PSY CH 94

With every rise and fall of his chest, Dohyun’s breaths grew increasingly laced with moisture. 

“I just… ha… Shit, I just couldn’t take another step…”

“…”

“When I thought of you standing here, waiting for me. But you… how could you…”

How could you leave me behind like that?

Though the words trailed off, Jooyoung could easily guess what remained unsaid.

“Ha…”

Dohyun’s eyes quickly welled up. His barely-stilled tears threatened to spill again, and in the end, he couldn’t speak any further. He simply covered his eyes with his hand, his head bowed, breath coming hard and fast.

“…I’m sorry.”

Jooyoung hesitated before offering his apology, one that had come far too late.

“You’re not sorry for shit!”

Dohyun’s rage-filled shout rang through the alley, but just as quickly, his voice deflated into a weak mutter.

“…You think I don’t fucking… know you?”

His broad shoulders began to tremble with each breath. The firm resolve he’d shown earlier, when he told Jooyoung to wait until he came back, was gone without a trace. He’d tried so hard not to cry, convinced himself it was a fight worth taking, but the tears wouldn’t stop. His palms were soaked before he even realized it.

He kept wiping his eyes over and over with both hands, but the tears came faster than he could keep up with.

“…”

Jooyoung opened his mouth, but no words came out. He had no idea what to do—he’d never seen Dohyun fall apart like this since their reunion.

“…Dohyun-ah.”

“…”

“That day, when I did that to you—”

He was about to bring up what happened that day when—

“Just like me a little…”

Jooyoung froze, lips parted in stunned silence.

Dohyun, who had always denied and hidden his feelings, was finally showing them raw. The emotions spilled with his tears had no armor, soft and exposed.

“Then I’ll do whatever you want.”

Tears soaked his cheeks and clung to his jaw before falling one by one.

Dohyun knew he was making a fool of himself. He was laying all his cards out, completely vulnerable.

“It’s not that hard… is it…”

And still, he begged.

Because the moment he turned his back on Jooyoung, he realized it—whether he liked it or not. His feet refused to move, and every nerve in his body kept pulling him back.

Most of all, he hadn’t been sure Jooyoung would still be there when he turned back. If the alley was empty… he would’ve collapsed. Pathetic as it was, it was the truth.

“I won’t… t-threaten you anymore. I’ll just do what you want.”

“…”

“So can you… hic just look at me.”

He knew he’d been so obsessed with his own wounds that he’d caused Jooyoung a scar that would never fully heal. The way he blackmailed him using that weakness—nothing could ever erase that.

But still… still…

Jooyoung stepped forward and embraced him.

“Hic… hic…”

Dohyun clung to the smaller man, sobbing uncontrollably. As if making up for all the times he hadn’t allowed himself to cry. He let the tears carry all the emotions he hadn’t been able to put into words.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t stop crying for a long, long time. As if squeezing water from the air around them, drop by drop.

“…”

Over Dohyun’s shoulder, Jooyoung stared silently down the alley, his gaze complex and unreadable.

***

The dark bedroom was still. Jooyoung lay on his side, quietly watching Dohyun beside him. His eyes were closed now, but the fatigue on his tear-stained face, his chapped cheeks and swollen lips, made Jooyoung ache just to look at him.

“…”

He reached out and gently brushed Dohyun’s eyelids. Sensing the touch, Dohyun opened his eyes. Their gazes met in silence.

“Dohyun-ah.”

At the sound of his name, Dohyun looked away. Then, without a word, he pushed back the blanket and sat up. His broad back and shoulders looked huge—yet strangely small, like a child’s. Over him, Jooyoung could almost see the image of that thin, branch-like boy from long ago.

Jooyoung sat up too, quietly watching him before lowering his feet to the floor. But before he could even stand, a hand grabbed his wrist.

“…Where are you going?” Dohyun asked, eyes fixed on the ground.

“I was gonna get you some water.”

“Don’t need it.”

“…”

“Just stay.”

The grip on his wrist was weak. Jooyoung could’ve easily pulled away, but he didn’t. Instead, he gently took Dohyun’s hand in his and fidgeted with his fingertips before quietly calling, “Dohyun-ah.”

“Why do you like me?”

It was something he’d always wondered back when Dohyun used to chase after him blindly. The question that began with Why does he follow me around so much? had eventually become Why does he like me this much?

Was it because they had shared so many firsts together?

Or simply because Dohyun had been unbearably lonely?

“…If I knew the reason, I probably would’ve stopped liking you too.”

Dohyun let out a bitter sigh, furrowing his brows. When he’d chased Jooyoung as a kid, he never questioned why. All that mattered was how much. He hadn’t even realized that the same feelings still lingered inside him, smoldering like embers.

“What I said earlier… just pretend you didn’t hear it.”

He turned his head slightly to the left and pressed his jaw firmly as he spoke.

“…”

Jooyoung stared at him quietly, then slowly brushed back Dohyun’s messy hair. It slipped through his fingers like feathers—soft and light.

“Are you sure you want me to pretend I didn’t hear it?”

Dohyun’s hand paused where it had been rubbing at his chin.

“You said you wanted me to like you.”

A heavy silence full of unspoken things settled between them. Jooyoung was the first to break it.

“I want to like you, Dohyun.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Dohyun’s head snapped up. His wide eyes looked uncharacteristically innocent.

“I’m not just saying that to make you feel better.”

“…”

“I want to like you.”

Dohyun’s eyes trembled like leaves floating on water. He looked confused, like he couldn’t tell if this was a trap or Jooyoung’s honest truth.

“It’s not much right now… but who knows. Maybe I’ll end up liking you more. Maybe even more than you like me.”

“Ha…” Dohyun scoffed in disbelief. “As if.”

The sarcasm in his voice was thick.

“Dohyun-ah.”

Jooyoung carefully placed a hand on Dohyun’s shoulder. Dohyun could feel Jooyoung’s heartbeat pulsing faintly near his ear.

“Can you promise me you’ll stay by my side like this, so I won’t feel alone?”

“…”

“Then I’ll… like you too.”

Dohyun knew that feelings weren’t something you could will into existence, and yet he couldn’t say a word. Listening to Jooyoung’s heartbeat, he wanted so badly to believe this was all genuine. His last shred of logic warned him not to let go of suspicion, but he was already too desperate to care.

“You’re really awful.”

To say something like I’ll like you as if it were some kind of favor—how selfish could a person be?

“And I’m just a fucking idiot.”

Dohyun gave a hollow laugh and pulled Jooyoung into an embrace. A tingling shiver rippled down his body the moment he inhaled that familiar scent. The sensation was so raw and intense that it left him stunned.

They stayed like that for a long while. Eventually, their bodies drifted apart, and Jooyoung slowly reached up to caress Dohyun’s cheek. Dohyun looked up with bloodshot eyes.

“Don’t cry.”

“…”

“You cry just like you did when you were a kid. It kinda gets to me.”

“…Then don’t make me cry.”

Jooyoung scrunched up his face, half-laughing in disbelief.

“Are you saying I made you cry?”

“I cried because of you all the time, even back then.”

Perhaps because he’d calmed down a little, there was a bite to his joke. Jooyoung stared quietly at Dohyun, caught in a strange feeling—unsure whether to laugh or cry.

“Are you sure you don’t want water?”

Dohyun went quiet, thinking it over with a serious expression. Then suddenly, he reached out and took Jooyoung’s hand.

“…Then come with me.”

As if even a moment apart was too much to bear—as if he couldn’t hide just how starved he was for affection. That display hit Jooyoung right in the chest. Dohyun’s body was big-boned and muscular, like it would never allow for any vulnerability. And yet, inside, he was so fragile. 

Overwhelming and powerless all at once. 

“…”

Jooyoung felt his heart start to beat faster, gradually gaining speed like a runner in motion.

And when Dohyun looked up at him, eyelids lowered, that gaze—brimming with a blind, unwavering light Jooyoung thought he’d lost forever—made him act on impulse. He kissed him.

“…Ah.”

Jooyoung had initiated it, but even he looked startled by what he’d done. In Dohyun’s wide eyes, he saw his own shocked reflection. 

Several seconds of silence passed before Dohyun suddenly shot up. At the same time, his hands cradled Jooyoung’s face, and their lips crashed together in a deeper kiss.

“Ah…!”

His tongue pushed inside Jooyoung’s mouth, desperate and hungry like a man finally drinking water after years in a drought.