TTRIA 41

It was not difficult to realize that it was a dream.

A passageway found in a hidden wall, and the door he faced after passing through it. What a contradiction of senses, feeling both as ornate as one from the mansion and as shabby as one from a villa somewhere. Thanks to the door’s ever-changing impression, he quickly became aware that this was not reality.

But as dreams often go, Jeff was not flustered and stopped in front of the door. The space that had been taking shape at some point collapsed, and only darkness remained, but the door before his eyes stood firm. Since there was no wall to block him, he could have seen the scenery beyond the door if he had gone around to the side. For some reason, Jeff only stood squarely in front of the door, thinking.

Of the moment he would open the door. And of the figure that would exist beyond it.

He pictured a slender woman covered in red spots. A long body and sharp legs would be revealed beneath his pristine white feet. If he opened the door, would she attack him with those sharp forelegs?

Like ☐☐, who left a long scar on his forearm?

Wait a moment. But wasn’t that his own scar, not anyone else’s? Why was he recalling it as if it belonged to someone else….

‘No. That’s not my wound. That was definitely…. Or was it? Was that my wound? But what am I thinking right now?’

Suddenly, his mind was a jumbled mess. He could not tell what was right and what was wrong. All he could see was the door before him, and he was just standing there, with only the choice to open the door or not. The deliberation was short. He could not just stare at the door forever, after all.

When he opened the door, someone was there, just as he had expected.

He felt a figure, buried in darkness, turn to look at him. Jeff took a slow step forward. He carefully reached a hand out toward the figure, which was drawn only as a silhouette. The figure took a step back. A sense of urgency somehow arose. Jeff hurriedly grabbed the figure’s hand. At that moment, he met two piercing blue eyes in the darkness.

‘Ah, it was you….’

A wave of relief washed over him at the familiar color.

‘Yes, it was you. The one I met was….’

A fragile man, crouched pitifully. A being who had looked at him gently with transparent, moist eyes. Yes, the one I found in that annex in the forest.

‘…Cecil.’

It had been this man.

‘You were here.’

Jeff smiled softly and pulled the figure’s arm. The figure moved along with the pull. But in that instant.

Crunch― He heard the sound of something being stepped on and crumbling. Startled, Jeff blankly lowered his head. His gaze became fixed on the fragilely broken debris beneath the figure’s feet.

‘…….’

Brutally torn blue wings.

‘Why….’

Jeff, who had been looking in disbelief, raised his head. The blue eyes of the figure he faced again held a different light than before.

‘I told you so, Jeff.’

The figure said.

‘To be suspicious of everything in the mansion.’

“Gasp…!”

His breath burst out harshly, as if he had been suddenly pulled up from deep water. Jeff stared blankly at the unfamiliar ceiling. His head throbbed with a dull ache, and his stomach felt twisted and nauseous. On top of that, his entire body felt heavy and sinking, as if he had taken some kind of drug.

“Damn it, what is this….”

Just as he was trying to push himself up while panting for breath, Jeff stopped moving at the warmth he felt on the back of his hand. When he slowly turned his head, the crown of a black-haired head came into view. Cecil was holding his hand, his head bowed. His forehead was pressed against Jeff’s hand, looking as tranquil as someone earnestly praying for something.

“…Cecil?”

As soon as the surprised Jeff sat up, the old mattress creaked and scattered stale dust. Cough, Jeff coughed lightly and finally looked around his surroundings. The space revealed under the faintly flickering light was unexpectedly different.

“Cecil, this place is….”

The first thing that caught his eye was the densely stacked wooden boxes. Words like ‘Wigs,’ ‘Costumes,’ and ‘Props’ were written on the boxes, and from some of the boxes with open lids, things like old hats and faded feather decorations poked out.

In addition, on one wall, there was a long rod and hooks for hanging props. Masks, imitation jewels, and ornate swords were hanging from the hooks, and some of the masks had their paint peeled off, giving them a hideous impression.

Rusted candlesticks and broken glass bottles. Old cloaks and military uniforms. Dresses that hinted at their era and various iron signs. Old posters and furniture were scattered about chaotically among small props whose names he could not even identify.

The festival of items, completely lacking in any sense of uniformity, allowed him to vaguely guess the identity of this place.

“What the. Why are we here….”

Jeff, who had turned to look at Cecil with a bewildered expression, froze. It was because the man holding his hand was still motionless with his head bowed.

“Cecil, what’s wrong.”

No answer came back. What on earth was wrong? Jeff leaned his upper body forward with a worried heart. As he moved closer as if to check his expression and gently pulled the hand he was holding, Cecil’s hand surprisingly lowered obediently. The face revealed in that way made Jeff’s heart drop.

“…Cecil.”

His somber, sunken eyes were bloodshot. His tightly shut lips were also a mess from being chewed on so much. Cecil looked at Jeff with a bone-dry face. Even though they were facing each other, his gaze wavered 불안하게, as if wandering somewhere. Jeff could not bring himself to say a word. He realized that he was the one who had made him this way. Only then did the memories from just before he lost consciousness come back clearly.

“…Cecil.”

The voice that broke the silence was low and cautious. There was no reply. Jeff parted his lips to speak again, but his throat was choked up, and the words did not come easily. Only after swallowing dryly and composing his breath could the words barely come out.

“You must have been really scared. But I’m okay. I’m fine now….”

“Never again.”

A low, hoarse voice abruptly cut him off.

“…I’m never sending you alone again.”

The end of that voice was laced with a pathetic tremor, and,

“Never again….”

Cecil, who was tightly gripping their intertwined hands, added.

“Never leave me alone again….”

“……”

“If we’re together, maybe I, just once, …could be of help.”

“…Cecil.”

“Maybe I could protect you, too.”

A hand cautiously approached and rested on Jeff’s forehead. For some reason, he could not fully feel the texture and warmth of his skin. Even the pain felt dull, which made Jeff curious, so he touched his own forehead. A bandage was wrapped around it. Cecil had been hovering, unable to even touch it.

“…Then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt like this.”

Cecil bit his lip as if trying to swallow down his surging emotions. His already abused lips were stained with teeth marks and small drops of blood. It looked painful enough to make one’s stomach ache. Jeff, feeling angry for some reason, reached out and stopped Cecil’s self-harm.

“Stop it. That hurts.”

“…It doesn’t hurt.”

“It hurts me. Me, who is looking at you. So I’m telling you to stop.”

Suddenly, strength entered Cecil’s conflicted gaze. The hand that snatched away the hand touching his lips was rough, and his blue eyes were filled with an irrepressible resentment.

“Hurts? This little thing?”

“Cecil.”

“Then how do you think I feel, looking at you.”

The voice that burst out between suppressed breaths reached him painfully. For a moment, Jeff felt at a complete loss.

“Cecil, what I mean is….”

“You, who appeared covered in blood…, me, who had to watch you collapse, my feelings are…!”

With a terribly hoarse voice, Cecil was trembling in fear.

“Just like you can see my wounds, I can see you too. Because you can see the other person’s appearance right away.”

“……”

“Don’t get hurt, please. Every time I see you hurt, I….”

His calloused fingertips strongly clutched the fabric of his clothes near his chest. The wrinkles in the crumpled fabric looked like the expression of a person screaming.

“…feel like I’m being choked. I can’t breathe.”

Even the faint voice that followed felt like a wail. And for some reason, that made his own throat feel hot, so Jeff had no choice but to swallow dryly. Nevertheless, the sharp heat did not subside, and the answer came down like a revelation, guiding Jeff. In the form of a voice.

“I’m sorry.”

How scared Cecil must have been, having to face his wrecked appearance. How much time had passed since he lost consciousness. With what kind of heart had he stayed by his side during that time. How much he must have hated him for spouting nonsense instead of seriously facing him, even after waking up and seeing his condition and knowing his temperament. Jeff only now dared to try and understand.

“I was wrong.”

“……”

“I’m sorry for making you worry. You’re right.”

Looking deeply into his eyes, Jeff made a quiet promise.

“From now on, I won’t act alone. And I won’t leave you alone either.”

A faint wetness welled up in the deeply sunken blue eyes. After staring for a long time with those eyes that weakened one’s resolve, Cecil opened his mouth.

“…Promise me. That from now on, you’ll always keep me by your side.”

“Okay. I promise.”

“The whole time I was watching you while you were unconscious, I thought. I should have followed you. Even if I couldn’t go in with you, I should have waited outside the door.”

His blue gaze wavered and rested on Jeff’s forehead.

“If I had, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt alone….”

Deep self-reproach was seeped into his voice.

“I hate myself for just waiting so peacefully, not even knowing what had happened to you.”

“Cecil, that’s not your fault….”

“Even if you hadn’t been able to get out safely… I would have just kept waiting for you.”

“…Cecil.”

“Thinking that your conversation with your friend was just getting long. Just waiting endlessly like that… I would have only realized after everything was over. Like an idiot.”

At the terribly gloomy self-deprecation, Jeff’s breath hitched. As he watched him, unable to speak because he did not know what to say, Cecil added.

“So from now on, I will always be by your side.”

“……”

“I don’t want to helplessly watch you get hurt anymore.”

I can protect you too. A resolute will could be felt in the voice and expression he added. Jeff looked into his face and recalled a conversation from some time ago.

“I’ve never been outside the mansion…. I’m too inexperienced. I’ll be a hindrance. In the end, I will….”

A coldly pale cheek and an unsteadily wavering gaze.

“I’ll end up holding you back, …you’ll be in danger because of me in the end.”

And the fear he had uttered with a pathetically trembling voice. It had not even been a full month, yet. The Cecil before his eyes now was different from back then. Jeff was genuinely happy about the change in how he faced his fear. That is why he smiled and met Cecil’s eyes.

“Then let’s do this.”

Thump. Jeff’s hand touched the area over Cecil’s heart.

“From now on, your heart is mine.”

“Jeff, what does that….”

“For this beat to not stop, I’ll have to protect you.”

The warm body heat and pulse transmitted to his palm. That must be the proof of being alive.

“In return, you get my heart.”

Jeff pulled Cecil’s hand and brought it to his own heart, grinning.

“If you don’t want to see this stop, you’ll have to protect it desperately too.”

“……”

“It seems like neither you nor I care much about our own bodies. So if we think of it as having swapped hearts like this and try to protect each other….”

“……”

“Don’t you think we could live quite safely?”

Considering how a small wound on the other person shakes his heart more than his own well-being. If that is the case, would it not be better for each of them to do what they are good at? They would surely be able to protect themselves better than they do now. Since there will be someone who looks after me more than I do, and I will be there to look after him even more than that.

“So don’t treat your body recklessly.”

Jeff curled the hand he had placed on Cecil’s chest and gave it a light tap, then smiled.

“You have to take care of your body so my heart won’t be strained.”

“…What is that.”

It sounded like it burst out grumpily, but the end of it was laced with a hint of a laugh. His stiff expression had also softened at some point. Jeff felt relieved and looked down at Cecil’s hand touching his heart. Just then, Cecil muttered softly.

“My heart.”

The moment those words slipped through his dry lips. Jeff unconsciously became aware of his own heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Thump. He felt his heart begin to beat rapidly, almost as soon as he registered the spreading warmth. And that must have been transmitted to Cecil’s palm not just as a sound, but as a sensation as well.

Flustered, Jeff grabbed Cecil’s hand and pulled it down. But Cecil had already leaned his upper body forward and was pressing his ear against Jeff’s heart. He wrapped his arms around Jeff’s waist, which had frozen in a flinch, and listened to the heartbeat before opening his mouth.

“It’s loud.”

“That’s….”

“You’re right, Jeff.”

His voice continued in a low tone, like he was talking to himself.

“I don’t want this to stop. Just like now, continuously like this….”

“……”

“I want it to beat.”

Cecil, who was whispering softly, rubbed his cheek against him. As if to hear the sound more deeply. He pressed closer, leaning his body against him. Held in a tight embrace, forced to reveal the raw state of his heart, Jeff had no choice but to hold his breath. He could have pushed him away, but for some reason, it was difficult to do so.

In the meantime, his heart reacted faithfully. It moved quickly and held a loud thrum. Cecil, who had been listening with his eyes closed, moved his head. He looked up with a rather surprised expression and parted his lips.

“Jeff, your heart is….”

But before he could finish his sentence, Cecil’s mouth was blocked.

“I know.”

Jeff carefully removed the hand that had covered Cecil’s mouth and avoided his gaze. The corners of his eyes were red, like a child flushed with fever.

“I know too, so….”

“……”

“…Stop talking.”

A strange heat was imbued in the voice that leaked out between suppressed breaths. The reverberation flowed through the air and settled in Cecil’s ear, and soon it spread a ticklish warmth as if it were contagious. Cecil felt himself becoming somewhat short of breath.

Jeff.

The sound flowed from between his lips, which had been moving without him realizing it. The owner of the heart that was still beating loudly. The man before him, who flinched his sturdy shoulders and slowly turned his gaze to him.

He had not even intended to make a sound. Musing over the name that had slipped out unconsciously, Cecil reached out his hand. Jeff, who looked like he wanted to run away at any moment, meekly accepted Cecil’s touch. Following the movement that cupped his chin, he straightened his head and made eye contact. It was an expression Cecil had never seen before. Cecil parted his lips toward Jeff, who was looking at him wordlessly.

“…Hey, Jeff.”

“……”

“By any chance, do you… me….”

Just then, the voice that was emerging amidst a strange tension stopped. It was because the sound of footsteps could be heard. Before they could even turn their heads, startled, the tightly shut door was flung open.

“Jeff? You’re awake. Are you okay?”

“Amy….”

Amy, who appeared with her back to the dim light, hurriedly approached. Ego was with him. Cecil moved away from Amy as she came closer and hugged Ego. Was it relief or disappointment? Jeff, who swallowed a sigh at the complex feeling, turned his gaze to look at Amy.

“How’s your head. Are you dizzy or nauseous?”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t just give a vague answer.”

“…My stomach is a bit queasy, but not enough to throw up.”

“I thought so, so I brought some water. Drink it. You’ll feel a bit better.”

“Thanks, Amy.”

Just as Amy said, drinking the water made him feel much clearer. Amy gave a bitter smile at Jeff, who had emptied the water in one go. Soon, he lowered his head and offered an apology.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because you got hurt because of Jonny.”

“…Just how much do you know. And where is this place.”

As Jeff looked around, Amy answered.

“It’s the theater troupe’s prop storage. This was the only place we could hide right away. I didn’t think my house would be safe either.”

“A theater troupe, you say. Don’t tell me it’s Jonny’s?”

“No way. This is the warehouse of the theater troupe I work for. You don’t have to worry.”

“Wait, the theater troupe you work for? Weren’t you working as a teacher?”

Could it be that everything was Jonny’s lie? Jeff let out a hollow laugh and wrinkled his brow. I knew it. Jonny Max, that damn bastard. Amy, who muttered a curse under his breath, shook his head with a sigh.

“No. I work as a playwright at the theater troupe. Jonny lied.”

“You’re a playwright too?”

“Yeah. And just so you know, I started this work first. Jonny, that guy….”

Amy paused for a moment and calmed his ragged breath. His tightly shut eyes and firm-set mouth seemed to speak of his complex state of mind. The words he let out next made Jeff gasp in shock.

“Jonny, that damn bastard, became a playwright by stealing my writing.”

“Then does that mean ‘that’ shadow story… was written by you?”

“Yes. That play you saw. That was originally my story. Though that bastard ruined it all.”