Chapter 4 Part 8

Compared to the hell of the first floor, Yoo Min-ho’s apartment was truly heaven. Not only was it a relief that the stench of rot wasn’t overwhelming and that everything was clean without a drop of blood, but the best part was not having to run from time or zombies. After forcing down the instant ramen cup that Yoo Min-ho hadn’t even touched, I basked in a feeling of ease as I looked down past the living room window.

The world was quiet, as if by a lie.

Far below on the ground, police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances were gathered, and occasionally, vehicles bearing broadcast station logos were visible. On TV, interviews with the families of people trapped inside the building were ongoing, and footage of the President holding a press conference was also airing as breaking news. Hope swelled that the situation might actually end just like this.

What should I do if I manage to get out of here? Realistic concerns were beginning to surface. As I changed into Yoo Min-ho’s clothes, I looked at the wallet I had set aside; my face was clearly stamped on the resident registration card. Beneath it, I could see the name ‘Lee Chae-eun’ engraved. It seemed I had no choice but to live as Lee Chae-eun. Aside from the fact that I couldn’t play the cello, it wasn’t such a bad situation.

Lee Chae-eun was the ultimate ‘top dog’ in capitalist society, possessing the mighty weapon known as money. Although she had the peculiarity of being pathologically obsessed with Cha Min-jae, that detail became meaningless the moment I became Lee Chae-eun. As for the gender… I’ll think about that later.

Yoo Min-ho, who hadn’t eaten anything as if he had no appetite, fell asleep on the sofa while watching the news at some point. To be able to sleep in this situation… Of course, considering the extremely tiring day he had, it wasn’t entirely incomprehensible, but I still thought it was remarkably carefree.

A sudden strange sensation made me look down and see a fist-sized cat rubbing its nose against my instep. Fearing I might step on it, I gently picked it up, but the cat, scared, extended its claws and furiously scratched the fabric of my clothes. I had no choice but to sit in the corner of the sofa where Yoo Min-ho was sleeping and patted the small behind a couple of times, and the cat in my arms quickly began to doze off. Even though it was a small animal, I couldn’t believe it could fall asleep so instantly. It looked exactly like its owner.

Then, my gaze happened to land on a framed photo resting on the side table. Naturally, the owner of this house was pictured inside. Behind Yoo Min-ho, an old building was visible, with the words ‘Somang Orphanage’ carved into one of its walls.

The moment I saw that photo, I couldn’t explain why my heart plummeted. Given Cha Min-jae’s status as a top star, it seemed unlikely he would have any connection to an orphanage. It was strange. Perhaps he was sponsoring it for image marketing. Thinking that way, it seemed somewhat understandable.

The silence in the room was profound. The low sound of Yoo Min-ho’s breathing as he slept on the sofa, the warmth of the kitten cradled in my arms, and the faint noise of the television gradually eroded my composure. Was it because I had eaten two cups of instant ramen? A pleasant feeling of fullness washed over me, swiftly followed by an overwhelming wave of exhaustion. It was laughable that I had considered Yoo Min-ho impressive for sleeping in this situation, as I too slowly began to lose consciousness. Should I just sleep for ten minutes? Yes… just ten minutes.

…The moment I thought that, someone called my name right beside me.

“Hyung… Ki-hyeon hyung, wake up. We’re here.”

The soft voice that caressed my ear felt pleasant. Hyung? Was there anyone who would call me that? Confused, I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw were the empty seats inside the bus. Bright midday sunlight streamed long through the bus windows, and everything outside was lush and green. I stared blankly at the sight of unspoiled nature, something I hadn’t seen in ages, when a low chuckle spilled into my ear.

“Ah… still half-asleep? Haha… we’re here now. We need to get off next.”

Only then did I look at the person whose voice had woken me, and a very familiar face was looking down at me. It was Yoo Min-ho. But something about him was subtly different. This wasn’t the Yoo Min-ho who had been sleeping on the 49th floor of a building swarming with zombies just moments ago; instead, it was a much younger-looking Yoo Min-ho, dressed in a school uniform, smiling at me.

I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or if this was a fragment of a lost memory.

“Hasn’t this place changed at all? It’s always the same. Unlike Seoul, it’s still, quiet…”

“……”

“…The Director would be so happy to see you, hyung. He used to ask about you sometimes.”

Yoo Min-ho, who had gotten off the bus, chattered away as he walked slowly ahead of me. He seemed incredibly excited. The corners of his mouth, curved into a smile, refused to drop, as if he couldn’t contain his delight. While walking, Yoo Min-ho, who had been focusing all his attention on me, paused briefly and turned back to look at me. As I stared blankly at the sunlight bathing his snow-white cheeks, the kid, who had been nervously watching me like a puppy needing to relieve itself, cautiously continued speaking.

“…Hyung, when I graduate high school next year, why don’t you move down here and live with me? Once I get my settlement funds, I’ll get a monthly rental near the station with that money, okay?”

“…Min-ho-ya, walk while watching where you’re going. It’s dangerous.”

“Hmm? Hyung, just leave that place and come live with me. I can make a lot of money, really. I’ll give you all the money I earn.”

“I told you to stop being such a sucker. Why would you give me the money you earn?”

The situation replayed endlessly, like a video that couldn’t be paused or skipped. Only then did I realize this wasn’t a dream, but a piece of a lost memory. I could hear the loud buzzing of cicadas somewhere, and the smell of grass was vibrating all around. Yoo Min-ho, standing in the middle of that recording, looked at me with a desperate expression.

“…I just want to live with you, hyung… Can’t we?”

“No. Besides, didn’t your father, who abandoned you, contact you? It seems like he’s after your part-time job money and your settlement funds, too. Do you think I’ll even get a turn?”

Yoo Min-ho couldn’t hide his wounded expression at my coldly delivered answer, which contained not a shred of hesitation, and he took another step away. The me in this memory was incredibly contradictory. While I spoke words that would hurt Yoo Min-ho without reservation, ironically, I too was getting hurt. It almost felt as though I was pushing Yoo Min-ho away specifically to hurt myself.

After walking for quite a while along the narrow country road, I spotted an old building in the distance.

‘Somang Orphanage.’

It was the same building in the picture frame I had just seen in Yoo Min-ho’s room. The moment I spotted the dilapidated, faded apricot-colored building, I was able to pull out a memory lodged deep in my skin, like a shard of glass. It was a uselessly painful memory, but it was undeniably a part of me.

Only then did I recall that Yoo Min-ho and I were from the same orphanage. We had grown up together at Somang Orphanage from a very young age—that is, until I was adopted late at the age of fourteen. Once the memories began to surface, they became terribly jumbled, pouring out in fragments. Most of the sharp memories were about Yoo Min-ho.

…Even when I wounded him with harsh words, even when I finally made him cry, the fact that I cherished Yoo Min-ho never changed.

When we finally reached the front of the orphanage, he abruptly stopped walking and turned to look at me. His face was contorted as if he were holding back tears. It was probably because of what I had just said. Only then did I realize why, out of all the fragments of memory, I had chosen to recall this very moment.

“…Hyung, if I… if I stop contacting my father, will you—”

“You don’t just see me as your hyung anymore, do you?”

“…..”

“Tell me honestly. Isn’t that right?”

Yoo Min-ho, his pale face growing even whiter, could only stand there staring at me with trembling eyes, unable to utter a word. Seeing that pitiful sight made my own heart tremble painfully.

Throughout my life, I have always regretted this moment. If only I had held on to Yoo Min-ho then. If only I had been braver. It was a moment of memory worn thin by countless regrets and recollections.

“That’s right. I… like you, hyung. It’s not just liking you—”

“So, every time you look at me, you’re having dirty thoughts.”

“That’s not it, I just—”

“It is. Even if you wrap it up as saying you like me, what you’re really saying is that you want to do that with me too.”

My heart hammered against my ribs. Every word that spilled out of my mouth was unforgivable. Yet, once the harsh words began, I couldn’t stop them. Why was I treating him so coldly? I didn’t have the courage to meet Yoo Min-ho’s gaze, which was staring at me in a way that made my heart drop. I was sure there was a clear reason why I had to say such cruel things to him, but I couldn’t recall it at all. The fragmented pieces of memory only formed an unfinished picture.

“Fine, let’s say when you turn twenty, you and I live together in this godforsaken countryside. Then what about your father? Do I have to help you pay off your father’s debts too?”

“I’ll take care of my father myself—”

“Min-ho-ya, honestly, my own life is overwhelming enough as it is. …Do you understand what that means? It means you are a burden to me.”

“……”

“Don’t waste your feelings on a tired guy like me. Live a little more shrewdly in this world.”

A clear tear finally escaped his eyes. I had to clench my fist painfully to steady my weakening resolve. Suppressing my trembling heart, I managed to feign composure and continued speaking.

“…Never contact me again. Just knowing you looked at me like that all this time is horrifying.”

That’s when I tried to walk past him. Yoo Min-ho rushed up, grabbed me, his face streaming with overflowing tears. Seeing that desperate expression squeezed my chest so tightly I could barely breathe.

“Hyung, I won’t ask anything of you… Can’t we just keep in touch like we have been? I’ll get over it quickly. I won’t look at you like that again. Without you, I—”

“No, Min-ho-ya.”

“……”

“Don’t you understand what I’m saying? I-I don’t like you.”

At my voice, which was cold enough to freeze everything, Yoo Min-ho could no longer utter a word, staring at me with eyes full of resentment. The moment I took in his face—a mixture of sorrow, grief, and yet, affection—memories began flooding in from where they had been locked away in my mind.

At the same time, thump, thud-thud. A sound like something striking sheet metal rang violently in my ears. The instant I realized that those heavy, irregularly timed blows were the sound of zombies slamming against the front door, my despair-soaked consciousness surfaced.

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