WOP Ch 6.3

A roar resembling a train whistle echoed through the receiver. He rubbed his tingling ear again and narrowed his eyes. The taxi gradually picked up speed along the long road. Beyond his blurred vision, the sky, preparing for evening, was now dyed in a mixture of pink and blue, emitting a brilliant light.

“He just dropped a bomb and left…”

Holding the phone with the call ended, Ha Junghye muttered softly with a dazed expression. Her mind raced to recall the events of a few years ago. Sunbae, business card, hospital…

“I remember his face…”

The one who sat on the waiting chair in the hallway all day, expressionless, staring endlessly at the hospital room door…

“What were you doing that you didn’t even notice someone coming?”

Startled by the sudden presence, Ha Junghye turned her head. At the door stood her tall neighbor, waving with a friendly smile.

“Taejung. When did you get here?”

“Just now.”

His feet were surrounded by food containers. Ha Junghye quickly walked to the shoe cabinet and opened the lids to check the contents, letting out a gasp of admiration.

“Did your mother make all of this? Thank you so much… Come in quickly. Do you need help?”

“It’s okay. I’ll just take them to the kitchen.”

He took off his shoes familiarly and went straight to the kitchen, then began to arrange the containers with practiced ease.

“My mother said she received a lot of good produce from Gangwon-do yesterday, so she showed off her skills a bit. This is dried radish greens, she said to give it to you, though I don’t know what it is.”

Kang Taejung opened the lid of the container on the far left and began to explain each dish his mother had made. His voice was quite serious, as if he had undergone rigorous training. Ha Junghye watched him with affectionate eyes for a while, then whispered softly,

“Taejung, are you happy?”

“What’s in here is…”

At the unexpected question, Taejung paused and turned his gaze. His gentle features stiffened for a moment, as if he didn’t know how to answer. But soon, he looked straight ahead. And very slowly, a bright smile spread across his lips.

“Yes.”

It was a short answer, but his expression was full of meaning. As if he were answering not to her, but to someone who wasn’t there.

“…That’s good.”

Ha Junghye smiled and nodded. She purposely didn’t say, I’m glad you’re happy, but she sincerely wished for both her brother and Kang Taejung to find happiness in their respective lives.

❄

[Is your house made of honey? Why can’t you leave work on time these days?]

The man, hurriedly organizing his desk, frowned. A few steps away stood a man with a face full of discontent. Shin Kwonjoo glanced at Boyle for a moment, then checked his phone messages and the arrival time with a disinterested look. The message had been received over four hours ago.

「I’ll be waiting in the lobby.」

[I’ve waited long enough.]

He answered curtly without even making eye contact and quickly shoved his phone into his jacket pocket. His hands, gathering documents and his briefcase, moved twice as fast as usual. His movements betrayed the calm facade he maintained.

[Did you get a secret lover or something? It was only a few months ago you were sleeping at the office.]

[Since when have you been so interested in my personal life?]

[Always have been. Bloody hell. Don’t you feel sorry for me, leaving for Toronto next week?]

[Everyone goes. Why are you making such a fuss?”

His strides were hurried. His indifferent, perfunctory replies didn’t deter his colleague, who followed him, grumbling. Impatience was evident in his eyes as he checked his wristwatch. After carelessly putting on his coat, Shin Kwonjoo walked to the middle of the row of desks and began to delegate the remaining tasks to his colleagues at a faster pace than usual.

[Dave, distribute that article as a short newsflash right away.]

[Understood.]

[Rienna, send out the first report on Congressman Rayked’s press conference immediately. I’ll keep my phone on, so report the situation immediately. Sorry to leave early.]

[Don’t worry. I’ll contact you immediately if anything unusual happens.]

Only after receiving feedback and checking for any omissions did Shin Kwonjoo nod lightly and leave the office. His hurried steps, as if he were being chased, brought him to the elevator in a flash.

[Tell me honestly.]

[…….]

[You’re going to meet your lover, right?]

Ding— As the elevator arrival chime sounded and the doors opened, Boyle quickly stepped inside. Shin Kwonjoo’s eyebrows furrowed deeply at his action.

[What are you doing? You’ve gone completely mad over a mere transfer.]

Harsh words finally escaped his lips. But Boyle, as if used to it, shrugged indifferently and cleaned his ear with a finger.

[I’m going to follow you home and see this secret lover of yours.]

[Don’t be such a brat.]

[If you don’t like it, then let’s have a drink. It’s your fault I’m being sent to Toronto alone, so take responsibility.]

[Ha….]

His sharply arched eyebrows reflected his annoyance. However, the fact that he didn’t flatly refuse, as he usually did, was an acknowledgment that he was partly responsible for Boyle’s transfer to Toronto. Perhaps if he had gone with him that day…

A wrinkle appeared on his smooth face as he considered the possibility. If he had received orders to return to Toronto just after finally reuniting, he didn’t know what he would have done. In a way, Boyle was his benefactor, so Shin Kwonjoo, unusually, exercised patience and held back his words. Meanwhile, the elevator arrived at the first floor and the doors opened.

[Where are you going? You’re not going straight home, are you? We need a drink today. Or show me your lover.]

[I’m busy.]

His strides were purposeful as he crossed the lobby, as if he had a clear destination in mind. He knew it was partly out of spite, to annoy him, but Boyle, suddenly transferred to Toronto, wanted to break down his steel-like colleague at least once before leaving. I can’t leave like this, it’s unfair! He gritted his teeth and followed the irritating figure. As he grumbled incessantly, they reached the entrance of the lobby lounge.

[Why are we… Oh!]

His grumbling ceased. The moment he saw the familiar figure sitting on the sofa, a look of welcome quickly spread across his blue eyes.

[Yoon!]

The person he saw also jumped up from his seat, his face beaming.

[Oh my god, what are you doing here? Didn’t you go back to Korea? I thought you were in Korea since you said you were taking a break. Oh, and belated Happy New Year.]

Boyle quickly approached and offered a handshake. A white hand clasped his. Surprised by the strong grip, the other person soon smiled gently.

[Happy New Year, Boyle. I’m here for a bit on business… Is something wrong? You look unwell.]

[Oh… Yoon, listen to me….]

The reunion was short-lived. Just as he was about to launch into a litany of complaints at Ha Joyoon’s concerned look…

[Enough with the greetings. I have to go now.]

The intruder quickly blocked the welcomed guest with his large frame. Boyle’s expression crumpled in annoyance as Yoon disappeared from view.

[What are you doing? We were in the middle of a conversation. You’re rude. Appalling.]

[Think what you want. I didn’t force myself to come out here to listen to your pointless chatter. You can continue your complaints tomorrow at work.]

[Boyle….]

He completely shielded the other person behind him, as if hiding a precious jewel. Boyle shivered, rubbing his arms at the chilling discrepancy with his usual behavior. What the hell is with that attitude? Just as his irritation began to rise again, the gentle face peeking out from behind calmed him down.

[What, Yoon was the appointment you had? Why were you being so secretive about it?]

His lack of a response confirmed it. Tsk. Boyle shrugged helplessly, muttering softly.

[Well then, Yoon, the three of us together….]

[See you tomorrow.]

Shin Kwonjoo, quickly stepping between the two, glared fiercely. His eyes were a mixture of all sorts of irritation. Boyle, who had been teasing him half-seriously, involuntarily flinched. A primal instinct kicked in, telling him that if he pushed any further, his old colleague would no longer tolerate his jokes. Boyle stepped back hesitantly and pouted.

[Still, it’s true that I’m going to Toronto because of you.]

[That damn Toronto.]

[Toronto?]

A white face popped out from behind the wall of Shin Kwonjoo. Just as he was about to explain his grievance, a large hand grabbed Ha Joyoon’s arm.

“Let’s go. If we listen to all of his whining, it’ll be dawn.”

“But…”

“It’s okay. It’s related to me, so we can talk about it tomorrow. I didn’t adjust my schedule and leave work early for this. I don’t want to waste time like this.”

“Hmm…”

A cough escaped his lips, and his white cheeks flushed. The man, completely ignored by the two, interjected.

[…Speak English, you bastards.]

Even without understanding the words, his instincts sensed the strange atmosphere. Shin Kwonjoo, who had been consistently ignoring him, finally chuckled at his sulky expression.

[Cut it out, Boyle.]

[Cut what out? I have to be compensated for being unexpectedly sent away, so your lover….]

[I showed him to you.]

[…Huh?]

Boyle’s disgruntled face froze at the unexpected words. At the same time, the man threw something at him. Boyle caught the object that flew towards him in an arc and looked back and forth between the cigarette pack and Shin Kwonjoo, still bewildered. What is this? What?

[Have a cigarette if you’re stressed. We’ll drink another time.]

With an utterly dry expression and a smirk, the man grabbed Ha Joyoon’s wrist and strode towards the building entrance. He moved so quickly that the distance between them widened in just a few steps.

Uh… Boyle let out a strange groan, his mouth agape, before he could process the meaning of what he had heard, as the two disappeared. Meanwhile, the only one oblivious to the atmosphere, a photojournalist from his team, waved cheerfully. And then, it hit him like lightning.

Watching the backs of the two as they exited the building through the revolving door, Boyle muttered in disbelief, his face blank.

[…Yoon was his lover?]

“What’s going on? Boyle really didn’t look well…”

“It’s nothing. You know he’s a bit of a whiner. What’s this? Apples?”

His gaze, tracing his lover’s face, stopped at the half-open paper bag. At his questioning look at the apples, Ha Joyoon rubbed the tip of his nose with an embarrassed expression.

“I was going to make dinner.”

“…Only with apples?”

The short silence pointed out that the only ingredient was apples. Embarrassment seeped into his already abashed expression.

“A salad or… something like that. But it’s too late now.”

He pointed to the time, well past ten o’clock, and Shin Kwonjoo chuckled and put his arm around Ha Joyoon’s shoulder. The walk to the parking lot felt especially long in the colder evening air. He rubbed his chin for a moment, glancing back and forth between the apples and Ha Joyoon, then spoke.

“Can I be honest?”

“About what?”

“It looks like it would taste bad.”

“You haven’t even tried it…”

“I can pretty much guess without trying.”

His slanted eyes narrowed slightly at the blunt assessment. How can he be so bad with words? Joyoon was known for his lack of eloquence, but right now, the man staring blankly at him seemed even worse.

“Amy is a good cook. She’s been my housekeeper for a long time and is quite skilled, so you should usually eat her food.”

“But the effort…”

“It’s inefficient.”

“The effort…”

“I said it’s inefficient.”

Shin Kwonjoo smiled leisurely and extended his arm. Beep. He pressed a button, and a car’s headlights flashed in the parking lot, followed by the sound of the locks unlocking. His excitement from before coming to the office gradually subsided. The man’s intelligent eyes crinkled with amusement at his changing expression.

“Come here.”

The arm around his shoulder came down. I told you to wear gloves. His stern nagging was brief, and he soon completely enveloped his hand in his own. A shadow fell over his forehead. Silent gazes were exchanged. The sharp face, tilted slightly, came closer, and their lips met. Warm breath mingled.

“People will see. We’re on the street.”

“So what if they do? We’re not Hollywood stars.”

As his firm fingers brushed his cheek and lips, his mouth opened naturally, accepting the man’s tongue. Ha… His reddened nose touched the sharp bridge of the other’s nose. His eyelashes brushed against his cheek.

“Don’t waste time on things like that. Let’s do other things we can do with that time.”

Us. The word Shin Kwonjoo uttered became a strong vine, winding around his ankles, calves, legs, and waist. Their lips parted, and their eyes met. Their gazes lingered on each other. Dark, dark eyes.

Suddenly, an irresistible emotion welled up in his throat. A strong desire to tell him, right here, right now, surged within him. Without breaking eye contact, Ha Joyoon slowly opened his mouth. Sunbae-nim. His voice was thick with emotion.

“…I love you.”

It was a clumsy confession, blurted out unprepared in the empty parking lot, chilled by the cold wind. The man frowned for a moment, as if trying to comprehend what he had just heard. But soon, a deeply satisfied smile spread across his previously expressionless face. Of course, he quickly composed himself and—

“I know.”

—replied shortly, then lowered his head. Soft lips, firm teeth, and a hot tongue followed. It was a while longer before they got into the car.

Snowflakes were swirling in the wind outside the darkened window. The snowflakes grew larger as time passed, accumulating on the rooftops and the streets. His gaze, which had been wandering outside, turned to the person sleeping beside him. He seemed deeply asleep, not even fluttering an eyelash as he caressed his hair and cheek. He must have been exhausted after the passionate lovemaking as soon as they arrived.

Tsk. Clicking his tongue softly, Shin Kwonjoo carefully moved the sleeping head from his arm to the pillow. Light hair scattered on the white sheets.

Only after taking a moment to confirm he was fully asleep did he open the console drawer beside the bed. Among the scattered memo pads and pens, an old photograph caught his eye. The worn edges and faded colors hinted at the time the photo held.

The photo showed two people with completely different expressions. A man smiling brightly with his arm around another man who stared expressionlessly at the camera, against a bleak backdrop that almost seemed to carry the scent of acrid smoke. He gripped the corner of the photo tighter. As the photo crumpled, the smiling face within it distorted.

The catalyst might have been you….

A dark blue flame flickered in his dry eyes. He didn’t mourn the time that had already passed. He didn’t let the past dictate his future and give up. The experience of losing someone once was enough.

He remembered his friend who had left his side long ago. Though they hadn’t been close enough to truly open up to each other, he had sometimes admired his friend’s different values and way of life, even while criticizing them.

He didn’t want to admit it, but yes. That was it.

That’s why he couldn’t easily accept the result of his friend’s conviction, which had ended so pointlessly. It was absurdly ridiculous that his name had vanished from the world without a trace. He had put down his camera, driven by the twisted thought that he wouldn’t die a meaningless death like him. While it would be a lie to say he didn’t regret it, on the other hand, the lightness he felt was exhilarating and liberating.

At first, it was just a buried sense of guilt. He couldn’t pinpoint when that feeling had changed in form and temperature. It had simply seeped in gradually.

His gaze shifted to the face of his lover, sleeping soundly, unaware of the world. Faint glimmers of memory flickered like shadows on his white cheeks. His turbulent emotions gradually settled.

You remind me of what I had forgotten. You remind me of the feelings I couldn’t let go of, even while pretending to be smart and self-satisfied, believing everything would go my way. Now, intoxicated by reality, by the poisonous sweetness of success, he had no intention of letting go of anything he held in his hands. But watching him, free from all the things he himself clung to, observing how no condition could completely bind him…

…Yes. I end up finding in you what I lack.

“…….”

A hard lump fell from his throat into his heart. The purring sound of his breathing was now completely regular. He lightly traced the delicate line from his forehead to his nose, then lowered his head and kissed him.

‘I love you.’

He had come to this point after a long and winding journey. He couldn’t be unaware of the weight carried by those words, spoken as naturally as breathing. He recalled his past, struggling to gain even a fraction of that weight. The emotions that had existed in an abstract form until then gradually took on shape and substance. Along with countless feelings that couldn’t simply be called love, that couldn’t be explained by that single word.

‘I love you…’

Resting his chin on one hand and gently pressing the other against his lover’s white cheek, Shin Kwonjoo’s lips curved into a subtle smile. It was a small movement, but enough to soften his usually cold features.

He found him lovely. He didn’t believe in forever, but he thought he wanted to.

“…This is absurd.”

The whole situation, all the emotions, himself, his heart, having changed so much – it was all so preposterous, it was absurd.

“Do you know? It’s truly absurd.”

After watching his sleeping face for a moment, Shin Kwonjoo slipped his arm further under his neck. With a slight exertion of force, the body lying face up turned and snuggled into his embrace. Delicate features pressed against his chest. Still, he didn’t wake. The sound of his breath against his heart became unbearable, and he pressed his lips against his hair.

There was much to prepare for. Maintaining their relationship meant facing a daunting reality. Every thought brought another challenge. Rationally, strategically, it wasn’t a relationship that would bring much benefit.

But.

…A sudden thought surfaced, and he exhaled deeply, eyes closed. He couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t let him go. He couldn’t even entertain the thought. He only agonized over how to keep this person, who seemed unattached to anything, by his side. He wanted the strongest, most intricate shackles of the heart, so that even if the day came when they had to part for the lives they each aimed for, they would inevitably return to this place.

❄

The month changed.

A wistful look appeared in his eyes as he looked at the calendar with its newly printed numbers. Tracing the sequence of numbers with his fingertip, Ha Joyoon recalled the time he had spent in the US. Two months. Sometimes dreamlike, sometimes excessively real.

Time had flowed equally for everyone during his stay. Shin Kwonjoo continued his busy and intense work life, and Ha Joyoon organized his work from the past year and planned his schedule for the new one.

They had many conversations. The more they talked, the more they realized how little they actually knew about each other. In the process, Joyoon learned that Shin Kwonjoo wasn’t an immigrant but an American citizen by birth, and he heard some stories about his family.

Ha Joyoon also shared. He discussed with Shin Kwonjoo countless plans, such as which countries he would apply for assignments in, whether to remain a staff journalist or transition to freelance. He was happy to make decisions about their future together, but sometimes, like now, he was plagued by guilt, remembering his past mistakes and Kang Taejung, who had stayed by his side through it all.

He was happy, yet he thought about the end of this happiness. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, no one’s mistake. It was simply an intangible fear shaped by countless life experiences. Knowing this and still suffering was an irrational conviction unique to humans. In addition, worries about the future persisted. He weighed the positives and negatives, considering the most realistic yet ideal path.

What will become of me? What will become of you? What will become of us? These were questions no one could answer. But amidst the questions and realizations, there were undeniable truths.

Feelings. Feelings for each other. The desire to be together.

“What are you thinking so seriously about?”

A low voice tickled the space beneath his heart. He turned his head towards the doorway where the voice had come from, and the man, changed into comfortable clothes after work, approached. A flower-like smile bloomed on Ha Joyoon’s lips without him realizing it.

“I was changing the calendar. It’s a new month.”

“Diligent, aren’t you?”

With a playful smile at his quiet reply, Shin Kwonjoo put his arm around his shoulder. He was naturally laconic and cold in his speech, but the former chill was no longer there. It was a small change, yet the biggest one. The most private and intimate side he showed only to those who belonged to him. Perhaps he was the only one who knew the true nature of this cool man. A subtle possessiveness crept up from his toes.

“Come here.”

After a light kiss on his ear, Shin Kwonjoo took Ha Joyoon’s wrist and led him to the living room. I haven’t taken it down yet. A faint protest followed, but he seemed unconcerned.

“The calendar isn’t the important thing.”

“It’s already been a week.”

“What does that matter?”

Their conversation was mundane yet affectionate. Neither of them felt uncomfortable with the atmosphere. It was as natural as breathing. Watching his back as he strode ahead, Ha Joyoon was struck by a sense of déjà vu. The strong back he had seen countless times under the streetlights that cold winter.

He felt a sense of security in the hand holding his arm. He wished for their skin and hearts to be intertwined like vines, taking root in the ground, more firmly, more tightly. His selfishness and greed were endless.

While lost in thought, they arrived at Shin Kwonjoo’s study. A laptop was open, as if he had been working.

“Were you working?”

“No.”

“Then what were you doing?”

Instead of answering, he just smiled enigmatically and positioned Ha Joyoon in front of the laptop.

“Look.”

“Look at what…”

As he stumbled, losing his balance, a soft chuckle sounded from behind him. Gripping the teak desk firmly, Ha Joyoon looked at the screen. And soon, his mouth slowly opened.

“Oh…”

His eyes widened as he looked at the image on the monitor. The photo filling the screen was undoubtedly a record he had captured himself. Oh, oh, oh— The more he stammered in surprise, the wider the smile of the person next to him grew. Shin Kwonjoo watched his lover’s trembling back for a moment, then hugged him and whispered softly,

“Good work.”

“……”

There was no reply, but the gentle touch covering the back of his hand answered for him.

“…I never thought about something like this.”

His voice, still trembling, was low. Was it emotion, surprise, or fear? Ha Joyoon didn’t know how to define the turmoil of emotions rising within him. He felt like he might cry from happiness.

Unable to find the right words, he tilted his cheek and rested his face against his lover’s hand. His closed eyes trembled slightly at the warm touch.

“It’s nice…”

He thought about the long road he had traveled. It had never been easy. It was a path always marked by both recognition and criticism. He knew that complete understanding from anyone, even his family, was impossible.

The overwhelming feeling of finally receiving tangible recognition for work he had pursued solely out of passion, conviction, and self-satisfaction was beyond imagination.

“…I really like it.”

At his simple words of appreciation, Shin Kwonjoo repeatedly gripped and released his shoulder.

After a moment of searching for the right words, he chose the most awkward one out of the many options. Of course, he had put a lot of thought into it, but there was no way the other person would know.

“Next time, win it.”

“Haha… That’s a bit much.”

“What can’t you do?”

Small chuckles scattered like beads. Shin Kwonjoo buried his face in Ha Joyoon’s subtly soap-scented hair, hugging him tighter. Every breath he exhaled was imbued with a familiar scent. Satisfaction and fulfillment softened his characteristically cool and sharp features. After blinking a few times, lost in thought, Shin Kwonjoo slowly began to speak.

“I should keep my schedule clear in April.”

“Why?”

“We’re going to Amsterdam.”

“Amsterdam?”

“…The awards ceremony is in Amsterdam.”

“Huh?”

At his bewildered tone, Ha Joyoon awkwardly scratched the corner of his eye and quickly scrolled down the screen. As Shin Kwonjoo said, the detailed schedule was clearly listed on the webpage. Frowning at his dumbfounded expression, Shin Kwonjoo clicked his tongue.

“You didn’t even check? You really just submitted it and forgot about it, huh?”

“Haha. Did I think I’d win?”

“Let’s go together.”

“Um… Okay.”

“I’ll have to go back to Korea before that because of the visa. The snow should have stopped by then.”

The snow, which had been falling since morning, was beginning to intensify. The north wind, welcoming the approaching spring, would carry the scars of the previous season, one by one, to the frozen land. After the winter wind had carried away the memories repeatedly, time and time again…

“Sunbae-nim.”

“What?”

“I hope things don’t change.”

Perhaps they could spend their 30s together, their 40s, their 50s, and so on. He entertained such a dreamlike fantasy.

“What?”

“Our relationship.”

As if taken aback by the unexpected words, Shin Kwonjoo frowned, resting his chin on his hand, before finally speaking after a long pause.

“How can you be sure?”

“Um…”

“There’s nothing you can be sure of. We don’t even know what will happen tomorrow.”

At the realistic reply, Ha Joyoon unconsciously pouted his lips. Shin Kwonjoo chuckled at the sight, grabbed a handful of his fine hair, and lightly kissed it.

“But I’ll promise you one thing.”

Looking at the glimmer of hope in his eyes, the man ruffled his light-colored hair with a mischievous smile. And finally, the single promise he could keep was conveyed through words.

“If you die in the field, I’ll make sure to retrieve your remains. So run around without worry.”

“….”

“Regardless of what happens to our relationship, whether we break up, meet new people, whatever.”

“….”

“Isn’t that a good promise?”

“…What is that? Are you telling me to die in peace?”

“Why do you always twist my words like that?”

An unbearable heat welled up in his eyes. Trying to appear indifferent, Ha Joyoon averted his gaze and quickly masked his expression with a deliberately curt reply.

It wasn’t a sweet confession or a promise of forever. However, he knew that those weren’t words someone who had already lost someone before their eyes could easily utter. The promise to retrieve his remains in the end was strangely agonizing, clawing intensely at his heart.

Even if it wasn’t my beginning, the end…

Their breaths, indistinguishable, mingled and drifted busily in the tranquil air. A peaceful night, filled with only the sound of their two voices, was passing. Slowly, but surely.

“Let’s go out.”

Following Shin Kwonjoo’s gesture towards the living room, Ha Joyoon quietly nodded. He wasn’t lonely because he had someone to walk with him. Life was full of uncertainties, but he considered this enough. He was glad they met, glad he took the leap of faith. He was glad to be here, with him.

“Stop making that dazed expression.”

“Come on…”

“Didn’t you know what you were getting into?”

“Still…”

As they left the room, the murmuring voices gradually faded away.

He awaited spring, the brilliant season that gives birth to life and blesses new beginnings. To reach it, he endured the harsh winter. When the seeds that had survived the north wind sprouted and blossomed, then he would walk hand in hand with his beloved, stepping on the soft earth and inhaling the fragrance. And together, they would return home, eat dinner, watch TV, and share the day’s events.

He squeezed the hand he held and swung it widely. At his lover’s puzzled look, as if wondering what this silly gesture meant, Ha Joyoon shrugged in response.

The winter they shared was passing.