SHUDDER 21

“Thank you for understanding. When hyung comes down on the weekend, I will buy everything you like, Giyeong. Got it?”

— You can come on the weekend?

“I have to finish work quickly and go. The train is almost here, is it not? Go down carefully, and listen to the mister.”

— Okay. Hyung, you work hard too. Goodbye.

The call ended with Giyeong’s farewell. The common greeting of ‘goodbye’ sounded particularly strange today. Gijeong, having completely forgotten that he was in the middle of a meal, fiddled with his cellphone several times. He felt a sense of loss he had never felt before. He could not understand why.

He left the company well past nine at night. Even though he had not even eaten dinner properly, he was not hungry. He just wanted to wash up and rest well.

The roads, long past rush hour, were quite empty. Usually, he would have said it was good that there was no traffic, but strangely, the empty roads felt desolate. It felt like he was driving alone through a dark and long tunnel that would never end. He even felt a sense of futility, as if he were spinning on a hamster wheel.

He deliberately turned up the radio volume. However, the music that flowed from the speakers late at night only served to dampen his mood further.

He habitually looked at the rearview mirror and then caught himself. He had already forgotten that there was no one there to meet his eyes anymore. In the past few days, having lived with the two of them, it seemed he had unconsciously developed a habit. The inside of the car seemed unusually spacious and chilly.

As he entered the villa parking lot, he saw quite a few empty spaces. Usually, at this time, he would have had to attempt to double park or look for another place to park. It really hit him that it was the vacation season.

After parking easily, he climbed the stairs, but each step felt exceptionally heavy and sluggish. When he had left the company, all he had thought about was quickly washing up and lying down, but now that he was in front of his house, he just wanted to delay going inside.

It was strange. The fact that there was no family to welcome him back was not just a matter of yesterday or today. But today, that fact hit him with an unusual force.

“……”

When he opened the front door, the sensor light above his head lit up in a yellow glow. Gijeong stood there blankly, without even taking off his shoes. In the meantime, the light automatically turned off, and a pitch-black darkness descended. In the profound silence, he could even hear the ticking sound of the second hand.

The space that had felt cramped when Hwang Jangyeop and Giyeong were staying now felt too empty. It felt unfamiliar, as if he were wondering if it had always been like this.

Gijeong, after a long while, let out a soft sigh and entered the house. He threw his bag on the floor and staggered to the bed, collapsing onto it. He wanted to call Hwang Jangyeop to check if he had arrived safely, but he felt like he would not be able to bear it if he heard his voice. He would be keenly reminded of the fact that he was left all alone.

He curled up his body as small as possible. Then he rubbed his head against the pillow where the faint scent of Hwang Jangyeop and Giyeong remained.

Having spent the past few days face to face and skin to skin with them, the absence of the two was too great. A new sense of loss rushed in fiercely and pressed down on his whole body. He had always been alone, but the thought of being alone again was just overwhelming.

*

He tossed and turned in bed for a long time, then suddenly shot up. The black window outside had turned bluish. It seemed the sun was about to rise. As soon as he got home, he had taken a shower and gone to bed early. He could not fall asleep, so he had tossed and turned and finally managed to close his eyes around three in the morning.

He was tired from having overworked both his body and mind all day. And yet, his heart was pounding strangely, so he could not sleep comfortably.

A bout of insomnia he had never had before had come upon him. He did not know how many days it had been. No matter what time he went to bed, he could not fall asleep until three or four in the morning. There was even a day when he had stayed up all night and gone to work.

He did not know the reason at all. There were no problems at the company or with his own personal life. He was not particularly sick anywhere. It was just that as soon as he lay down, his mind would become complicated with all sorts of idle thoughts, and one side of his chest felt so stuffy and strangely empty that he could not bear it.

Last weekend, a meeting was imminent, and he had to work overtime, so he could not keep his promise to Giyeong that he would definitely come down. He had apologized enough for it, and Giyeong had said it was okay, but it was difficult to shake off the heavy feeling in his heart. It was around that time that he started having trouble falling asleep, to the point where he wondered if it was insomnia.

He buried his face in his hands and let out a deep sigh. The sound of the steadily moving second hand rang grandly in his ears.

“……”

Gijeong, who had been staring at the wall clock anxiously after lifting his head, for some reason, just grabbed his car keys and left the house. He really, out of the blue, wanted to see Hwang Jangyeop and Giyeong. They were faces he had seen just a few days ago, but it felt like he had to see them right away.

It felt as if the unknown hunger and anxiety that had been tormenting him for days would be completely washed away if he saw those two. He just drove on the dark road, following that reckless and momentary intuition.

Thanks to driving nonstop throughout the early morning, he was able to catch the first ferry to Sojak Island. It was a journey he had come down on a whim, without even giving a hint to Hwang Jangyeop or Giyeong that he was coming. He did not know what he was thinking, coming all this way, what he would say when he met the two of them, or what he was going to do about the company. A groundless belief that all the answers would come if he just followed his heart arose. He just did it instinctively.

There were more passengers getting on and off the ferry than usual. The port, which should have been quiet ahead of the full-scale fishing season, was unusually noisy. Five-colored flags of green, yellow, red, black, and white fluttered on every fishing boat. In front of them, a farmers’ music band was playing a lively tune, and the villagers and tourists who had gathered in small groups were watching the spectacular scene with flushed faces.

He was staring blankly at the five-colored flags fluttering in the wind when he estimated the date. It seemed the autumn harvest festival season had arrived, as he had heard that the start of autumn had passed a while ago.

In fishing villages, they held a ritual at regular intervals to pray for a big catch and peace to the god who ruled the sea. In Sojak Island, since they set out to sea to catch fish when the cold wind blew, the harvest festival was held twice a year, around the start of spring and the start of autumn.

He had smelled a gamey scent from somewhere, and a large pig’s head was placed on the altar in front of the port. He felt nauseous and stealthily turned his head away. It was a scene he had seen every now and then when he lived on the island. And yet, he still could not get used to it.

He was about to head straight to Hwang Jangyeop’s house but stopped in his tracks. It was because he saw a familiar back among the people leading the ritual. It seemed they were about to begin the ceremony, as Hwang Jangyeop, at the forefront, and the men of the village walked out in a line to the front of the altar.

Hwang Jangyeop was neatly dressed in a white traditional Korean costume. His cleanly shaven face and his two hands, which were held down demurely, were different from usual and unfamiliar. As Hwang Jangyeop raised his clasped hands to the height of his forehead and slowly bowed, the other men followed suit and bowed.

Gijeong, forgetting even to breathe, took in Hwang Jangyeop’s disciplined movements and serious expression with his own eyes. He did not get close, lest he disturb them, nor did he make any unnecessary attempts to be recognized. He just mixed in with the crowd and quietly stole glances at Hwang Jangyeop, who shone brighter than anyone else. It felt as if the sunlight shining through the clouds was brightly illuminating his back.

A person must live where they are needed. Only then can they finally show their true colors and shine.

The blue sea that undulated beyond Hwang Jangyeop’s shoulders and the dazzling sunlight that shone on him were proving it. His place was here. The sea was his destiny. It was not that he did not know, but realizing it anew made his body tremble with an unknown thrill.

The men who had finished the ceremony floated a fishing boat on the sea. All the food that had been on the altar was loaded onto that boat. Soon, the boat, with its colorful five-colored flags fluttering, began to head out to the wide sea. The men on the boat sang a song to awaken the sea god and sprinkled alcohol and food on the sea.

The brilliant sun filled the space between the earlobe and shoulder of Hwang Jangyeop, who stood tall at the bow of the boat, directing everything. The sparkling water ripples that held the full sunlight, the violently shaking boat, and the strong man who stood firm against the fierce sea breeze on it. For a moment, he felt completely overwhelmed by the sight. He even had the impression that it was beautiful.

“……”

Gijeong stared at Hwang Jangyeop endlessly and then soon turned around. It was enough that he had seen his face, even from a distance. He had no intention of telling either Hwang Jangyeop or Giyeong that he had been here today. He had just needed some kind of confirmation, and he would only end up causing unnecessary worry.

The empty feeling in his heart was filled up as if by a lie. He clearly knew where Hwang Jangyeop’s place was. Now it was his turn to make a decision.

---

“The completion of the resort is finally just around the corner. In today’s meeting, I would like to discuss what kind of promotion would be good for the opening event. It would be great if it were a special event that is attractive enough to entice customers and has never been seen before, right? It would be even better if it incorporated the identity of our resort. Do not be shy, let us freely share our opinions.”

The most difficult order was given in the meeting that was scheduled early in the morning. The team members, who were busy shaking off their sleepiness, glanced at each other and postponed their remarks. Department Head Song looked at each person one by one with an expectant expression, saying, “Who will speak first?”

Everyone subtly avoided his gaze and kept their mouths shut. Before long, Department Head Song stared at Assistant Manager Han and smiled. Assistant Manager Han, who was pushed into it, lowered his eyebrows and brought up just any story.

“These days, everyone is said to be very interested in eating well and living well, are they not? They are also more interested in health than ever before. How about we proceed with the Dong Island Resort promotion in connection with the trend of ‘well-being’?”

“Hmm… could you elaborate a bit more?”

“Uh, so… we provide a well-being lifestyle as a service so that customers feel like they are booking a lifestyle, not just a room. For example, we include three meals a day, but we use local specialties from the area near Dong Island to provide healthy meals with balanced nutrients. Also, the bedding and gowns in the rooms are made of natural materials, and we develop related programs so that guests can enjoy yoga, meditation, and leisure sports during their stay at the resort. For the opening promotion, it would be good to select VIPs who might be interested in such top-class services and provide them with a one-night free accommodation voucher.”

“It is not a bad opinion, except for the fact that it costs a lot. Good. Anyone else?”

Department Head Song turned his head to the other side. Among the employees who were still busy avoiding his gaze, Gijeong slightly raised his hand.

“Mr. Yeom Gijeong?”

“Before planning a specific promotion, should we not first understand why customers are visiting our resort? Whether they are simply coming to rest, for tourism purposes, or to enjoy hobbies such as various leisure sports or fishing. In fact, Dong Island is a far place that takes more than four hours by car from here, is it not? And we have to take a boat for a long time from there. I have thought about what reason there would be to visit such a distant place.”

“What do you think it is, Mr. Yeom Gijeong?”

“The reason Dong Island has recently become known is because it boasts a pristine natural environment. It was possible because it was untouched by human hands. The fact that it was an uninhabited island that had been neglected for a long time must have stimulated intellectual curiosity. That is why our company also put a lot of effort into eco-friendly design when building the resort, is it not?”

Department Head Song nodded as if telling him to continue.

“In my opinion, I think it is most important to highlight the characteristic of Dong Island as ‘an uninhabited island that embraces the gifts of nature’. For now, that is its biggest charm that cannot be replaced by other places. It is good to provide menus using local specialties, meditation spaces, and walking trails, but I think we need to think about whether there is a more sustainable service. I would like our customers to have the opportunity to see and feel the treasure that is Dong Island more closely.”

“The problem is that the surrounding scenery of the island is not as pleasant as one might think. Old fishing boats pass by frequently, and there is a fishy smell. Who would want to pay a lot of money to see such a shabby sight when they are going to such a far place to rest because they are tired of city life?”

“Could not those aspects also be considered a part of Dong Island? As far as I know, the fishing boats in the surrounding area do not fish in the waters near Dong Island. It is just a route for them to go out to the open sea. On the contrary, I believe we can create a positive effect by letting our customers catch a glimpse of the lives of those who have made a home there. If they see them going out before dawn and diligently living their day, they will also feel a strong energy and think that they should live diligently.”

“Let us say that is true. Then what kind of promotion do you think is appropriate, Mr. G-ijeong-ssi?”

“How about a promotion where we temporarily discount the usage fee so that anyone who wants to can visit, in order to widely publicize the value of our resort? Building an image that everyone can admire with high-end services and high prices is also important, but I think it is also necessary to experience directly or indirectly whether it is worth paying that much. These days, consumers are good at distinguishing between advertisements and experiences.”

“In that case, what if we get treated like a budget resort that anyone can come to?”

Assistant Manager Jeong openly sneered. Several team members nodded their heads as if in agreement.

“Assistant Manager Jeong. I asked you to give your opinion, not to evaluate it, did I? Why do you not try giving your opinion instead?”

When Department Head Song pointed out Assistant Manager Jeong’s attitude, he immediately backed down. He put on a servile-looking smile and promised to contribute next time.

“I cannot think of anything specific… I will think about it until the next meeting.”

“Anyone else? Any new opinions?”

Department Head Song once again scanned the team members. Everyone became as quiet as a mouse, as if they had made a promise. A long sigh escaped from Department Head Song.

“Alright. Let us stop here for today. We will have a meeting on the same agenda at this time tomorrow, so each of you bring at least one idea by then. You can go back to your work now. Mr. Yeom Gijeong, please stay for a moment.”

The team members said, “Good work,” and rushed out of the meeting room.

Gijeong waited for the door to close and then stood up and approached Department Head Song. Department Head Song, with his arms crossed, looked up at him intently. His gaze, which felt like an interrogation, made his head bow for no reason.

“I heard you were late while I was on a business trip. They said you came in late in the afternoon. What happened? Are you rebelling because your vacation was cut short or something?”

“No. I apologize for causing you concern.”

“Of course, you should not be. A person who has never been late before was late without any contact, so I was worried. Is something wrong at home? Or are you sick somewhere?”

“No. It is just….”

“Just?”

“I needed time to think about my career path.”

Department Head Song’s eyes widened. It was understandable that he would be bewildered when he asked for the reason for being late and suddenly the topic of career path came up. Department Head Song raised his hand as if to say, “Hold on a minute.”

“You have been a little busy lately, so are you trying to quit so suddenly?”

“What? That is not it….”

At the rather extreme assumption, this time it was Gijeong who was flustered. Department Head Song frowned with a puzzled face and said, “Then what is it?” Gijeong, with an awkward expression, fiddled with the back of his hair. He had been looking for an opportunity to talk to Department Head Song, but he had not expected to confess so suddenly.

“Sir… when the Dong Island Resort is completed, what kind of personnel will be assigned there?”

“Let us see? According to company policy, people who have worked at our company’s hotels or resorts will mainly be assigned. We cannot ignore their experience, after all. We also accept applications for management and office positions, but there are not many people who volunteer to go to such a remote place. I am not sure, but everyone probably thinks of it as a demotion. I heard that if you go and come back, your record is highly regarded… But why are you asking that all of a sudden?”

Department Head Song seemed to have no idea of the question’s underlying intention. Gijeong, who had solidified his conviction in the meantime, calmly conveyed his intentions.

“If it is possible, I would also like to work there.”

“What? You were not trying to quit, but wanted a transfer? And to Dong Island of all places? No, but why… may I ask for the reason?”

Department Head Song showed a strong reaction. It was understandable that he would not be able to understand easily. Others were desperate to come to the headquarters, but he wanted to leave on his own accord and work at a resort farthest from Seoul.

In the long run, it would be advantageous for his personnel evaluation, and his promotions would be faster than his peers, but for some reason, he felt that was not the only reason. In this day and age, there were hardly any people who would sacrifice the present for the distant future.

Gijeong showed a firm smile and answered without hesitation.

“I have clearly realized where I should be and what I want to do. I want to live by doing what I can, next to the people who are precious to me.”

*

“Hmm…?”

Hwang Jangyeop, who was lying down on the wooden porch trying to take a nap, suddenly lifted his head and looked toward the main gate. It was because he thought he had felt a presence. But the area around the gate was quiet. It seemed he had mistaken the sound of the wind. He nonchalantly tilted his head back and lay down again.

The wind blowing in the late afternoon was not rough, nor too gentle, but moderately cool. As the sun began to set, Hwang Jangyeop’s entire back was dyed in the red light of the sunset. A drop of water that had formed on the water tap fell slowly, drip, drip, creating ripples in the rubber basin. His eyelids grew heavy at the peaceful stimuli. He would have to wait a little longer for Giyeong, who had gone to a friend’s house, to return.

Hwang Jangyeop did not resist and closed his hazy eyes. Every time he let out a deep breath, his back and shoulders swelled and then subsided. If he fell into such a sweet sleep, it seemed he would be able to see Gijeong’s face, at least in his dreams. A subtle arc formed on the lips of Hwang Jangyeop, who was using his arm as a pillow. Just as he let out another long exhale and was about to fall into the abyss of sleep.

Something suddenly landed on the shoulder of Hwang Jangyeop, who was lying with his back turned. His thick eyebrows twitched at the faint sensation, which he could not distinguish as dream or reality. But that was all; he did not make any attempt to open his tightly closed eyelids.

Then, at the familiar feeling of the presence touching his body, at the unique scent that instantly awakened all his senses, his sleepiness completely vanished. He slowly lifted his eyelids. Then he slightly twisted his head and looked behind him. Gijeong, who must have arrived at some point, was sitting with his back against his. Gijeong’s cheeks were flushed, having caught the sunset. It was not an illusion.

“I am here.”

His voice as he smiled and greeted him was also definitely real. Hwang Jangyeop, who had been staring blankly at Gijeong, grinned and turned over. Then he reached his arm around Gijeong’s neck and pulled him down into his arms in one go. Gijeong did not resist and followed, burying his head in Hwang Jangyeop’s shoulder. He hugged him tightly with both arms and repeatedly rubbed his cheek against his chest. His fine hair touched his chin and the tip of his nose, tickling him.

He did not ask how he had come when it was not even the weekend. Nor did he ask if something had happened. He could tell without a lengthy explanation. What decision Gijeong had made, and for what reason he had made such a decision. He, Gije-ong, who had said he would come running by the fastest route, had finally returned to his own place.

He had returned completely.