SSL 24

Judging by the other phrase, [Do well on the exam], written right next to it, it seemed likely that ‘Fighting’ also meant to cheer up and do well on the exam. Though he could not be certain.

“……”

I do not want to hate it. The thought faintly passed through his mind.

He did not know why those kids had left this message. He had no idea at all. He felt bewildered and a little scared. But they had left it, whatever the reason. If so, he did not want to feel only repulsion toward the drawing either. Even if he did not know the inner meaning, it was, at least on the surface, a phrase that seemed to cheer him on, tied together with a drawing made in the same intricate handwriting, the same way of drawing lines with force.

What should I do to not feel dislike? Naturally, the bright and warm room from Saturday afternoon came to mind. Jaehyun did not hate it.

Cha Jaehyun did not hate my drawing. He understood it in a normal way. If even something like me could be understood, I should not rashly reject others. Resolving this, Doyoon recalled. That Jaehyun knew a great deal.

He had a lot of books and albums at home, and it seemed he had actually read and listened to them all. If I read those kinds of books too, maybe I could interpret it differently. If I could know and understand why some people draw in this way……. The bell signaling the start of class rang.

Almost simultaneously, Woo Jincheol walked in through the back door. His expression was so terrible that even Doyoon could tell at a glance. His complexion was dark and his forehead was crumpled as if it had been creased by hand. As he sat down, Jincheol’s gaze suddenly fell on Doyoon.

Their eyes met.

“……”

Doyoon held his breath. He could not read what meaning Jincheol’s expression held. Only a tingling sensation ran down his spine. A threat that smelled of an animal. It was similar to when Park Kanghyuk had stared at him in the classroom in middle school, but the texture was somehow different, a more damp and sticky feeling.

Jincheol did not look at Doyoon for long. Just a few seconds. But it was enough time for Doyoon’s palms to become slick with sweat. Soon, the teacher came in through the front door, and Jaehyun also slipped in through the back door and sat down.

After the fourth period class, it was lunchtime. As the kids started to get up from their seats, Doyoon tensed up. It felt like someone would come up and pick a fight with him any moment. It was certain they would knock the things off his desk with their hands, or snatch his book and hit him on the head with it.

But the kids just left the classroom normally and disappeared in the direction of the cafeteria. Doyoon waited for a long time, and when he was sure no one was there, he quickly put the cheat sheet and the note into Jaehyun’s desk drawer and returned.

During the break after the fifth period, and even until the end-of-day homeroom, Doyoon unconsciously gripped his pen tightly whenever someone came near him. In reality, he only pretended to be holding it and scanning his notebook or problem sets; he could not study properly. He only grew tired from being on edge the whole time.

“Class president, lead the greeting.”

“Thank you.”

The homeroom teacher picked up the attendance book and went out of the classroom. Doyoon packed his things with his head bowed even lower than usual, and quickly slipped out the back door and quickened his pace. He crossed the school field almost at a run and went out the main gate.

Doyoon continued to walk as fast as he possibly could. It was not safe until he was away from the school’s vicinity. Because someone could be waiting to grab him and drag him into an alley or somewhere. After walking along the main road for three blocks, he turned left, and only after walking with the wall of a newly built apartment complex on his right until he reached a playground did Doyoon gasp for the breath he had been holding and slow his pace.

The number of kids wearing the same uniform began to decrease. He felt he could relax a little if he just walked from here to where a small green space appeared again. At that moment, a voice called from behind him.

“Kang Doyoon!”

A clear voice. Like a straight line cast from a brightly colored metal. The sound of running footsteps was mixed in. Doyoon flinched before he even turned around, and when a hand touched his shoulder, he almost bit his tongue.

“……”

“Why are you in such a hurry. I had to run to catch up.”

A face where only a smile stood out smoothly, without even a hint of being out of breath despite having run. Doyoon hunched his neck on his own.

“Why…….”

“To give you this.”

A bundle of gray exam papers, enclosed in a smooth, clear file, was held out to him. Doyoon took it in a daze, and after checking the contents, he was surprised and shook his head, pushing it back.

“No. Give this back to your friend.”

“He’s not my friend. We’re done.”

Jaehyun said curtly, but upon seeing Doyoon’s expression, he quickly added in a softer tone.

“It’s not because of you. I think it was bound to happen someday. Since we’re in the same class, we’ll naturally greet each other, and talk if we need to. I just don’t plan on hanging out together like before.”

“……”

“You couldn’t concentrate in school today, could you.”

An apology followed.

“Sorry. Woo Jincheol is the type to get really worked up about things like that, and I happened to give you what he gave me. I should have gotten a separate copy from the student council. I was thoughtless.”

“No. But you should go now.”

Doyoon waved his hand.

“Go quickly. Other kids might see…….”

“Doyoon.”

Jaehyun smiled faintly.

“I’ve already let a lot slide. If you keep this up, I’m going to get properly angry from now on.”

“……?”

“……Never mind.”

The sound of a short sigh.

“Let’s talk after the exams are over, for now. Well, given what you’ve been through, I guess your attitude won’t change in an instant. I understand that. Go home and study well, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Make sure to do the review assignment I gave you thoroughly by Wednesday.”

“Let’s stop our study sessions, I wrote in the note earlier…….”

“I told you to stop.”

A softly smiling face, but words that commanded and pressed down.

“I might not be able to hold back and get angry before the exams. Just cut it out.”

A harsh expression, but his lips still curved in a line, his tone gentle. Doyoon was confused. He closed his mouth and watched for cues, then voiced a vague question.

“……What is it?”

“Huh?”

“What is it that you’ll get angry about if I ‘keep doing’ it? I don’t know what ‘doing this’ is.”

“Ah.”

Jaehyun explained.

“Don’t pretend we’re not friends. That’s what I mean I’ll get angry about.”

“……”

“Pretending not to know each other outside, not even greeting each other at school, things like that are forbidden. Greet me properly and acknowledge me. The same goes for today. You were a bit in the wrong, weren’t you.”

When the word ‘wrong’ came out, Doyoon’s stomach dropped. What could it be. Did he do that thing he always does again. The thing where he does something wrong to others without knowing. Fortunately, Jaehyun soon explained in detail.

“The cheat sheet. I deliberately gave you a chance to reveal it first. You should have told Woo Jincheol properly. That you just received what I gave you. But you tried to pretend we’re not friends, even going so far as to lie. Honestly, I was angry for a moment. Don’t ever do that again.”

“……That was, I…….”

“Kang Doyoon, answer, no excuses.”

“……Alright.”

“Good.”

Jaehyun bumped Doyoon’s shoulder with his fist.

“We made such a scene in front of the kids today. At this point, no one will believe us even if we act like strangers. Oh, right. When Woo Jincheol raised his fist, thank you for trying to protect me……. “

In the middle of his sentence, a somehow deflated sound leaked through his teeth, but Jaehyun quickly composed himself and added seriously.

“It’s true. Thank you. That was very good.”

Then he waved his hand and smiled again, his eyes closing into crescents.

“Bye! See you tomorrow.”

“……Bye.”

There he goes again. While raising his hand back, albeit awkwardly, Doyoon narrowed his eyes.

He is far away even though I am looking at him right in front of me. Unreal. The light is so dense that he does not seem like a person who is actually there. Doyoon lowered his hand and stood there for a long time, watching Jaehyun’s back, before he came to his senses. It was scary to watch for too long.

He is afraid to let his gaze rest for a long time on something that shines so brightly. Because it feels like the light will be sullied by darkness. Doyoon belatedly lowered his eyes and, turning his own feet, quickened his pace.