CI 2.9

Son Yeo-il imagined himself growing distant from Won Hee-yeon like this. If he lived as he had initially intended when coming here—sharing his heart with no one and remaining locked within the solid walls of his heart—there would be no disappointments or hurts.

Maybe that suits someone like me better.

By the time he reached this pitiful conclusion, evening had already arrived. Only after receiving goodbye greetings from Manager Kim who was leaving work did Son Yeo-il realize he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday.

He considered eating something but then gave up. Perhaps because his heart had grown cold, he didn’t even feel hungry. There were still more records to review and documents to write. While working, he could erase any unnecessary thoughts.

With that mindset, when Son Yeo-il opened another new record, the sound of heavy rain began to come from outside the windows. When it occurred to him that he didn’t have an umbrella with him, he wasn’t bothered, but the thought that followed made his heart flutter.

If it rains, he’ll try to come pick me up somehow.

After that thought arose, Son Yeo-il couldn’t concentrate on work. No matter how much he tried to look at the records, he couldn’t focus. His mind was suddenly completely filled with thoughts of Won Hee-yeon and that made him terrified.

Should I go home now? Even though I don’t have an umbrella…

8:30 p.m. An awkward time. The normal work departure time had long passed, but it was still quite a while before Son Yeo-il’s usual leaving time. For the past few days, Son Yeo-il had consistently left around the same time, and Won Hee-yeon had consistently come to pick him up.

The moment the thought crossed his mind that he could avoid running into Won Hee-yeon if he left right away, he immediately stood up. Having gone nearly two days without eating and working for hours without rest, his knees were slightly shaky, and the sound of rain outside was intensifying, but Son Yeo-il was feeling anxious at the moment. He didn’t care if he got caught in the rain on the way home.

Hurriedly tidying her desk and heading down to the first floor, Son Yeo-il flinched greatly as he reached the building entrance. Through the glass door, he could see a large shadow. It was Won Hee-yeon’s back, seen for the first time in two days.

Why is he here so early?

Son Yeo-il had never told him when he would leave work, and he might have even thought he had already gone home, yet Won Hee-yeon was waiting for him regardless. Was it because the rain made him more concerned, or had he always waited for Son Yeo-il like this?

Just as Son Yeo-il tightly clenched his empty fists, Won Hee-yeon sensed his presence and turned around. How could someone who had been ignored all day smile so brightly? And how could the umbrella he had brought to cover Son Yeo-il be so large?

His nose bridge ached. No, a hot lump was rising from below his solar plexus. Since seeing his silent back, Son Yeo-il already felt like he was crumbling.

Son Yeo-il wanted to dismiss this explosive feeling as just a negative emotion. He wanted to blame Won Hee-yeon somehow. That this was all because of him. That he was trying to break him down. Son Yeo-il gathered all his irritation and asked sharply.

“What are you doing here?”

His voice was so on edge it could infect anyone listening with irritation. His starved and exhausted body was trembling from head to toe, yet oddly enough, only his voice was loud.

“Who asked you to wait? Why are you standing here endlessly making me nervous? I’m already busy and exhausted to death. Why are you making things so burdensome for me?”

Once he started speaking, like a broken dam, miserable words began pouring out of Son Yeo-il’s mouth. They were utterly disgraceful even to his own ears. Words without context or courtesy, purely emotional venting.

Yet he didn’t feel relieved after spitting them out. He only felt more tormented by self-loathing and shame. Won Hee-yeon, who always sensed Son Yeo-il’s feelings, might now also be seeing through his twisted inner thoughts. Hating that possibility the most, Son Yeo-il flared up even more.

“Go away. I’m not leaving work. I’m going to work much longer, and I don’t even know when I’ll finish, so stop doing this here and just go.”

After staring blankly at Son Yeo-il who was glaring at him fiercely, Won Hee-yeon smiled awkwardly, unlike his usual self.

“Alright. You must have been surprised by me showing up without saying anything.”

And then he seemed about to say something more, his lips moving slightly before he apparently swallowed the words. He probably wanted to say he’d see him tomorrow, but decided against it, thinking Son Yeo-il might dislike even that.

Unable to face him directly, Son Yeo-il turned around abruptly. Through the sound of rain, he heard Won Hee-yeon’s footsteps moving away. Those slowly continuing sounds beat against Son Yeo-il’s heart.

Whether from lack of strength or some lingering attachment, he simply couldn’t move from that spot he was standing in. Standing there blankly looking down at the floor, he immediately locked on the clean new shoes Won Hee-yeon had bought him.

The day he received them, Won Hee-yeon had brought clothes sorted for summer wear, neatly arranged on hangers and in drawers, to Son Yeo-il’s studio apartment. As Son Yeo-il grumbled, asking if he had really bought all these and if there were even more, he noticed several pairs of dress shoes and sneakers among the pile of clothes and casually asked.

<Are you giving me shoes too?>

<Don’t say you won’t accept them. This Won Hee-yeon only has money to spare, so this much is just chewing gum money. Just think of it as accepting a pack of gum.>

<It’s not just a pack but enough to start a gum business, that’s the problem. But with shoes…isn’t there a saying about that?>

<What saying? That if you give someone shoes, they’ll run away? Heh. That’s just nonsense from people who don’t know better. You need pretty shoes to go to good places. And what if you do run away? If Yeo-il runs away, I’ll chase you to the ends of the earth.>

His words, spoken with a grin, didn’t sound like a joke at all.

<I wonder if I went to the wrong person.> 

<That’s right. How should such a precious person deal with getting caught by such a terrible man?>

Precious person. Not just saying it flippantly, Won Hee-yeon truly treated Son Yeo-il like a “precious person.” Looking down further at the toe of his shoes as he stood there, this time he started to recall Won Hee-yeon from that day. The day they went to the valley, his shoulders as he gently washed his feet that were irritated for no reason and helped him put on his shoes.

He had considered Son Yeo-il precious and put beautiful, shiny new shoes on his feet, but Son Yeo-il’s heart remained shabby, tattered, and small as a soy sauce dish.

Despite being a lawyer, Son Yeo-il could come up with a few excuses for himself. The painful past days, or the painful memories suddenly encountered while work was starting to get too much for him to handle.

But such excuses didn’t justify treating another person badly. Especially someone who cherished him so dearly.

It’s all my fault.

Son Yeo-il had pushed Won Hee-yeon away with his petulance several times already, but each time, Won Hee-yeon had approached him again as if nothing had happened. Today would probably be the same.

If tonight passed and dawn broke, Won Hee-yeon would smile brightly as if Son Yeo-il’s mistake had never happened, make jokes, and gently knock on the door of his heart. Then Son Yeo-il might be able to lean on his affection, pretending to give in.

But…I can’t keep glossing over things like this. I don’t want to do that anymore.

Facing his emotions honestly was such a frightening thing. If it had been easy, Son Yeo-il wouldn’t have acted so crookedly in the first place. Son Yeo-il had been running away all this time, but now it was time to be brave.

Son Yeo-il took a deep breath, exhaled, and then turned around. Won Hee-yeon’s back was already quite far away. That straight, broad back looked so sorrowful. Son Yeo-il felt a pain as if a sharp, long awl was piercing his heart. A lightning-like realization penetrated Son Yeo-il’s chest right then and there.

He must be hurt too.

No matter how generous Won Hee-yeon was, he wasn’t invincible. The pain Won Hee-yeon must have felt made Son Yeo-il’s heart ache. It hurt even more, knowing that he was the one who had wounded him.

Having realized this obvious fact so late, he felt a sense of urgency rush through him right then. Thinking that if he missed this opportunity, he would be hurt even more, Son Yeo-il called out to him out loud.

“Hee-yeon!”

But Son Yeo-il’s trembling voice was completely buried in the loud sound of rain. Growing more anxious, Son Yeo-il unconsciously ran out into the heavily pouring rain.

“Hee-yeon, Hee-yeon…!”

Son Yeo-il ran wildly, calling for him desperately. He couldn’t even see properly beneath his feet, and he couldn’t think about the fact that his body was completely drained of energy to the point his legs were trembling. His only thought was that he had to catch Won Hee-yeon, that he couldn’t let him go like this.

Won Hee-yeon seemed to notice Son Yeo-il’s voice only after he had run quite a distance. The moment he stopped walking and turned around, Son Yeo-il became even more desperate and stretched his body forward, and in doing so, lost his balance and stumbled on his feet.

“Yeo-il!”

Son Yeo-il’s two knees and palms touched the puddle-filled ground. The ice-cold rainwater poured down on Son Yeo-il’s back as he fell. More than the cold and pain, what tore at Son Yeo-il’s heart was the sight of Won Hee-yeon rushing to him in one breath like his life depended on it.

“Yeo-il, look at me. Hmm? Are you okay?”

Won Hee-yeon lowered his body, almost sitting down in front of Son Yeo-il, and extended his hand to support him as he fell. The rainwater that had soaked Son Yeo-il was now wetting Won Hee-yeon’s shoulders and back. Because he was tilting the umbrella entirely over Son Yeo-il as if it were the most natural thing to do.

“Hee-yeon, I-I…”

“Are you hurt anywhere? Oh my. You’re all wet in this heavy rain. What should we do?”

Won Hee-yeon helped Son Yeo-il stand up and wiped off the mud from his palms with his sleeve. With his firm and gentle touch holding him, with his eyes looking into his, the walls of his heart that Son Yeo-il had built up crumbled like a lie.

“I’m sorry.”

With those words, tears welled up immediately. He knew this wasn’t a situation where he should be crying, but he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t just tears, but felt like the lump that had been sitting deep in his heart was flowing out.

“Hic, sob. I didn’t really mean what I said. Hee-yeon, Hee-yeon…”

“I know. Don’t cry.”

His soothing voice only made him cry more fiercely. Son Yeo-il couldn’t say anything, just shed tears with his chest and shoulders heaving.

“My heart burns seeing my baby cry. Hmm…?”

When Son Yeo-il cried harder at his words, Won Hee-yeon didn’t know what to do. Could it be that this man, who seemed strong enough to fear nothing in the world, was simply afraid of Son Yeo-il’s tears?

After fumbling for a moment, he cupped Son Yeo-il’s face with the hand not holding the umbrella. A warm temperature was added over the cold rainwater and hot tears.

At that moment, Son Yeo-il felt a sense of relief as if returning home after a long journey. As if the reason he had wandered wearily for so long was to touch these fingertips.

“Hic, don’t go, Hee-yeon. Sob, I, hic, I was wrong…”

Son Yeo-il raised both hands and embraced his back with all his might. Won Hee-yeon seemed surprised for a moment but soon hugged Son Yeo-il as he burrowed into him. In his broad, warm embrace, their heartbeats, louder than the sound of rain, met each other.

“Oh my, careful, careful. You’ll slip. We need to go up slowly.”

Who knows how long they had been embracing in the rainy street. Saying they would catch a cold like this, Won Hee-yeon quickly led Son Yeo-il toward the studio apartment building. Both of them were soaking wet, dripping water onto the stairs with every step they made.

Won Hee-yeon climbed the stairs slowly, carefully supporting Son Yeo-il’s back and shoulders as if walking with a child who had just taken its first steps. It was embarrassing, but he couldn’t complain. After all, Son Yeo-il had actually wailed like a child in the middle of the street in the pouring rain.

Perhaps because his heart had turned to mush, he struggled with tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how much he cried. Even now, he had only forcibly stopped crying due to Won Hee-yeon’s comforting, but he felt like he could start crying again if someone just touched him.

Sure enough, when they reached his room after climbing all the stairs to the second floor, tears began to well up in Son Yeo-il’s eyes again. It was foolish of him, but he didn’t want to separate from Won Hee-yeon right then.

Even though he knew full well that he would be right next door and that they would meet tomorrow, he felt only regret that Won Hee-yeon’s arms around him were about to be removed.

“Um…”

“Huh? What’s wrong? Are you going to cry again?”

Seeing Son Yeo-il’s eyes once again glistening with moisture, Won Hee-yeon stamped his feet. Thinking that right now he would listen to anything he said, no matter how strange, Son Yeo-il took courage and said, “I-I told you not to go, didn’t I?”

“…”

“Stay with me longer.”

The moment he said that, he felt Won Hee-yeon’s arm around his back tense up. Won Hee-yeon’s expression took on an extremely complex and subtle light. He went from feeling sorry for Son Yeo-il, to finding him adorable, to finally being unable to hide the smile that crept up, making his cheeks twitch.

“Y-Yes. Together. Hmm, hmm. Let’s do that.”

Won Hee-yeon carefully removed his hands from around his back, grabbed Son Yeo-il’s wrist, and headed toward his own room right next to Son Yeo-il’s. Son Yeo-il took a step through the doorway of a room he had never entered before.

Won Hee-yeon took out a large towel from the bathroom right next to the entrance and roughly dried Son Yeo-il’s wet body, as if drying a rain-soaked puppy’s fur.

“Oh my. Your cheeks are so cold. What should we do? First, take a shower, okay?”

He handed him neatly folded clothes and pushed him toward the bathroom, so he could begin washing. As he stood under the hot water, he realized the situation was a bit peculiar. Emotions were boiling over, the day was ending, and Son Yeo-il was now defenseless, showering in Won Hee-yeon’s bathroom. Naturally, a question arose.

If things go this way, will something like…that happen again?

Though he hadn’t meant it in exactly that way, Son Yeo-il’s request to stay together probably sounded like “Would you like to stay for ramyeon?” His body, which had cooled down, suddenly became flushed as he became conscious of this.

The towel that had just dried his body, as well as the shower products, all smelled like Won Hee-yeon. The scent of a grown man, not too showy but deeply permeating. Surrounded by that scent, Son Yeo-il felt both tension and languor simultaneously. His heart was pounding so hard that he couldn’t even remember how he finished showering.

It was a bit baffling that the clothes Won Hee-yeon had given him to change into fit his size perfectly. The pajamas could be explained away, but why he had prepared even Son Yeo-il’s underwear in his room was a mystery.