UPLB Ch 4
by soapa“Do we have to do it again today?”
Choi Sungbin looked at him with eyes that asked why he was asking something so obvious. There was no object in the sentence, but he could understand what it meant. That was the only thing the man was there to do. If he had no intention of doing it, there was no reason to be facing him.
As soon as their eyes met, Yang Juwon lowered his gaze. He swept his hand across the bed, which was free of even a single strand of hair.
The man had coarse hands. They were a little tan.
“Why are you asking that?”
“I thought… wasn’t this a date?”
“Isn’t this why we go on dates?”
While it couldn’t be said that all dates ended on a bed, Choi Sungbin’s mostly did. It was a tug of war between people of the opposite sex who were capable of feeling sexual attraction for each other. It was bound to tip over to whichever side pulled a little harder.
That was why Choi Sungbin didn’t feel like his meetings with Yang Juwon were dates. There was no sexual appeal, and it wasn’t fun.
Because they hadn’t had a single proper conversation while eating.
He had no intention of seducing him, so he just spat out words as they came to him. He didn’t even put on the usual pretense he showed.
Still. If that’s what he wanted to think, then so be it.
“Haah…”
Yang Juwon let out a low sigh and got into position. Choi Sungbin watched the man quietly. Was he already tired just from one remark? Not that it made him anxious or feel regretful.
The phone he was holding lit up. Yeonhee replied with a message full of typos, saying she was drunk.
Get home safe.
Choi Sungbin leisurely tapped the keypad and opened his mouth.
“Sunbae.”
“Yeah.”
“You can go back.”
“Huh?”
“I’m saying you can go back if you don’t want to do it. I have no intention of stopping you.”
Yang Juwon pressed his lips together firmly. A rather long silence flowed. Choi Sungbin tilted his head back, leaning his body against the headboard.
He watched Yang Juwon, tapping his foot. He couldn’t stay still, clenching and unclenching his fists. His eyes couldn’t settle in one place and moved about distractedly.
There was no noise, but it was chaotic.
‘Ha. What a pain.’
Choi Sungbin started to get up to leave the bed. The hesitating Yang Juwon grabbed his forearm.
“I’ll do it.”
Choi Sungbin stood at an angle and looked down at the man. The upward gaze was almost pleading. He wanted to lose interest, but he just couldn’t understand why the man was going this far for him.
Of course, it was nice that he could use him so conveniently. Even if he asked, he probably wouldn’t answer anyway.
He went back and sat on the bed. As he watched silently, Yang Juwon adjusted his position on his own. Having done it a couple of times, he pulled the blanket over himself to hide his body.
He unbuckled his pants and took out his penis with his own hands. Without hesitation, he took the head in his mouth. He diligently sucked on the glans that had burrowed into his moist mouth.
Having sucked it a few times, he was not as awkward as he was the first time. Choi Sungbin slowly closed and opened his eyes. He tried his best to move his tongue, but it was still lacking.
“Lick the top with your tongue. Quickly.”
He flicked his tongue, licking down the tip. Chweup, chweueup. The wet, saliva-soaked sound echoed repeatedly.
The man gripped the base of the shaft with both hands and took the penis deep. His hands, his breath, everything was hot enough to melt.
“Ugh…”
“Tsk, I told you not to make a sound.”
“Haah, haah… Sorry.”
His airway blocked, he hurriedly pulled the penis out. A soft apology was followed by the rustling of the blanket. When there was no response, he took the penis back into his mouth.
He sucked the cock, moving his head back and forth. Each time it hit and pulled out of his throat, a keok, kkeok sound escaped, but it wasn’t bothersome.
Chweup. He barely managed to swallow his saliva and pulled out the penis he had been sucking. He licked upwards from the base. Hot breath touched the penis.
Choi Sungbin furrowed one of his brows.
“Tch. Just suck it with your mouth. It’s a pain to clean up if you spill.”
Even at the blatant words that he was being used as a toilet, the man panted heavily and took the glans back into his mouth. His throat squirmed, digging deeper, even deeper. His ability to learn was good, as he tried not to use his teeth.
Choi Sungbin suddenly became curious about what expression the man was making while sucking his cock. Was he frowning? Or was he sucking it eagerly, face all flushed?
If he lost his erection or found it too disgusting to bear, he could just end this relationship then. In the end, he carefully lifted the blanket.
“……”
Yang Juwon was sucking the penis with his eyes closed. He elongated the space above his lip as he moved his head. He was lying awkwardly on his side on the bed, clutching his own crotch. He masturbated by clenching and releasing his hand over his pants.
As the cold air seeped in, he opened his eyes a beat too late.
Their eyes met. Yang Juwon opened his mouth wider and swallowed the shaft deep. The penis was sucked deeply between his lips.
“Kkht…”
Choi Sungbin let out a short groan and pulled his head from behind, thrusting his penis into him.
“Kook, kul-luck, keu-heut… Chweup.”
A vein popped on Yang Juwon’s neck. His throat constricted, tightening around the glans. Choi Sungbin exhaled a short breath through his nose.
He barely managed to grasp the short hair that wrapped around his fingertips, pulling the head back before pulling it in once more.
“Keck, kaeck!”
Tears welled in the man’s eyes. His airway was blocked, and his face turned bright red. Forgetting to masturbate, he grabbed Choi Sungbin’s thigh with whatever he could catch.
Eck, eeck, instinctual sounds for survival burst out. Foamy saliva smeared on the penis every time he pulled his head back.
‘You can handle this much. You’re a man.’
Choi Sungbin repeatedly moved the man’s head back and forth. As the urge to cum boiled up, he grabbed the back of his head and pressed down.
Uook, ook, as his throat was crushed, the man struggled. The tears that had welled up traced paths down his cheeks. Hoo, he let out a deep groan and tilted his head back.
“Haah, haah…”
He shot his semen directly into him. The longer the ejaculation lasted, the more the man’s eyes rolled up. His adam’s apple bobbed as he tried to swallow the gushing semen.
He thought he would lose his erection out of disgust seeing a man suck his cock, but sucking was just sucking.
The sight of his bruised-red face, streaming tears more out of the fear of suffocating than out of pleasure, was quite something to see. It wasn’t an affectionate act, so he didn’t feel sorry.
“Hoo…”
Choi Sungbin swept his tongue over his lips. Without a moment to enjoy the afterglow of his orgasm, he let go of the man’s hair as if flinging it away.
“Keck, kaeck, ugh…”
Thrown aside, Yang Juwon collapsed onto the bed. He couldn’t even lift his head, supporting his body with only one arm. He clutched his throat and dry-heaved.
A long string of saliva drooled from his mouth. Choi Sungbin pulled out a tissue and wiped his wet penis.
Suddenly, his gaze fell on the space between the man’s legs. He definitely had no desire to see another bastard’s cock. But did he really masturbate while sucking his cock?
“Did you masturbate?”
He asked the man who was still coughing dryly. Panting heavily, heok, heok, Yang Juwon cleared his throat. He mumbled in a voice that was barely audible.
“Just… rubbing.”
So he did do it. Choi Sungbin nodded his head without a word. He was being generous, in his own way.
“If you’re going to masturbate, go to the bathroom. I don’t like it when you do it on the bed.”
“I don’t need to.”
“Pardon?”
“I said, I don’t need to.”
It was an unexpected answer. If you get worked up, don’t you want to let it out? If he was at the point of not being able to hold back and masturbating over his pants, he should have more than enough reason to run to the bathroom.
“……”
Choi Sungbin dropped his gaze to Yang Juwon’s crotch. The shadow cast over the coarse fabric of his pants seemed strangely subdued.
‘No way.’
He placed his foot on his shoulder. Stay still. The man, who had his head lowered, raised his eyes. Choi Sungbin placed both hands on his stomach and wiggled his index finger. Yang Juwon flinched at the high-handed gesture. He was like a cornered, frightened stray dog.
“Take them off.”
Yang Juwon shook his head, unable to even straighten his back properly.
“I said take them off. You’re acting like this even when I’m letting you off easy. Shouldn’t you at least be spreading your legs?”
Choi Sungbin sneered, lifting one corner of his mouth. Yang Juwon sat up properly. The foot resting on his shoulder fell away.
The cornered man clutched the buckle of his pants. It wasn’t to take them off, but to protect himself.
‘Anyone would think I was trying to strip him by force.’
Choi Sungbin grew annoyed at the man’s wary gaze. But he didn’t give up. He had to see for himself. He crawled across the bed just like that. As soon as he placed his own hand over the man’s, which was holding the buckle tightly, the strength drained from it.
He unfastened the man’s buckle himself.
Yang Juwon closed his eyes so tightly it looked like he was grimacing. A shallow breath escaped. Choi Sungbin spoke as he pulled off the man’s pants.
“Your mouth smells like cum.”
“Sorry.”
He covered his mouth with the hand that had been clutching the bedsheet. Choi Sungbin finished what he was doing. He never thought he’d be pulling off another man’s pants in his life, but. For now, he was curious, so whatever.
‘So people actually wear stuff like this.’
Yang Juwon’s underwear was similar to him. The gray-striped trunks were plain and tacky. They seemed to serve no purpose.
When he’d gotten a sidelong glance last time, the size of his penis had looked decent, but there was no way these wide-legged trunks could hold it in place.
Sure enough, a formidable-sized penis was peeking out from under the hem of the trunks. It was smaller than his own, but this much was more than enough to satisfy a woman.
To think he was just sucking my cock instead of doing that. Truly pathetic.
Choi Sungbin pulled down the underwear as well.
“Wow…”
A low exclamation flowed out. The flaccid penis was quite large even when not erect. It was a little shorter than his own hand when spread from thumb to pinky.
The shape of the glans and the straight shaft were too good to be wasted just on sucking cock.
Anyway.
‘This is really…’
He looked up at the man and asked.
“Did you cum?”
The man, his face flushed bright red, bit his lip. Ha. A sneer escaped.
“This is one hell of a pervert.”
“……”
“Grab it.”
Choi Sungbin personally took the man’s hand and made him grasp the penis.
“I’m asking if you came while sucking cock, Sunbae.”
He gripped his wrist and pumped it up and down. Yang Juwon squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sharp breath through his nose.
Dribbling cum, and you can’t even take off your pants because you don’t want to get caught?
What a pervert.
Instead of talking about dates, he should be begging me to let him suck it.
“Or did you cum while masturbating?”
“No.”
“Did it feel good when I shoved it down your throat? Is that when you dribbled your cum?”
Did he have a lock on his mouth or something? Choi Sungbin shook the man’s hand aggressively. Jjil-keok, jjil-keok. He vigorously shook the penis, glistening with a mixture of semen and pre-cum, with his hand.
The man, unable to overcome his excitement, let out a small, sobbing breath.
“Heuu… Eu…”
“Answer properly. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
“…It wasn’t good, but, ah, it was just so sudden.”
He answered with difficulty in a breathless voice. Choi Sungbin responded with a perfunctory, “Ah-ah,” and continued his questions.
“You came because it was sudden? Because I pressed it down your throat?”
“…Yeah.”
“Pervert.”
Ah. The man let out a low breath. Choi Sungbin tilted his head to meet his gaze.
“Does it feel good to have me jerk you off? Have you imagined something like this?”
“No, wait, just a moment…”
Tak, tak, tak, tak. He moved his hand repeatedly. The man’s hips bucked. He scratched at the sheet with his other hand, but there was nothing to grab onto.
“Hold it in. If you cum, we’re never meeting again.”
Yang Juwon hunched his shoulders. He closed his eyes and bit his lip raw, trying to hold back.
He’s holding back because I told him to. Choi Sungbin’s eyes crinkled as he smiled.
“Sunbae.”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s see each other often.”
He was a person who didn’t suit a hotel anyway. From the very beginning, he was the kind of man who led me to a motel.
He was very useful. Outside. Or maybe in the car. Whenever I wanted to cum, when I simply needed to ‘release.’
Choi Sungbin let go of his wrist. As he turned his head to grab a tissue from the nightstand, Yang Juwon continued to masturbate. He shook his hips, pumping his cock.
‘Idiot.’
Choi Sungbin pulled out a tissue and handed it to the man.
“Go cum in the bathroom.”
Only then did the man enter the bathroom.
No sound came from beyond the bathroom door. He was panting so much on the bed, is he covering his mouth while he jerks off?
Choi Sungbin stared at the bathroom door for a moment before leaning back and sitting up. To think I’d be making a guy jerk off in my life.
Of course, it wasn’t like he touched him directly, and he told him to go cum in the bathroom. But, well, what did it matter when he was already getting his cock sucked by a man?
In the place where the hot breaths had subsided, a silence lingered.
Jii-ing——.
A long, continuous vibration tickled his ear. Choi Sungbin slowly lowered and raised his eyelids. His gaze, which had been fixed on the bathroom, dropped to the nightstand.
He reached out and picked up his phone.
Yeonhee. He traced the name and swept his lower lip with his tongue. He had sent her a message to get home safe a few hours ago and had more or less ended the conversation, so there should be no reason for her to call.
Was she that drunk? He unhesitatingly pushed the decline button. He never dreamed she would call again.
“Yeah. Yeonhee-ya.”
After the vibration repeated several times, he finally answered the call.
—Oppa.
Her voice echoed from an empty space. It was an excessively quiet place. It didn’t seem like her home. A stairwell, or a bathroom. Maybe even a hallway.
“Yeah.”
Choi Sungbin replied with a blank expression. He picked at a hangnail and then blew on it. Nothing came off.
Her tipsy voice was laced with a nasal tone.
—Oppa, I’m drinking right now, can you come get me? I’m drunk, and I don’t want to go home.
Choi Sungbin took in her pleading voice and looked out the window. The city across the dark river was so brilliant it didn’t feel like night. Despite the late hour, there were quite a few cars on the road.
What a pain. Choi Sungbin got up and sat on the edge of the bed. He continued the call while looking at his faint reflection in the windowpane.
“Where are you now?”
—Um… I’m at Oslo right now.
Oslo was a private-room bar near the university. Unlike Norway’s capital, Oslo, which had a somewhat plain feeling of being one with nature, this place aimed for an unnecessarily luxurious and extravagant atmosphere.
There was no way she went there alone.
“Yeonhee-ya, who are you with?”
Yeonhee recited a familiar name. When there was no reply, she elaborated.
—He’s your classmate, Oppa…, I came out because he said he’d buy me a drink. But that oppa left.
He was a guy who always hovered around Yeonhee whenever there were drinks involved. He seemed to like her, so they must have finally had a meal together. Choi Sungbin let out a short laugh.
‘He liked her that much and he just left?’
Yeonhee was probably the one who wanted to leave. It was highly likely that she didn’t like him, so she ditched him and called me.
Whatever Yeonhee’s situation was, to be honest, a drunk and whining Yeonhee was a pain.
It wasn’t like he was going to sleep here cuddling with Yang Juwon, he would send him off when the time came, but right now.
He glanced back at the firmly shut bathroom door. He’s taking a long time. When is he going to come out?
“Yeonhee-ya.”
—Yeah.
“You can’t get home by yourself?”
—Yeah. Come and get me. I miss you.
“What are you going to do if you drink that much.”
—Sorry. Can’t you come?
Yeonhee whined in a disappointed voice.
The bathroom door opened, and Yang Juwon came out. Choi Sungbin gestured towards the bag with his chin. Yang Juwon stood rooted to the spot, staring at him.
Choi Sungbin swept back his hair that had fallen forward. He readjusted his grip on the phone.
“I’ll leave now. Go to a nearby café for now. Let me know where you are when you get there. I’ll come to pick you up.”
He would have to end things with Yeonhee today. He wanted to be friends, not lovers. He didn’t want to rely on her, nor did he want to be someone she had to rely on. That kind of thing was done well enough by those who had nothing.
The tenderness born from pure love was also the lot of pathetic guys. Guys who had nothing to offer but pure, devoted affection.
After finishing the call, he got up. The man still standing in his spot asked cautiously.
“What’s going on?”
“Let’s just go home.”
“……Where are you going?”
Why is this bastard acting like this too, seriously. Choi Sungbin turned to the man with cold eyes.
“You don’t need to know that, Sunbae. Our business is done, so let’s go back.”
It took less than five minutes to pack up and leave. While waiting for the elevator, Choi Sungbin studied Yang Juwon out of the corner of his eye. The man was blankly checking the elevator’s position.
He didn’t ask any more questions. Why they had to go back. Why he wouldn’t tell him.
It was a question that could have been answered easily even between friends, but once he was chided, he didn’t ask again.
“Let’s go down to the parking lot and you can put in the address. I’ll take you home.”
It was an hour when it would have been fine for him to go back alone, but he decided to give the man a ride. If asked if he was concerned, he would have nothing to say.
Yang Juwon, who had been watching the numbers go up, turned his head. The eyes that met his were dazed.
“It’s okay. I can go by myself.”
“You’ll have to transfer, though.”
“How can you live in Seoul if you can’t even transfer.”
The man gave a light smile. His smiling face was unsettling somehow, but Choi Sungbin didn’t bother to say more. He stuck his hands in his pockets.
“Do as you please.”
He didn’t want to bother caring.
📝
He picked up Yeonhee, who was out on the street, in his car. She must have had a lot to drink, as the smell of alcohol hit him as soon as she got in.
Choi Sungbin lowered the window. The cold night air seeped in through the gap. The temperature inside the car slowly cooled.
“Phew…”
Yeonhee exhaled and sank into her seat. Choi Sungbin touched the navigation system. Yeonhee’s home address was saved in the recent list.
After inputting the address, he drove on in silence. He only planned to drop her off and go home to rest.
“Oppa, are you mad?”
Yeonhee asked cautiously after catching her breath several times. Choi Sungbin, who had been looking straight ahead, shifted his gaze to the side. He thought it was a nuisance, but he wasn’t angry.
There was no reason to be angry. Being angry meant you had some semblance of expectation for the other person.
“I’m not mad, Yeonhee-ya.”
“It’s just that you seem mad…”
“We’re not in a relationship where we have to get mad at each other and walk on eggshells.”
“……”
“It’s annoying, so don’t call me when you’re drunk. I’m not your chauffeur, am I?”
Yeonhee’s phone lit up. She hurriedly pressed the decline button. She even flipped the phone over.
He asked Yeonhee, who was fidgeting and watching his expression.
“You didn’t like him? He’s a decent guy.”
He wasn’t one for politicking among men; he was one of the few who went their own way. He didn’t know if they gossiped among themselves, but at least his image within the department wasn’t bad.
This time, he had only participated a little in department activities because he was interested in Yeonhee, who had entered as a freshman. He wasn’t usually seen that often.
Yeonhee didn’t say anything. Usually, she would chatter nonstop, but now she didn’t utter a single word.
Did she fall asleep?
He was only able to check on Yeonhee after the light turned red.
“Yeonhee-ya.”
“……”
Yeonhee was crying without a sound. Tears glittered as they streamed down her cheeks. Choi Sungbin watched Yeonhee for a moment before turning his gaze back to the front.
He decided to maintain the silence. He didn’t comfort her or ask for the reason. He didn’t want to leave even simple pity and sympathy as a form of debt.
In the meantime, the car entered an alley. It was a one-way street. Cars were parked in a line along the side of the road.
He drove into a gap between old, tightly packed buildings. He wouldn’t be long, so he parked the car in front of a villa for the time being.
“We’re here.”
It was an alley without many people. A few bars had their lights on here and there, but it wasn’t a noisy area. Occasionally, there were houses with their windows open.
Had it gotten this late already? Spring was truly here.
Across the street was a convenience store. As befitting a convenience store in a university area, it was quite large, but there were no people in sight.
Because the alley was dark, the light leaking from the convenience store felt exceptionally bright.
He looked to his side. Yeonhee was letting tears fall, biting her lip hard. Choi Sungbin let out a low sigh.
“Stop crying. Why do you keep crying.”
He had hoped it was just a drunken habit, but that didn’t seem to be the case.
Choi Sungbin turned off the car’s engine. He watched her while tapping the steering wheel with his index finger. She didn’t rub her eyes hard, so her makeup wasn’t smudged.
He felt a frustrated urge to smoke. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes he had stuck in the drink tray.
Yeonhee, who had been just crying for a long while, spoke in a wet voice.
“Oppa.”
“……”
“Why do you treat me like that when you know I like you?”
He wished everyone would meet with a light heart like Hyena or some of the other partners he had gone on dates with, but not everyone was like that. I have no intention of being in a relationship, no intention of dating seriously, were words he always said, but sometimes they ended up hurting someone.
Choi Sungbin nodded his head.
“Yeonhee-ya.”
“……”
“How exactly did I treat you?”
His voice carried an edge.
“Did I say I would date you? Or did I say I liked you?”
“……”
“If you’re going to act like this over a few dates, are you going to date that guy since you had dinner with him today? You’re not, are you.”
He spoke bluntly on purpose. Yeonhee’s hand, clutching her handbag, trembled. Choi Sungbin was suddenly reminded of Yang Juwon. If Yang Juwon had asked as Yeonhee did, Choi Sungbin would have retorted like this.
‘What does you liking me have to do with me treating you like this?’
Did he get home alright? It was strangely fascinating. Why did Yang Juwon always treat him so indifferently?
Even if he had felt a liking for him because of his looks, he was the only person who faced his personality at its most raw.
“You’re a real piece of trash…”
Yeonhee looked up with tear-filled eyes. Her eyelashes, which were always pointed sharply upwards, were now drooping, heavy with moisture. He had only thought it was annoying that she called him drunk, but it was actually a relief to have met her.
He would have no reason to see her anymore. Tonight was the last time.
“Go on in. Don’t act any more pathetic.”
“……Are you not going to see me anymore?”
“Yeah. I’m not going to see you anymore, so just go in. It’s a problem to keep the car parked here.”
“You crazy bastard.”
Finally, a curse came out of Yeonhee’s mouth. She opened the car door violently and slammed it shut as if to break it. Wiping her smudged eye area, she went into the villa without looking back.
Even when they had fun together, the end was always like this. This kind of relationship was also a ‘legacy’. His dad was like that, and so was he.
Fortunately, there would be no one to carry on the line, so it would end here. But still.
He grabbed the cigarette pack and got out. He stood at the entrance of the villa Yeonhee had entered and put a cigarette to his lips. He cupped his hands and lit the lighter.
Jingle. A sound was made.
“……”
At the sound coming from across the street, Choi Sungbin raised his head. A familiar face emerged from the convenience store, where the only person had been the part-time worker.
“……Choi Sungbin?”
At the voice calling him, Choi Sungbin immediately furrowed his brow. Yang Juwon, whom he had parted with about an hour ago, came out of the convenience store. A plastic convenience store bag was hanging from his wrist.
He didn’t know where he lived, but he probably lived around here. It was a place where many students lived because it was close to the department building.
Choi Sungbin didn’t answer, and Yang Juwon didn’t approach. They spoke from a certain distance.
“What are you doing there?”
“Smoking a cigarette.”
“Weren’t you going somewhere?”
“I know, right.”
A listless, empty conversation followed. When he said he would go alone, he thought his feelings might have been hurt, but that didn’t seem to be the case either. A strange person, as always.
“Can I go over there?”
“I’m going to be smoking.”
“Just. I want to.”
“Do as you please.”
Yang Juwon looked around. He was just about to take a step to approach after checking if there were any cars entering the alley.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
A moderately heavy sound was accompanied by a bright light pouring from behind. Choi Sungbin held the cigarette between his fingers and turned his head.
“Take this with you.”
Yeonhee, who had come back out at some point, handed him a hat. It was the hat he had lent her on a day they spent the night together when she whined that she hadn’t even been able to wash her face. Back then, he had parted with Yeonhee early to meet Yang Juwon, but today, it was the opposite.
Choi Sungbin took the hat without a word. Remnants of mascara were smudged around Yeonhee’s eyes, who hadn’t been able to remove her makeup.
“And.”
“……”
“Let’s go in and talk. Then I’ll really end it. I’ll act like I don’t even know you.”
There was no way he wouldn’t understand the meaning. If they went in together now, he would only come out after the sun rose tomorrow morning.
Was Yang Juwon still standing behind him? Or did he leave at the sight of Yeonhee?
Was that man, the one who said he liked him, watching this situation?
Choi Sungbin turned his head. Yang Juwon was still standing in the same spot. He was watching the situation with wide eyes.
If he didn’t say anything, he would wait until he came out again. Then a debt would accumulate.
“Sunbae. See you next time.”
Choi Sungbin offered a brief farewell. He didn’t hear a reply from Yang Juwon.
He faced forward again. He tilted his head and scanned Yeonhee, whose eyes were swollen shut. He moved closer and wrapped an arm around her waist.
“Let’s go up.”
He was done with Yeonhee. He wasn’t slapped, but he was cursed at.
Facing a crying Yeonhee, Choi Sungbin had a strange thought. Could a profound emotion arise from just a few dates? Who did he think he was? Was she expecting true love from a partner she had slept with before even getting to know him?
They could just have fun, so why did they have to show each other their swamps and abysses?
There had been a similar situation when he had just turned twenty.
She was a senior a few years above him. Honestly, he couldn’t even remember her face. She was someone who dreamed of a love that seemed to only exist in movies. At first, he participated in the role-playing as if to please her, but later he grew tired of it.
In a situation that was embarrassing to even call a ‘breakup,’ she had been even more persistent than Yeonhee. Her role of trying to control a younger him because she was older had already been usurped.
‘The me you know was just me pretending to be nice. This is how I’ve always lived.’
Even when he spoke bluntly, she wailed that it wasn’t true.
‘Sungbin-ah, you shine so brightly. That’s why people are constantly drawn to you. You push them away because they’ll burn up if they get too close. The you I saw was kind. So…’
What was that senior’s name? He couldn’t even remember it now. He just. Felt like he had gotten into a bad situation. In the end, he replied as the senior wanted.
‘Sunbae, I’m still a freshman, and you have a boyfriend. Let’s stop here. This is the right way to end it.’
Anyone would think they had had a heart-wrenching romance. What on earth did that senior want? Did she want him to tell her to break up with her boyfriend and come to him?
Unfortunately, he had no such sense of responsibility. Only after filming a whole drama was he finally able to get his number blocked.
He deleted her number without hesitation, but she contacted him several more times. Only after blocking the number that called him in the middle of the night did he feel like he could breathe.
“Tsk…”
Choi Sungbin clicked his tongue briefly. He stretched, moving his head from side to side out of fatigue. He didn’t think he had slept for even two hours. He pressed the bridge of his nose firmly with his index and middle fingers.
He lifted his head a beat later.
“There he is again.”
He muttered in a low voice. Yang Juwon, who always appeared here and there, appeared before his eyes again today.
The man was walking leisurely with textbooks held in his arms. With a face that looked somewhat surly and blunt, making it impossible to know what he was thinking.
Choi Sungbin hid his fatigue and quickened his pace. He approached the man. He bumped his shoulder against his.
In his own way, he was acting friendly. He’ll be happy that I’m acknowledging him.
“Sunbae, hello.”
Yang Juwon was startled. At most, his eyes just widened, but among the reactions he had shown, it was by far the best.
“Did you get home okay yesterday?”
“Yeah. But I’m busy right now.”
Huh? Choi Sungbin sensed a strange atmosphere. His reaction was more lukewarm than usual. Pretending not to notice, he spoke again.
“Where are you going?”
“Downstairs. I have something to print.”
“Can’t you buy me coffee? I’m tired.”
“……”
“Let’s each buy a coffee and hang out in front.”
He curved his eyes. It was also a form of seduction, including a sliver of guilt. What he did yesterday was too much, even by his own standards.
Since he had openly stood him up twice, he should treat him a little better today. Yang Juwon would surely wag his tail and follow him.
He had no intention of being harsh all the time. If you didn’t manage the fish in your fish tank, they could leap out of the tank, even if it cost them their lives.
“……”
Yang Juwon rolled his lips inward and bit down. He chewed the inside of his lip, creating a small knot in his jaw.
After being lost in thought for a moment, he pulled his chin back.
“Follow me.”
Choi Sungbin trailed after the man. There was no particular conversation, but it was the same as usual, so it wasn’t a problem.
Yang Juwon led Choi Sungbin to a café inside the building.
“You’re getting coffee, right? A cold one?”
“Yes.”
“One iced americano, please.”
He handed his card to the clerk and paid cleanly.
“What about you, Sunbae? Aren’t you having anything?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You’re skimping on something that costs so little.”
Just imagining him sitting next to him or across from him, acting pathetic, made him sick. It couldn’t be helped. Choi Sungbin took his wallet out of his back pocket.
“Sunbae, what kind of coffee are you getting?”
“……”
“I’ll buy. What are you getting?”
“No. I’m fine.”
What on earth was he so fine about. Thinking an americano would do, he stood in front of the counter. The moment he was about to order, the pager Yang Juwon was holding buzzed.
While he hesitated, Yang Juwon came back with the coffee. There wasn’t even a moment to call the clerk, choose a menu item, and pay. The man abruptly held out the hand holding the coffee cup.
“Here. Take this and drink it. I… have something to do, so I’ll go first.”
He pushed the coffee onto Choi Sungbin and quickly left, as if running away before he could be caught.
“……”
It all happened in an instant. In the unexpected situation, Choi Sungbin stood there blankly. Left alone, he blinked his eyes slowly.
‘I said let’s buy coffee and hang out, not that I just wanted you to buy me coffee, right?’
He finally looked back at the path Yang Juwon had taken. He had already vanished without a trace.
‘What is he doing?’
Choi Sungbin looked back at the spot where he disappeared with a dumbfounded expression.
📝
It wasn’t as if his life was so closely intertwined with him that he couldn’t do without him, but he felt uneasy, as if he was being blatantly avoided.
It must be a misunderstanding. How much of a pushover had Yang Juwon been until now? Come when told to come, go when told to go, do everything when told to do it.
‘It can’t be.’
He changed his mind. He still needed Yang Juwon for now. He was convenient once he tried using him. Sometimes he needed a target to take his anger out on, and sometimes he needed a meeting solely for the purpose of a simple release.
The man said he liked him but didn’t seem to want anything. No expectations either. That’s why it was comfortable. He didn’t crave affection.
This is pissing me off, fuck. Choi Sungbin’s eyes darted around frantically. Usually, he popped up everywhere, so why couldn’t he see him today?
“Hey, did something happen with that freshman?”
At Seokjun’s words, Choi Sungbin glanced around as he answered.
“No. Why.”
“It’s just… the girls are talking.”
Choi Sungbin took the trouble of heading to the student cafeteria. He didn’t have his schedule memorized, but somehow their lunch times coincided.
His eyes, which had been roaming around inconspicuously, fixed on one spot. Sure enough, he was able to find Yang Juwon. He stood out even in a crowd due to his height and good physique. The man was in the middle of paying for his meal ticket.
“I don’t care. ……Seokjun-ah, just a second.”
Choi Sungbin excused himself from his friend and immediately crossed the path. He walked toward the kiosk without a hint of hesitation. He quieted his steps and stood right behind the man’s back.
Pretending not to know. Pretending not to have grasped the situation at all. He deliberately used a bright voice.
“Sunbae.”
“Ah.”
Yang Juwon, who glanced back, only let out a very short sound. There was no sign of being flustered or surprised.
Choi Sungbin used his looks. He blinked and met his eyes.
“Sunbae, I’m hungry.”
Without asking anything else, the man immediately held out his hand. A meal ticket was placed on his palm. See, he wasn’t avoiding him.
Choi Sungbin felt like a laugh was about to escape, but he barely held it in.
“Use this to go buy food.”
“What about you, Sunbae?”
“I can just pay right now.”
Choi Sungbin took the meal ticket from the man’s palm. He watched Yang Juwon with his arms crossed. Yang Juwon tucked his chin in and raised his gaze.
“Why?”
“Pay. I have to choose my menu.”
“You, your friend is waiting.”
“I’m going to eat with you, so just pay for now.”
At his unreasonable persistence, the man swept his tongue over his lips. He glared for a moment before turning his body to touch the kiosk. Choi Sungbin stroked his neck and held his ground.
‘You’re not avoiding me, right? Why would you? After doing all that pathetic shit on your own, you’re going to avoid me over something like this?’
He cursed under his breath as he looked down at the man’s small crown.
“Hey, Sungbin-ah!”
Seokjun waved from afar and approached. He had actually waited just because he was told to. How clueless.
Choi Sungbin turned his back on the paying Yang Juwon and stood facing Seokjun.
“You just eat alone.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to eat with Sunbae.”
“Sunbae?”
“Yeah.”
“Sunbae left.”
Without even a moment to reply, he turned his head. Yang Juwon, who had been paying for a meal ticket at the kiosk just a few seconds ago, had disappeared.
The man was easy to spot because he was tall. Lunchtime. Even in the crowded student cafeteria, he could easily find his head popping up.
The person who was always dazed was, only at times like this, frantically running to get out of the cafeteria. The guy who used to drag his feet as if he had weights tied to them knew how to run too.
Choi Sungbin stood still to chew over the situation.
‘Did that bastard just avoid me?’
He pushed his tongue into his cheek. He mercilessly crumpled the meal ticket in his hand.
“Fuck, what does he think he’s doing?”
It was the moment it became clear it wasn’t a misunderstanding.
📝
Come to the parking lot.
You know my car, right?
I finish around six, so come around then.
There was no reply to the messages sent from the student cafeteria. Heading to the parking lot, Choi Sungbin hooked his finger into the keyring loop before clutching the car key.
Probably, Yang Juwon wouldn’t come. Hadn’t he always sent at least a short reply to the messages he sent?
He wasn’t sad that his relationship with him was ending. He wasn’t in a position to feel regret. There might not be anyone else he could treat like he treated Yang Juwon, but there were plenty of people to form relationships with.
He took his phone out of his back pocket. A personal message had come in a little while ago from a group member he had met for a group project.
You worked so hard today. ^^ I’m thinking about public administration as a double major, would you be able to meet and talk with me?
I’ll buy you drinks. hehe
Choi Sungbin tapped the keypad with a largely unimpressed face. As Yeonhee and Yang Juwon left, a new partner approached. Encounters were always like this for him. There was no reason to be regretful about anyone.
After setting up a meeting for Friday evening, he briefly ended the conversation. If another message related to daily life came, it meant there was some level of interest. Choi Sungbin, humming a little tune as he headed toward his car, stopped in his tracks.
“……”
Despite not even replying to the message, Yang Juwon had come again just because he was told to. He was standing in front of the car in an awkward posture, looking at the ground.
Choi Sungbin approached the man. Only then did Yang Juwon turn just his gaze while keeping his head bowed.
“You didn’t reply, but you came anyway?”
“Because you told me to come.”
“After ignoring me all day, now you’re acting nice.”
Choi Sungbin opened the car door. He was about to get into the driver’s seat but stopped, holding onto the car’s body. Yang Juwon was still standing at a certain distance.
“What are you doing? Get in.”
“……”
Yang Juwon, who had been standing there blankly, faced Choi Sungbin instead of taking a step. Unexpected words came out of the man’s mouth.
“I’m just going to go home today. I was worried you might wait. That’s why I came.”
“Just get in for now.”
His voice was laced with irritation. Unlike him, Yang Juwon was calm.
“Choi Sungbin.”
“Yes.”
“I asked you for a date yesterday.”
Choi Sungbin lowered his gaze. He wasn’t calm. The man was tormenting his fingers. Clenching and unclenching, scratching around his nails, then making a fist.
Only his voice was composed.
“I asked you to treat me like you do the other girls. You don’t leave them to meet someone else, do you?”
“……”
“Yesterday was a bit hurtful.”
There was one thing Yang Juwon didn’t know. Just as he had parted with him to go pick up Yeonhee, the opposite situation had also existed.
But it was a hassle to nitpick every single thing.
Ha—. Choi Sungbin let out a low sigh mixed with an exclamation. He was being so troublesome.
“So what do you want me to do?”
“……”
“Sunbae.”
“Yeah.”
“If you’re going to be a pain, just get lost. Stop being so pathetic.”
Choi Sungbin muttered to himself in a sharp voice.
“What does he want. It’s so annoying.”
He soon got into the driver’s seat. He fastened his seatbelt and stepped on the brake. When he pressed the ignition button, the man slightly moved aside.
Why did he have to come all the way here and ruin a person’s mood? Does he have pride too, because he’s a man? Is he asking for an apology or something?
Being so troublesome. Choi Sungbin shifted the gear. He stepped on the accelerator and turned the steering wheel.
He pulled out of the parking space. In the rearview mirror, a man stood foolishly.
📝
In the space where silence flowed, only the sound of a page turning could be heard. Choi Sungbin sat curled up in a corner of the sofa with an expressionless face, listlessly flipping through the book.
The night was deep, but he didn’t even know what time it was. He was tired, but it wasn’t as if he would fall asleep just by closing his eyes. He couldn’t be defined as what people commonly call a morning person or a night owl. He always suffered from a lack of sleep.
He didn’t stay up all night lost in thought either. If he had lived captivated by the past that had gone or the future that hadn’t arrived, he wouldn’t be living like he was now.
He finally closed the book he was reading. On nights he spent alone, he always read. He was usually with someone else, so the cycle of changing books was quite long.
He had only just finished the book he had opened a few weeks ago. His eyes, which had only been inputting text, finally scanned the white-toned interior of his home.
“……”
The house was frighteningly quiet. Aside from the noise coming from outside, there wasn’t even a single sound.
He picked up the phone that was nearby. When he checked the time, it was just past three in the morning. What are you doing, let’s get food, there were messages, but he wasn’t tempted. He hadn’t made any separate plans today.
No matter how far he was from the emotion of love, getting entangled with others was bound to be tiring. He needed time alone too.
He collapsed onto the sofa in a curled-up position. He stared blankly ahead.
I want to sleep.
Not that sleep would come, though.
He slowly closed and opened his eyes.
Just then, a low vibration pooled and tickled his palm. Gripping the repeatedly vibrating object, he slowly sat up. He checked the name. His long eyelashes lowered and then returned to their original place.
“Crazy bastard.”
He chewed on the curse under his breath. He scoffed at the three syllables, Yang Juwon. How shameless. What time does he think it is to be calling at this hour?
“……”
Was he the same as this man, with no regard for day or night? Does this man have trouble sleeping too?
If he were with someone else, he would have ignored it, but he was alone now. The silence and quietness felt somewhat overwhelming. And wasn’t there an issue to be settled?
“Yes, Sunbae.”
Contrary to how he had coldly cast the man aside just a few hours ago, Choi Sungbin answered the phone calmly. It was a ridiculous situation. Yang Juwon, who called as if nothing had happened, and him, who answered just as nonchalantly.
—Choi Sungbin.
The man’s voice reached him, somehow muffled.
“Yes.”
—Can we meet now… It’s not because I’m drunk, I have something to say.
At the drawn-out voice, Choi Sungbin narrowed his brows.
“Did you drink?”
—Yeah. But not a lot… I was just wondering if we could meet for a little while…
Dealing with a drunk person is tough. Either drink in moderation or don’t cause a scene. He seemed to be a pretty good drinker, though. Wasn’t he the man who had readily gulped down the drinks he was given at the beginning of the semester without hesitation?
He pictured the man, pathetically calling him after sipping alcohol and wallowing in self-pity until this hour. A sneer formed on his lips. To think he was like this, and yet he was being so troublesome.
When there was no answer, the man added.
—Just. It’ll only take a moment. Just. Sorry for the late hour.
Choi Sungbin tapped his fingers. The time or place didn’t matter. In fact, he often went to meet women who called him, drunk, asking to meet.
Yang Juwon wasn’t special. It was a common occurrence. They didn’t expect some great love, so they could be comfortable with each other. When they longed for the opposite sex, and the night felt too short, they would contact each other. It wasn’t for nothing that Hyena had called him after drinking.
So. This meant that, aside from the fact that the person he was about to meet was of the same sex, there was nothing special about the situation. To be honest, he was also curious about what he would say.
He got up and went into his room. He opened the built-in closet and took out a tracksuit set. He was bored anyway, so this was good.
He would see him if he had to, but he picked a fight for no reason.
“Sunbae.”
—Yeah.
“I’ll go out. But shouldn’t you be the one coming? Why should I move to see you…”
—Alright!
Before he could even finish his sentence, a shout came back from over the phone. That surprised me. Choi Sungbin frowned and pulled the phone away from his ear. Who does he think he is, yelling at me?
Mumbling sounds came from over the phone. He was a typical drunk person. He brought the phone close again. The man enunciated more clearly than before. As if he was trying to get a grip on himself.
Still, his rambling was the same.
—I’ll go to your place right now. Wait for me. Really. It’ll take 30 minutes. You know? Yeah.
“No. Not my place. Come to the hotel.”
—Okay, I’ll drink a hangover cure and go. I’m not drunk, really. Sorry. I’ll go.
The phone call ended simply. Choi Sungbin, who had gotten dressed and come out, sat on the sofa again. He gazed blankly out the window.
The city, soaked in silence, the jet-black Han River, lost its presence, buried in the darkness. He tilted his head back and leaned his body.
📝
Just as he had entered the hotel room, his phone rang. Choi Sungbin checked the caller ID and answered the call. It was obvious who would be calling at this time.
“Yes.”
—Uh, hey.
“Yes, Sunbae.”
—I’m in front of the hotel right now. I was just wondering if I could come straight up.
“Yes. You can come right up. If you don’t want to, you can stay there.”
—Okay, but uh, since I came to see you, anyway.
“You know the room number, right?”
—I’ll go to that place from last time.
Choi Sungbin let out a low sigh. What a pain. He was a man who had mastered the art of being annoying while pretending to be easygoing. He had chosen to go out because the loneliness of the night felt awkward, only to be met with a string of troublesome events.
He lay down lengthwise on the bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. He had no idea what kind of tantrum he would throw, but it probably wouldn’t be a big blow. Honestly, if he really thought about it, he didn’t even know what he had done wrong.
Beep———. At the short ring of the doorbell, Choi Sungbin sat up. He dragged his slippers and opened the door without much care. Yang Juwon, looking limp, was, as expected, wearing a shabby hoodie.
That hoodie he wears every day. Either the hoodie or the department jacket. Is that all the clothes you have?
Looking at the faded hoodie, he felt sick to his stomach as soon as their eyes met. He thought it would be better to be lonely than to face this suffocating man.
Choi Sungbin looked the man up and down before turning away.
“Why did you want to meet?”
Choi Sungbin immediately got to the point with the man who had followed him in.
Yang Juwon stretched his sleeves down. Seeing that made him realize how little interest the man had in how he appeared to others. He was making his already messy clothes even messier. Then again, if he cared about others’ gazes, he wouldn’t have let his bangs hang down like that.
“You know.”
Choi Sungbin gave the hesitating man an indifferent look.
“Yes.”
“That.”
“Stop dragging it out and get to the point. I hate it when things are frustrating.”
Choi Sungbin took a bottle of water from the refrigerator. The sight of him dawdling was so frustrating that he chugged the water. Hoo, the man’s sigh spilled into the quiet room.
The man smelled of alcohol. He was more drunk than he had sounded on the phone. Not drunk, my ass. Choi Sungbin closed the cap of the water bottle and placed his palm on top of it. He leaned his body at an angle.
He gave him a look, telling him to say what he had to say.
“I was sorry. I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
“For ignoring you. For blatantly avoiding you.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I don’t care.”
Honestly, it wasn’t that he didn’t care. It was an annoying situation, after all. If he didn’t see him, he wouldn’t have even cared, but if a person who was annoyingly wandering around then conspicuously avoided him, anyone would feel the same. Nevertheless, Choi Sungbin pretended not to care.
“You know, Choi Sungbin.”
“Yes.”
“I, I thought we were dating…”