IPSTDS Chapter 70

Chapter 70

Seo Dowoong began avoiding people who carried a negative air ever since the decisive incident that soured things between him and Yoon Noah.

From then on, he distanced himself from anyone insincere, or anyone who gave him that vague sense of discomfort.

In that sense, Kim Daon fit his taste perfectly.

Daon was someone far removed from unease, someone who felt good to be around, always honest, never hiding anything.

Daon seemed like the kind of person who would never change no matter what.

But today, the face he saw was full of hesitation. Throughout their meeting, Daon looked as if his thoughts were somewhere else, with someone else.

Seeing that face, Seo Dowoong thought of the end.

Even if they managed to resolve things and start over, he didn’t think being with Daon would bring him the same happiness as before.

Because of Noah, a small quarrel had created a crack between them, and that crack had spread uncontrollably in no time.

And there was nothing that could mend it.

“Haa.”

Letting out a sigh, Dowoong collapsed onto the sofa.

He usually hated lying down without changing clothes, but today he felt too drained. He couldn’t endure it without lying down.

Staring into the dark, unlit space, his sparsely furnished home felt more desolate than ever.

Maybe that was why an emotion that didn’t suit him—loneliness—settled heavily inside.

The fact that there was no one to call at a time like this weighed on him especially tonight.

It really did feel like he was trapped in emotions that weren’t like him at all.

Even before meeting Daon, he had often been alone, but back then, he had never felt this kind of loneliness.

Why, of all nights, did he feel so wretched today…?

At that moment, he heard a voice—like an auditory hallucination—from someone who wasn’t here.

Woong!

That clingy, affection-soaked call was so familiar that he glanced around the room, even knowing full well Noah wasn’t there.

Immediately, visions of Noah began to fill the silence of the space.

Woong! I cooked for you. It’s damn good, so you better eat it all.

Somehow, Noah would break into his strictly secured home and cook for him without permission.

Dowoong had found the food revolting, never touching a bite, and had thrown it all away.

Why’d you throw it out without even trying? I even took cooking classes because of you.

Noah had looked up at him with a face on the verge of tears.

…Woong, you must not have an appetite. Then should we do something dirty instead?

He’d unbutton his shirt and try some clumsy seduction.

Dowoong had always thrown him out without mercy. Sometimes he hadn’t even given him shoes, tossing him out into the hall barefoot.

Noah had barged into his home without permission, so going back barefoot was only what he deserved, Dowoong thought.

But even after such humiliations, Noah kept coming back. Sometimes, when locked out, he’d crouch by the front door.

Yes, in every moment, Noah had been there.

The reason Dowoong hadn’t felt lonely in his empty house all those years was largely thanks to Noah.

Because Noah would always come, always speak to him. Because even when ignored, scolded, or thrown out, Noah would still smile at him.

Because of that, Dowoong never had time to feel lonely. Without realizing it, Noah had influenced his life far more than he thought.

After years of constant visits, Dowoong had come to take them for granted, and even found a twisted amusement in chasing him out.

But one day, those visits stopped completely.

What if Noah never came back to his house again?

Then, echoing in his ears, came the words he had heard from Noah most often these days.

I don’t like you.

He hadn’t actually heard them—just remembered them. But even that thought made his chest ache.

“……”

Running a rough hand through his hair, Dowoong muttered to himself.

Why am I like this lately? Getting worked up over Noah for no reason, even dragging him into company matters…

Honestly, with all that, he had expected Noah to come back to him like before. To wag his tail like a mutt who only knew its master.

But Noah had truly stopped looking back at him. Ignored him, while fitting in just fine with Daon and Kangil.

…Was he just trying to provoke me by getting close to the people around me?

But no. He had been far too quiet for that. Even when Dowoong prodded him, he barely reacted.

And then he’d gone so far as to say something absurd—claiming he was dating Kangil.

At that, Dowoong hadn’t been able to control the surge of emotion. What he felt then was pure disgust.

So strong, he had nearly wanted to vomit.

Why? Why now, of all times…?

“Haa.”

Letting out a sigh deep enough to shake the ground, Dowoong closed his eyes. For the first time in a long while, he remembered that day long ago—

The day he had first come to see Noah as repulsive.

* * *

As soon as Lee Kangil returned to Nahyuk’s house, he began interrogating him—asking how he had celebrated Kim Daon’s birthday, what they had talked about, what they had done.

Caught up in the questioning, Nahyuk answered honestly. There was nothing he had done with Daon that needed to be hidden from Kangil.

He even described in detail the movie they had watched together, subtly mentioning how he had expressed a desire to spend Christmas with someone. He wasn’t sure if Kangil picked up on his meaning.

After listening to every detail, Kangil made an utterly childish remark.

“Do with me whatever you did with him.”

For Nahyuk, it wasn’t a particularly difficult request. He readily agreed.

“Should I go buy another cake?”

“No, let’s watch a movie.”

“What kind?”

“Something really sad.”

A sad movie? It was hard to believe such words had come from Kangil, who looked like the type to only enjoy racy films.

“Noah, you were surprised, right? Thinking I only watch dirty movies? I don’t. I’ve got emotions too, you know.”

“…How did you know that’s exactly what I was thinking?”

“It’s written all over your face. And for the record, I am a man of feelings.”

Nahyuk could only laugh dryly.

Kangil and emotions… Could there be a stranger combination?

They settled on the sofa in the upstairs living room and started the film. By chance, it too had a winter setting.

The movie followed a woman who had become immortal because of a virus, and the man who fell in love with her.

The woman, who had long since stopped counting her age, lived a weary life, killing people for amusement. Then she met a man who was constantly bullied by others.

Intrigued by his weakness, she killed all those who tormented him, hoping to win his favor.

But the man was only afraid of her. One day, he wounded her with the words:

“You’re a monster.”

The woman was heartbroken, but still followed him in secret, protecting him from the shadows. Eventually, she died in his place.

She wasn’t truly unkillable—just hard to kill. That was the first and last time she realized it.

Before her final breath, she said to the man:

“Even a monster like me… will you love me?”

And in that moment, as her life slipped away, the man confessed. He was still afraid of her, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t loved her.

Nahyuk couldn’t hold back his tears during the woman’s death scene.

Though she had killed without remorse and lived a life of boredom, wasn’t it true she, too, had simply longed for love?

That desire for love was something Nahyuk shared. Knowing that desperation, he couldn’t help but project himself onto her.

Wiping his eyes, Nahyuk wondered if he might end up like her—dying before ever experiencing love.

At that moment, a large hand reached over and wiped the tears from his cheek. Sitting so close, it was Kangil’s hand.

True to his claim of being “a man of feelings,” Kangil himself didn’t shed a single tear. Instead, he tilted his head and stared intently at Nahyuk’s face.

“Looks like you’re sad. Are you scared you’ll die like that too?”

“…I can’t say I’m not.”

“I told you already, I won’t let you die.”

“But people never really know what’ll happen… I mean, it’s not that I don’t trust you, but I want to prepare myself for the possibility.”

Who could have ever predicted Nahyuk would fall into a novel, after all? That was the sort of possibility he meant.

And so he resolved to live in such a way that, even if he died tomorrow, he wouldn’t regret it.

“Stop thinking about useless things. You won’t die. Absolutely not.”

Kangil’s voice was firm. He didn’t seem to allow even the slightest what-if, not even for a moment.