TGMND 146

After a bit of alcohol, Yoon Ji-gu seemed to relax slightly, the tension in his shoulders easing compared to earlier. The conversation was mostly led by Lee Seol, who dominated the flow while Ji-gu was helplessly dragged along. 

Their conversation still had no substance whatsoever. Things like how the cat Bbosong got its name, or hamster Thunder’s talent for quickly cracking sunflower seeds…

Yeo-woon had planned to mediate if the two felt awkward, helping them become closer. But Seol, who had been indifferent until arriving, started talking to Yoon Ji-gu without any trace of awkwardness as soon as she met him.

Just quietly listening to his precious person and the person he loved talking to each other made him feel full. It didn’t seem like Seol thought badly of Ji-gu either.

Yeo-woon muttered “what a relief” while chewing a piece of meat. As he occasionally chimed in on their conversation, he suddenly noticed his phone ringing on the table.

Glancing at it briefly, there was a message from a new employee in training. Though he wasn’t their direct supervisor, they seemed to be asking about something they had briefly discussed that afternoon. After considering how to explain for a moment, Yeo-woon thought calling would be faster.

“I need to make a call… I’ll be right back, just really quickly.”

The inside was very noisy. Being Friday evening, the place was full, with drinking parties nearby. Not an appropriate place for a phone call.

As Yeo-woon excused himself and hurried toward the exit, Ji-gu’s face left behind turned pale. Don’t leave me alone. For a moment he looked so pitiful, like an abandoned doll, that Seol couldn’t help but laugh.

“Can I ask you just one thing?”

“…”

“If it’s uncomfortable after hearing it, you don’t have to answer.”

“…What is it?”

“You pursued Yeo-woon first, right?”

It was obvious. Not just Yeo-woon, but this guy looked like he couldn’t live without Yeo-woon at all.

Whether Yeo-woon had dated other men before him wasn’t her business, but if Yoon Ji-gu was the first, she wondered if he must have had a terribly hard time. Because while Yeo-woon acted like he would accept everything, he was surprisingly firm about saying no to things he didn’t want. No matter how much he liked someone, he wouldn’t have said yes right away just because a man confessed.

“Didn’t you understand? I asked if you pursued Yeo-woon first.”

“That… no.”

“Really, no?”

“…Y-yes, but, no, um, well… there were circumstances…”

Yoon Ji-gu fidgeted restlessly. Did he hover around with that face asking for attention? …Must have been interesting. Seeing his face directly made it slightly more understandable, but it was still puzzling how Yeo-woon fell for someone bigger than himself.

Well, truthfully, she didn’t want to hear the details. It might be gross…

“What do you even like about him?”

At those words, Yoon Ji-gu lowered his head with a very serious expression. After thinking for a moment, he reached his conclusion.

“Everything. …I like everything.”

It was a typical sweet talk, and an obvious answer at that, but somehow when Yoon Ji-gu said it, it seemed genuinely sincere. Was his suddenly reddened face due to the heat from the grill? His neck, ears, and cheeks were all bright red.

He was exactly Yeo-woon’s type. An honest personality that’s fun to tease. He always had quite a few friends around him who were somewhat sloppy types too.

So even a face like that can look cute sometimes. Seol found Yoon Ji-gu’s existence fascinating.

“But you two are dating seriously, right?”

Seol asked.

“I don’t have any gay friends so I don’t really understand the psychology of guys like you. You’re not just playing with Yeo-woon, are you?”

“No, of course not…!”

Getting all worked up. It was just something she said casually. If anyone was playing around, it would obviously be Yeo-woon rather than Yoon Ji-gu…

“You’re the first lover that he’s introduced to me.”

Seol chuckled and whispered in a lowered voice. At those words, Ji-gu’s expression instantly softened.

“…The first?”

First. I’m Yeo-woon’s first…

Compared to Yeo-woon who had taken all his firsts, he sometimes felt down knowing he wasn’t Yeo-woon’s first love. Now he knew that being first wasn’t so important anymore, so he didn’t mind.

Still, hearing that he was Yeo-woon’s first in this way felt very strange. He’d decided not to obsess over being first, but actually hearing it… it felt really good.

Seol continued with an indifferent expression.

“You know he’s not the type to date people thoughtlessly, right? So he must have thought really hard before deciding to date you, a man. It’s probably not just ordinary like.”

“…I don’t like him ordinarily either.”

“Not interested. Don’t interrupt.”

Though Ji-gu looked wronged, he closed his mouth without making any retort.

“While I don’t have any right to approve or whatever of you dating Yeo-woon, this is better than watching him not dating anyone.”

“…”

“I’m glad.”

Lee Yeo-woon and Lee Seol weren’t just similar in looks. Their unexpectedly playful personalities, their thoughtfulness in secretly worrying about family. Many aspects were alike, just like siblings. …Well, of course, they would be because they are literally siblings.

Returning from his brief call, Yeo-woon looked between the two and asked.

“What were you talking about?”

“Talking behind your back.”

Seol answered flatly. At those words, Yeo-woon turned to Ji-gu with round eyes. When he unconsciously nodded, Yeo-woon playfully replied “Isn’t that too much?” and lightly kicked Ji-gu’s shin.

Still… Yeo-woon is Yeo-woon after all.

That smiling face and pretty eyes, unexpectedly playful personality. And even the brown hair that perfectly wraps around your fingers when you cup the back of his head.

There wasn’t a single thing about him that wasn’t lovable. Even if there was someone who looked exactly like Yeo-woon, they could never replace him. Realizing this anew made his heart feel full.

The person I love. Lee Yeo-woon, my lover.

“…”

Me too. I also… think of us, of hyung, with utmost seriousness.

***

Though they came separately, they left together.

With ice cream in his mouth, Ji-gu matched his steps to Yeo-woon’s pace. They seemed to walk together for almost thirty minutes, crossing through the dim downtown area, following along the riverside until they reached home. The sound of insects was peaceful.

“Seol is cute, isn’t she?”

“Um… yes.”

Though he answered that way, honestly he didn’t agree. Not that cute. They look alike, but hyung is cuter.

“Oh right, I exchanged numbers with your sister.”

“Really? When?”

“After we finished eating, when we stepped out. She called herself on my phone to send me photos of Thunder.”

Ji-gu secretly tattled about Seol’s misdeed.

“That’s good. But don’t get too close.”

“Okay.”

“I’m joking.”

“I know.”

“…Now you understand?”

That faintly smiling voice was ticklish. Ji-gu scratched his nape while needlessly staring at the ground. The swirling ground pattern was as dizzy as his heart.

No, is it because of the alcohol…? But he didn’t drink much. Ji-gu suddenly realized how weak his alcohol tolerance was.

“Ji-gu-ya.”

When his name was suddenly called, he reflexively looked up. As their eyes met, those round eyes curved prettily.

“Yoon Ji-gu.”

“…Why are you using my surname? Just call my name.”

His heart dropped for a moment. Ji-gu looked at Yeo-woon with an expression of disbelief. He had that look saying he knew Ji-gu would react this way. Lee Yeo-woon always teases him too much. …Not that he disliked it, of course.

“Ji-gu-ya. You….”

“Yes.”

“Want to live together after you graduate college?”

“…”

What?

This time, Yoon Ji-gu truly lost his words. His footsteps came to an abrupt halt.

This time, he was even more speechless than when Yeo-woon had called him by his full name, unable to form proper words. It was good, obviously incredibly good, but it was so sudden and surprising that he could barely breathe.

“These days, when I’m hanging out at your place, I don’t want to go home. Even though it’s right next door.”

“…”

“I’m not saying this lightly. It’s not a joke.”

Yeo-woon stepped closer and gazed up at him intently. Receiving his full attention, Ji-gu fidgeted uncomfortably.

“What if we fight when we live together? They say when you live together, you start seeing flaws you didn’t notice before.”

“Then we’ll fight.”

“…What?”

“I said we’ll fight. And then make up afterward.”

…He’s right? Lee Yeo-woon is a genius.

“What do you think?”

“I…”

Ji-gu felt pathetic. Unlike himself who hadn’t even dared to bring it up out of fear, once again Yeo-woon had done it first. Living together – it was such a simple thing to say. Of course, I want to, damn it. But why am I always like this? He beat me to it again. I should’ve said it first.

“You’re saying you want to, right?”

“No. Why do you always state the obvious… sniff…”

…Ah, I feel like crying again… Ji-gu tightly closed his eyes, trying to swallow back the tears that were halfway formed. Sniffling, he nodded his head. Yeo-woon, standing right in front of him, laughed with shaking shoulders.

I won’t cry. Really.

“Ah… damn…”

But that wasn’t as easy as he’d hoped.

“Ah, why are you crying again.”

Yeo-woon looked up at his boyfriend who was dropping tears with his head bowed low.

“Because I’m grateful…”

Before he could finish speaking, another wave of tears surged up. Even as Yeo-woon wiped his eyes with his palm, thick tears kept falling.

Watching him with his eyes all red and his shoulders occasionally shaking somehow made Yeo-woon keep laughing.

“Ji-gu-ya.”

When his name was called, Ji-gu’s wet eyes turned toward Yeo-woon. The tears that had been pooled and reflecting light rolled down his cheeks in round drops. Yeo-woon couldn’t help but laugh softly.

“Anyone watching would think you just got proposed to. It’s not a big deal, Ji-gu-ya. It’s just living together. And I’m not even asking to move in right now, just asking if you’d be okay with it in advance, so why are you already getting emotional?”

“Ah, damn. I don’t know…”

How could you understand my heart.

“How long are you going to cry?”

“I’m not crying!”

Ji-gu leaned his head on Yeo-woon’s shoulder and sniffled. Lee Yeo-woon was absolutely delighted by how his words and actions didn’t match.

“Then what’s this? Snot?”

Now he just laughed instead of comforting someone who was crying. Isn’t that really mean? Yoon Ji-gu vowed revenge. Damn you, Lee Yeo-woon! Next time, I’ll propose first! I’ll make you cry at least once too! I won’t let you beat me next time.

…For real this time.

Seriously, just wait and see.

***

When he suddenly opened his eyes, it was 7 a.m.

‘Crap, work!’

As Yeo-woon sat up at that thought, seeing Yoon Ji-gu hugging his waist made him realize it was Saturday. A deflated sigh escaped involuntarily. Somehow waking up early on a weekend morning feels like a loss.

“Ah, now I’m fully awake.”

Seeing how quiet it was outside, it seemed Bbosong was still sleeping too. Yeo-woon carefully lay back down and turned to face the side.

Ji-gu had a habit of sleeping while hugging something, and even if deliberately separated, by morning he would always be clinging to Yeo-woon. He brushed Ji-gu’s hair with his fingers. Ji-gu’s long eyelashes twitched, and his slightly parted lips let out a soft puff of air. Even when touching his cheeks, poking the mole under his eye, or stroking his hair, Ji-gu didn’t move at all.

“…Why isn’t he ugly even while sleeping?”

Yeo-woon muttered to himself. Once asleep, Ji-gu slept so deeply that he wouldn’t notice if someone carried him away. Being a heavy morning sleeper, unless deliberately shaken awake, he rarely woke up before Yeo-woon.

So whenever Yeo-woon slept together with Ji-gu, it had become a habit to wake up and blankly stare at Ji-gu’s face the next morning. Sometimes he’d fall back asleep like this, or play with Ji-gu until he felt like getting up.

Ji-gu was already deeply embedded in his life to the point where this routine had become habitual. Actually, they were already half living together now, so combining their belongings probably wouldn’t change much.

“Ji-gu-ya.”

Naturally, there was no response. While it was obvious since he was sleeping, why did it make Yeo-woon want to keep teasing him? He slipped his hand under the blanket and played with Ji-gu’s thigh. Only then did Ji-gu squirm slightly, seeming a bit uncomfortable.

“Graduate quickly. Let’s live together.”

At the whispered words, Ji-gu nodded in his sleep. Making an unintelligible sound in his sleep talk, he smacked his lips and tightened his grip around Yeo-woon. Pulled tightly into Ji-gu’s embrace, Yeo-woon couldn’t help but laugh aloud.

Enjoying the warm body temperature, he alternately kissed Ji-gu’s cheeks and lips. Ji-gu probably doesn’t know he kissed his cheeks every morning. If he knew, his face would turn bright red again and he’d mumble, ‘Why are you kissing me as you please, well, not that I don’t like it.’

He pinched and pulled at Ji-gu’s cheek. While sleeping Ji-gu was nice, truthfully Yeo-woon preferred it when he would startle like a live fish at his kisses. Their legs tangled under the blanket.

“Mmnn…”

“Sleep more.”

Yeo-woon reached out to embrace his soundly sleeping lover and patted his back. It was amusing how he fell back asleep with a relieved expression when told to sleep more. The rhythmic patting gradually slowed, and at some point, even Yeo-woon unknowingly drifted off to sleep.

There will be countless mornings like this from now on. Thinking that somehow made Yeo-woon’s heart feel full.