UPLB Ch 8

A murmuring voice could be heard. Choi Sungbin’s consciousness grew hazy. A headache washed over him, and he felt as if he would fall asleep at any moment. He shut his eyes tightly, then opened them. He leaned his body wherever was comfortable. He collapsed as if falling forward, supported by the strength holding up his shoulder.

📝

He had said with his own mouth that he couldn’t handle alcohol well, but I never imagined it would be to this extent. According to the people next to us, it was just one sip. With one sip of vodka, Choi Sungbin was already completely drunk. Yang Juwon draped his arm over his own shoulder.

All of the weight leaned onto his side. It was burdensome, but not so much that he couldn’t support him at all.

“Oppa, it’s Sungbin.”

Yang Juwon had no time to catch his breath while supporting Choi Sungbin. In the first place, he was the only one here who could handle Choi Sungbin. Because he was such a tall and well built guy.

When he barely managed to lift his head, Hyena was standing there with a somehow hesitant expression. Choi Sungbin swayed and sagged into his arms. He muttered something in a small voice, but it was inaudible. I never thought I would hold him in my arms like this. Actually, it wasn’t the first time.

“My place isn’t far, so it’s okay if you take him there. You know. I’m really close with Sungbin……, and I’ve gone to Sungbin’s place after drinking many times, so things won’t get awkward because of this. Or I can just go sleep at a friend’s house……”

Hyena also seemed quite drunk, as her words became long. Over her shoulder, Changsoo was watching the situation while smoking a cigarette. No matter how much Choi Sungbin and Hyena had shared, now was not the time. And I did not want it to be.

Yang Juwon shook his head.

“I’ll just take him.”

“Where are you going to take him? I know Sungbin’s house is far from here too.”

“It’s quick if we take a taxi.”

“Do you know where his house is?”

Instead of answering right away, Yang Juwon scraped the inside of his lip with his teeth. He knew the apartment complex where he lived, but he did not know the exact building and unit number. He did not particularly want to say that.

His pride was wounded. Although it was a relationship only the two of them knew about, it was even more so because he knew what kind of relationship Hyena and Choi Sungbin had.

Does Hyena know his house too? Did they not only frequent hotels but also go back and forth between each other’s homes? Did they go there often and have dates there too?

Choi Sungbin is good to women. Unlike how he treated me, he was considerate and caring to them. That was why I put up my pride even more. The fact that I know his house is not a big deal, but we are that close. Even if it looks like we are just close friends in Hyena’s eyes. I chose to become a liar.

“Yeah.”

“Ah……”

Hyena let out a short sigh. Just then, Choi Sungbin’s head drooped forward. Yang Juwon supported him as he almost fell over and corrected his posture. Hyena gave an awkward smile. She pointed behind her with a hand giving a thumbs up.

“Then oppa, I’ll leave Sungbin with you. I, um, think I have to drink a little more with the others.”

“Okay.”

“See you next time.”

“Yeah.”

After finishing her goodbyes, Hyena turned and leisurely disappeared into the group. Changsoo, who had been smoking over her shoulder, gave a slight wave of his hand. Go. Yang Juwon ended up nodding his head.

Choi Sungbin is not usually the talkative type. It seemed to be because he knows he stands out even when he keeps his mouth shut, even when he doesn’t speak. He is affectionate to women, but I had never seen him just run his mouth. He did not make needy requests, nor did he create situations where he would have to.

Inside the taxi, Yang Juwon looked at Choi Sungbin leaning on his shoulder before turning to face forward. The taxi had a unique, musty smell.

“My head hurts……”

Choi Sungbin muttered quietly and shifted the body that was leaning on him. Their touching bodies naturally rubbed against each other. Even though he was nearly a dozen centimeters taller, he leaned in as if he would be held in my arms.

Yang Juwon froze stiffly. It was the first time seeing him whine. I knew he would cling to people when he was drunk, but I did not know he would be like this even outside.

“My head really hurts……”

“……”

“It’s hot.”

The whining voice was not unlikable. Yang Juwon lowered the window a little. His eyes met the taxi driver’s in the rearview mirror. The taxi driver forced a smile.

A man drunk and held in another man’s arms, heading to a luxury hotel.

“You look more like lovers than friends.”

“……He’s just very drunk.”

It was a forced excuse. In the end, it was a hotel again. Because I do not know his house, I end up heading to a familiar place. It was not a place with very good memories. But it was also the only place I could go with him.

“My head hurts.”

Choi Sungbin muttered again.

“I’m tired. I want to sleep……”

I lent my shoulder to him as he muttered with more slurred pronunciation than usual. He kept shifting his body. His low breathing tickled my ear.

The air was hot. Yang Juwon tried his best to ignore the sound of his breathing and looked out the window. One of his shoulders was heavy.

Even though I had not smoked a single puff of a cigarette, a bitter taste rolled around in my mouth.

📝

Yang Juwon took out Choi Sungbin’s wallet to get the hotel card key. The moment he opened the wallet, he flinched. A neatly folded piece of paper popped out and fell.

While holding onto him, I bent my back. I picked up the paper and silently rolled my eyes. I checked to see if he was watching.

I know I shouldn’t be doing this. Even in the physically taxing situation, I unfolded the paper.

I saw you a few times in class, and I wanted to get to know you.

Please be sure to contact me at 010—XXXX—XXXX. I want to be friends.

It was a memo, and I did not know when or from whom he had received it. Seeing as the memo fell out as soon as I opened the wallet, it probably had not been long. It was a message asking him to contact her with her number, and though it said she wanted to be friends, it clearly contained ulterior motives.

He must have accepted it familiarly. Did he contact her too?

I couldn’t say anything to Choi Sungbin. If he were to ask back what business it was of mine, I would have nothing to say. It seemed like our relationship had gotten a little better, and I did not want to create a flaw in it.

How stupid. Yang Juwon blamed himself.

“Hah……”

After letting out a heavy sigh, he inserted the memo deep into the wallet. Then he took out the card key and held it to the door lock. With a click, the door opened.

Without the presence of mind to open the door and turn on the lights, he laid him down on the bed. Choi Sungbin was not his usual self. With the light seeping in from outside as illumination, he was lying disheveled on the pristine white bed. He looked like a painting.

Yang Juwon wiped away the sweat beading on his forehead. His whole body was soaked in sweat. Even though they had come by taxi, getting him into the room was also quite an effort. He took off his shoes and placed them on the floor.

He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Choi Sungbin. He kept saying his head hurt, and a shallow wrinkle was etched between his brows.

“Choi Sungbin.”

Yang Juwon finally called his name. It was heavy and burdensome. Despite it being the mere act of calling his name.

Does he know this fact? He probably does not know anything. He really, probably does not know anything.

It’s not the first time.

Because it’s not the first time.

Yang Juwon gazed down at Choi Sungbin for a while, then reached out his hand. He touched the ends of his hair and then pulled his hand back. He acted cautiously, as if picking up broken glass. Because of his exceptionally black hair, his white skin stood out even more.

I want to touch him. I want to reach him.

Finally, his fingertips touched his cheek. At that moment, Choi Sungbin’s tightly shut eyes slowly opened.

In fairy tales, they fall in love at moments like this. But reality was not like that. Choi Sungbin was drunk, and I was using alcohol as an excuse.

“……”

We just met each other’s gaze without a word. The silence touched my skin directly. The somehow sensual atmosphere felt suffocating, so Yang Juwon got up.

In the quiet air, the man’s voice, deeper than usual, was heard.

“……Where are you going.”

Does he even know who he is talking to? Instead of answering, Yang Juwon approached the window.

Even looking out the window did not ease his mind. Is this the right thing to do? Although there is probably only one choice to make.

In the end, he drew the blackout curtains. Except for the thin sliver of light seeping through the curtains, everything was blocked out.

He retraced his memory and approached the bed. A rustling sound was heard. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Choi Sungbin. He could not see well.

“……”

Will I get used to the darkness? I placed a hand on his cheek. I used alcohol as an excuse. I used the alcohol. Thanks to the alcohol, I could touch his cheek.

My fingertips swept down his cheek and touched his lips. Even though he had not applied anything, they were moist and warm. I could feel their glossiness even through touch.

I gently pressed his soft lower lip with the tip of my index finger. Warmth touched the back of my hand. A hand cautiously grasping the back of my hand gradually pulled him closer.

Yang Juwon was drawn by the slight force and moved closer to him. It is all because of the alcohol. The way he is doing this to me. He would not have done it if he had not been drinking. He would have probably been burying his face between his legs like usual, sucking the penis that was almost too much for his mouth.

But today was different. Their lips met. Hot breath touched me.

Choi Sungbin was a good kisser. He knew where to lick with his hot tongue to make a body flinch, and how to suck to make a body press closer. It was probably because of his numerous experiences.

Before I knew it, our bodies were tangled. While we rubbed and sucked each other’s tongues, Choi Sungbin gripped Yang Juwon’s buttocks. He squeezed and twisted them hard with his hands.

When he pulled my lower body towards his, Yang Juwon pulled his body back. Because if his erect penis were to touch him, he might feel repulsed.

Instead, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I gathered my lips and sucked on the tongue that had entered my mouth.

Eut, mmm……, the tongue rubbing deeply against mine was chafed on my own tongue. Only the squelching sound of saliva and roughly exhaled breaths echoed.

His breath smelled of alcohol. Since Choi Sungbin had not drunk much, it must be mine. It must be unpleasant, but does he even know who he is kissing right now?

The hand that had been gripping my buttocks traveled up my back. The lips that had been rubbing me so much moved away. Our breaths mixed in the air. Yang Juwon heaved his chest and panted for breath.

“Ah……”

Yang Juwon let out a gentle breath and moved away from him. Choi Sungbin twisted his head and burrowed into the gap. He kissed my slightly withdrawn neck. He sucked his way down slowly from under my chin, fumbling with my back.

He touched the center of my back with his thumb and middle finger. At the pinching gesture, I at first wondered what he was doing, but soon Yang Juwon also realized.

He was looking for a bra hook. He was obviously not thinking that I could be a man. Actually, it was obvious.

Wasn’t it me who had even drawn the curtains and approached him so that he would not feel any revulsion? Yang Juwon reached behind his back and pulled his hand away. The head that had been sucking my neck moved away. Choi Sungbin lay back down on the bed.

“……I want to drink water.”

At the low whine, Yang Juwon got up. He took a bottle of water from the refrigerator. It was familiar, as he always used to take one out and drink it here. When he opened the lid and handed it to him, a voice mixed with laughter came from him, who was lying languidly on the bed.

“Feed me.”

“……”

“I’m thirsty. Hurry.”

So you become a child when you drink.

I know his usual self. He acts kind in front of people, but he is mean. He is also calculating and cuts off troublesome relationships like a knife. Even so, he maneuvered here and there to avoid being left as a bad person.

While he gets good reviews from people who have a casual relationship with him, he acts mean to those who have fallen for him. In a word, he was shady. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help it, if I kept Choi Sungbin by my side…… if I watched over him…… I had no choice but to fall for him.

He was like a swamp. A swamp where the more you struggle, the deeper you have to sink. A turbid zone where once you dip your foot in, you are helplessly sucked in, and you cannot know what lies at the bottom of the abyss.

Yang Juwon brought the bottle to his lips. Choi Sungbin, who had propped up his upper body at an angle, finally accepted the water. Soon, he let out another breath, hoo, and lay back down on the bed. As soon as I put the bottle down, that hand was caught by Choi Sungbin.

It seems like he is somehow smiling.

“Kiss me again.”

Was this what Eros felt? Was this the feeling of making love without a single light, with one’s own existence being denied? I was anxious and nervous at the thought of being caught, but nevertheless, I held him again.

Before I knew it, I was leaning against him again. My voice was not as high as a woman’s, nor was my build small, but could he become so dead drunk just because of alcohol that he could not even recognize my gender?

Is he doing this even though he knows? Or does it not matter? Is he toying with me, or does he think it is okay because he is drunk? Is he really so out of it that he does not know? It was impossible to tell. Choi Sungbin was that difficult of a person.

“……Do you know who I am?”

Yang Juwon knew that his voice was trembling pathetically. But he had no choice but to ask. Does he know who I am and is treating me like this? Can I have hope? Even if it is just because of the alcohol.

“……”

There was no answer. Instead, he just let out a long sigh, hmm. An arm wrapped around my waist. The pulling force was not strong.

It was gentle. That was why it was miserable.

“Tell me later.”

He did not know who I was. It was just like that time.

📝

The good thing about being a lightweight is that you do not get the hangovers everyone else does. Since you fall asleep after just one or two drinks, the alcohol has no time to accumulate.

Choi Sungbin lifted his heavy eyelids. The fact that the insomnia that plagued him like a chronic illness had led to a deep sleep with just a sip of alcohol was not a very pleasant thing.

Was it telling me to become an alcoholic if I wanted to sleep when others sleep? The moment I opened my eyes, I felt like crap.

“Fucking bastard……”

Choi Sungbin cursed as soon as he opened his eyes. There was no need to dwell on the memory. Due to Changsoo’s very intentional mistake, he had drunk alcohol, which he had not had a single sip of since he was 20. Even when he was 20, it was only once.

The afterimage of Yang Juwon saying something to Changsoo who had made him drink and accepting him when he was drunk remained. There was no memory after that, but seeing that he was in a familiar space, nothing major must have happened. In any case, since he only falls asleep when he gets drunk, there was nothing much to worry about.

Did I come alone? Or did someone bring me?

If someone brought me, there is only one person who would.

I do not know. It is annoying. Choi Sungbin took a deep breath and pulled up the blanket that had slid down to his chest. At the rustling sound, he shifted his gaze towards the bathroom. The sound of a doorknob turning was followed by the sound of slippers shuffling.

“……”

The other person appeared in the mirror of the sink opposite the bathroom. It was Yang Juwon. I stared blankly at him, who had even come out wearing a shower gown, and then a sneer escaped. It was absurd.

“What is it?”

“I sweated a lot.”

Just hearing him speak, you would think he had just come from a workout.

“No, why are you here.”

“I’m the one who brought you.”

“Ah. Yes.”

As if I’m asking because I do not know that. I had a vague idea, but I was not particularly interested. Would my lover have abandoned me if I had gotten drunk and passed out outside? Lover. Ah, right, a lover. Because we broke up and got back together yesterday.

Honestly, I was in a good mood yesterday. In fact, it was even good. He was the only one who took my side in that space. He also sorted out the atmosphere for me and got angry on my behalf when I was drunk and out of my mind.

So I decided to get back together with him. That was all. Nothing much would change anyway.

While Yang Juwon was drying his hair, Choi Sungbin fumbled around the bed and picked up his phone. He checked the accumulated messages. Among them, there was one from Hyena. Did you get home okay yesterday. It seemed like she would be dating Changsoo again soon, but weren’t we close friends?

However, the message Hyena sent was loaded with an unexpected emotion.

Hey, Choi Sungbin.

ithoughtaboutit

howlonghaveweknownneachotherforutodothat

whatdididotoou??

honestlyitssoabsurdhowurjustmakingexcuses

What is this. Seeing my name written clearly, it must have been sent to me. But was there anything to be angry about yesterday?

I do not think I made a mistake while drunk. I had no particular complaints about Hyena. Of course, there was nothing to fight about either. If there had been a dispute, it might have been with her boyfriend, Changsoo. And yesterday, Yang Juwon had handled everything, so it was fine.

At the incomprehensible message, Choi Sungbin tilted his head.

“Sunbae.”

Yang Juwon, who was roughly drying his short hair, finally turned off the dryer and looked back.

“Did you call?”

“Yes. Did I by any chance cause trouble yesterday?”

“No. Why.”

“The text message……”

“Huh?”

Yang Juwon had an expression of knowing nothing. Judging by his reaction, it seemed there was no particular problem. I wondered what the situation was, but Choi Sungbin decided to just let it be.

“It’s fine. I’ll just ask her later.”

“Okay.”

After the short reply, Yang Juwon went back to drying his hair. Only the noise of the dryer echoed. Choi Sungbin lay on the bed and quietly watched him.

I had seen people drying their hair there a time or two, but the fact that it was a man and not a woman felt a bit strange. The man’s gestures, focused solely on the act of drying his hair rather than styling it so it would not stick out, were clumsy.

He was tall and lanky, and it feels weird to say this, but he looked better with just a shower gown on his bare body than wearing his usual gloomy clothes. Though I would not say it out loud.

What does that man want from me? The people who showered here and stood in front of the sink drying their hair all slept with me. But Yang Juwon did not. Or is he waiting for the right time, hoping to have sex?

If it were that man…….

Even if it were that man.

It probably would not work. We were already on terms where we had seen each other’s genitals, but I could not even imagine clinging to him and rubbing against him. It’s not like doing it between men is that different, but a physiological repulsion came first.

Yang Juwon, who had roughly dried his hair, turned off the dryer. Then he fidgeted and looked at the mirror with an awkward gaze. Our eyes met through the large mirror.

Thinking he might misunderstand that I was secretly watching, Choi Sungbin looked away first. Though in fact, I was watching.

Yang Juwon tilted his head and tightened his shower gown. What is he doing now.

“Excuse me, I want to change my clothes.”

“Go ahead and change. I won’t peek.”

As I thought, he must have misunderstood that I was peeking. Why would one man speak so cautiously about changing clothes in front of another? It feels crappy. Choi Sungbin stared blankly at the man who was gathering his clothes while tightening his shower gown. His throat was dry.

“Sunbae.”

“Yeah.”

“I want to drink water.”

The man who was picking up his clothes that had been draped over a chair stopped in his tracks. Their eyes remained locked for quite a long time. I do not know what he was thinking, standing there blankly, but Choi Sungbin said, “Bring me water.”

Yang Juwon soon replied, yes, and took out water from the refrigerator, personally opening the cap before bringing it over. Choi Sungbin tilted his head and looked at the man holding out the water bottle.

He did not take the water bottle. I could see it only then. I had wondered why he kept tightening his shower gown.

“Your neck, what is that?”

“You said you wanted water.”

“I said, what is with your neck.”

Instead of taking the water, Choi Sungbin sat up. He carelessly pushed open the shower gown the man was wearing. His shoulders and chest were all clean, but only his neck was red and blotchy. It looked as if it was bruised from how much it had been sucked on, leaving its mark. I did not see it yesterday.

I have no memory of what happened after drinking yesterday. I know I did not do it. There was no way I would have held onto a man and caressed him. Not only was his appearance not pretty, but his height and build were blatantly male, so there was no way I could have been confused. Furthermore, it was a ridiculous notion since I always fall asleep as if I have fainted whenever I drink.

Did we play the King’s Game with the bastards who joined midway? Although it was a university area bar, it was a cornered off and private spot. And Changsoo, along with his cronies, had a reputation for playing dirty.

Choi Sungbin pushed his tongue into his cheek. He grabbed the man’s chin and lifted it.

“Who were you making out with. Did you play the King’s Game there or something?”

To be honest, I felt like crap.

“It wasn’t anything like that.”

Yang Juwon frowned for the first time in a while. What did he do right to be frowning? His reaction openly soured my mood. This is why I hate drinking.

‘I drank too much. I did it because I was drunk. Sir, really, nothing happened. Sungbin, please speak for me. Nothing happened, right? Huh?’

The voice of a woman who had begged while crying faintly came to mind. Even though it was clearly my room, I could not remember where I had been. Was I sitting or standing. Was I on my father’s side, or if not, was I on the woman’s side.

As the memories overlapped like a Venn diagram, Choi Sungbin picked a fight with the man. It was taking out his anger. Because he was someone I could do that to.

“Or did you go to some other room and offer yourself up?”

“……”

The man’s face sank gloomily. I know that even I think it is a ridiculous thing to say. A sense of frustration washed over me. Ah, this is annoying.

Choi Sungbin threw off the blanket and got up. He had no shirt on, and the buckle of his pants was undone. He walked past the man. I hope that bastard is gone when I come out of the shower.

“You……”

Choi Sungbin glanced at the man who had started to speak. I wonder why he always speaks so frustratingly.

“Speak properly, you’re pissing me off.”

“You did it.”

The wrinkle on his brow, which had been pressed down by irritation, slowly smoothed out.

“What?”

Choi Sungbin ended up asking again. Yang Juwon squeezed his eyes shut.

“I kissed you yesterday.”

“……”

“Because you were drunk, because you were drunk…… we kissed. When I said I wouldn’t take off my clothes, you said you would just suck my neck then……”

“I did?”

It was a string of things I could not understand. Even when I had relationships with women, I was the type not to do things they said they did not like. I was not so desperate as to soothe and coax them just to have sex. But. This. Is. A bit.

“Sunbae, you’re a man.”

“Yeah.”

“……What are you talking about. I don’t understand.”

Choi Sungbin looked at the bed where he had just been lying. Even looking at the disheveled blanket did not bring back any memories.

“You were drunk……, I think you saw me as a woman.”

“But you’re still a man.”

“Yeah.”

“Shouldn’t you have said no if you were in your right mind?”

Yang Juwon once again sealed his lips shut.

“You didn’t dislike it, did you, you perverted bastard.”

Choi Sungbin’s consciousness was finally drawn to his unbuckled pants.

“What is this then.”

Instead of answering, Yang Juwon covered his own mouth with the back of his hand. Ah, fuck. Honestly, it was not the first time he had sucked me, and even though it had happened several times, I felt like crap. I felt like I had been fucked.

Choi Sungbin resolved that he would absolutely, never again, drink alcohol. He had sworn never to drink again after being dragged away by older male seniors at 20 and being abandoned in some cheap motel, but he once again made a firm decision.

Although I did not want to believe it, I also did not think that the man would have lied. With his unnecessarily rigid personality, he was not the type of person to lie. Also, if he lied and said they had kissed, he would only get cursed at and have nothing to gain. Just because I had a drunken, forgotten kiss with a man, would I do it again? It would just be one more shitty experience.

Although his mood was openly foul, Choi Sungbin just waved his hand and let it be.

“I’m going to go wash up, so get dressed and leave on your own.”

“What about the car?”

Ah. The car. The thought of the car, neatly parked in the school parking lot, became another bother. I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them. Nothing goes right because of this damn alcohol.

“I’ll take care of the car myself.”

“My place is near the school anyway, so let’s take a taxi together. I’ll pay for the taxi.”

Choi Sungbin turned to look at him with a dumbfounded expression. Although I am the one who tells the man to buy me this and buy me that, that is just to tease and mess with him. It was just ridiculous to see him, who always hands over his card with a trembling hand, offer to pay for the taxi fare.

He was so dumbfounded that he asked back.

“Do I look like I don’t have taxi money?”

“……Still, if we go together, we won’t have to spend more money.”

If we go separately, can’t he just take the subway? I do not know if he cannot think of that, has no intention of thinking of it, or if he is doing this even though he knows.

In any case, it was truly……. a very Yang Juwon-like idea. Choi Sungbin let out an audible sigh, huff.

“Do whatever you want.”

He truly is an impossibly frustrating and annoying person.