PSY CH 99

As soon as Jooyoung’s hand slipped from his arm, Dohyun stood up. Crossing the living room in long strides, he entered the so-called “clothes room”—though in reality, it was just a room cluttered with miscellaneous items. It only had a wardrobe and a clothing rack, and there just happened to be more clothes than anything else.

Not long after, he emerged wearing a hoodie he had thrown on carelessly. He walked to the kitchen, opened a cupboard, and took out a glass.

“Are you mad?”

“…”

“Did you get hurt because of me?”

Dohyun’s hand froze mid-pour. The tense look on his face quickly softened. He looked genuinely startled by Jooyoung’s question.

“I wondered if maybe I forgot something again…”

It might come off as insensitive, but Jooyoung truly didn’t remember. There had been times they roughhoused and ended up with bruises, but never burns. Still, anything was possible. They had even remembered their last moments together differently, so perhaps he’d forgotten this too.

“No.”

“…”

“ It was after you left.”

Dohyun let out a short laugh. It seemed like a laugh born of disbelief, but he didn’t look upset. The cold, almost freezing air around him began to thaw.

Jooyoung raised both arms.

“Then give me a hug.”

“What?”

Dohyun almost dropped the glass.

“I thought you got hurt because of me.”

“I told you it wasn’t.”

He licked his damp lips. When Jooyoung didn’t lower his arms, Dohyun eventually approached and hugged him. Jooyoung was small enough that with both arms wrapped around him, there was room to spare.

“…”

It felt like riding a rollercoaster. When he was asked about how he got hurt, he felt like he was plummeting into a free fall. But now, it felt like he was climbing to the highest peak at breakneck speed.

When Jooyoung exhaled a relaxed breath in his arms, Dohyun’s heart pounded so hard he thought it might burst from his chest.

Physical affection came naturally to Jooyoung. He was never hesitant, and despite his aloof personality, he could be surprisingly forward. It was a side of him Dohyun had never seen before he threatened him for sex.

Jooyoung hadn’t changed after they started dating, but after he said, “I want to try liking you.” That’s when he became different. Whenever Dohyun showed weakness, Jooyoung was especially kind.

And if Jooyoung could be like this with someone he wants to like, how would he be with someone he truly liked?

Pouting, showing his insecurities, initiating kisses…

The image of Jooyoung smiling with a scrunched-up nose beside him flashed through his mind, making his chest ache. It tickled between his ribs like a breeze slipping through the gaps.

Just as he was sinking into this cotton-candy daydream, a forgotten truth struck him.

Jooyoung had already loved someone before. Unlike Dohyun, to whom all of this was new.

“…”

He’d dated that person long enough to leave a mark on his ring finger. That person must’ve seen sides of Jooyoung he couldn’t even begin to imagine—up close and personal.

Realizing that sent a chill down Dohyun’s spine.

“Were you always like this?”

Unable to suppress the jealousy rising in him, the words escaped.

His fingertips turned cold while his face flushed like it had been dipped in boiling water. The discomfort and unfamiliarity of it made his whole body tense.

“Ah.”

Realizing how petty he sounded, he stiffened in shock. It was like the clouds had cleared and everything came into sharp focus.

“Shit, no. That’s not it.”

“…”

“ Forget it. You don’t have to say anything.” 

He quickly backtracked and let go of Jooyoung. Raking a hand down his face, he blinked rapidly.

Jooyoung, who had been watching him silently, asked, “Are you jealous right now?”

“Damn it, I said no!”

He denied it fiercely, but his face was already beet red. Jooyoung looked up at him with a curious gaze. It was obvious what Dohyun had imagined, even without asking. The question itself had been blatant.

Were you always like this?

He wasn’t the type to play hard to get while dating. But…

He had never acted clingy or asked for reassurance like this before. If anything, he’d always tried to hide his flaws. He pretended to live a peaceful life to match someone whose biggest hardship had been college entrance exams. He wanted to show only his best side because he had liked that person so much. Fortunately, that person had a mild temperament, and being together was easy. Jooyoung had leaned on him a lot too.

So when his flaws eventually came to light and that person said it was okay, he was the one who couldn’t accept it. Because deep down, he knew. That “it’s okay” didn’t mean everything was truly okay.

Someone who’s never experienced hardship doesn’t understand how much strength it takes to overcome it. You only grasp that daunting height after stepping into it yourself.

“…”

Jooyoung quietly watched Dohyun’s sulky expression. A boy who had experienced hardship, who might still be in the thick of it.

Maybe that’s why Jooyoung could show him his flaws and say he was scared. Because Dohyun would truly understand the endless depth of that fear.

Jooyoung pulled him into a hug without hesitation.

“Don’t be jealous.”

Because there was no need to be.

“…I’m not jealous,” Dohyun muttered curtly until the end. Jooyoung stifled a laugh.

He slowly pulled back and cupped Dohyun’s face in both hands. Dohyun’s eyes couldn’t stay still for a second. Only after a long silence did he finally meet Jooyoung’s gaze. Reflected in them, Jooyoung was smiling, utterly at ease.

***

Jooyoung didn’t wake up until 10, long past the opening time of the pawnshop. Wrapped snugly in a warm blanket, he stared absentmindedly at the beam of sunlight stretching across the floor.

Checking his phone, he saw all his alarms had been turned off. That was definitely Dohyun’s doing. He’d asked him to wake him before leaving…

“Haah.”

Dragging his feet, he eventually made it to the bathroom. By the time he finished showering and came out, another thirty minutes had passed.

On the kitchen table, a plastic colander had been flipped upside down over a plate. It was egg fried rice. Next to it was a note with crooked handwriting: “Heat this up and eat it.” The writing was the same as a note he’d seen once before—each letter pressed hard into the paper, the pressure palpable.

Jooyoung usually didn’t eat breakfast.

Still, he put the dish into the microwave. As he waited for it to heat up, his heart began to race for some reason.

“…”

Jooyoung subconsciously brought the cuff of his sleeve to his lips. As he inhaled deeply, it almost felt like Dohyun was still beside him. He couldn’t lower his hand for a long while.

Thankfully, there hadn’t been any customers that morning. Even after opening the pawnshop, his phone remained silent.

After checking the due dates for interest payments and sending out messages, he realized there were only a few sheets left in the ledger. The file folder used for the pawn contracts was full, too. He rummaged through the drawers but found no spares.

After some thought, he locked the shop and headed out. He remembered a stationery store near Arin’s place and decided to go there.

“I said I can handle it myself!”

Just as he finished descending the stairs, a loud voice rang out from outside.

“For real, please! I told you I don’t want to do it!”

The voice sounded familiar—sure enough, it was Hangyeol. He was squatting with his back against the building’s railing, running a hand roughly over his face, then tugging at his hair.

“I help around on weekends, don’t I? Just let that be enough for now, okay?”

The argument went back and forth a few more times before the call finally ended.

“Haah…”

The sigh he let out was as heavy as his head, which hung low toward the ground. His phone dangled loosely in his hand, as if about to fall.

It was Jooyoung’s first time seeing Hangyeol so worked up. Suddenly, he remembered Dohyun speaking to Hangyeol’s parents on the phone yesterday. He hadn’t asked for details, but the situation now made it painfully obvious. After some hesitation, Jooyoung approached him.

“Hangyeol.”

Hangyeol’s head shot up, his expression startled when he saw Jooyoung.

“You okay?”

Before Jooyoung even finished asking, Hangyeol abruptly stood up. He avoided Jooyoung’s eyes and nearly jammed his phone into his back pocket. As he tried to pass by, Jooyoung reflexively reached out and grabbed him.

And then something unexpected happened.

“Ah…!”

Hangyeol harshly slapped Jooyoung’s hand away, as if it had touched something it absolutely shouldn’t have.

“Ah, no, it’s just…”

Despite being the one to lash out, Hangyeol looked even more shocked than Jooyoung. His lips moved in quick succession, eyes darting everywhere.

“…”

Jooyoung’s hand lingered in the air before slowly dropping.

“Just—you suddenly grabbed me.”

It was a pathetic excuse, as if he’d completely erased from his memory all the times he’d been the one to initiate contact. Flustered and not knowing what to do, his eyes darted around in panic before he muttered a low curse — “Ah, shit” — and hurriedly left the place.

What Jooyoung had only vaguely suspected was no longer a question.

As he watched Hangyeol disappear from view in an instant, Jooyoung was certain. The sudden change in attitude. The obvious avoidance of eye contact. All of it was familiar.

It was the same reaction people had shown when they realized Jooyoung was gay.