phone and called Dohyun. But all he got was a dial tone. Dohyun wasn’t answering.

[The number you are calling didn’t answer the call…]

“Ha…”

Clack. Jooyoung slammed the phone down in frustration. He gnawed on the second joint of his index finger before abruptly standing up, unable to hold it in anymore.

The place he headed for was the adult arcade. Around this time, Dohyun was always manning the counter.

Ding— As he pushed open the frosted glass door, a wave of acrid cigarette smoke hit him.

“Oh, it’s Jooyoung-i hyung.”

Hangyeol’s voice came from right next to him. He was holding a mop—someone must’ve knocked over a paper cup used as an ashtray because cigarette butts were scattered messily across the floor.

Jooyoung walked past him and went straight to the counter. Dohyun, who had been bent over the monitor, widened his eyes when he saw him.

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Jooyoung snapped right away.

Hangyeol, who had stopped mid-cleaning and was heading over, gasped at the tense atmosphere. Even so, he subtly kept approaching.

“I asked, why didn’t you answer?”

“…”

“Hwang Dohyun!”

“Hyung, Hwangdo lost his phone.”

Hangyeol peeked his head between them and cut in.

“He realized it was missing after he got to the arcade.” 

He giggled as he glanced at Dohyun, as if to say, See this fool, losing his things again. 

“I told you last time, Hwangdo’s super scatterbrained.”

“Jung Hangyeol.”

Dohyun straightened up and stared at Hangyeol directly. Hangyeol, who had been chatting excitedly, seemed to realize he’d messed up and quietly turned away.

“Let’s going back to cleaning now~”

With his trademark light steps, he quickly left the area. A humming tune grew faint in the background as Jooyoung looked up at Dohyun.

“Is it true?”

His voice had softened noticeably compared to earlier.

“Would I pretend to lose it?” Dohyun replied bluntly, then awkwardly rubbed under his chin as if feeling embarrassed. He couldn’t even meet Jooyoung’s eyes, just kept looking elsewhere.

“Why did you… call me?” He finally asked in a low, hesitant voice.

“…”

Because I was anxious. I felt like if I could hear your voice, I could be sure my secret hadn’t leaked anywhere, that nothing had happened.

However, Jooyoung couldn’t say any of that out loud. If Dohyun learned what he was truly thinking, he might look at him with pity. Hwang Dohyun should like Bae Jooyoung, but he must never harbor pity or sympathy. That, above all, must not happen.

“I just… wanted to hear your voice.” 

After coming here and seeing Dohyun—hearing his voice—the thick weight of anxiety began to dilute, like water being added to something dense. Jooyoung could feel the change clearly.

“You… wanted to hear my voice?”

But Jooyoung, too consumed by his own emotions, didn’t notice. He didn’t see Dohyun’s trembling eyes, his chest swelling like it might burst, the firm outline of bones beneath his clenched hand.

“When are you getting a new phone?” Jooyoung asked, glancing over the messy counter littered with unsorted items.

If Dohyun had lost his phone, he wouldn’t be reachable for a while. These days, it is rare for people to even have a landline. If they didn’t meet like this, Jooyoung would have no way to hear his voice. But it wasn’t like he could follow Dohyun around all day, either.

Jooyoung habitually tugged at his sleeve and brought it to his mouth, only to pause. It wasn’t Dohyun’s shirt. And yet, here he was doing it again. He looked down at the sleeve for a moment, then abruptly spoke to Dohyun.

“Can I go to your place today?”

Even then, Jooyoung still hadn’t realized that Dohyun hadn’t answered a single one of his questions.

Jooyoung was still completely unaware of anything but himself.