Chapter 4 Part 3

I met him again in the spring when I was twenty-two.

Though the frozen winter weather had thawed and the world was brimming with warm spring energy, my life wasn’t stable enough to enjoy seasonal changes. The problem was always money. 

If I didn’t get a scholarship, I’d have to take a leave of absence, and beyond that, I had rent, overdue utility bills, and hospital fees to pay. No money meant I had to work, and working made getting scholarships increasingly difficult. It was a vicious cycle – if I fell behind in scholarship eligibility, I’d have to work even more. Yet I stubbornly clung to graduating college for one simple reason: I wanted to live like everyone else, as much as everyone else.

But even that laughably modest goal was always out of reach for me. My tattered, messy life only grew more frayed with time, never straightening out no matter how hard I tried. Though I barely maintained balance like an acrobat, life felt perpetually unstable, as if the slightest turbulence could capsize me.

Then I met him again.

Late one night during a delivery gig at a host bar in Gangnam, I reunited with Yoo Min-ho dressed in an expensive suit. The last time I’d seen him at nineteen, he’d been wearing a school uniform with tears streaming down his youthful face. Despite having cruelly rejected him, I couldn’t forget his desperate expression for the longest time.

But three years was apparently enough to change a person’s heart. At least Yoo Min-ho seemed different now. Where there had once been desperation in his tearful confession, there was now an easy smile. When he recognized me as the delivery person, he seemed momentarily flustered before casually greeting me like we’d just broken up yesterday.

‘What’s with that disappointed face? But hyung, no matter how hard I work, I can’t keep up with how fast my dad racks up debt. I even signed a body donation form, but what can I do? He’s my only family left – I have to pay it off.’

‘……’

‘You know I’m not educated or smart like you, hyung. All I’ve got is this body, so this is how I live. Pity me? …Or… are you disgusted?’

I didn’t respond, just set down the coffee and sandwiches I’d brought before turning away. Whether he’d become a host after manual labor jobs like before didn’t concern me. While I genuinely wished him well, my own life was overwhelming enough. I had no capacity to worry about his misfortune either.

But the moment I turned my back, he grabbed my shoulder. When I reflexively turned back, my heart sank seeing the easygoing expression had completely vanished from his face, revealing the fragile vulnerability he’d been hiding beneath that thin veneer.

Seeing that pitiful face, I had to admit it – Yoo Min-ho hadn’t changed at all. Even after three long years, his eyes still held affection for me that I could never return.

Watching those pretty eyes that couldn’t hide emotions quickly grow moist made me want to cry too. The resentful look he gave me felt suffocating.

I truly hated Yoo Min-ho.

I truly hated Yoo Min-ho.

I hated how he—

‘…Hyung, were you ever curious whether I lived or died?’

–

–

“Fuck! Snap out of it! Hey! Lee Chae-eun!”

A sharp voice pierced through the depressive fog in my head. Coming to my senses at the urgent tone, I saw Yoo Min-ho kicking away a zombie trying to enter the elevator. The doors kept opening and closing because the zombie was halfway inside.

…Only then did my dazed mind clear enough to grasp the situation.

Ah, right. We’d barely escaped the convenience store and fled into this elevator. I couldn’t even remember how many attempts this was. Every time we sent the firefighters away, we’d hit a dead end with no way forward. We’d tried coming to the convenience store with Do Ji-hyuk too, even asking the firefighters to sound sirens from behind the building, but we’d never made it back to the management office.

There were over thirty zombies gathered at the entrance from the sirens. Crossing the hallway to return to the management office without encountering zombies was nearly impossible. The mall corridors were too narrow with nowhere to hide – once we faced zombies, survival chances were zero. Even hiding in empty stores didn’t help because of the flimsy glass walls. Death was always the outcome.

Feeling my limits, I returned to the starting point to try eliminating the woman who first turned into a zombie at the café. Even failing was preferable – at least I wouldn’t have to watch Yoo Min-ho die.

I’d lost count of how many times I’d killed her. Whether smashing her face with a fire extinguisher or stabbing her heart with a mop handle, she kept moving like a crushed yet squirming bug. It was driving me insane. That I, who’d lived such an ordinary life, could kill someone so brutally disgusted me.

The hallucinations and auditory delusions grew worse over time. Part of me wished to go mad and lose my grip on sanity. Then suddenly, I remembered what Yoo Min-ho had said.

‘I have… a cat at home. Named Gamgyul^[1]… a super cute orange tabby… I wish I could’ve shown you…’

Of course, reaching the elevator by the main entrance was harder than going to the management office. Though less than 10 meters away, the zombies were packed so densely there were no gaps to slip through. Even miraculously reaching the elevator, we’d usually die waiting for it to descend from the 22nd floor. I was growing exhausted from these meaningless challenges.

But seeing Yoo Min-ho wrestling with zombies now, I couldn’t give up. Behind the zombie trying to enter, five or six more were rushing over. There was no more time to hesitate.

“Just let it in!”

“…What?”

“Before more zombies come, let it in now!”

Grabbing Yoo Min-ho by the scruff, I shoved him into the elevator corner while mashing the close door button and blocking him. The zombie that got in lunged at us – a nauseating sight with cheek torn open to reveal teeth. Seeing two dental crowns among the yellow teeth made me strangely melancholic. That man probably never imagined when getting those crowns that he’d be biting human flesh…

While having these absurd thoughts, I jammed the broken mop handle into the zombie’s mouth.

“Gah! Kaaah!”

Even impaled through the mouth, the zombie kept pushing forward. Squeezing my eyes shut, I shoved the mop handle toward the corner wall with all my strength as the doors finally closed. Still gripping the handle with both hands, I yelled at the stunned Yoo Min-ho.

“49th floor! Press 49 now!”

“…F-Fuck.”

“Gaaah! Gah!”

The thirty-something male zombie thrashed violently trying to grab me but couldn’t move freely with the mop handle through its mouth. When Yoo Min-ho finally snapped out of it, he grabbed the other end of the handle while cursing. My heart pounded wildly – the elevator would stop at floors 2 and 22. Not a moment’s lapse was allowed.

“Fuck, you planned this? You brought the mop handle knowing this?”

“Listen, Yoo Min-ho. The elevator will open at the 2nd floor. Immediately hit close. Got it?”

Attempting to reach the 49th floor made me realize how quickly the zombie virus had spread in under two hours. It had reached at least the 22nd floor. Having died horribly there countless times, I knew it well. This time, I desperately wanted to reach the 49th floor. After so many failures, I even wondered if God had borrowed my scenario to create this hell.

Ding-

-2nd floor, doors opening.

As the familiar mechanical voice announced and the doors slowly opened, quick footsteps approached – student zombies in uniforms came sprinting. Fortunately, the doors closed just before they entered, followed by loud thuds against the metal.

“Kaaah! Gah!”

But relief was short-lived – the impaled zombie still thrashed wildly.

“…Ha, fuck. Are you psychic? How’d you know it’d open on the 2nd floor? Then again, with zombies around, why not ghosts too? I’m going fucking insane.”

“Yoo Min-ho. Less talk, grab the fire extinguisher.”

As soon as I spoke, he raised the extinguisher to smash the impaled zombie’s head. Instinctively, I cursed violently.

“Are you insane? Fuck, you’re not even wearing goggles! What if it sprays in your eyes? Get a grip!”

“…Haa, ha.”

“Give up. Even smashing its skull won’t kill it. It’ll open on the 22nd floor too. Three zombies in the hall… Honestly, I don’t know if we’ll survive.”

“…What?”

The elevator numbers climbed rapidly.

12th, 13th, 14th…

My heart raced.

“I’ll handle this one – you just hit close when the doors open and spray the extinguisher.”

Yoo Min-ho didn’t respond, probably baffled by how specifically I knew what would happen. 18th, 19th… As I anxiously watched the numbers rise, the image of Yoo Min-ho from my earlier hallucination resurfaced.

‘…Hyung, were you ever curious whether I lived or died?’

The hurt in his expression had been heartbreaking. Why he’d looked at me like that, why hearing those words pained me so – my emptied mind provided no answers. Yet I felt unsettled.

Lost in these survival-irrelevant sentimental thoughts, the elevator announced the 22nd floor and the doors opened. There was no more room for contemplation.