IDESGI Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Lately, Yoo Ihan had been in an exceptionally good mood.

‘He’s been skipping meals saying he had no appetite, but now he’s eating well again—how pretty is that?’

And today, he’d even asked for something specific, telling him to go get it! While calling Kim Yushin over to act as his teleportation shuttle, Ihan couldn’t stop smiling.

Sure, Yushin kept pestering him about when he’d be back, but that was easy enough to ignore.

“How long are you planning to stay there? Don’t make me come drag you back.”

“Must be losing your mind. Why are you talking nonsense?”

“You said it’d be quick! When are you coming back?”

“When Yeoul decides to be honest with me.”

“And when’s that supposed to be?”

“Soon. He’s getting better. Just wait.”

“And if he never says it? If he keeps being stubborn?”

If Yeoul kept rejecting him? Well…

“Then we just live here together forever.”

Yushin gave him a look of pure disgust, but Ihan ignored it. Without giving away the exact location of the bunker, he had Yushin drop him somewhere near Jamsil and then sent him away.

Humming to himself, Ihan walked with a light step.

He was happy Yeoul had, for the first time in a while, offered to guide him on his own—but what pleased him most was that Yeoul had actually craved something enough to ask for it.

‘Maybe he’s finally opening his heart a little.’

Yeoul kept pushing him away, insisting he didn’t love him, but Ihan knew the truth.

He knew exactly how much Han Yeoul loved Yoo Ihan.

An imprinted Esper and Guide share their emotions during guiding. You only get a faint sense of the strongest emotion the other is feeling in that moment, but Yeoul’s feelings hadn’t changed one bit from before.

I love you—

That raw, bone-deep feeling couldn’t possibly be a lie. No matter how much Yeoul denied it, this was why Ihan couldn’t let him go.

‘Though, even if it was a lie, I wouldn’t let go anyway.’

In that case, this blissful honeymoon of theirs might have grown a little more twisted.

But as far as Ihan was concerned, the two of them were happy right now. At first Yeoul had resisted, but he seemed to have adjusted quickly enough.

See? Today he’d even told him to go buy bread. And what was so great about being turned into a bread shuttle that it had Ihan grinning from ear to ear the whole way?

As he strolled down the street, a thought suddenly crossed his mind.

‘My luck’s too good today.’

And bad things always happened on lucky days.

A chill ran down his spine. The strong feeling that something was going wrong struck him. Ihan quickly hurried back toward the bunker.

The first thing he saw upon returning home was enough to flip his temper instantly.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

One look at Yeoul’s frozen back told him everything—he’d been trying to escape.

Still haven’t given up? Trying to run from me?

Ha. Yeoul.

Not a chance.

“I’m sorry. Please, stop…”

Only after taking Yeoul completely did Ihan let him go. His own reflection swam in Yeoul’s damp eyes.

That’s right, Yeoul. You only need to look at me. I only look at you. The rest of the world? Screw it. Let it burn, let it collapse—what does it matter? A world without you deserves to fall. But if you keep trying to crumble the ground under my feet, then what am I supposed to do, hm?

I can’t just sit still. I can’t watch my world fall apart.

So, my world—Yeoul. If you’re going to collapse, then kill me first and go.

Because I’ll never let you go. Not even if it kills me.

* * *

It had been more than ten years ago.

He was eleven years old. He got more allowance than most kids his age, but still, finding a ten-thousand-won bill at the playground made him happy.

‘Today’s my lucky day!’

With the money he picked up, Ihan bought himself an ice cream and stuck it in his mouth.

“Ugh, I don’t want to go to cram school.”

His mom and dad were always eager to sign him up for things, since he excelled at everything. Kendo, taekwondo, swimming, math, English, Korean—whatever he tried, he won awards. Thanks to that, his days were spent running from one academy to another.

“You’re a prodigy!”

He’d heard it so often that it no longer meant anything to him, but every time, his parents would hug him and bounce around in excitement.

“Ihan! My son! Of course, you must be a genius because you take after me!”

“And handsome because you take after me. Or is it pretty? Is this what they call a flower boy?”

Ugh. Flower boy? What kind of outdated term was that—something people used a hundred years ago. Ihan wrinkled his nose.

“Ah! Stop exaggerating! It’s not like I’m only good at one or two things.”

When he grumbled, his parents exchanged glances.

“How come his personality…? Why doesn’t he take after us there?”

“Ihan, at least pretend to be nice to other people, alright?”

At his father’s request, Ihan poked his ear.

“I’m already this amazing. If I were nice too, wouldn’t that be kind of cheating? It’s not fair.”

“…Ha.”

His parents would wipe away tears, saying they were grateful their son was perfect in every way except personality. Ihan thought they were a bit over the top, but he didn’t mind.

They loved him, and he loved them.

But that lucky day was when everything twisted.

Suddenly, the sky turned black. At the same time, the ground split, and massive holes opened up everywhere. Crossing the playground, Ihan clung to the bar of a swing set, bracing himself against the whirlwind of sand.

Something was approaching—a massive, terrifying presence that made his instincts scream.

Then, the apartment complex where he lived began to collapse like dominos.

‘Mom, Dad!’

He tried to run to them immediately. Strangely, there was no wind in front of him. A moment ago, he’d been pelted with sand, but now it felt as if a barrier had been placed around him.

He didn’t have time to figure it out—getting to his parents came first. As he sprinted, screams rang out.

“Ahhh! Somebody help!”

“Mom! Save me!”

“G-get away! Ahhhh!”

The cries sounded as if they were right next to him, though they came from far away.

Then, it was as if fire surged through his veins, heating every vessel in his body. His eyes burned, and suddenly everything became crystal clear. Through the sandstorm, he could see what had been hidden before—a giant monster smashing the road, moving west.

If it went that way, it would reach Gangnam, and deeper still, it would destroy Seoul.

It was instinct. If he left it alone, countless people would die. Without thinking, guided only by instinct, Ihan flew west. He didn’t know how he was flying or what this power was, but he entrusted himself to it completely, fighting the monster until he was soaked in blood and battered to shreds.

The sun that had risen in the east set in the west, and rose again several times before he finally defeated it. When its body hit the ground, Ihan collapsed too. His body and head burned as if they would explode. Every breath stabbed him with pain.

What… what is this?

As he writhed in agony, someone approached.

“Hey, are you alright?”

A man, about the age of an uncle, took his trembling hand. A cool sensation spread through Ihan’s body. The heat dissipated, and the pain faded. Relief flooded in as he lost consciousness.

When he opened his eyes, his world had changed completely.

“An S-Class Esper has appeared!”

“Not just any S-Class—he took down a disaster-class monster alone! He’s practically SSS-Class!”

The president, ministers, and all sorts of officials came to praise him for his achievement. But the reality he faced was far harsher.

Late Yu Jiheon · Park Jeong-ah

His parents’ nameplates stared back at him with empty eyes.

When the president’s secretary offered him condolence money, saying they mourned the deceased, Ihan slapped it away.

“What were you doing while I was killing that monster?”

Why didn’t you save my parents? Why!

“We did our best. Disaster-class monsters can’t be killed just by gathering Espers. Look at what happened to the countries that recklessly deployed their Espers when mega gates opened.”

“……”

“Those countries lost their fighting force and sacrificed even more lives. We couldn’t make the same mistake. We couldn’t lose all our Espers. Abandoning that land was more rational.”

He grinned broadly, patting Ihan’s small shoulder as if proud.

“We expected Seoul to be completely wiped out, but only a hundred thousand died. Your parents would be proud. They’d be happy you’re working for your country, wouldn’t they? You mustn’t let their sacrifice be in vain.”

Is that what you call it? You sacrificed my parents—and a hundred thousand people died—and you’re not even sad?

The public hailed him as a hero. The president, the ministers, they were all proud of the fact that Yoo Ihan was an S-Class Esper.

But back then, Yoo Ihan was only eleven years old. Just a child who had lost his parents.

When he walked by, people looked up to him. He was thanked daily, showered with expensive gifts. Everyone who saw him smiled and cheered.

What’s there to be so happy about? I lost my parents.

He felt disgusted with everything. He wanted to throw it all away. Sometimes, he wanted to join his parents.

But he had to live. If he didn’t at least become a hero, then his parents’ deaths would have been too meaningless. He couldn’t let their deaths be in vain.

Fine. I’ll be a hero. If, like they say, my parents died because I’m truly a hero—then I’ll at least hold that position.

He gritted his teeth. He smiled and acted kind to the people who praised him as a hero—because that’s what a hero should do. The more his insides rotted away, the more he smiled.

What helped him endure then were his fellow Zone 1 Espers and the Guide who had saved him on the day of his awakening, Lee Chan-won.

“Mister! Can you guide me?”

“Hey, am I your personal guide? Why do you always act so entitled?”

“Ugh, don’t you know Zone 1 can’t run without me? If I tell the media, you’ll be ruined! This is child abuse, you know?”

“Ha. I’m shaking in my boots. Give me your hand, you sly kid.”

With his signature bright laugh, Chan-won guided him. The burning heat faded away, and the pain that came with using his powers subsided.

That winter, the uncle-like Lee Chan-won died.

It happened while Ihan was on an overseas mission and a gate broke open. On that mission, Ihan saved thirty thousand people.

It’s because I wasn’t enough. I just have to try harder.

After Chan-won’s death, Ihan threw himself into training. Even on days when he was so exhausted he could barely move, he trained. If he became even a little stronger, he could save even one more person.

But a hero could never save everyone.

Every moment required a choice.

A thousand lives or a teammate’s arm.

Ihan let his teammate’s arm be severed and saved a group of university students.

Ten thousand lives or the deaths of three teammates.

When gates broke in quick succession, he knew that if he went to one side, the exhausted teammates who hadn’t caught up yet would die—but he chose to save ten thousand civilians.

Again and again, he had to weigh what was precious to him against what was right. And little by little, Ihan himself was dying. It became harder and harder.

At first, he thought the answer was simply to become stronger. But no matter how hard he trained, no matter how many times he fought for his life, the number of people he couldn’t save only grew.

If I just get a little stronger, it’ll be fine. If I work harder, if I step forward more.

But until when? How much stronger do I have to be to save everyone?

The government and the media exalted S-Class Esper Yoo Ihan as a great hero. But when he still couldn’t protect the ones he truly cared about, what was the point? He was nothing more than a failed hero.

After clearing a gate and protecting people, they would thank him. And every time, he would think:

I’m saving you—but who’s going to save me, when my heart and soul are dying?

That went on for over ten years. The side effects of Esper energy could be treated with guiding, but nothing could heal the trauma of watching loved ones torn away in front of him.

And just when he was at his most worn down, Yoo Ihan met Yeoul.