TIN 153

“……”

It felt like time had stopped. The unfamiliar drumbeat continued to be heard in my dazed ears. Thump, thump, thump… That foreign beat was excessively clear even as my mind was fading.

“I was worried because you’re not healthy…”

What Joo Do-hwa was saying wasn’t that important. If you don’t get enough nutrients, it won’t grow properly, and if something goes wrong, Hyung will be in danger too. That kind of bullshit that should never come out of his mouth.

“But it’s still okay.”

Still. Why did that word sound so meaningful? Was it because his voice was too quiet, or because the thumping beat had suddenly stopped?

I didn’t know, but what he had put on the bed was a cell phone. He seemed to have played a recorded sound, and he took the cell phone and stared at me intently. Only Joo Do-hwa’s voice was heard again in the now silent surroundings.

“Hyung.”

That damn Hyung. I chewed on the inside of my lip and squeezed my eyes shut before opening them. Ironically, the voice that followed was as kind as could be.

“Tell me if there’s anything you want to eat.”

“……”

“Anything you can eat.”

Well, I don’t think there’s anything like that. I knew that I couldn’t even swallow water properly, so he had fed me a few times through my lips while I was asleep. Even then, I couldn’t eat it properly and often drooled.

“You’re scared of needles too… I need to take this out quickly.”

His fingertips traced the wrist where the needle was inserted. The mottled, bruised skin could be seen beyond the bandages that were stuck all over it. It was okay at first, but as time went on, it throbbed more and more.

“You’re really going to die like this.”

I felt a pleasant sensation for the first time in a long time at the warning that came out at the end. Wasn’t he the one who brought me here like this to die? I’ve even fallen into the sea on my own, so how could he think I’d be afraid of something like that?

I wanted to answer that I wished it would be so. If I were to slowly wither away like this, it wouldn’t be a future I had chosen with my own hands. It would be an opportunity to console myself that it was an unavoidable event without any guilt or pangs of conscience.

“……”

However, none of those words came out of my barely moving lips. The breath that escaped like air leaking out was smaller than the heartbeat I had heard a moment ago. The pain that throbbed like a pulse in the wrist where the needle was inserted seemed to overlap with the beat I had just heard.

I realized for the first time that a baby’s heartbeat is this fast. It was completely different from the throbbing that was transmitted from the chest when I was held in that person’s arms, or when a child who was just young comforted me. The small but clear sound told me that ‘it’ was clearly a part of life.

I’m not trying to talk about beautiful emotions like emotion. My calm heart is greatly agitated, and my chest is turbulent like waves. It’s a feeling that’s close to unpleasant for me, even if digging deeper might reveal something different.

Yes, like the strange feeling I felt when the old man held my hand someday.

“Seaweed…”

The food that suddenly came to mind flowed out of my mouth even though I didn’t intend to. I don’t know if it was just a whim or a sliver of will that had sprouted. Maybe it was a small conscience that I hadn’t even noticed.

“…Seaweed porridge.”

I think I could swallow that. That warm, watery food that Seo-kyung used to make for me.

“Seaweed porridge?”

Joo Do-hwa accurately understood the small voice that seemed to break off. He muttered lowly and then got up from his seat right away. Then, he turned around, adding briefly.

“Just wait a little.”

The footsteps leaving the room were much more hurried than usual. He wondered if it was just his imagination, but he left the door, which would normally be tightly shut, half-open as he left the room. Even so, I just stared blankly at the open door.

＊ ＊ ＊

Thirty minutes later, Joo Do-hwa came with seaweed porridge. It looked appetizing to anyone, and the smell wasn’t bad either. But I threw up everything I ate after only two bites.

＊ ＊ ＊

I was sure I could eat it, but reality was different from what I thought. The food that tasted delicious in my imagination felt disgusting when I actually ate it. As soon as something touched the tip of my tongue, I felt nauseous and couldn’t stand it.

The food that Joo Do-hwa brought was objectively delicious to anyone. The ingredients were undoubtedly top-notch, and the chef who made the food must have been a renowned expert. In fact, when I first came to this house, I remember being surprised that such delicious food existed.

But I couldn’t eat it. He kept bringing seaweed porridge, but I couldn’t chew and swallow even a single bite properly. Once, I even threw up on his clothes, but he just sighed for some unknown reason and wiped my mouth.

One more nutritional supplement was added to the dangling ones, and the time I was awake gradually decreased. In the end, Joo Do-hwa brought some unknown candy, which I was thankfully able to suck on. Of course, I often fell asleep as if fainting while eating it.

“Lee Yuna is coming.”

After a few days, Joo Do-hwa, who came to my room, mentioned a familiar name. He unwrapped the candy he had brought and naturally put it in my mouth. While I was rolling the sour candy in my mouth, he added calmly.

“She won’t come again after today.”

“…….”

Is this the time to ask why? Frankly, I wasn’t curious or wanted to know. She came because she’s his fiancée, and she won’t come again because there’s some reason.

But Joo Do-hwa, clutching the rustling wrapper in his hand, asked me.

“Do you want to meet her?”

I didn’t answer, but he arranged a meeting with Lee Yuna on his own. He didn’t dress me in a buttoned shirt, nor did he set a time limit, saying he would give me five minutes. He just said, ‘Yuna was worried,’ and went to get her.

I didn’t even have to go down to the drawing room. Just as I was dozing off in bed, Lee Yuna came to my room. I lifted my eyelids at the unfamiliar presence, and a familiar face was visible a few steps away.

“…….”

“…….”

It was impossible to even say, ‘It’s been a while.’ Our eyes met, but no one opened their mouth. As always, Lee Yuna, neatly dressed, just stared at me with her mouth tightly shut.

Her blue eyes looked particularly dark today. Her face, which always had a confident smile, was stiff as if she was angry. Without getting closer or further away, she started briefly.

“It’s been a month.”

Has it already been a month? Going to that island, meeting Lee Yuna there, and finding out about Yoon Ji-soo’s whereabouts. The past time was like an arrow, and all those things felt like a past life.

“I heard you were sick.”

The one word she carefully took out was half wrong. To be exact, it was ambiguous to say I was sick. If she meant my broken leg, it wasn’t that it hurt, but that it still hurts.

“I heard. That you can’t eat.”

“…….”

I blinked and opened my eyes. I tried to answer, but I still couldn’t put any strength into my body. No, in fact, I didn’t have much motivation to answer.

“The chef in this house has changed five times…”

Lee Yuna, who spoke as if to herself, came to me. I would have felt a faint pheromone normally, but I didn’t feel anything from her now. I couldn’t help but know that she had deliberately suppressed it.

“I guess their skills aren’t very good. You’ve become half a skeleton.”

“…….”

I couldn’t laugh. I hadn’t seen a mirror in a while, so I couldn’t deny those words. I don’t know, but the expression ‘skeleton’ probably isn’t an exaggeration.

“Why isn’t your leg healed yet?”

It’s not that it’s not healed, but that it got hurt again. Joo Do-hwa completely broke what was just a sprain.

But this time, instead of explaining anything, I just smiled. Lee Yuna frowned at the smile that came out like a deflating balloon. Maybe my appearance was very grotesque.

“…….”

“…….”

For a while, no words were exchanged again. The atmosphere, filled with silence, was awkward even for me, who was lying still. I don’t want to show this side of me to others, but why can’t even this be as I want it to be?

“Joo Do-hwa…”

Just as I was thinking of the culprit of everything, the same person’s name came out of Lee Yuna’s mouth. But Lee Yuna couldn’t continue her words for a long time after she started.

Lee Yuna, who opened her mouth and closed it again, and even clicked her tongue briefly, swept back her fallen hair.

“He wants to break off our engagement.”

“…Ah.”

Divorce. The moment I heard those two words, an exclamation burst out. Not because I was surprised by Lee Yuna’s words, but because I finally understood what Joo Do-hwa had said.

‘She won’t come again after today.’

They’re breaking off the engagement. This sluggish engagement is coming to an end. It seems that the promise only for business is coming to an end.

“I won. That bet.”

I know what bet Lee Yuna is talking about. The conversations we had sitting side by side at the table when I first met him.

‘Shall we make a bet?’

“…….”

‘Whether Joo Do-hwa will marry me as is, or break off the engagement to be with you.’