IDSEGI Chapter 109

Chapter 109

“That’s right, you’re that person from back then.”

When I pulled the hat snugly down over his round, small head, it matched exactly the image of that man from that time. Even if he kept denying it, Han Yeoul was definitely that person.

Finally, I found him. My Guide.

But my Guide was stubborn.

“I wasn’t pretending not to know—”

Still denying it? Up until now, I’d played along, but it was about time I heard why he was acting like this.

“You’re not going to tell me you’re not, even after coming all the way here, are you?”

Yeoul just opened and closed his mouth without saying anything, as if at a loss for words. The fact that I found that look cute made me wonder if I’d completely lost it.

When I told him before that my eyes must be broken, I’d been half serious. All I could see was him. Sparkling as if he were some kind of star, walking around with his own halo.

People called me a lunatic so often I was starting to feel like one. I turned into a fool whenever I was in front of Yeoul.

Eventually, he seemed to give up on denying it and asked quietly, almost like a sigh.

“If I asked you not to ask, would you leave it alone?”

No. Of course not. I wanted to know everything about him—from the color of his underwear today to the number of hairs on his head. I wanted to uncover and learn every last thing about him. And I would.

Still, I could wait a little. As long as he agreed to go out with me.

Yeoul let out a short, incredulous breath. Watching him get angry about how pushy I was made me smirk.

“But Yeoul, you were happy.”

My hand stroked his soft cheek, then moved to his plump earlobe. Damn, I wanted to put my mouth on that too. I could feel the blood rushing south, but it wasn’t time yet. If I got worked up now, he might get scared and run.

Not that I’d let him.

Suddenly, I remembered our first time. The sex in the bathroom had felt less like making love and more like pure intercourse. It had been insanely good, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to date him.

I really like you. Why do you keep denying my feelings? Just pretend you don’t know and let me in.

“Would you be willing to die for me? Do you love me that much right now?”

But I couldn’t answer him right away. Love him enough to die for him? I couldn’t deny how strongly I was drawn to him, even in ways I didn’t understand—but to say that feeling was worth risking my life… I wasn’t sure. The answer didn’t come instantly.

“I like it like this. What you’re feeling right now—keep it right there.”

Even as he said it, his expression looked sad. If you’re going to make a face like that, why say something so cruel? Come on, smile for me. I like your smile.

Wanting to at least gain his sympathy, I confessed that I had a rejection response to other Guides. It was the truth I’d kept as my last card, hoping to win not only his sympathy but his heart. I hadn’t expected to use it here. And just as I’d thought, softhearted Yeoul said he’d guide me.

With a look of painful agony on his face.

I was an Esper, and though I wasn’t obsessed with guiding, it’s not like I disliked it either. No Esper in this world hates being guided. If Yeoul offered to guide me, I should have just said yes.

“I’m not going to accept guiding until we’re together.”

What the hell? I surprised even myself with that one. But then I realized—I liked him even more than I thought.

After that, I behaved just as he wanted. Going to Yoon Geon was irritating enough to make me want to kill the bastard, but I held back. Instead, I poured my frustration out during training, which left the guys a little battered. I didn’t feel bad about it. Training’s better when it’s intense.

“You crazy bastard. Love’s made you lose your mind. Why take it out on us, you piece of shit!”

Yushin was yelling something after training, but I ignored him. My mind was entirely on Yeoul.

How should I seduce him?

I tried this way and that, schemes that even I had to admit were cheap tricks, but Yeoul always came close to giving in without actually doing so. I knew he had feelings for me. The emotions I’d felt from him during guiding had been surprisingly deep.

Why does he feel that way toward me?

It was such an intense love that it startled me. You shake me up that much, and then you try to slip away? It annoyed me, but the moment I saw his face, my mind went blank and I wagged my tail like a dog. I really was insane.

It felt like Yeoul was hiding something from me, and I wanted to know what it was. But no matter what it was, I had no intention of letting him go. Even if he were a murderer, I’d help dig the hole to hide the body rather than leave him.

The more I got to know him, the cuter and more lovable he became. I’d always thought guys were disgusting and dirty like the ones in Zone 1, but Yeoul smelled sweet. I wanted to devour him from head to toe. I deserved a medal for my patience.

After two months of waiting, I got to go on a date with him. We watched some corny comedy I wouldn’t normally give a glance, and walked through a crowded street. Normally I hated crowds, but with him beside me, the world looked beautiful.

I was crazy about him.

And yet… maybe he really was trying to kill me.

“Ihan has always been sincere about protecting the citizens. So much so that he’s constantly blamed himself for not being able to save everyone.”

“Yoo Ihan isn’t a hero, he’s a person. He’s not someone you can chew up and spit out as you please. If you insult him, he gets hurt like anyone else. If he’s injured, it hurts—he’s a person.”

It was the first time in my life anyone had said something like that to me. I’d never expected anyone to understand me. To the people who worshipped me as a hero, I kept a wall up, pretended to be refined, and hid behind my smile. In Zone 1, I could show my true colors, but never my true heart.

The truth was, I was exhausted. I didn’t want to be a hero anymore.

But as their leader, I couldn’t say that.

The guys thought I was just an insane bastard who pushed them around mercilessly. I couldn’t deny it entirely, but the real reason was because I didn’t want them to die.

Please survive. When I chose justice over you, you have to survive with your own strength.

It wasn’t some sentimental camaraderie. If they died, it would hurt me enough to want to die too. Even though I couldn’t put them first above all else, I still wanted them to survive. It was a completely selfish wish.

How could you possibly know that, Yeoul?

Up until now, I had just liked you. But now, “like” wasn’t enough. I wanted to push my feelings to the limit and pour them all into you.

While being guided by you, I wanted my emotions to reach you. And maybe they did—because you didn’t refuse my kiss, simply closing your eyes.

That night, holding you tightly in my arms, I clumsily brought up various stories—about my parents, about Mr. Lee Chan-won. You quietly listened.

Instead of saying the usual, “That must have been hard” or “You’ve been through a lot,” you patted my back. That touch comforted me more than any words I had ever heard. Without even realizing it, I let slip the feelings I’d kept hidden deep inside.

“When there’s nothing to use my abilities for, like these days, I dream. Monsters appear out of nowhere. I’m always forced to choose—to go left or right. No matter which I pick, I always end up regretting it. That’s why I push myself. If I sleep like I’ve passed out, I dream less.”

I’m scared to fall asleep, Yeoul.

At my low murmur, you gently cupped my cheek.

“It’s okay to sleep. When you wake up, I’ll be right here beside you.”

That night, I dreamed the same dream as always. A gate appeared, monsters poured out. I stood at a fork in the road, forced to choose between left and right.

I chose one, and once again, I was torn to shreds.

But at the end of the road, you were standing there. You opened your arms toward me and smiled brightly.

Welcome, Ihan. I’ve been waiting for you.

You said that, wrapping me in a warm embrace. It was so warm that I hugged you back as if I’d break you.

When I woke from the dream and opened my eyes, you were asleep beside me, holding my hand tightly.

I secretly watched your sleeping face, and I cried a little. As I was wiping my tears, you opened your eyes and met mine. You smiled softly, as if your expression could melt everything, and greeted me.

“Did you sleep well?”

That was when I realized—ah, this is it.

I had truly fallen in love.

I had come to love this person.