UPLB Ch 14

In the end, Choi Sungbin was the one who moved first. He pulled his hips back and then thrust in, deep and hard. Leaving himself embedded, he pressed his lower body in even deeper. At the repetitive movement, Yang Juwon endured it by letting out short, cut-off breaths he had been desperately holding back.

“Hut, heuk, ah, haah, ah……”

He was in pain and simply endured it. It was not bad, watching the man floundering beneath him without any resistance. Why hadn’t I done this sooner? It’s so much more comfortable than getting a blowjob.

Had he been waiting for this moment? Or was he simply enduring it? Would he have resisted if it were someone else? In the first place, there would not have even been a chance for this to happen.

He’s a man, isn’t he? A rugged man, not even pretty.

It must be quite painful if it’s drawing blood. Even now, he was clenching down as if to burst my cock, yet he was only enduring it. He bit down hard on the back of his own arm and simply entrusted his body to the movements.

Choi Sungbin glanced at the dildo lying thrown on the floor. This would be different from getting excited by something like that. He thrust his hips, pushing his cock in deep. He drove forward with his heavy cock, not even giving him a chance to graze the inner walls.

He swept across the entire inner wall, pressing down deeply. Each time he delved inside, he could feel a spot that momentarily tightened. Choi Sungbin drove the head of his cock into that inner part.

He pressed in and jabbed at a steady rhythm.

As soon as he thrust inside, Yang Juwon shot his head up.

“Heok.”

A shiver ran down his spine. So this is the spot he likes. Choi Sungbin grabbed the man’s hair and pulled his head back.

“Does it feel good here?”

“Ah, no, it, it’s strange.”

The man, his eyes dyed crimson, pleaded. Please. Not there, he said. Seeing him writhe made him feel twisted. This bastard, I kept calling him a pervert, a pervert every day. Turns out he really was a pervert.

What kind of man with a dick would tremble and beg with a cock stuck up his ass? Choi Sungbin let out a hollow laugh.

“I don’t want to stop. I’m going to do it.”

When he smiled playfully, Yang Juwon closed his eyes. He himself seemed to have noticed that it would not work, so he acted detached. I should live up to his expectations. Choi Sungbin let go of the hair he was holding.

He placed his hands on his back. He just acted as he had been. He pounded into him hard enough for the sound of skin slapping against skin to echo repeatedly, and dug into the narrow spot.

Yang Juwon, who had tried to hold his breath, rested his head on the floor. He just let out choked gasps with every thrust. When pressed down, he let out a stifled breath, and when he pulled back, he whimpered faintly. The sounds were not pretty either.

Honestly, Choi Sungbin acted differently than he did with women. If he wanted to grab his hair, he grabbed it, and when he pulled his head back, the man would tilt his head back with a flushed face. If he wanted to slap his ass, he slapped it, and if he got sick of the sight, he would press the back of his head with his hand and pound into him until he could not think straight.

Rather than wanting the man to get excited, he moved his hips simply to ejaculate. He does not get hurt even if I act as I please. It was merely an act for the sake of coming.

‘I should have done this sooner. What was I so hesitant about?’

Choi Sungbin thought as he moved his hips quickly. Yang Juwon clenched his fists tightly and lowered his legs, which he had been barely holding up. He just lay stretched out on the floor, receiving the cock. Thud, thwack, thud. The man’s body trembled arduously.

His parents must have worked their fingers to the bone to send him to school. The bastard who got into a perfectly good university like that was now just taking my dick. Unable to even resist, just silently.

“Hoo……”

Choi Sungbin let out a long breath. The surging excitement was finally pushing toward ejaculation. He bit down hard on his lips and fucked him faster and harder. The muscles in the thighs beneath him tensed up. The man’s entire body went rigid.

Choi Sungbin let out short breaths as he came inside him. It was satisfying. Not because it was the first time in a while, but it was good. If I spread him, he spread; if I pounded, he took it. He tried to hold back in his own way, but his bursting reactions were not bad either.

Was it because he had a dildo stuck up his ass? The way it sucked me in, and the way I had to force open the tight end as it clenched, that was good too.

“Haah……”

Choi Sungbin let out a satisfied breath. When he pulled out his cock, semen mixed with blood gushed out.

“Heuu, heu, heuu, heu……”

The man lay face down, just panting. Choi Sungbin stepped down from between the man’s legs. He sat down next to him. He looked out the window. Only the lights from the house next door were faintly visible.

Wanting to smoke, he took out his e-cigarette. He put it in his mouth and grabbed the man’s shoulder to turn him over.

“Hahk, haah, haah.”

Yang Juwon was a mess. His cock, which had come, had already gone soft, but it was still dribbling out a stream of liquid like piss. His body, scraped against the floor, was bruised bright red, and his nipples were still standing erect. His face was flushed, but it also seemed pale, as if he were drained of color.

His whole body was soaked in a liquid that could have been cold sweat or just sweat. He had briefly looked up at the ceiling because of him, but soon he curled up again. He wrapped his arms around his lower abdomen and quietly held his breath.

“Sunbae.”

“……”

Choi Sungbin swept Yang Juwon’s hair back. The man remained still with his eyes closed.

I was the one who was rough, but I am not sure. There were times when they said their lower abdomen hurt, or they orgasmed and came, or convulsed, but they still said it felt good. But Yang Juwon did not seem to like it very much. And that was after all that time he spent with a dildo inside him, getting wet.

Choi Sungbin lowered his voice. He squeezed the man’s shoulder with his hand and then let go.

“You wanted to do it, didn’t you.”

“……”

“If you react like that, don’t you think it would make me feel shitty?”

The man still remained silent.

“You’re bleeding from behind. You might have torn, so put some ointment on it. It would be a total disgrace to go to the hospital for something like this.”

“……Yeah, I’ll take care of it.”

“Should I buy you some ointment?”

“No. It’s fine. I have some at home.”

“Okay, then.”

Choi Sungbin stood up. I’ll go wash up and come back. Yang Juwon curled his body up tighter without a response. Choi Sungbin looked down at the man like that. Should I not be so rough from now on? He was about to say it but licked his lips instead.

Instead, before heading to the bathroom, he just picked up the dildo that had been thrown on the floor and threw it in the trash can.

Yang Juwon squatted in the corner, coiling the cord of the hair dryer. Choi Sungbin, lying on the memory foam mattress, watched the man.

Was I a little too much? Still, it must have been his first time.

Even by the time I finished washing up and came out, Yang Juwon was still lying on the floor as if he had collapsed. To be honest, I also felt a little uneasy when I saw him fumbling to pick up his clothes and ointment and go into the bathroom.

I even knocked on the bathroom door, from which the sound of running water was coming. Should I help you put on the ointment? I asked, but Yang Juwon said it was fine. His voice sounded muffled.

“Come over here.”

Yang Juwon looked exhausted. He put the dryer back in its original place and crawled over. He only propped the upper half of his body onto the mattress. The mattress was not the man’s spot. I slept alone here, and Yang Juwon used to sleep on the bedding he had originally used.

“Want me to touch your cheek?”

“No.”

“Then?”

“Just.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s sleep here together today.”

In the end, Choi Sungbin decided to give the man a spot. Yang Juwon just stared at his face for a moment. What are you staring at? Choi Sungbin was about to say something but stopped himself.

“Thanks.”

I thought he would refuse as usual, but he was surprisingly compliant. It seems he could not help that his body felt overwhelmed.

In the end, the two of them lay down together. The lights were off. People’s voices could be heard from outside. This was that kind of place. The murmuring voices of people could always be heard. The sound of people was better than my own home, where cars sped down the road and the sound of horns repeated.

Choi Sungbin, who had his eyes closed, was the first to speak.

“Did you put ointment on your back?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

The conversation ended there. Since both of them were not very talkative, they did not exchange many words even when they were in the same space. Even when I occasionally got annoyed or expressed my dissatisfaction, Yang Juwon would just move his lips and end up apologizing.

Saying it like this makes me sound like some villain tormenting a virtuous protagonist.

“……Choi Sungbin.”

“Yes.”

“It wasn’t because I disliked it. Earlier.”

“What wasn’t.”

“Earlier. What happened earlier.”

Ah. Choi Sungbin’s response trailed off. The way he curled up on the floor and trembled.

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yes. It’s an orgasm.”

The problem was that he looked overly overwhelmed. The sight of him clutching his stomach and spewing a stream of fluid did not seem like it was just from being too excited.

Not everyone feels the peak of pleasure. There were people who only enjoyed light pleasure. There were plenty of cases where people felt a sense of rejection towards driving their excitement to its peak and making their body feel like it was not their own.

Is Yang Juwon that type too? Choi Sungbin tilted his head with his eyes closed. His hair rustled against the pillow.

“Ah. ……Yeah.”

“There are people like that sometimes. When they get too excited, they can’t do anything and just tremble.”

“What do you do in those cases?”

“They get better if you give them some water and a little massage.”

“Yeah. I didn’t need you to do it for me. I felt better after some time.”

Choi Sungbin opened his eyes that had been closed. Something. It felt a bit off. His tone, as if he had no expectations at all, made me want to say something, but since I had no intention of doing it for him anyway, it became awkward to add anything.

Instead, he closed his eyes again. Who said I would do it for you? He always had to add a word or two and ruin a person’s mood. I shouldn’t have bothered talking to him.

“I’m going to sleep now.”

“Okay, sleep well.”

The farewell was simple. It was the first time I felt so uneasy even after sex. I was definitely satisfied on my end. But Yang Juwon did not seem very satisfied. And it’s not like I could kiss him or suck him off like I would a woman. What the hell am I supposed to do?

It was a night where thoughts needlessly multiplied.

📝

Yang Juwon walked with his hand on his hip. His body was a wreck. He had not known that his body would ache this much after having sex. His behind still stung, and he suffered from muscle aches as if he had been beaten all over.

Would a day come when he would get used to it? It was a needless worry. It might end before he even got used to it. There was no knowing if there would even be a next time.

This is the convenience store. Please contact me when you have time~^^

He had missed a call during class and a text message had arrived. It was the convenience store he had sent his personal information to via text instead of a resume.

It was time to get a part-time job. Nowadays, it was not easy to find a tutoring job either. The era of finding a tutoring job with just your academic background was over.

Of course, if he went down to his family home, he could find one easily, but here, there were plenty of guys who were good at studying, and now parents even wanted experience, so a guy like him with nothing to his name had no opportunities.

He could find one through an acquaintance, but he did not have any acquaintances who could bring him a tutoring job.

“……”

Yang Juwon, who had been staring at the message for a moment, soon made a call. It was a night shift from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. for three days a week: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Of course, it would affect his life on Mondays.

It was a relief that he had no classes on Monday. He had intentionally looked for part-time jobs only at convenience stores. His personality made him more comfortable working alone.

The ringing did not last long. Yang Juwon walked across the campus while talking on the phone with the manager. When asked if he could come for an interview this afternoon, he said he would. It was not far, a 10-minute walk from his studio apartment.

Should I tell Choi Sungbin? To be honest, he probably would not be interested at all. Still, since we’ve been spending almost all our time together lately, it seemed like there would be no problem if I told him, at least out of courtesy.

If he had not been staying at my place, I would not have even said anything. Choi Sungbin would not have been interested either. Wasn’t he the one who ignored nine out of ten of my messages?

Not that he is very interested now either.

By the time he finished the phone call, he had wandered into a corner of the campus. He was not in a hurry since he had nothing particular to do. Should I go to the library? He was thinking and about to turn around.

A noise he had not noticed while on the phone reached him.

“Are you really going to be like that?”

Yang Juwon flinched at the woman’s raised voice. Was there a fight somewhere? He would often hear couples fighting when he was in his studio apartment. But it was the first time hearing it at school.

It’s best to ignore it. Yang Juwon took a step, trying his best not to pay any attention to that side.

“Choi Sungbin. Don’t you think this is wrong?”

Why did a familiar name have to be heard of all things? Yang Juwon really wanted to ignore it. If he had not heard the name, he would have slipped away, hiding his presence as if he were not there.

But in the end, his head turned. He saw familiar people. Choi Sungbin was standing with his back against a building wall, and Hyena was facing him. She looked very angry.

They’re together again…….

It would be a lie to say he was not bothered. He knows that the two of them have a long-standing relationship. Hadn’t they been close since Choi Sungbin was twenty?

He knows what a close relationship means to Choi Sungbin. Youngnan was also close, and he himself was close that night. But those two had a longer history than such short-term friendships.

“Why do I have to hear that from you?”

“Noona, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Hurting people is your specialty, isn’t it? You don’t care about anyone but yourself. But what? Get your life straight.”

Seeing Hyena arguing with a passionate voice, Yang Juwon immediately regretted it. Did I have to come to a place like this of all places? In a campus wide enough to travel by bus, why did I have to accidentally walk with my own two feet to the spot where Choi Sungbin and Hyena were arguing?

“I’m saying I don’t know for what reason what I said hurt you, noona.”

“You don’t know why I’ve been by your side all this time? You know everything. You’ve just been pretending not to know. Did you think I wouldn’t know you live like that? Always changing women, gently seducing people and then drawing the line, saying you have no intention of dating them. Driving the person next to you crazy……”

The argument dragged on. The situation was more serious than he thought.

In the midst of it all, Yang Juwon suddenly thought that he envied Hyena. Hyena knew how to get angry at Choi Sungbin.

Does she even know how significant it is to be able to show that you are upset? Yang Juwon could not do that. He had avoided the situation, but he could not get angry at him or show that his feelings were hurt. If he had, Choi Sungbin would have naturally said goodbye. As if it were a welcome opportunity.

Yang Juwon tore his gaze away from the two people standing at a distance. Let’s just go on my way. It was always him who had a hard time getting involved with them.

“Sunbae.”

There was strength in the calm voice that called out. It was a voice calling someone at a distance. Yang Juwon hoped that he was not the target. Because seeing Choi Sungbin with Hyena was not an easy thing to do. But Choi Sungbin was not that considerate of a person.

“Yang Juwon.”

As soon as his name was called, Yang Juwon bit his lip. He was right, he was calling him. Weren’t the two of them fighting right now?

Without answering, he turned his head, and Choi Sungbin was looking at him. No matter how deserted the space was, he could have ignored him if he wanted to.

It was probably a distance where he could have just been ignored. And given the atmosphere, that would have been the right thing to do. What was the point of calling him in the middle of such a clearly tense situation?

Hyena had her hands on her hips and was looking in the opposite direction. It was a silent pressure to leave.

Yang Juwon glanced at Hyena and then quickened his pace. He had turned his head in that direction, so that served as his answer. Even if he got an earful from Choi Sungbin later, it was better to escape in the current situation.

He did not want to know why the two of them were fighting. It would only be hurtful anyway. It would be no different from a lover’s quarrel. He must have done something disappointing again. He would have withered Hyena with his characteristic indifferent pretense of affection.

Tap, tap, tap, tap. At the sound of approaching footsteps, Yang Juwon stopped in his tracks. Choi Sungbin had ignored the considerable distance and came closer.

At that moment, even Yang Juwon was surprised. He looked at the man with wide eyes. The hand that had reached out to grab his arm hesitated for a moment and then returned to its original place.

“Are you ignoring me again?”

“No.”

Yang Juwon looked over his shoulder at Hyena. Hyena was looking this way. Her expression was all too clear. She was glaring in our direction with hurt and angry eyes.

Hyena is better. Because she does not beg like Youngnan or act foolishly like me.

Yang Juwon added in a voice that was barely a whisper.

“This isn’t the time for you to be doing this.”

“I’m hungry.”

Sometimes, he is made to wonder what others are to Choi Sungbin. He ruthlessly disregarded other people’s feelings. He wears a mask, but if you are close, you can see it.

Acting affectionately, smiling, and crossing the line as if to a lover were all just a glossy exterior, with nothing left inside.

And falling for that is truly foolish. Yang Juwon blamed himself.

Just then, Choi Sungbin lightly brushed his cheek with his fingers. His smiling face felt almost demonic.

“Don’t space out. I’ll go say my goodbyes and be right back, so stay here.”

He was genuinely shocked but could not say a word.

Choi Sungbin went back to Hyena just like that. In the situation that followed, Yang Juwon flinched his shoulders. Hyena hit Choi Sungbin hard on the chest with the bag she was holding.

Then she burst into tears and fled the scene as if running away. It was a scene you would only see in movies, but Choi Sungbin came back and spoke as if nothing had happened.

“Let’s go eat.”

To be honest, I do not think Choi Sungbin is a proper human being. If he were, he would not have so indifferently changed people, treated them poorly, or ignored them.

Yang Juwon silently watched Choi Sungbin eat. For once, he did not grumble or get annoyed and ate at the student cafeteria. When he said to order the same thing as sunbae, Yang Juwon bought a ticket for Ttukbaegi Bulgogi and handed it to him.

Even while he brought the food and ate, he was watching him cautiously. Choi Sungbin was calm. He was no different from usual. If he had not seen him fighting with Hyena, he would have thought it was just another ordinary day.

Yang Juwon, who had been stealing glances, finally spoke first.

“Choi Sungbin.”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“I want to drink some water.”

Yang Juwon stood up, pushing off the table. He was about to pour water into a stainless steel cup but then bought a 500-milliliter bottle from the vending machine.

He returned to his seat, opened the cap of the PET bottle, and handed it to him. Choi Sungbin drank the water. Even this was the same as usual.

Is he really okay? I just cannot figure it out.

“Earlier.”

“Yes.”

“……Why were you like that with her?”

At the question, Choi Sungbin glanced over. He put down the water bottle he was holding and puffed up his cheeks before letting the air out. I do not want to say this in this situation, but it was cute. I am crazy.

Yang Juwon tilted his head slightly, trying to avoid his gaze.

“She was like that because I told her I got a lover.”

“A lover?”

“Yes. I said I got a lover.”

After speaking, Choi Sungbin stared intently at my face. He seemed curious to see what my reaction would be.

Yang Juwon tried his best to maintain his expression. Instead, he gripped the spoon in his hand tightly and then relaxed it. He rolled his eyes, trying to gauge the situation.

“You got a lover?”

He had no expectation that Choi Sungbin would have said that to Hyena with him in mind. Sure, he was staying with me these days, so nominally I could be called his lover, but……. There would be no reason for him to say it just because of me. What am I to him?

He had seen Choi Sungbin meet other people many times. It did not hit him that hard. Though he was not good at controlling his expression.

If he changes partners as he pleases, sharing the title of ‘lover’ is nothing.

But as soon as the words were out, the man’s eyebrows twitched. Realizing he had misspoken, Yang Juwon hurriedly feigned ignorance. He crushed the glass noodles in the earthenware pot with his spoon.

A scolding immediately fell upon the top of his head.

“What are you talking about right now?”

“……”

“Aren’t you my lover, sunbae?”

Only then did Yang Juwon raise his head. Unlike him, who was flustered, Choi Sungbin seemed unfazed. His voice and expression were no different from when he would say his usual phrases like, ‘I’m hungry,’ ‘I’m sleepy,’ ‘I’m tired,’ or ‘Pull it out for me.’

Yang Juwon gave a dumbfounded, Huh? in response. The man finally frowned.

“Fine, if you don’t want to be.”

“The lover you told Hyena about is me?”

“How do you know that noona’s name.”

Why wouldn’t I know? We even drank together.

“Is it me?”

“Aish. How many times do you want me to say it? Is it not?”

“No, that’s right. It is. It is, but.”

“Yes. So what do we do.”

Just as Choi Sungbin had done, Yang Juwon stared blankly at the man. A faint frown formed between his brows.

“What are you staring at like that?”

“I’m a little happy.”

Choi Sungbin would probably just get cursed out by Hyena and her friends. The chest he got hit on with the bag must still be stinging quite a bit. It was not a situation to be happy about, but Yang Juwon let out a small smile.

“I’m the one who got hit, and you’re saying you’re happy?”

Oops. Yang Juwon, who had silently raised the corners of his mouth, quickly hid his expression and once again checked the man’s mood. Choi Sungbin, who had been looking at him, averted his gaze. He stirred his earthenware pot randomly with his spoon.

“Is the place you got hit okay?”

“No. It hurts.”

“I’ll say something to her if I run into her later.”

He just said it to cheer him up. There was no reason whatsoever to say anything to Hyena. He had not heard the whole conversation, but what Hyena said was probably all true. Because it was a fact that Choi Sungbin treated everyone lightly.

And since Hyena and I also ran into each other today, if I get a chance to talk, of course, if Hyena brings it up first, I could probably say something like she should stop being swayed by guys like that and meet someone decent. Because honestly, neither Hyena’s ex-boyfriend Changsoo nor Choi Sungbin were good guys.

“Really?”

The reaction he got back was somehow brighter than usual.

“What are you going to say?”

“What should I say.”

Choi Sungbin stuck his tongue out slightly. The frown he had been wearing was gone, and his complexion had brightened. Did hearing that I would say something make him feel better? What reason was there to feel better?

No matter how much he thought about it, it was difficult. Watching him even let out a slight smile, Yang Juwon felt his chest tighten. I cannot get indigestion later when I go for my interview.

“It’s fine. What’s the point of saying something. If what noona said is true, then I’m the one at fault.”

Just a moment ago he was smiling, and now his expression had hardened again. Since Yang Juwon had no real intention of doing it anyway, he replied, Okay. Choi Sungbin started chattering away. It seemed he really was in a better mood.

“And don’t get your hopes up. It’s because I haven’t been able to meet people much lately since I’m staying at sunbae’s place. I’m thinking of getting rid of the hotel room or something. There’s no reason to go there anyway. ……Don’t get any funny ideas. Got it?”

“Yeah, I get it. I won’t get my hopes up.”

“Don’t just answer right away that you won’t, either.”

“Uh. I get it.”

He complained if I did this, and he complained if I did that. Choi Sungbin ate his food with a fervor that looked like he would stick his face in the pot. He’s difficult, really.

Yang Juwon looked down at the man’s narrow crown and then followed his lead, eating his meal. There was no further conversation.

📝

The interview was over quickly, in under five minutes. When asked if he was okay to start this week, Yang Juwon nodded readily. The manager handed him a memo pad and told him to write down his name and contact number, and though he asked about his school, he did not probe any more persistently.

On his way out of the convenience store, he saw that a message had arrived. It was obviously from family or a promotional message, so Yang Juwon checked his phone with a blank face.

I’m coming back to school next semester. Let’s see each other.

For a change, a message had come from his friend, Dongyoung. Dongyoung, who had graduated from the same high school, was one of the few people in his narrow circle of human relationships. He was also one of only three SNS followers, including Youngnan. Since they had been together from the same high school to university, they could be called friends even if they did not contact each other often. They did not see each other frequently, but it was not awkward even when they met after a long time.

Yang Juwon stopped in his tracks and tapped the keypad. The weather had gotten quite hot now. Summer had suddenly arrived. He might have to turn on the air conditioner soon.

Are you going to live by yourself?

Yeah. I’m going to see a real estate agent next week, want to have dinner then?

Sure, let me know in advance.

The conversation was settled with a short reply saying he would be in touch.

I think there was another message. His slowly moving fingers paused. It was a message that had arrived just five minutes ago.

Where are you?

For a change, Choi Sungbin had messaged him first. Yang Juwon clutched his aching lower back for no reason. Choi Sungbin was acting strange today. The fact that he was the first to call him his lover, and the fact that he went out of his way to tell Hyena.

Did he change after we had sex? The way he talked was not much different, but I could definitely feel it. No matter how I looked at it, he was different from his usual self.

Yang Juwon was lost in thought for a moment. What should I send back?

I had a part-time job interview.

What kind of interview?

The reply came back surprisingly fast. This too was not like Choi Sungbin. It’s strange. He was a guy who was hard to figure out.

A convenience store.

Eh.

A strange reply came. He wondered why he would use ‘Eh’. Did he mean to write ‘Neh’ instead? Was it a typo? Or did he really use it to mean he was questioning it?

Yang Juwon stopped in his tracks and tilted his head. What on earth did he mean by sending that word?

Come to the studio.

Before he could even send a reply, another one came from him. Yang Juwon, who had been staring at the message for a moment, ended up not being able to reply. He took a step and walked out, treading on the hot and humid air.

Is summer really coming?

As soon as he stepped into the entryway, he felt a different atmosphere than usual. It was inevitable that the small room would feel cramped and stuffy with two able-bodied adult men living in it, but this was different from that.

That is to say. Choi Sungbin’s mood…… did not seem very good.

Yang Juwon mulled over the message he had sent one more time. Eh. It seemed it was not a typo.

“……”

He chose his words. He looked at him sitting crookedly against the wall, then chewed on the inside of his cheek. Before his misaligned jaw could return to its original position, Choi Sungbin posed a question.

“You came from the interview?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that so?”

“I was going to tell you.”

“I didn’t ask.”

Choi Sungbin was picking a fight. Being with him made him think a lot. He had not known that reading emotions was this difficult.

He was fine until lunchtime. In fact, he seemed so fine that it felt strange. Knowing that he and Hyena had a long-standing relationship, it was him who was being cautious instead. He was so busy being cautious that he did not even know if the food was going into his mouth or his nose, but Choi Sungbin just ate his food well with a placid face.

‘You’re happy that I called you my lover, aren’t you?’

While asking a difficult question.

Could it be that he was in a bad mood because I got a part-time job? That cannot be it. If he were to find a cause stemming from that, it would be that he did not tell him ‘first’. He had felt it since last time, but Choi Sungbin wanted him to tell him things first.

To the extent that he was sentenced to a breakup after being silent at a drinking party with the upperclassmen.

I should have told him. I should have told him sooner. He regretted it, but it was already in the past.

“I was going to tell you. I got the call earlier, and they asked if I could come for an interview today.”

Only then did Yang Juwon step into the house. He washed his hands at the sink. Streams of water splashed everywhere. When he adjusted the faucet head, water poured out from just one hole. It was frustrating.

“I said, did I ask you.”

A cold voice poured out from behind him. Yang Juwon turned off the faucet and then casually shook his hands dry. He leaned on the sink counter and turned around. As expected, Choi Sungbin was glaring at him with an annoyed expression.

He wished he were a little easier. He wished his emotions did not run wild and were a little more stable. If he was going to hate me, then he should just keep hating me. That would be more comfortable for my heart. If he acted this way and that, being nice and then being cruel again, he would not know which tune to dance to.

Yang Juwon bit his lip. Choi Sungbin was the only turning point in his life that had been lived quietly.

“I know you didn’t ask. But I’m sorry for not telling you, so I’m telling you now.”

“……”

“You don’t like it when I don’t tell you things. I was going to tell you earlier but I forgot. I’m sorry.”

The front of his eyebrows, facing him, twitched. It was better to settle the waves than to let himself be swayed by Choi Sungbin’s emotions. He was already being swayed plenty, but a little less.

Fortunately, the apology worked. The wild atmosphere finally calmed down a little.

“Why are you suddenly getting a part-time job?”

The glaring eyes softened, and the voice that had been thorny grew gentle. Thank goodness. Yang Juwon genuinely thought so.

He had no intention of asserting his pride with Choi Sungbin. It was better to accommodate him. As he was chipped away and chipped away, he had become a round shape. His form might disappear completely, but. That was a matter for later.

“……Because of living expenses.”

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty right now?”

“Ha……. Ha.”

He should not be laughing, but Yang Juwon let out a hollow laugh at the end of a sigh. It’s not like that, why are you being like this. He had just apologized and things seemed to be going well, but Choi Sungbin was nitpicking again.

At this point, it just seems like he wants to pick a fight. Saying that would probably ruin the atmosphere he had just managed to calm, so he just shook his head.

“Did you just laugh?”

Yang Juwon quickly shook his head. It’s not like that.

Since Choi Sungbin brought up the lover thing during the day, if he were to add on to that, he wondered if dating was originally this difficult. His relationship with Youngnan a few years ago did not seem like this. In fact, it was so calm it was boring.

Choi Sungbin was fussy. He would fly off the handle over small things and get annoyed and angry over trivial matters. Since it was a loveless relationship, it was probably natural for him. But he did not know why he was living in his house. Was it because it was comfortable?

He had not thought it was an act that consumed this much emotion. Of course, it was good too. It was good. That is why he had asked him to be his boyfriend.

In the first place, I made up the ridiculous excuse of revenge. What did it matter to me that Youngnan was swayed, and what was I going to do about the fact that Choi Sungbin did not remember me?

Choi Sungbin was just living his own life, and rather, it was his own fault for having a one-sided love for him with the foolish excuse of revenge. If only I were a little bit smarter. Then I would have tried to forget that brief moment of kindness as an embarrassing memory.

“……”

Yang Juwon approached Choi Sungbin. He bent his knees and sat in front of him. Choi Sungbin, with guarded eyes, scanned him up and down. Yang Juwon could not lay a single hand on him.

Still, he made eye contact and spoke from a closer distance than when he was standing leaning against the sink.

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, it’s because I want to buy you delicious food.”

“……”

“Because I want to go to good places. Because I want to think less about the price when we eat a meal. You know it too. I’m different from you.”

If he had eaten meals that cost tens of thousands of won, or even more, for every meal like Choi Sungbin, he would have already been bankrupt. He wanted to think less about which place was cheaper when drinking coffee. And if Choi Sungbin was not around, he wanted to starve a little less.

Getting a part-time job does not solve all of that. Still, he wanted to alleviate it even a little. Everyone lives like this.

Yang Juwon was not particularly struggling because of money. He was just an ordinary young man in his 20s.

“……”

Choi Sungbin stared blankly at Yang Juwon like that. Silently, without taking his eyes off him.

His gaze was so direct that Yang Juwon was a little flustered. After some time passed, he felt awkward for no reason and was the first to stroke his own cheek.

Did I speak too honestly? Should I have hidden it? It probably would not be the case, but maybe he would feel burdened. He could even question why he was being burdened with unnecessary responsibility.

Yang Juwon let out a breath, hoo. But Choi Sungbin did not say anything. Instead, after a long while, he said, Do as you please, and went out to smoke a cigarette.

📝

Why does he always dress like that? Choi Sungbin watched the back of Yang Juwon, who was getting ready to go to his part-time job. Since it was a house like a chicken coop, the end point of his gaze was always the same. Yang Juwon was busy moving around in this small house as if he had so much to do.

He was also surprisingly diligent with housework, and even organized the refrigerator. He would stack the side dishes his mother sent him in order of what would spoil first, and when he ate, he would eat those first.

He lives so meticulously. To put it badly, he lives poorly. Sweeping and wiping every day. It has been a long time since I lived alone, but for me, who had a housekeeper come once or twice a week, I did not know there was so much housework to do even in this small house.

Yang Juwon pulled his cap down deep. Still, what had changed was that he no longer wore things like the department jumper or a hoodie. Even so, it was just a dark-colored short-sleeved t-shirt. Is that the same thing?

“What time will you be back if you go now?”

Choi Sungbin asked the man who was only showing his back. Only then did Yang Juwon turn his head.

“7 in the morning. Should I buy you something for breakfast on my way back?”

“No. It’s fine. I’ll probably be sleeping then.”

“Yeah, right. I’ll come in quietly.”

“Neh.”

This house without the man might be more comfortable. It was not an easy thing for two men to live in a studio like a chicken coop. It was a good thing they did not have overlapping classes, otherwise, there was no telling what would happen if they were stuck together all the time.

I know the part-time job starts at 10, but the man left 30 minutes early. The studio, where his presence was felt even when he was quiet, became silent. Choi Sungbin slid down against the wall and looked up at the ceiling.

The wallpaper was peeling in places, depending on how it was applied, and in some places, the color was different because it was just for covering up.

How can I sleep here? How do I spend my time?

It was not the first time he had been alone. There were definitely times when he was alone for hours while Yang Juwon was in class, but today, a silence flowed through the house. Should I go out? Not even an hour had passed since the man left, but he suddenly felt suffocated by the house. How have I been living here for nearly a month?

He thought he had been sleeping well all this time, but it felt as if his thoughts had been like those in a dream. For a moment, Choi Sungbin forgot to breathe and just rolled his eyes.

Only then did a sense of disharmony set in.

It was a space with no clock, yet it felt like he could hear the ticking of a second hand. Choi Sungbin stared blankly at the wall without turning on a single light. Sometimes he looked at the ceiling, and sometimes he looked into the empty sink and entryway, or the half-open bathroom.

Come to think of it, it was the first time he had been alone at night. Yang Juwon was the type to come home right after his classes ended, and he was not one to enjoy small deviations. Because he finished all his errands on the way home, there was never a need to suddenly go to the convenience store in the middle of the night.

He silently accepted the sounds coming from outside. He fumbled over the bedding and picked up his phone. He scrolled through the accumulated messages with his hand. He had not replied recently, so an excessive number had piled up. Choi Sungbin scrolled down, picking out the messages that were urging for a reply.

Should I spend time outside as usual?

He did not just have sex. He also went for drives and had conversations. There were times when he suddenly wanted to see the sea and just left. The night was always like that.

Though he could not do that these days.

Lately, he would have an early dinner and watch Yang Juwon bustle about, then wash up at a reasonable time and fall asleep. When Yang Juwon touched his cheek and whispered good night, he would fall asleep as if under a spell.

This is the worst.

The moment he realized it, Choi Sungbin sat up with a blank face. I got caught in the wrong trap. Why did I not realize it until now?

Looking at it this way, it was not much different from Yang Juwon taming me.

“Son of a bitch.”

In the end, he bit back a curse. He stood up without hesitation. He quickly got ready to go out and grabbed his car keys to get the car that he had parked in a nearby lot, which he rarely used except for commuting to and from school, and even then, not recently. He could not get used to Yang Juwon.

There is nowhere to go. No one to meet either.

He would not have been like this usually. He was not the only one who could not stand the silence of the night.

Without needing to set a time, he would just pick someone up and spend the night together, and there was nothing better for filling time. New people were better than people he saw often. He enjoyed the thrill that came from discomfort.