IYAMD: Episode 19

The body of the man in his arms was hot. It seemed like his fever had risen from crying.

Marsilia was at a loss for words at the weight of the hands clutching onto his clothes. The weak tremors shaking the man and his quivering form silenced the murmured words he had been using to console him.

At first, he had been angry. At the man who had run away without permission. At himself, who had never even considered that possibility.

And he was furious at him for quietly offering his throat to the assassin.

It had been the same when he retrieved a forbidden spell from the imperial library and cast a curse on him to seal his inner energy. He had been so angry that he hadn’t cared about anything else.

Even when the backlash from the curse left a mark on himself, he didn’t care. He had only been consumed by the desire to tie this damned man down.

The only solace he found was that books on curses still remained in the imperial library. There must have been a reason why other emperors had needed them as well.

Realizing he wasn’t the only one who had been desperate, even if just a little, brought him some comfort.

Even when he couldn’t sleep and glanced outside, only to find him standing on the balcony, he had unknowingly felt another surge of anger.

It was infuriating to see him enjoying the breeze so carefreely after turning everything upside down.

Why was he so angry? Marsilia couldn’t understand his own emotions.

Was it betrayal because he had trusted him?

No, that wasn’t it. Marsilia had never once trusted Jaha. He had simply, so naturally, expected something from him.

And how foolish it was to be angry just because the man he wished for something from didn’t grant it. Marsilia thought his anger was irrational.

Even using his power to bring him back to life was the same. It wasn’t something Jaha would have wanted, so he had no intention of expecting gratitude for it.

But even if he could reason it out in his mind, he couldn’t stop his chest from boiling over.

So, for the past three days, he had avoided Jaha. He was afraid that seeing him asleep would make him angry again, afraid that he would end up throwing a tantrum, demanding something from him.

Yet all that effort was for nothing. The moment he caught sight of his shadow, flames flared up in his heart. The only reason he hadn’t immediately opened the door and approached him was to keep himself from pouring out this uncontainable anger onto him.

Marsilia had intended to quietly retreat. To close all the curtains in his room and act as if he had never seen him in the first place.

Until he saw his tear-streaked face in the moonlight.

The silent tears that clung to the tip of Jaha’s chin, glistening, stole Marsilia’s breath away.

He listened, wondering if he would hear the man’s murmured lament. But the only sound that reached him was damp, shaky breaths.

The man, unable even to cry out loud, pounded his own chest as he wept.

As if he didn’t know what to do with all the pain bottled up inside him, he clenched his fists and struck his own chest over and over.

Thud. Thud.

When he curled in on himself, Marsilia’s heart lurched and sank along with him.

His heart pounded hard.

He had no idea why Jaha was crying, but the sheer desperation of it made his throat tighten.

Opening the door to the balcony and leaping over the railing hadn’t been a conscious decision.

Before he knew it, he had rushed to where Jaha was.

Yet, when he reached him, he couldn’t bring himself to touch him.

He simply sat down beside him.

“Jaha, don’t cry.”

He barely managed to force out those few words, struggling with his own lack of vocabulary.

Perhaps it was instinct that made him pull the man into his arms when he only sobbed harder at the clumsy attempt to soothe him.

Was it because his body was even hotter than usual?

Marsilia thought he resembled a candle.

A candle dripping hot wax as it slowly melted away.

As if he didn’t know how to extinguish the flame burning him, he continued to spill that scalding wax.

Marsilia hugged his frail body tightly and then cupped his damp, burning-hot face.

Jaha’s cheeks were flushed red from the fever.

Marsilia cradled his face in both hands and wiped away his tears with his thumbs.

But no matter how much he wiped, the flood of tears wouldn’t stop.

Marsilia lowered his head and kissed the wet eyelids.

Startled by the touch of lips, Jaha’s damp eyes widened.

Their gazes locked, and the few words he had managed to find vanished altogether.

Marsilia remained silent, his lips brushing against Jaha’s wet eyelids again, then against the prominent ridge of his brow bone.

His rapidly blinking eyelashes tickled his chin.

The sensation trickled down from his jaw to his throat, swallowed down with a dry gulp.

It felt like he had swallowed something hot, a searing heat swelling in his chest.

What was this feeling?

Marsilia pulled Jaha’s face even closer, trying to meet his eyes.

He felt like he should say something. But when he parted his lips, no words came out.

Was Jaha feeling the same?

Was he keeping his mouth shut because he couldn’t find the words either?

Tears welled up in those golden eyes again, spilling down his cheeks.

Marsilia followed the trail of the falling tears with his gaze.

When a drop clung to Jaha’s lips, it tasted of the sea.

The salty tang made waves crash inside his chest.

The waves churned, frothing into white foam wherever they struck.

Each time the dark blue currents surged against his heart, something inside him felt like it was being eroded, bit by bit.

Marsilia quietly observed Jaha.

He wondered what, exactly, this man was wearing away.

And what he was changing inside him.

But he couldn’t tell.

The change wasn’t obvious, nor was it something he could put into words.

All he felt was a faint sense of loss.

Yet, it wasn’t regretful.

Rather, it felt… refreshing.

“Jaha.”

His name was strange. When spoken aloud, it simply faded away quietly.

Perhaps that was why it felt so heartrending.

So futile, even.

For some reason, this man’s name always evoked such emotions.

Marsilia embraced Jaha tightly.

His candlewax-like tears soaked through the thin tunic.

The silent shudders of his weeping figure made the waves inside Marsilia’s chest swell even higher.

The commotion stirring in his chest grew even more intense as the body in his arms trembled.

Marsilia merely stroked his back, swallowing a sigh inwardly. He just wanted to comfort him somehow.

…

It was only after the moon had tilted far into the night that Jaha finally slackened, as if all his strength had drained away. He exhaled ragged breaths, looking utterly exhausted, so Marsilia quietly lifted his limp body into his arms.

As soon as he stepped into Jaha’s room, Ashton, who had apparently been waiting there, carefully closed the balcony door.

After laying Jaha down on the bed, Marsilia started to rise, only to click his tongue in frustration. The hand that had been clutching his robe the entire time refused to let go.

With thin fingers, the veins bulging from his malnourished state, Jaha gripped Marsilia’s robe as if it were a lifeline. His grasp was tight, as if he had no intention of letting go. Seeing that, Marsilia let out a short, incredulous laugh.

Even Ashton, who had approached to arrange the blankets, seemed slightly troubled.

“Sharing a bed before the ceremony is…”

Marsilia shot him a sidelong glare before snapping irritably,

“Just stop right there.”

Did he think he actually wanted to lay a hand on a man who was utterly drained? No matter how long he had waited for him, that was still ridiculous. What did he take him for?

Marsilia bent his back and pulled off his tunic. Jaha, unaware of any of this, continued to breathe in soft, even rhythms.

Hearing the slightly stuffy sound of his breath, Marsilia lightly tapped the bridge of his nose with a finger.

A glow, smaller than a firefly, seeped beneath his skin. It wasn’t a wound, so it wouldn’t fully heal, but at least it might ease his discomfort a little.

He couldn’t even freely use his divine power, fearing it might undo the curse spell.

After using a bit of divine power to ease Jaha’s swollen eyes and hands, Marsilia finally straightened up. Ashton, watching him with a pleased smile, gave a deep bow.

Marsilia merely scoffed at him before turning away to head back to his own room.

After changing into his nightclothes, he lay down in bed, but sleep didn’t seem likely.

The bright moonlight cast long shadows through the window, gradually filling the room.

As he thought about Jaha, his mind wandered back to the trouble that had plagued him since yesterday.

The problem had arisen because of the divine power he had used to find Jaha.

When an immense amount of divine power suddenly engulfed the capital, the people, caught up in the phenomenon, were terrified, believing that the goddess herself had descended. Then, as the wounded and those with old injuries began to heal, the atmosphere shifted.

There were even reports that those who had been directly affected by the divine power were offering prayers of gratitude toward the imperial palace.

Ordinary citizens, who had rarely witnessed the emperor’s divine power firsthand, now regarded it with awe.

The main temple, adjacent to the palace, was also bustling with worshippers. As a result, donations to the temple had increased considerably.

Marsilia scoffed at the irony. The bear had done the trick, but someone else was reaping the rewards.

While the commoners’ response was overwhelmingly positive, the real issue lay with the nobles. They were keen to know why the emperor had suddenly unleashed such a massive surge of divine power.

The topic had come up several times during meetings. The nobles wanted a proper explanation, but Marsilia had nothing to tell them.

He couldn’t very well say it was because he had been searching for his runaway divine partner.

So he brushed it off, saying that his abilities had simply manifested while he was in training.

No one seemed to believe him, but Marsilia didn’t bother with further explanations. The nobles, left unsatisfied, simply speculated among themselves.

Honestly, if he had taken a moment to think, he could have predicted this reaction. But at the time, he had been too blinded by urgency to care.

Lying in bed, Marsilia mulled over everything that had happened because of Jaha, unable to get a single moment of sleep.

He needed rest after expending so much divine power, but no matter how hard he tried, sleep wouldn’t come.

Every time he lay down, he would be reminded of the emptiness in his room and end up kicking off the blankets in frustration.

Only when he sensed Jaha’s presence in the room beyond the sitting area would he finally calm down enough to lie back down—only for the cycle to repeat.

He had hoped to get some rest tonight, but after seeing Jaha’s tears, even his exhaustion had vanished completely.

Marsilia had been suffering from sleepless nights lately, all thanks to that man.

And yet, that man was probably sleeping soundly by now. The thought alone made Marsilia let out a sigh.