SSL 27

After waving his hand, Doyoon immediately turned on his heel. It was because of an impulse. A desire to watch Jaehyun the entire time he crossed the crosswalk and waited for the bus at the stop. The only way to erase that desire was to physically and quickly create distance.

In his haste to speed up his pace, Doyoon walked more distractedly than usual. He would frantically look around, suddenly startled by the shadow of a roadside tree, and ambushed by the presence of a car parked on the side of the main road. Because of that, he did not know that Jaehyun was watching him from across the street.

Jaehyun did not get on the bus.

A bus did stop as soon as he crossed the crosswalk, but instead of getting on, Jaehyun walked backward, moving away from the area with the bus stop sign. He stood with his back almost touching the wall of the commercial district and looked at Doyoon’s shoulder area.

On the sidewalk where the bus stop was, plane trees were planted as roadside trees. As time tilted towards the afternoon, the tree shadows also tilted. The trunk part crawled over the sidewalk tiles up to the base of the wall, and from about Jaehyun’s chest, it piled up the shadows of the leaves.

Jaehyun thought that there was no particular reason why he did not get on the bus. It was just that the weather was so nice that it felt like a waste to go straight home. He wanted to stand a little longer, feeling the sunlight and shade on his body. That was all. The reason he was still looking at Doyoon was that if there was someone you knew in the scenery, your eyes were bound to be drawn to them.

Why am I making excuses?

Suddenly, a question flashed through his mind. Why do I keep trying to create excuses? If I want to look, I can just look. I am not bothering him, nor am I secretly following him, I am just looking at him from afar with my eyes. Since he just happened to be within my field of vision.

Even so, Jaehyun felt a sense of unease. A feeling as if just looking was doing something wrong. It felt as if he was looking at the other person in a completely different way from how he normally looked at others harmlessly. In a way that not only Doyoon himself but also no one around should notice. Doyoon’s figure finally disappeared. He turned the corner to the left and went into an alley.

Jaehyun turned his head in the opposite direction to look at the end of the road. The direction from which the bus would approach. As he did, he thought. Maybe I should have just asked him to go to the art museum this weekend, he thought.

Last weekend, Doyoon had said he did not want to go to the art museum with Jaehyun. But considering the circumstances since then, it seemed that was also because of a reason like, ‘I’m afraid other kids will think you’re close with me if we hang out together outside’. When he realized that, he got annoyed. He had resolved to drag him there, even by force.

But after the self-grading time ended today, he gave up when he saw Doyoon sitting and staring blankly out the window for a long while. He looked completely overwhelmed. He was overwhelmed by the various sudden changes. So he thought it would be better not to push him too much all at once.

Let’s just hang out at home this weekend. Let’s be considerate of Doyoon in a way he is familiar with. We can go to the art museum later. Of course, he could have made him come along willingly, but this meant he was cutting him some slack.

Doyoon was a complicated and delicate kid. But in the aspect of being crushed by intimidation, he was very typical and simple. It was obvious where and how he was weak, and what buttons to press in what order to control him.

Inducing a specific behavior from Doyoon was as easy as twisting a child’s wrist. Jaehyun was now confident that he could do anything he wanted. For example, he could tell him not to get close to kids like Baek Yeji. If Jaehyun said a few words naturally while smiling, Doyoon would listen.

“……?”

Jaehyun, without realizing it, scrunched his eyes. Am I crazy?

Did I unknowingly build up stress because of the exams? Why am I having this kind of thought? Sighing, Jaehyun repeated the name in his head again. Baek Yeji.

She was the kid who had been chattering with her friends in the hallway during the music practicals, saying Doyoon’s performance was good. She was one of the so-called ‘kids who play around a bit’. She does many things that go against the school rules, but she is not a bad kid. She is witty, pretty, and has a slightly quirky side. While very different from Doyoon, they might get along in some ways. Especially since it seems she enjoys drawing as well.

This is good. Jaehyun repeated to himself. Kang Doyoon, it looks like you’re finally going to make some friends.

It is a good thing.

Of course. It cannot be anything other than a good thing. Jaehyun did not know a version of himself that could feel this as anything other than a good thing. Doyoon was a kid who had been lonely for a long time. Now he would slowly open his heart and make friends. His world would expand. He could not dislike that.

It was true that he had been a bit coercive towards Doyoon until now. It was also true that he had observed his weaknesses and sized him up, wondering how to touch him to make him move as he pleased. But it was all for Doyoon’s sake. He hoped that Doyoon would break out of his shell and be able to live happily from now on. To do that, he thought he had to lead him, even by force to some extent, from his side. That was all.

So there was no way he could dislike Doyoon making many friends. The fact that he would have more like-minded friends besides Jaehyun. That is a good thing. A very good thing.

While waiting for the bus, Jaehyun repeatedly pressed the phrase into his mind dozens of times. As if writing over and over on paper with a sharp pen. A, good, thing. But it seems he had pressed too hard. The paper, unable to withstand being deeply gouged in the shape of the strokes, tore. Through the sharp shapes of the letters, a pitch-black abyss was revealed.

A good thing.

Staring into the cavernously open letters in his mind, Jaehyun lifted his head. The wind blew, and the wide leaves of the plane trees billowed and rustled like sails. Covered in shadow, Jaehyun touched his face. The sensation on his face felt strange.

An unpleasantly sticky feeling. Was I sweating? But his skin was smooth. His back had gotten slightly damp while walking earlier, but it had cooled down long ago while he was in the shade. Jaehyun slowly touched around his mouth, his brow bone, and his eye sockets with his fingertips. As if caressing a strange fluid seeping out from under his usual face.