TTRIA 47

“What? Weren’t you two on a date?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

Jeff answered on behalf of Cecil, who was smiling awkwardly. Amy sighed with a disappointed expression.

“If it wasn’t a date, what have you been doing all this time? You guys are really no fun.”

“We were just walking around a bit because there was something we needed to look into. And please, I’m begging you, stop talking nonsense.”

Why are you trying to find entertainment from us? Jeff, who had sat down in an empty seat with Cecil, retorted as if he was fed up. Amy, who grumbled about how ungraciously he received her attention, soon wore a puzzled expression.

“But wait a minute. If it’s something to look into here… Did you perhaps find it?”

Amy’s gaze was fixed on Cecil at the same time as she spoke. The meaning implied by that gaze was clear. It was a question of whether he had discovered an ‘existence’ like Cecil in this city. Because he already knew as well. The fact that Cecil was an existence with the shadow of an ‘insect’.

The one who had brought up the topic first was Amy.

“We have something to talk about, don’t we?”

The days had passed in a blur of preparing for the regional tour, in addition to creating their forged identities. On the evening before the day of their full-fledged departure. Amy had come to Jeff, who was taking a short break.

“I don’t know when I’ll be able to say this if not now. I have to say it now.”

The unfinished story began that way. It was the truth of the story of the villa, which he had heard from Johnny’s mouth and encountered through the play.

“The one who found that child’s existence wasn’t Johnny, it was me.”

Amy’s voice continued slowly, as if weighed down by the burden of memory.

“The first thing that child said was ‘I’m hungry’.”

Following the presence she sensed from beyond the door, Amy heard a voice that had been desperately raised. It was a desperate and weary sound. He had been starving ever since finishing the meal the previous maid had packed for him before she left. Surprised, Amy tried to open the door to check the condition of the person inside. However, the owner of the voice refused to show himself, citing a skin disease.

“There was a small window in the door for serving meals. I pushed meals through that window whenever I had a chance. At night, I talked with that child. He was lonely and timid, but he was a foolishly kind child. He didn’t even resent his grandmother who had confined him. Rather, he said he understood. He was truly pure and affectionate.”

One day, while they were gradually building a relationship like that. Johnny caught them in their midnight rendezvous. He found the hidden existence in the villa unsettling. When he learned about the contagious skin disease, he showed his blatant disgust. But at the same time, he began to harbor curiosity. Because although he pretended to be indifferent on the outside, he would secretly eavesdrop on their conversations.

Curiosity gradually turned into an uncontrollable thirst, and eventually, he entered the girl’s room while Amy was asleep. The sight Johnny encountered was different from his imagination. The girl did not have a skin disease. His skin was clean, and he possessed an unbelievably beautiful appearance.

Johnny approached the girl as if possessed. The moment he was about to touch his white, smooth skin, the girl opened his eyes. Startled, he couldn’t even scream and tried to hide himself in a corner of the room, and Johnny followed him. His mind was filled with confusion and a strange excitement. Then, suddenly, he realized something was strange.

The girl’s shadow, faintly visible even in the darkness.

That it was in the shape of an insect, not a person.

Small, sharp legs. A slender, long body. Johnny instinctively trembled in fear, but that feeling soon turned into curiosity. Johnny tried to uncover the truth by comparing the shadow and the girl’s true form.

The girl, terrified, resisted. He swung the remnants of a broken water glass, desperately trying to protect himself. In the process, he scratched Johnny’s arm, and Johnny, who thought he had been attacked, became enraged. By the time Amy, who had noticed the commotion, found them, Johnny was raising his hand towards the girl.

“At that time, really… my vision went black.”

Horror and anger engulfed Amy. He immediately grabbed Johnny and dragged him out of the room. Taking that opportunity, the terrified girl ran away. Amy hurriedly followed him.

Under the large full moon, the girl crossed the forest barefoot. His sharp shoulders and thin back were clearly visible in the darkness. He had a pitifully small frame. Amy did not stop walking even after witnessing the shadow revealed under the moonlight.

Not long after, he came face to face with the girl who had collapsed helplessly. The girl was curled up, trying to hide his shadow. His small, slender hands were trembling uncontrollably, and tears glistened in his eyes. Amy saw the shadow revealed beneath his small body, but he was not afraid of him. He simply understood everything.

Why the girl had to be locked up alone. Why his life had no choice but to be isolated. Realizing that, Amy wanted to protect the girl. However, Johnny’s existence was too great a threat to the girl.

“I couldn’t just let Johnny leave alone either. I couldn’t trust him. Because he would try to reveal that child’s existence to the outside world. So…”

He made a decision. To leave the villa with Johnny. And that was also the girl’s wish.

“I didn’t know how that child, left alone, would survive. But even that was that child’s choice. There was nothing more I could do.”

Amy, who was staring into the air as if painting a memory, whispered.

“After leaving that place, I wrote whenever I thought of that child. It was a piece of writing that I would keep to myself without revealing it to anyone. I thought that child might be in danger if it was revealed to the world.”

Amy gave a bitter smile.

“But Johnny stole it. In the end, that writing was revealed to the world. But do you know what’s funny?”

Amy, with his head down, looked at the trembling of his own fingertips. His choked voice became even lower.

“Even though I thought I had to conceal it… the truth is, I was curious too. I wanted to see that sight again. That’s why I didn’t stop Johnny strongly.”

“…Amy.”

“In the end, I was no different from Johnny.”

He mocked himself with his head bowed.

“Contrary to my worries, people didn’t think that story was real. I guess I forgot that there are cases where people don’t believe you even when you tell them. Well, who would believe it. A person with the shadow of an insect. I didn’t believe it either until I saw it. Even the things you said when you were young.”

“That’s true.”

Jeff smiled dryly. For him, the experience of not being believed even when he shouted the truth was a familiar one.

“On the other hand, I was relieved because of that. No matter how much it’s dug up, most people won’t believe it. Besides, you don’t usually pay much attention to things like shadows. So Johnny will never be able to prove that child’s existence. Unless he brings that child himself, or keeps an existence like him by his side…”

Amy, who had raised his head at some point and was looking at Jeff, continued.

“I once heard news about the noblewoman through the lady who introduced me to the villa job. She said she passed away not long after we left. The villa was demolished, and that child probably left too. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. But at least it’s become difficult for Johnny to find that child… I just hope he’s doing well wherever he is. And…”

I hoped the same for you, Amy added bitterly.

“To think I’d meet you at the theater… And to think we’d end up spending time together like this, it’s something I truly never imagined. Fate is a strange thing. The fact that I ran into you then, and that such a thing happened to me before I met you… It might sound ridiculous, Jeff. But all of it feels like an inevitability given to me to meet you again.”

To help him. And so that he could understand him.

“The reason you killed someone and are on the run… it’s because of that existence with the shadow, isn’t it?”

Amy carefully continued, towards Jeff who was looking at him without a word.

“And Cecil is that very existence.”

“…When did you figure it out?”

Jeff asked with a sigh. Amy, who was calmly facing him, took a short breath and opened his mouth.

“The day you got hurt because of Johnny. When you ran away with Cecil supporting you. I smelled a scent from him. It was a scent that felt strangely familiar, and from the moment I recognized it, I felt a strange sense of unease from him. It’s hard to explain in words… but what should I say. It was like looking at a well-made doll rather than a person?”

It wasn’t long ago that he realized where the sense of unease from the ‘scent’ he had felt from him originated.

“Come to think of it, that child also had a nice scent. It was very faint, but it was a unique scent I had never smelled anywhere else… Like the scent coming from Cecil. That’s how I figured it out. That Cecil might be the same kind of existence as that child.”

Amy quietly looked at Jeff.

“And I think the fundamental reason you’re being chased is related to Cecil. Am I right?”

“……”

Jeff answered with silence. Amy let out a faint sigh.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through. I can only make a vague guess, but I can’t even dare to imagine its depth. But I know one thing. That you’re looking for an existence with the shadow of an insect. Even while having that existence right next to you.”

Jeff looked at Amy, still maintaining his silence.

“That means that either there’s nothing to be gained from Cecil, or perhaps you already know enough about that existence. But what’s certain is that you have no intention of proving their existence through Cecil. If your goal was to reveal the existence of those with the shadow of an insect to the world and prove what happened in the past, you could easily do it through Cecil. But you’re not doing that. Rather, you’re hiding together.”

“……”

“Are you trying to find a substitute for Cecil?”

“No.”

Jeff said firmly.

“Then are you trying to find the existence you met in the past? But you said he’s already dead.”

“Yes. He’s dead.”

Amy took a deep breath and asked again.

“…Jeff. I don’t understand. Then why on earth are you looking for it? Why are you on the run with Cecil? Who was the one who tried to kill you, and why did you have to make such a choice? The reason something like that happened to you…”

“Amy.”

Jeff cut him off.

“If it hadn’t been for your help, we would have been in real danger. I’m grateful for that. I’ll definitely repay you someday. But don’t try to find out any more. It’s not a good thing for you either. And honestly…”

Jeff slowly wiped his dry face. A deep sigh escaped from his lips.

“I don’t have the confidence to confess everything. I’m sorry.”

“……”

Amy, facing his pale face tinged with fatigue and anxiety, bit his lip. But he soon nodded calmly.

“Then just tell me one thing, Jeff.”

“What is it?”

“What are you looking for?”

Jeff hesitated for a moment before answering.

“A person who was in the same place as me. And the insects that existed there.”

And he added.

“There’s something I need to find out by finding them.”

“…Yeah, I get it now. You’re not just looking for that existence blindly. It’s not just about being an insect. There was a specific being, wasn’t there.”

“That’s right.”

Amy, letting out a groan, asked.

“Then where are the beings you’re looking for? Are you moving with the knowledge of where they are?”

“I don’t know at the moment. But I know the places they stayed in the past.”

“Okay. That’s something at least.”

Amy, with a chuckle, added playfully.

“It would be great if it was on our performance schedule, though.”

“It is.”

“Then the disguise is perfect and the travel is convenient… Wait, what did you say?”

“I said it’s on the performance schedule. And it’s a pretty close one at that.”

A flush of color spread across Jeff’s persistently pale face.

“The second city. The target I’m looking for is there.”

The performance in the second city also received a positive response. In the meantime, Jeff and Cecil had become quite accustomed to helping with the troupe’s work. They had reached the point of exchanging jokes with the members they had been awkward with, and they also managed to snatch moments of rest with some skill.

Whenever they did, Jeff and Cecil would visit the orphanage. It was to find out information about Robert Hales. However, they couldn’t hear any more stories than what they had obtained on the first day.

In the end, all that was left was the thin piece of information about the man who had led Robert Hales to become a tutor. A gentleman with brown hair. Who could he be? The hair color of the previous Gray, confirmed in the mansion’s banquet hall, was black like Wayne’s, so it couldn’t have been the predecessor himself who chose the candidates for tutors.

Jeff thought of the servants of the mansion. There were countless people with brown hair among them, and there was no way to find out now who had been a close aide to the predecessor. But what was certain was that there would be professional servants who scouted for humans to become sacrifices. They could be ‘insects’ like Hugo, or ‘humans’ like the butler.

In the end, the clues were cut off without even being able to confirm Robert Hales’s life or death. There was nothing more to be gained from this place. Nevertheless, Jeff did not stop visiting the orphanage. Perhaps it was because they had spent similar childhoods. The orphanage was not a very pleasant place, but looking at the children there, a strange sense of longing welled up.

On the other hand, it also reminded him of the mansion. The three young talented individuals who existed in the beautiful mansion. After the tutor disappeared, how were they doing?

Whenever their faces unconsciously tried to surface, Jeff would make an effort to push them away. Instead, he spent time helping the orphanage children with simple problem-solving. It was the same for Cecil. He mostly read books to children who were of a similar age to Sierra. His low, calm voice and precise pronunciation were enough to capture the children’s attention.

His voice was like a piece of music. While he was quietly reading the story, when the sound of a piano coming from somewhere mixed in, Cecil’s voice would become even softer and slower. Jeff knew. That his consciousness was directed towards the music. That the fingertips turning the pages would flinch as if reacting to the sound.

Because he would always find the sound even in the clamorous noise of the city.

The footsteps that stopped in front of the street musicians, the side profile that stopped at the music flowing from the shops. The blank stare as if following the sound, and the slowly closing eyes. It wasn’t difficult to guess what was being drawn beneath those eyelids. Jeff was engulfed in an indescribable emotion whenever he faced those clear eyelids.

He wanted to return the violin he had taken from him.

But that instrument was something Jeff could not afford. The fact angered him. And it saddened him. He had wanted to make him not regret leaving the mansion. He had wanted to create an environment where he could live in peace. Yet, he had not been able to do anything for him. That fact weighed heavily on Jeff’s chest.

It was on one such day. The conversation that the troupe members, who had finished their performance preparations, were having in small groups caught Jeff’s ear.

“Come to think of it, I heard you went to a jazz club last night? How was it?”

“Ah, it was truly fantastic. There was a violinist there, and his playing was out of this world.”

“……”

A violinist.

That word stuck in his ear like magic. The wiping motion with the cloth he was using to clean the props stopped. Jeff turned his head blankly. It was hard to tear his eyes away from the troupe member who was boasting about last night’s events with a face steeped in a strange excitement. Before he knew it, his body reacted first. Without realizing it, he stood up from his seat and strode towards them.

“Huh? Ian, what’s wrong?”

Jeff opened his mouth towards the troupe member who was widening his eyes in surprise.

“What you just said, could I hear a little about it too?”

And then he added, his eyes shining with a grim determination.

“That jazz club, where did you say it was?”

Cecil walked along the alley as Jeff led him. He asked where they were going and why they were in such a hurry, but Jeff did not give him an answer. His side profile was slightly stiff, as if he was nervous, and also seemed a little excited.

At the end of the alley, their steps stopped. When he lifted his head, a building with a flashing old neon sign appeared before his eyes. The sign that read ‘The Velvet String’ was shining red, illuminating the alley. Faint music was flowing from the underground stairs that spread out below the sign.

“Let’s go in.”

Jeff, pulling Cecil’s hand, went down the stairs. When they opened the door and stepped inside, the rich music that rushed in from all sides enveloped them.

The low bass rumbled the floor, and the drums set the rhythm with a heavy yet cheerful beat. The subsequent piano melody danced freely, filling the space. It was a performance where they exchanged notes as if in conversation. Among them, the violin held the center with a particularly captivating melody.

The warm yellow light that filled the dark interior, the scent of scented candles wafting from the small candle holders lit on each table. And the scent of cigarette smoke and whiskey mixed thickly in the air tickled the tip of his nose.

“This place is…”

“Cecil, this way.”

Jeff, leading the bewilderedly looking around Cecil, took a seat at a table. It was a spot right in front of the stage. Cecil fixed his gaze on the stage blankly. On the stage illuminated by the lights. The melody of the violinist playing on one side of it had captured his senses. Every time the musician moved his bow, Cecil felt a vibration that dug deep into his heart.

When the performance ended, cheers and applause erupted. The musician lowered his bow and raised one hand to express his gratitude. As the elderly violinist’s gaze swept across the room. It suddenly stopped on Cecil.

Cecil stared at him as if frozen. The musician, with a strange smile on his face, quietly gestured. As if telling him to come closer.

“I think he’s calling you.”

Jeff’s low whisper was heard in the ear of the flustered Cecil. His blue eyes turned to Jeff. Jeff smiled gently and squeezed his hand tightly.

“Go on up.”

“…Jeff.”

“It’s okay. You can trust him.”

“……”

The hesitating Cecil slowly rose from his seat. His carefully placed steps quickened as if drawn to the stage as he got closer. Finally, as he stepped onto the stage, the musician held out the violin to him. He checked the calluses on his fingertips and gave his silent permission with a satisfied smile.

“……”

Cecil looked down blankly at the violin he was holding for the first time in a long while. Knowing it was rude, he slowly stroked the smooth surface of the violin. A familiar yet unfamiliar sensation spread from his fingertips.

Before he knew it, Cecil naturally assumed his stance and held the bow. The piano played the first note, and the drums added a beat. He moved his arm as if possessed by something. Even though it was an unfamiliar piece of music, he gradually found his own sound. As time passed, the trajectory of the bow became more natural, and the sounds found each other and became one.

A hair-raising, sharp thrill swept through Cecil’s entire body. It was a vivid sensation he had never felt before. In that moment, he saw nothing. He was just breathing in a world where only sound existed.

How long had he been immersed in that flow? The moment he instinctively realized that all his senses were returning to their places. When he opened his eyes, Jeff was in his sight. He saw that face, smiling as if it were about to cry. He saw only him.

In that moment, Cecil realized.

That all of this was a gift that Jeff had created for him.

As the quietly swaying waves of sound subsided, applause and cheers filled the space. Cecil caught his breath and put down the bow. The lingering feeling on his fingertips did not disappear. The musician approached him as he was looking at his trembling hands.

“That was a good performance.”

Cecil, who had been staring blankly, expressed his gratitude and stepped down from the stage. His gaze was fixed on only one place. His steps towards Jeff gradually quickened. Jeff also rose from his seat and strongly embraced the Cecil who was heading towards him.

“It was a wonderful performance.”

That one phrase whispered in his ear resonated in Cecil’s chest. Cecil, who bit his lip tightly, buried his head in Jeff’s neck. The pounding heartbeat was transmitted from their pressed chests. His heart in his body, and Jeff’s heart in his body, were beating at a similar rhythm.

“I promise you, Cecil.”

Jeff, who had carefully pulled away, said, looking into Cecil’s eyes.

“I’ll get you a violin someday for sure.”

The moment he heard those words, Cecil could not suppress the surging emotions. The hand, still holding the thrill of the performance, cupped Jeff’s cheek. The moment Jeff’s eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected touch, Cecil lowered his head.