WOP Ch 2.1

Countless connections gather to create a single destiny. Even moments passed without a thought can become important memories, crashing down like a massive tsunami.

The person who moved Ha Joyoon, unconscious from the gunfire, to the citizen militia’s temporary shelter was a 13-year-old boy named Muhammad Kolly.

Kolly’s parents, with their striking deep-set double eyelids and clear eyes, had lost their lives during the brutal Arab Spring, in the civil war between Muammar Gaddafi and anti-Gaddafi forces. At the time, Ha Joyoon, who was staying in Libya before crossing into Syria, was filming the war situation when he discovered a baby boy crying, wrapped in a hijab soaked in blood, amidst the corpses of what appeared to be women.

Even when he threw his camera aside and rescued the terrified boy from among the dead, he didn’t think his connection with the child would last. However, like the process of coincidences brushing against each other and forming a knot of fate, the time spent struggling to save the boy did not simply end as the past.

As if by destiny, even in extreme situations where no letters could be exchanged, Ha Joyoon would often reunite with Kolly in the middle of filming the situation while traveling between the Libyan and Syrian borders. It was such a bizarre reunion that one could call it a connection guided by their god, Allah. Despite the vast age difference, the two built a quiet friendship within a deep bond.

شكرا… (Thank you…)

When he first opened his eyes, the boy whispered, his eyes filled with tears. At the endless whispering, at the tear droplets brimming with overwhelming joy, he too shed tears endlessly. He was grateful to be alive. Grateful to God for allowing him to see him again. On the last night before separating to cross the border, Kolly hugged Ha Joyoon with his thin arms and whispered. “Yoon, let’s meet again someday.” He thought they would continue. He would continue.

Click.

He rested his chin on his hand and stared blankly at the photos on the screen. Events and people taken at a recent news scene filled the monitor.

“Is it finally confirmed?”

A familiar voice made his eyes dart back. At the gaze that wordlessly stared at him, Nam Hyunwoo scratched the back of his neck and blushed for no reason.

“Did I interrupt you? I was just passing by and curious.”

“No. I wasn’t thinking about anything. …I haven’t had the editor-in-chief check it yet, but would you like to take a look?”

“Everything looks great to me.”

Bending over to look at the monitor together, Nam Hyunwoo muttered. Because he hadn’t asked for an evaluation, Joyoon lowered the scroll with a calm expression.

“Oh, by the way, did you hear about the welcome party today?”

“Welcome party?”

At the reaction of hearing it for the first time, Nam Hyunwoo shrugged his shoulders as if he expected it.

“Oh, really? It’s Ha Joyoon’s welcome party today. They sent it as a mass message on the intranet.”

At those words, Joyoon wore a bewildered expression. That was because it had already been several months since he had properly started working.

“But it’s been a long time since I came to the office….”

Nam Hyunwoo pointed to Shin Kwonjoo’s office. Over there, over there. His whispering voice was full of playfulness.

“The atmosphere wasn’t good for a while, was it?”

“……”

“And there were so many incidents that broke out that it was an emergency every day. If you have any grievances, you should let them out to the director today.”

“It’s not a grievance.”

Joyoon, who seemed surprised for a moment, soon quietly smiled and shook his head. His gaze slowly moved to the opposite side. The large private office occupying the entire side of the office, that door had rarely been opened since morning. It was the office of the man he hadn’t properly seen in weeks.

“It looks like the director is coming too.”

“Yes, he’s coming for some reason. He almost never attends company dinners.”

Since the rally, there had been virtually no opportunity to meet Shin Kwonjoo alone. They were never close, but since that incident, the atmosphere was even colder than before. In reality, there were few cases where the director and a general reporter directly worked together, and most of them were completed at the editor-in-chief level, so there were even fewer opportunities to see him.

In the beginning, he tried to approach him several times without understanding the atmosphere, but when the other person’s coldness continued for more than a month, Ha Joyoon could vaguely feel that Shin Kwonjoo was avoiding him.

“Anyway, keep your evening free. Everyone is ready, so it will be difficult to go in early today.”

“Okay.”

Toward Nam Hyunwoo, who was grinning mischievously, Joyoon nodded his head almost imperceptibly. He wasn’t comfortable in a place where he socialized with people, but if it could allow him to forget the pain of separation even for a little while, he was willing to do anything.

“Cheers!”

A cheerful voice rang out coolly.

As the editor-in-chief’s toast ended, they took turns going around and emptying glasses of liquor mixed in appropriate proportions. Due to the nature of the news agency, the attendees were a mix of locals from the headquarters’ country and Koreans in a certain ratio, but the portions given were the same for everyone. Of course, the belated welcome party’s protagonist couldn’t avoid it either.

Matching the bustling atmosphere appropriately, Joyoon listened to people’s words as diligently as possible and answered questions. It was a stark contrast to his usual detached attitude of observing from a step away from the group. It felt uncomfortable and stifling as if he were wearing ill-fitting clothes, but he didn’t care. Rather, he was glad that the immediate discomfort kept him from wallowing in unnecessary emotions.

The more his thoughts lingered, the more tightly he gripped the glass in his hand. Even amidst the commotion, the hole in the center of his chest showed no signs of shrinking.

Around that time, the doorbell rang near the entrance. He didn’t pay any attention, assuming it was just one of the people going in and out of the bar, but then unexpected words came in.

“Director, you’re here!”

Joyoon turned his head without realizing it. A large figure could be seen through the crowd. A tall man in a well-tailored navy-toned business suit was striding towards the table with a stern expression. It was Shin Kwonjoo.

It had been so long since he’d seen him properly that Joyoon couldn’t take his eyes off him for a while and stared at him. The man who instantly increased the density of the surroundings didn’t suit the relaxed atmosphere of the pub at all.

He didn’t think he would come.

Joyoon slowly blinked his eyes, turning his half-empty glass around.

The others seemed just as uncomfortable. People who had been talking in relaxed postures until just now straightened their backs and greeted their superior. Shin Kwonjoo stopped the employees who were guiding him to the center seat, looked around for a moment, and then settled at the edge of the table.

“Director, you’re a little late.”

“I’m sorry. The traffic was bad.”

“You have to run until the end, Director.”

“I can’t stay long. I just came to share the moment.”

Shin Kwonjoo answered appropriately in a low voice, took the menu, and unfolded it. One of the employees offered him a toast, but he politely declined that as well. Perhaps because he hadn’t been eating properly due to frequent overwork, the straight bridge of his nose was sharper than usual. As the man looked back and forth between the menu and the employees sitting at the same table, his gaze intertwined with Joyoon’s at one point. They were firm and dark eyes with no readable emotions.

However, before he could even read any emotion in his eyes, Shin Kwonjoo turned his head with a stiff expression. Joyoon, who had been staring at him for a moment, also focused on the person sitting next to him.

Fleeting. That was all it was anyway.

As time went on, the heated atmosphere never cooled down. They weren’t fluent in each other’s languages, but alcohol of an appropriate proof was enough to break down the barriers between people. As the number of back-and-forth exchanges increased, Ha Joyoon’s face was gradually turning red.

Various stories related to various topics were circulating on the table. At the end, the topic that converged was cliché but common to everyone: romance. In the midst of the noisy conversation, stories were exchanged with each other. As people from different countries were mixed, perspectives on love, values, methods, and types of relationships were all different. Putting aside his somewhat dazed mind, Ha Joyoon also listened to other people’s love stories. Someone’s love, someone’s breakup, each had its own form and color.

He was silently listening to the other person’s story and sipping his alcohol when Nam Hyunwoo, who was occupying the seat next to him, poked Joyoon’s side.

“You look sleepy.”

“Do I?”

“Why are you asking me? You’re the one making that expression.”

“Am I?”

When he awkwardly groped around his cheeks, Nam Hyunwoo burst into laughter full of playfulness. Following that small movement, the liquor in the man’s glass swayed. The man who was eating an appetizer right in front of them asked them in somewhat clumsy Korean. He was a reporter from New York with striking ash-blond hair, but whose name he couldn’t remember.

“Do you two have serious relationship partners?”

At his question, the speed of the chopsticks moving aimlessly slowly slowed down and then stopped completely. His lowered eyes trembled slightly. The first to answer was Nam Hyunwoo.

“I’m getting married next year. Marriage.”

Repeating the word playfully, Nam Hyunwoo winked one eye. The next interest naturally shifted to Ha Joyoon. Forcing himself to ignore the feeling of a parched throat, Ha Joyoon slowly poured water into an empty glass. Cold tea, properly brewed, filled the white porcelain cup.

“What kind of person is Ha Joyoon’s girlfriend?”

Nam Hyunwoo asked again on behalf of the unfamiliar foreigner who was not responding. Lips that had been silent for a while opened without a sound.

“I don’t have one.”

Nam Hyunwoo’s eyes widened as if it was an unexpected answer. The attention of several people who had been focused on the stories of other groups also shifted to this side.

“Oh, really? You don’t seem like you wouldn’t have one….”

It was an apologetic look that felt like he had said something unnecessary. Ha Joyoon smiled bitterly and drank the tea. A cool sensation traveled down his throat. It was refreshing enough to momentarily forget the nagging headache.

“I had one, but we broke up.”

“Ah….”

Someone’s gaze could be felt from afar. Without deliberately turning his head, Ha Joyoon continued to speak calmly in a low voice.

“I’m sorry, I said something unnecessary.”

“No, it’s been a few months already.”

The embarrassment on the other person’s face deepened further. Not knowing how to handle the situation he had created, Nam Hyunwoo tried to change the subject more frantically than usual.

“You can meet someone else. How many women are there? Ha Joyoon is handsome too.”

“That’s right, Reporter Ha is a real pretty boy.”

An employee sitting at the next table leaned her head slightly and chimed in. As he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, she continued.

“There are many people around me who are meeting and breaking up these days. Is it because of the age group? It’s also the marriage season. I broke up big time last year too.”

“I see.”

It was a world that had nothing to do with him. He didn’t think he was gay, but he had never specifically thought about marrying a woman and starting a family either. No, it was more accurate to say that he didn’t have the time to think about that. In the future of his life, imagining and worrying about who would be next to him was still a luxury.

“Just don’t be clingy.”

Nam Hyunwoo, who had already emptied a glass of beer, added. It was a mistake to be careless about the naturally shifted topic. The smile that he had been forcing disappeared completely from Ha Joyoon’s face. His head was bleached white and his heart was pounding like it was going out of control. However, Nam Hyunwoo was rather insensitive to noticing that state.

“It’s just that you can’t say ‘I can’t break up, I don’t want to…’ when they say they want to break up.”

“Oh, what’s wrong, Reporter Nam? It’s possible for one side to unilaterally break up.”

“Well, it might be possible, but it’s terrible for the receiving end. You want to break up quickly and meet someone else, but the old person keeps holding on.”

“Oh my, Hyunwoo, is that based on your experience?”

The gazes of the female employees around him immediately turned fierce towards Nam Hyunwoo, who was speaking in a somewhat exaggerated manner. Then, another employee suddenly brought up a new topic.

“But I hate it when people cling after my feelings have faded. When they break up but come to my house or send texts or calls… I actually hate that, right?”

Men and women alike nodded at her words.

“Ugh, that’s a bit like a stalker. Well… it’s annoying. Even the little bit of affection that’s left disappears.”

“That’s right, it’s really crazy when they break up and then ask ‘Are you sleeping?’ in the middle of the night.”

Amidst the occasional agreeing remarks, amusing anecdotes were exchanged. The stories, somewhat exaggerated from the actual situations, were enough to capture the interest of others. Leaning against the wall, Ha Joyoon blankly tilted his empty glass.

Most of the jokes being made were about the things he had done to Taejung. Like popcorn that is habitually chewed while watching a movie, the process of someone’s regrets and someone’s foolishness being reduced to someone’s jokes was truly insignificant.

He knew that even if it was the pain of half of his life being torn away, it couldn’t be empathized with by anyone unless they were the person involved. It’s a brand new emotion. Finding it difficult to control the feeling of gradually plummeting to the bottom, Ha Joyoon remained silent.

“Ha Joyoon wouldn’t be like that, would he?”

“Yes?”

At the sudden question directed at him, doubt was reflected in his iris. The cubic pin of the employee who asked the question shone like a diamond under the interior lighting of the store. Following the direction in which the spectrum of light moved, his memory also slowly moved. To a time when their love for each other shone brilliantly like a jewel.

“But I don’t think Reporter Ha would be that kind of image. Maybe Hyunwoo Nam, but not our Ha Joyoon. Someone who coolly doesn’t stop someone who comes and doesn’t stop someone who leaves?”

“Why am I brought up again? Hey, I’m a city man in my own way!”

The man who was named shouted out in frustration. The playfulness mixed in their voices maintained the right level of limit and kept the pleasant atmosphere going. Except for one person who couldn’t blend in there.

“I clung a lot.”

A sudden silence descended.

“Oh, oh….”

“…Was I not supposed to do that?”

Gently placing the glass on the table, Ha Joyoon softly asked back. Questions tangled on his gentle face. Even those who had been gossiping about other people’s love like cheap gossip until then stopped their low-quality jokes at his question, which was asked in earnest.

“I did it because I didn’t know what was good to do.”

There was no blame or sarcasm towards anyone in his quietly ruminating tone. In a tone that truly and completely didn’t know what to do, no one could give a hasty answer and just opened and closed their mouths.

“Ah, I, I… it’s not like that.”

“That’s right, Reporter Ha, it’s not necessarily like that….”

Even in the daily, suffocating pain, time flowed on. However, as if his memory function had broken down, the last moment with Taejung became clearer and clearer with each passing day. His expression, his voice, his scent, all of it was killing Joyoon’s heart. He couldn’t even tell how time was passing. Even though he knew that his family was worried about his poor condition, he didn’t have a way to solve it, so Joyoon was just continuing the process of completely neglecting himself or quietly killing himself every day.

Reporter Ha… At someone’s voice filled with pity, Ha Joyoon smiled awkwardly and brushed his firm eyes with his fingers.

“I was just asking because I really didn’t know. Don’t worry about it. I think I made the atmosphere weird…. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Ha Joyoon, I’m sorry. We were too inconsiderate in what we said.”

“Me too. That wasn’t my intention, I’m sorry, Reporter Ha.”

Despite the clumsy consideration, the already sunk atmosphere didn’t seem to recover easily. As the consideration of whether they should end the party like this went back and forth between people, a new question popped out from a table far away in order to break the chaotic atmosphere.

“Come to think of it, what kind of person is the director’s wife?”

It was a strange realization. Like a dissonance suddenly inserted into a song that had been flowing smoothly like a single melody, that one question suddenly entered Ha Joyoon’s ears. Even at the sudden question directed at him, Shin Kwonjoo skillfully repeated offering and receiving drinks to the person across from him without being surprised or embarrassed.

“Why?”

The hand holding the glass moved slowly. A knowing smile appeared on Shin Kwonjoo’s face, but his eyes were so cold that they seemed as if they would freeze the other person immediately. However, an employee who hadn’t even sensed the atmosphere continued the question with a friendly smile.

“The ring you’re wearing is a wedding ring, right? I don’t think you’ve ever talked about your wife before.”

His neat gaze lowers. His gaze lingers on his sneakers for a moment. Random thoughts floated in Ha Joyoon’s head. It’s a big difference from the expertly patterned shoes visible at the end of the diagonal. He was a very different person from him in many ways, as far apart as the distance they were sitting. Suddenly, Joyoon felt a throbbing sensation on the cheek that Taejung had hit, so he quietly covered his face with one hand. The painful heat softly rubbed his palm.

“Is that important in working?”

Shin Kwonjoo asked back, still with a smile. It was a polite address, but his voice was as cold as the north wind. Only then did the employee, realizing the awkward state, move his body back slightly.

“No, I just….”

“I have no intention of opening my private life for the sake of personal curiosity. I’m not interested in other people’s private lives either.”

It was a firm answer, as if for someone to hear. Stirring arose on the table at Shin Kwonjoo’s seriousness. Emptying the half-filled glass, he got up from his seat. His sharply honed eyes met Ha Joyoon’s for the first time. His icy gaze was like a flame on the verge of passing its ignition point and evaporating. However, even that soon disappeared like smoke. Shin Kwonjoo, averting his gaze, casually said as he looked down at the watch on his wrist for a moment.

“I have another appointment, so I’ll leave first. Make sure you finish well so that there are no disruptions to work tomorrow.”

“Oh, Director….”

“Director, why don’t you stay a little longer.”

“That’s enough.”

No persuasion could hold him back. As if he no longer cared even about the chilling atmosphere, the man grabbed his jacket and walked straight out of the store. Director- Director- Only the cries trying to hold him back circled aimlessly inside the store. It was a sudden departure, just like when he came in. The employees who had been looking at the place he had left began to murmur one by one.

“Oh geez, the atmosphere got awkward. I told you to be careful what you say.”

“Is the director angry?”

“It seems like it’s the same as usual? I don’t think he cares much.”

“What should we do….”

The employee who asked the last question lowered his face with a defeated expression. It seemed like he thought he had ruined the party. As the groups separated with people comforting him and others returning to their own topics, the awkward atmosphere gradually subsided.

Ha Joyoon watched the situation unfold and then downed the remaining alcohol at once. The poisonous energy temporarily paralyzed his mind. He knows that all of these things are just temporary measures. Such a shabby treatment method that is just busy covering and hiding, someday the wound hidden underneath will fester even more and the stench will vibrate.

“I’ll go to the bathroom.”

Joyoon carefully put down his glass and got up from his seat. He was a bit unsteady from the alcohol, but not to an excessive degree.

“Be careful on your way.”

“You have to come back quickly~.”

He simply acknowledged his colleagues who were waving their hands and went straight out of the store. When the door opened, a cool night breeze blew. It was a wind announcing the beginning of autumn, carrying a little of the hot and stuffy regrets of summer.

“It’s getting cold….”

Knowing that it was a meaningless act, Joyoon took out his cell phone and checked the messages. Of course, there were no messages waiting for him. It’s something that has become routine. Even after being scorned and completely told that they were breaking up, Joyoon sent Taejung texts every day. He knew that it was no use, but he didn’t know where to communicate his heart.

The small screen was filled with all sorts of clingy and attached words.

Let’s meet just once, can’t you contact me, I still love you, it’s my fault.

I miss you.

The returning answer is only silence. Now he knows that it’s just a garbage-like act that no one listens to and that has no meaning to anyone, but his tattered regrets still can’t let go of the hope that makes him cling in this ugly appearance. It was a foolish act.

Honk- Honk-

The headlights of vehicles speeding mindlessly on the road mingled with the neon signs, creating beautiful light shadows. It was a beautiful dance of light.

As the mind was about to be lost in the swarm of lights, a sharp smoke assaulted the senses, accompanied by a familiar yet strange, refreshing scent of skin.

“…”

Perhaps, he had sensed that the man had not yet left. Joyoon recalled some fleeting trace as he quietly spoke, his gaze still fixed on the dance on the road.

“I thought you had left.”

The owner of the scent glanced at him with a calm voice. The end of the cigarette between the man’s long fingers was entangled with ash from the burnt tobacco.

“It’s too noisy.”

As he exhaled slowly, the cigarette smoke dispersed, drawing long tails. It was a strange boundary where discomfort and comfort coexisted.

“Have you drunk a lot?”

He nodded slightly, listening intently to the low voice.

“A little. Just enough to feel the buzz.”

“I’m glad. I don’t handle drunks well.”

Shin Kwonjoo’s gaze was directed far off, his calmness testifying to his absence from the moment. He was a cold observer, drawing lines even when exposing his flaws, which paradoxically offered comfort. Yet, it was evident that the other found him annoying and disliked him.

A venomous smile lingered on Ha Joyoon’s lips.

“Your advice was completely ineffective, Sunbae.”

“…”

“He just got angry.”

The black eyes drew a leisurely curve. Ha Joyoon leaned against the front glass of the shop, smiling quietly at the gaze laden with meanings.

Really, really, it was a look of such disdain that he couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes.

As he recalled the terrible moment of confronting his own desires, a low laugh was heard, signaling that he was finally understood.

“You’re a decent person.”

The man, who had just put out his half-smoked cigarette, said nonchalantly.

“Really?”

“It’s better than saying you’re good, isn’t it?”

“Yeah… you’re right… He’s really a good person. Honest, and kind…”

The quiet response left traces among the air particles. Honk- Honk-. A red car, speeding with a rough curve, announced its presence with a loud roar. The consistent line of footsteps of passersby also headed towards their destinations. Amidst the bustling scene, their eyes met. It was one of the hardest things to avoid, those eyes that resembled the night. This time, too, Shin Kwonjoo was the one to turn his head first.

“Do you always leave everything behind like this?”

“Huh?”

Ha Joyoon furrowed his brows at the incomprehensible words. Meanwhile, the man lit another cigarette quickly, his actions reflecting a trace of anxiety.

“Feelings or inner thoughts.”

“…I don’t understand what you mean.”

With his mouth shut tight, he looked at the road Ha Joyoon had been watching until a moment ago.

“I’ve said it many times, but Ha Joyoon, you should learn to hide your expressions. If you’re unlucky enough to meet a scoundrel, you’ll be easily taken advantage of to the very end.”

“…”

The words were still cryptic to Ha Joyoon, who tilted his head, brushing away the hair falling over his forehead. His flushed face was clearly revealed under the moonlight.

Shin Kwonjoo, who had paused for a moment, sighed softly as he stuffed his completely loosened tie into his pants pocket.

“I have no interest in what others discard. Sometimes they come back and spoil.”

Though veiled in metaphor, it was a stark statement. Realizing what Shin Kwonjoo meant, Ha Joyoon’s face paled. However, the man’s eyes looking at him seemed indifferent, bordering on boredom. After a moment of contemplation, as if choosing the right words, Shin Kwonjoo continued.

“There’s something I want you to pick up.”

“…”

“I’m considering it.”

“You keep getting in my way.” His tone was nonchalant, delivering the words carelessly. Under the bright lights, Shin Kwonjoo’s face looked both angry and confused. Suddenly, he raised his left hand, turning it back and forth to show the well-known wedding ring. Noticing Ha Joyoon’s gaze, he paused briefly before adding,

“It’s meaningless to wear it. I don’t need to explain to Ha Joyoon, but…”

A hint of contemplation swept through Shin Kwonjoo’s eyes. After a long silence, he finally spoke, his voice deep like the abyss, whispering.

“Ha Joyoon, do you want to go out with me?”

Thud–!

In the darkness, the two figures tangled in disarray. Their heavy breaths shattered into fragments.

“Ah-” With a short moan, an arm reached out and pulled the other’s waist closer. The man bit into Joyoon’s lips first, his teeth bared. Overcome by the pain, a hot tongue invaded the parted lips.

“Hmm…!”

A suppressed moan escaped. Pushed against the wall by a stronger force, his slender body was crushed within the man’s embrace, wrinkles forming on his nose bridge from the pain. Heads turned, and a devouring kiss ensued. Every passage from the eye corners to the cheeks, lips, and chin was blocked by the man’s lips, with fierce intent to devour.

“Huh.”

Heat rose from the friction of their lower bodies. The fully erect member thrust between the dry thighs with clear intent, seeming ready to penetrate at any moment. “Mmm…” With his nose buried in the firm shoulder, Ha Joyoon only emitted weak moans. The scent of sweat stimulated his senses. Amidst the heated breaths, his mind seemed to drift, as if a part of his frontal lobe had detached.

“Is this how you usually are?”

The man, who had been biting his dry cheek, suddenly asked. “Ah-” Attempting to pull his neck back to escape, Ha Joyoon was caught by a large hand. Even pushing against the shoulder, his body helplessly collided. The sharp, black eyes pierced him at a right angle.

“…Yes?”

Ha Joyoon managed to lift his chin, panting heavily. His body was trapped between the man’s crossed, solid thighs, immobilized.

“Do you leave everything behind like this?”

Despite the heat that seemed to burst into flames, Shin Kwonjoo’s words were chillingly cold. As if about to pierce through him, Ha Joyoon barely opened his trembling lips.

“What do you… mean… mmh!!”

No proper words came out, and he was consumed by the hot lips once more. His mind, barely holding on, became hazy from the intensity that seemed to burn him to the bone. “Ah, mm.” The sound of saliva exchanging filled the dry space. Grasping the man’s shoulders, panting dryly, his eyes, driven by excitement, turned bright red like a flame. With a weak gesture, the man paused in his advance, locking eyes with him.

“Slowly…”

“…”

“Sunbae… take it slow. …Ah!”

The man’s patience was not long. Before the plea could even end, his erect member passed over the pants covering the perineum. The sensation was chillingly vivid, resonating through his skin. “Ah-” With a weak moan, his body, pushed by a strong force, fell onto the bed. With one cheek pressed against the soft silk fabric, he endured the man’s weight and received a frantic kiss. Wherever their skin touched, breaths and heat left traces as they passed.

“Have you not done enough? Why act like a prude?”

Despite the harsh words, the hands that undressed him showed urgency. The stiff linen shirt was roughly removed, rolling on the floor. “Hah-” Between the hot inhales and exhales, cold lips moved down to his chest. Suck, slurp, the stark sounds of his chest being sucked echoed in his ears. The sensation of skin getting wet with someone else’s saliva was both unfamiliar and familiar. Sex for Ha Joyoon was always an alien act, separate from the pleasure and fullness he felt diligently.

Did you hate this awkwardness of mine? Was my inexperience the problem? Though it felt completely different, there was an illusion of having sex with two people. His blurry eyes looked at the man. It was a different color from Taejung’s. Darker, softer…

“What are you doing?”

The man’s movements stopped at the touch of Ha Joyoon’s hair.

“Oh, the color… your hair color is pretty…”

“Don’t mess around.”

“But… Ah!”

Shin Kwonjoo discarded the half-removed pants, then took Ha Joyoon’s member into his mouth, still in his underwear. The sensation pierced through his mind, causing his legs to spasm.

“Stop, stop it!”

The plea, devoid of strength, was futile. The man shook his head violently to push away Ha Joyoon’s hands, then licked his member, still in the underwear, from the perineum in one long stroke. Pre-cum and the man’s saliva made a path over the dark-colored underwear.

“Ah–!”

“Stay still.”

Shin Kwonjoo whispered, lifting his head slightly. His voice was dreadfully low and hoarse. “Huff, sob.” A scream escaped as he couldn’t endure the rough hands tearing at his chest. The brutal grip left marks on his white skin like paint spreading. The man’s eyes, watching the picture he had painted, gradually filled with lust. Under that gaze, Ha Joyoon suddenly felt fear.

He was scared.

He was really about to have sex with a man other than Kang Taejung. He was about to take another’s member. Would this really allow him to break up with you? Would it make me forget you? Could it release him from the days and nights that felt like hell? His dry heart was moistened with tears of contempt, hypocrisy, and arrogance.

“Undress me.”

“I… I can’t…” 

His voice, unable to swallow his emotions, sounded hollow. “Sunbae, I can’t…” Despite the pitiful plea, there was little mercy from the man who was pressing down on him.

“We’re not doing this by force, are we?”

“Sniff…”

“Try it properly. You can do it, can’t you?”

The man commanded with a monotonous voice, rubbing his now hard cock.

“Hm?”

The man spoke coaxingly as he kissed Ha Joyoon’s nose, who was as stiff as ice. Cold laughter spilled over his face, revealing the pity for someone bound by folly and the past.

His cheeks and jaw trembled with fear.

But maybe, just like this, you might be forgotten. Maybe he could forget.

Irrational and illogical thoughts tangled up, dominating his mind and blinding his eyes and ears. As he began to unbutton the light blue shirt with trembling hands, a sneer lingered on Shin Kwonjoo’s lips, watching the clumsy actions.

After an eternity, with the upper garments finally removed, the man contorted his face and kissed the one beneath him. With the sound of soft skin rubbing together, white teeth were revealed. He swirled his heavy tongue inside, as if penetrating, then discarded the remaining pieces of fabric with familiar movements.

“Hey, Ha Joyoon.”

At the low call, Ha Joyoon’s wet eyes moved slowly. The man, half-raising himself with hands on the mattress, smirked mischievously.

“You know your skills are pathetic, right?”

“Sunbae, stop…!!”

“Lift your legs. It’s all wet down there.”

The hand that had moved down removed the last piece covering his member. The shaft and perineum were drenched, having been sucked through the thin fabric. Fingers followed the viscous fluid down, probing the hidden depths. The alien sensation invaded the half-relaxed area, and with the sudden shock of penetration, Ha Joyoon’s feverish eyes stared directly at the man. Only then did a satisfied smile appear on Shin Kwonjoo’s lips. Traces of lust passed over his sweat-drenched eyes.

“I’ll put it all in.”

“Ah! Ah!”

Cries that could be either sobs or moans rang out, marking the beginning of a long night.

A heavy pain pressed on his head, like having a large stone placed there. Amidst the lethargy, he could barely move a finger, his body instinctively burrowing into the blankets. It smelled of well-dried sunlight. However, soon, the vivid sense of alienation made Ha Joyoon open his eyes, still in the position of rubbing his cheek.

Blue-green wallpaper, an antique walnut console with scattered documents and a laptop – everything was unfamiliar. Only then did the events he had momentarily forgotten flow back into his memory like water. “Ah.” A faint moan escaped.

“I’ve gone mad.”

Ha Joyoon laughed hollowly, dryly rubbing his forehead and cheeks. His gaze scanning the surroundings was cold.

Having impulsively decided to follow, he didn’t even know where he had ended up. Furniture and clothes showed signs of use, so it wasn’t a motel or hotel. It seemed like a personal officetel.

“Ugh…”

As he tried to get up, a sharp pain shot through his lower back, pulling him back to reality. Feeling behind him, he sensed the still not fully closed entrance due to housing another’s member all night. At that moment, the pain he had temporarily buried under the covers of darkness enveloped him.

He had sex with someone he hadn’t even thought of, not Kang Taejung. He had taken Shin Kwonjoo’s member several times, receiving his ejaculation. He clung to pleasure until his body was torn apart, screaming and struggling. It was a struggle to forget, an act of desperation to erase.

Sex with another was this easy, so very easy.

Overwhelmed by the emptiness and self-loathing, Joyoon pressed down on his eyes, which were beginning to heat up.

“…”

Looking around, there was nothing but a desolate air; no sign of life. Had he left already? After some thought, he put on the shirt and underwear lying at his feet and got off the bed. However, he couldn’t walk more than a few steps before collapsing. His legs were completely drained. Joyoon took a breath and sat on the edge of the bed. The sensation of sagging made him feel tired.

“Are you awake?”

With the sound of the door, Shin Kwonjoo entered the room. From the clothes he carried, it looked like he had been to the dressing room. Seeing Joyoon nearly naked, Shin Kwonjoo snorted lightly and threw the shirt at him. It landed on his dazed face due to poor aim, and another low chuckle followed.

“It might be a bit big, but it should be wearable. Your pants are fine, so just wear them as they are and leave.”

“Thank you.”

Joyoon nodded quietly as he carefully pulled on the shirt. Shin Kwonjoo, stepping a bit closer, bent down to pull up the bedsheet. The now familiar scent of skin lotion briefly brushed his nose as he followed the man’s movements.

“Go wash up.”

Speaking in an indifferent tone, he began to tie the tie he had brought. The air was dry, as if they hadn’t been exploring each other’s bodies just hours before, the conclusion of an act driven by desire devoid of emotion. Swallowing his sense of futility, Ha Joyoon replied nonchalantly.

“I’ll do it later.”

The hands tying the tie moved with practiced ease.

“Why?”

He asked with a voice that showed no real interest. Flushing slightly from the still-present discomfort, Ha Joyoon pulled the sheet more towards himself. Even at that moment, semen was still leaking out.

Not seeming to expect an answer, Shin Kwonjoo checked his attire with a relaxed expression. The blue tie, now neatly knotted, matched well with the white shirt. The rough image from dawn had vanished, replaced by a man perfectly suited to his well-tailored business suit.

“I would like to wait for you, but it’s time for work.”

He tapped his watch on his wrist, urging him sternly. After checking the time and pondering briefly, Joyoon nodded in response. The moment he stepped his foot on the ground, a solid pain ran up his spine.

The streets of Seoul on the way to work were packed with cars and people, without a single gap. Even among the endless lines, the ginkgo trees planted on the sidewalks were slowly regaining their autumn colors.

“Don’t stick your head out the window.”

At the stern tone, Ha Joyoon, who had half his head out to look at the trees, flinched momentarily.

“Don’t you know it’s dangerous?”

Irritated by the tone, Ha Joyoon silently pressed the button. With a slow mechanical sound, the darkly tinted window rose from bottom to top. The once vibrant scenery was now trapped behind a curtain, leaving only faint outlines. His eyes, looking down, showed no trace of emotion. Shin Kwonjoo, still with a calm expression, turned the steering wheel gently with the timing of the changing signal.

“How’s your body?”

“It’s fine.”

Yesterday, today, and still, he answered blandly while looking at the ring on his left ring finger. He remembered Shin Kwonjoo’s words that it was meaningless to wear it. Perhaps it was for show. Even though he had only stayed briefly, there was no trace of a woman anywhere in Shin Kwonjoo’s meticulously arranged officetel.

“You should work on your stamina. Fainting after a few rounds of sex.”

“Ah.”

At the blunt words, his head turned like the wind. A faint smile briefly appeared on Shin Kwonjoo’s otherwise expressionless lips at the rare reaction. The one who made such a statement was calm, but Ha Joyoon’s face turned pale, then red, then blue in succession.

“I mentioned it because it seemed like you were acting as if nothing happened.”

Breaking the short silence, the man continued. It was unexpected. Shin Kwonjoo had been the one not making eye contact from morning until now, keeping silent about last night’s events. With such a natural and indifferent attitude, Ha Joyoon had thought it might have been an impulsive mistake on Shin Kwonjoo’s part and had played along, pretending not to know. Pushing aside the numerous passing thoughts, Ha Joyoon spoke with a troubled expression.

“It’s not like that.”

“You’re good at saying the opposite.”

“That’s not…”

Realizing he had said the same thing unintentionally, he quickly shut his mouth. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Once they passed the congested area, the road soon split into a quieter one. With the sound of accelerating, the car’s engine made a deep throbbing noise. The stationary background passed by quickly. Ha Joyoon’s gaze, watching the scenery, became vacant. Lately, he found himself losing focus more often.

Was there really something wrong with his head? A trivial thought crossed his mind.

“I plan to move no later than next summer, no matter how late.”

“…”

“I have a suggestion.”

“A suggestion?”

At the sudden, contextless remark, Ha Joyoon turned his eyes to look at him. Only dark eyes met his. It was quite strange to know that within that seemingly cold gaze hid an untamed wildness.

“I think Ha Joyoon and I get along quite well.”

He didn’t go into details about what exactly matched so well, but understanding what he meant, Joyoon rubbed his heated neck stiffly. Fatigue was evident in every joint of his fingers.

Screech–

As they entered the parking lot of the building where his office was located, the car’s speed gradually decreased.

“Would you not occasionally continue our relationship like last night, until you leave?”

His voice was devoid of any warmth, making it hard for Ha Joyoon to immediately interpret his words. But as the sentence sank in, Ha Joyoon watched him, holding his breath. For someone proposing to be sex partners until leaving Korea, the man’s gaze was too indifferent, almost bored.

“Sunbae, that’s…”

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to think about it.”

As he neatly parked within the painted lines, he added. The unfinished words kept circling in his mouth.

Joyoon stared at the man’s face. There was an indifference that showed no desire or affection.

Maybe relationships are this light and futile. Perhaps clinging to the past and trying to reconnect severed bonds is a burden to anyone.

An unbearable bitterness overwhelmed him, making his eyes hot. Crying more often wasn’t a good thing; it meant his heart was easily shaken and wounded. Secretly wiping his nose, Ha Joyoon tried to maintain a composed expression.

“I’ve often been told I was somehow odd since I was young.”

Shin Kwonjoo turned his eyes as he was about to turn off the engine and get ready to leave. Noticing he would listen for a moment, Ha Joyoon slowly dredged up memories from long ago.

“I was very shy, and they said I did and said strange things.”

“…”

“When I got fixated on something, I would immerse myself completely, not paying attention to my surroundings.”

As a child, it was only Kang Taejung for him, and after his mind matured, he became enthralled with photojournalism that captured the world’s reality. After passing the naive period where he only thought things were cool, he became curious about the world outside. While engrossed in his photography work, attending press briefings and photo exhibitions, he dreamed of documenting war zones around the world. The reality he faced was crueler and more painful than what was seen in the media, and from some point, his desire grew to ensure no one was overlooked by people’s attention.

“In the end, I was just a selfish person, in work and in relationships…”

“So what are you trying to say?”

Thinking this was quite patient for Shin Kwonjoo, Ha Joyoon gave a faint smile. One of Shin Kwonjoo’s eyebrows rose cynically as he looked at him. The overt sign of annoyance passed by. Ironically, he felt relieved that Shin Kwonjoo was still cold towards him.

“If it’s not about my proposal…”

“Do you like me?”

“…”

Like time had stopped, the man’s movements and voice halted. A chill passed between them. The cold silence served as his answer.

“As I’ve said repeatedly, Ha Joyoon, you tend to be too sentimental.”