SSL 34

His hyung went back to the dorm on Sunday. On Monday, after his father left for work at the supermarket, Doyoon quickly made his younger brother some lunch and then went over to Jaehyun’s place.

“Come in.”

Jaehyun quickly opened the door with a smile.

His noona was at her studio, he said. Sitting across from each other at the living room table, Doyoon was struck anew by how quiet Jaehyun’s house was. There was only the low, intermittent hum of the refrigerator.

With no background noise, Jaehyun’s presence stood out as if against a white backdrop. The motion of his fingers turning the page of a book, the shadow his hair cast on his forehead, and the rustling friction of the page turning. As Doyoon quietly focused his eyes and ears, he began to hear a voice too. An explanation about the textbook. It looked like a spring-bound copy of a handout, and Jaehyun said he’d gotten it from a famous test-prep academy.

“A hyung I know works part-time at a pretty famous test-prep academy, and he smuggled this out. It’s what they use in the comprehensive course. I looked it over and thought it seemed good, so I asked him for it. Let’s use this for the problems and use the textbook and this for explanations.”

“Okay…”

“Let’s start.”

Jaehyun opened to the table of contents and began by explaining the study plan, telling him to write down the planned completion date next to each subsection title. But before long, he furrowed his brow slightly and prodded him.

“Is something wrong?”

“Huh?”

“You don’t seem to be concentrating. You’re not writing.”

“Oh… No.”

Doyoon hurriedly scratched the tip of his pen on his notebook.

“Sorry. I’ll do better. I was just thinking about something else for a moment.”

“Alright.”

But a few minutes later, Jaehyun called Doyoon’s name again, shaking his head.

“Kang Doyoon, what is it? You’re acting strange today. If you’re not feeling well, let’s deal with it now.”

“…”

“Are you worried about something? Or are you sick somewhere?”

“No, I’ll tell you after we’re done. Sorry for not focusing.”

“Just tell me now.”

As he spoke, Jaehyun deliberately shut the textbook with a thud, making Doyoon flinch. Silence. Doyoon stared at the tabletop for a moment before whispering.

“…would be nice.”

“What?”

“I hope we, later, after the tutoring session ends…”

Doyoon’s cheeks flushed with heat, making him stammer even more.

“I hope we can eat together after we’re done. We couldn’t eat that day we went to the academy. I have money today. I want to buy.”

“…”

Jaehyun stared blankly before asking.

“Is that what you were thinking about that you couldn’t concentrate?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“You got some money. Did you get a part-time job?”

“No!”

He quickly shook his head at the sudden question.

“I got it. My father… gave it to me.”

“I see.”

“Yeah. It’s quite a lot. More than ten thousand won.”

His neck straightened on its own. After he had spoken, emphasizing the words ‘ten thousand won,’ he saw that Jaehyun was smiling. He snickered faintly through his lips, then let out a laugh.

“Okay. Then let’s go out and eat together later. It’ll be four o’clock when we finish, so the time is a bit awkward, but who cares. I guess you can stay out for dinner today?”

“No, that’s not it. I have to go home and make him dinner, and I have to eat with him too.”

“…So you’re going to eat twice?”

“No. At the restaurant, I’ll just watch you eat. Sitting with you.”

“What kind of thing is that? Then, um… let’s just take a walk.”

Jaehyun gestured somewhere out the window with his thumb.

“When we’re done, let’s walk in the direction of your house. It’s a bit of a detour, but there’s a park where you can walk down by the stream, and there’s a cafe near the park entrance. Buy me a coffee instead of a meal. Buy something cold and let’s walk together. We can walk for about three bus stops, and you can catch a bus home in the middle.”

“Okay, I’d like that.”

While nodding, Doyoon thought. But coffee is a drink, so isn’t it cheaper than a meal?

I want to buy him something better. Should I offer to buy him two cups then? Lost in these and other thoughts, Doyoon ended up not concentrating much for the rest of the session. He kept missing what Jaehyun was explaining and couldn’t take notes, and he even got the math practice problems he was given wrong because of calculation mistakes.

Seeing this, Jaehyun, surprisingly, did not get angry even once. He waited calmly and explained again each time, and he even smiled when he saw Doyoon make a mistake on something like two-digit addition. Then, when it turned four, he was the first to get up from his seat.

“Good job. Let’s go out now.”

“Okay.”

Jaehyun headed for the shoe rack at a strangely fast pace. Meanwhile, Doyoon packed his bag, opened the zipper of the inner pocket, and confirmed that three bills were sitting there neatly, an unconscious grin spreading across his face.

It was hot outside.

The officetel hallway was already muggy, but as they left the building, it was hot enough to feel like his whole body was being roasted. The searing yellow heat of the sun and a middling humidity mixed and clung to his skin, indistinguishable from sweat.

The two of them walked, choosing only shaded spots as much as possible, alternately ducking into the shadows of buildings and street trees. When they finally reached a spot where they could see the narrow embankment enclosing the stream across the street, Jaehyun gestured to the side instead of standing at the crosswalk. They walked along a commercial street crowded with small, clustered shops, and he opened a glass door.

The moment he opened the door, a rush of cold air hit Doyoon’s forehead. It was a place with strong air conditioning. As he stepped inside, his sweat instantly evaporated, causing Doyoon to shiver with a shudder.

It was a small shop. Round tables and cushioned chairs filled the space tightly. People had drinks in front of them and were either talking to each other in low voices or sitting alone, furiously clacking away at a computer, or reading a book they had taken out, underlining passages.

So this is what a cafe is. What a fascinating place. While he was thinking this, Jaehyun called him. He had already walked up to the counter at the back and was standing there, pointing at the menu board hanging high up.

“Come on, let’s choose together.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll have an iced americano. A small one. What are you having?”

“I’m fine. I don’t want anything.”

“Kang Doyoon.”

Jaehyun’s eyes narrowed. Doyoon now roughly understood the meaning of that tone and that expression. Wrong answer.

That’s wrong. Think it over and give me the right answer. If you can’t, I’m going to get mad. But even knowing all this, Doyoon gave a light shake of his head.

“No. I’m not drinking anything. Just you.”

“Hey…”

“Pick one more thing instead.”

As he spoke, Doyoon realized he was smiling. He was grinning foolishly. His lips were tingling and his cheeks felt like they were being pulled upward.

He felt good. Come to think of it, it seemed he had been feeling this way for a while. The corners of his mouth had been tugging up the whole walk over. From the moment he entered the cafe, his heart had started pounding. As he fumbled with the inner pocket to check inside his bag again at the doorway, his skin felt cold, but his heart was warmly aglow.

I guess that’s why I wasn’t scared. Doyoon realized belatedly.

Jaehyun had just frowned and called out, Kang Doyoon. Normally, Doyoon would have cowered in fear. Far from shaking his head, he would have just been worrying frantically in his mind. What answer would please Jaehyun?

But this time, his head had moved naturally. He had been able to say ‘no’ easily. Just as comfortably, he raised his hand and pointed at the menu board, explaining calmly.

“Besides the americano, have another drink of something you like. I’ll buy it for you.”

“…”

“With ten thousand won, I can buy you two drinks. I like that better.”

Jaehyun stared blankly at Doyoon’s face.

Silence. Fortunately, there was no one in line behind them, but the employee began to glance toward the door, seeming to get a little antsy as the order was delayed. Finally, Jaehyun began to speak, just before the anxiety on Doyoon’s face deepened and his smile was about to vanish completely.

“Alright. Then instead of a drink, buy me that, the lemon brownie. The square pastry.”

“Okay.”

Doyoon relaxed and smiled brightly again.

The two soon left the cafe. Since Jaehyun’s hands were full of things and it looked like it would be inconvenient, Doyoon quickly went ahead and opened the door for him.

As they stepped out onto the street, heat was instantly poured over them. Still, since his body had cooled down once, it wasn’t unpleasant, and for a short while, it even felt warm. The two crossed the street and went down the stone steps on the embankment. A path laid out on both sides of the stream and a few benches came into view.

The area by the stream was clearly underdeveloped, but that made it more charming. The dirt path, paved with red asphalt only in patches, was winding and was even broken off in the middle at times. The trees jutted out right next to the path, then retreated far back to just below the embankment, their positions a complete mess, but their lush leaves were also filled with the sound of cicadas, making it noisy.

From the stream, waves of nameless bushes sometimes washed over the path like a dark green tide, only to wither and die yellow on their own. After walking for a few minutes, Jaehyun pointed to the side of the path. A green bench, set deep in the shade of an elm tree, placed as if it had been all but abandoned.

“Let’s sit.”

Going over first and sitting on one side, Jaehyun patted the spot next to him with his fist. As Doyoon sat down carefully on the side where the paint was peeling, Jaehyun took the brownie out of the bag, broke it in half, and offered it to him.

“You have some too.”

“I’m fine.”

“Just have half. And have a sip of the coffee, too.”

“No.”

“Kang Doyoon.”

“No, it’s just, I… want to watch.”

Doyoon confessed, his fists slightly clenched.

“I like watching you eat more than eating myself. I want you to eat it all. I just, I want to watch that.”

“…”

Jaehyun’s expression wavered.

His furrowed eyebrows relaxed and then drooped strangely. Doyoon saw Jaehyun’s jaw tighten, but before he could get a good look, Jaehyun raised a hand and covered his mouth. Did I do something wrong after all? His stomach lurched.

Today, he had made frequent mistakes during tutoring, and after coming outside, he had disobeyed him twice. So was he finally starting to get angry? Worried, he scanned Jaehyun’s face with even more focus and noticed the reddened tip of his ear.

“…Alright.”

The reply was like a mumble.

It was a voice so small it was muffled by his palm and barely audible over the sound of the cicadas. Soon, Jaehyun lowered his hand. Then, with a face flushed from the heat, he put the tip of the straw in his mouth and took a sip of the americano, its ice not yet fully melted.