LM Chapter 11.2

After washing up and returning to the bedroom, Lyndon saw a fresh chamber pot had replaced the old one. His face flushed hot, and he quickly looked away. 

On the table, breakfast for two was laid out. It was just like the old days. Specifically, the days when he used to share meals with Hayley.

Lyndon hesitated just as he had back then, awkwardly taking a seat opposite Cedric. While he was glancing around, unsure of when to pick up his fork, Cedric stared at him with a look of disapproval.

“What are you doing?”
“Ah…”

Lyndon bolted upright and stood awkwardly beside Cedric. He assumed that sitting across from him must have been too presumptuous.

Since he had always done so when eating with Hayley, he thought it would be fine this time too. But then he remembered: Cedric was the Crown Prince, and Hayley was a Duke. 

He was merely an assistant butler. 

And now that he had been rejected by Hayley, he was nothing at all.

Perhaps he had been treated so well beyond his station that he had forgotten his place. His mouth felt bitter for no reason, and he clasped his hands together, bowing his head low. 

However, even though he had moved, Cedric’s expression remained unpleasant.

“Are you waiting on me?”
“Pardon?”
“Why are you standing there?”
“Oh, well… I thought you didn’t want me sitting in front of you?”

Cedric let out a short laugh as if he found the idea absurd.

It was… a face that made Lyndon’s heart pound strangely. 

Perhaps because he had just washed, transparent droplets of water lingered on his perfect features. His pitch-black hair was damp and clumped together, with fresh water beads clinging to the ends. 

Receiving the morning light, his black eyes – glossier than usual – looked straight at Lyndon.

He was a man composed entirely of black and white. Yet, for some reason, he was radiant.

‘Maybe… maybe he’s a prism.’

If not, there was no other way to explain how someone could sparkle so brilliantly just from the sunlight filtering through the barred window; it felt as though the light was dispersing into a multitude of colors.

Otherwise, Lyndon’s eyes had to be broken… because it made no sense for a man who had violated him, blindfolded him, and physically punished him to look this beautiful.

As if he were enchanted…

In the bathroom just moments ago, he had seemed like a madman. Could sitting in a patch of sunlight really change a person this much? 

Under the bright natural light, Cedric looked quite dashing, and almost normal.

With that perfectly fine face, he grabbed Lyndon’s arm and pulled. Suddenly, Lyndon found himself sitting on Cedric’s lap. His head spun a little.

“I meant for you to sit here.”
“Ah…”

Lyndon’s face turned a deep shade of red. 

He was a man taller than average, not an elderly person… and certainly not someone who belonged to a vulnerable social group. Though he was poor and lacked a proper job or home, he was still a tall, able-bodied man.

And yet, here he was, sitting on another man’s thighs.

Lyndon squirmed awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Then, beneath his buttocks, he felt something long and thick gradually hardening.

“If you keep rubbing against me like that, I’ll have no choice but to do it again, won’t I?”
“Ah…!”

Lyndon’s body went stiff. He straightened his spine and tried his absolute best not to move. Cedric couldn’t help but smile at the ridiculous display. He then picked up a warm piece of bread from the plate in front of him, spread it generously with butter and jam, and put it to Lyndon’s lips.

“Eat.”
“Yes, yes!”

Lyndon took the bread into his mouth, stiff with nerves. To be honest, he couldn’t taste a thing.

Next, potage flowed into his mouth. It was at the perfect temperature. Neither too hot nor too cold – just like the temperature of the thighs he was sitting on.

More food continued to enter his mouth. It was a more forceful and faster pace than when Hayley used to feed him, but it wasn’t bad. 

Honestly, being treated so tenderly even though he was a grown man… it always made his chest feel ticklish. 

Perhaps it was because he was only now receiving the affection he had never known before. It felt as if long-held deficiencies and sorrows were finally being healed.

Truthfully, he felt good. By the time breakfast ended, his chest felt tingly, and he felt a sense of fullness not in his stomach, but somewhere in his heart.

Afterward, the two of them walked in the garden. It was still mid-winter and a bit chilly, but the fur coat Cedric had provided was quite thick, and by the time they reached the greenhouse, it was actually so warm he had to take the coat off.

There, he drank tea with Cedric, and in the center of the garden where flowers were in full bloom, they shared a kiss. The kiss gradually turned passionate and rough. Cedric’s large fingers dug into his hair as he pulled him in closer.

Soon enough, following Cedric’s lead, they returned to the bedroom.

After that, they went at it like beasts again. Cedric’s cock moved in and out of Lyndon’s softened interior without rest, forcing him to scatter his semen while tasting a relentless pleasure.

Perhaps due to the excessive frequency of his climaxes, he felt a sharp pain as if his dick were about to snap. After washing up together and eating dinner, he realized it was already time to sleep.

Lying down with his head on Cedric’s arm just like the night before, their eyes met. Lyndon’s eyes were as clear and luminous as a lake in the imperial Caldera forest.

“Lyndon.”
“… Yes?”
“Your eyes are truly beautiful.”
“Ah…”
“Of course, your pale skin and handsome face too. You really exude a mysterious atmosphere.”
“… I see.”

A soft bird-like kiss landed on Lyndon’s forehead again as he answered hesitantly. Lyndon awkwardly touched his own forehead, still warm.

“Go to sleep. The night is late.”
“… Yes. Goodnight to you too, Ce… Cedric…”

Cedric pulled Lyndon into a tight embrace as he answered. His heart was racing wildly, the thumping sound knocking against Lyndon’s eardrum.

Strangely, sleep wouldn’t come. Lyndon’s heart was heavy with ambivalent feelings. For a long time, he couldn’t drift off. He simply closed his eyes and sank deeper and deeper into thought.

He felt sad, yet happy. Exhausted, yet full of energy. In pain, yet drowned in pleasure.

He felt as if he didn’t love anyone, yet as if he did.

As if he wanted to see someone, yet never wanted to see them again.

It was, truly, a complicated heart.

The next day followed the exact same routine, and deep into the night, the two naturally intertwined their bodies. Cedric obsessively toyed with Lyndon’s nipples, which were slightly chapped at the tips, before spreading his legs and driving his cock back into the rectal walls.

Just as Cedric was rapidly pounding against Lyndon’s prostate, Lyndon suddenly began to weep. It wasn’t because he was in pain or because he hated it. It was because… once again, he was thinking of Hayley.

He had tried to endure it, tried to forget, but the more tenderly Cedric treated him, the more they touched, the more Hayley surfaced in his mind like a dam finally bursting under pressure.

“Why are you crying?”

Cedric asked with a warm smile rather than a rebuke. To be honest, it was a bewildering situation for him. While a sobbing Lyndon was certainly a delicious sight during sex, he hadn’t been rough or forceful today. 

They had grown quite close (in fact, this was the first time Cedric had ever been this kind to anyone; it was a miracle he hadn’t grown bored yet), and he thought Lyndon had finally opened the door to his heart.

To have him burst into tears out of nowhere… Cedric couldn’t help but be curious.

However, rather than giving a reason, Lyndon only poured out apologies. He wept, repeating “I’m sorry” endlessly. 

Eventually, Cedric pulled his cock out and focused on comforting him. He stroked Lyndon’s hair, rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand, and buried Lyndon’s face in his chest. 

Perhaps because Lyndon was crying so sorrowfully, Cedric was being uncharacteristically warm.

“What is it, Lyndon? Did I scare you? I don’t think I was being rough today.”
“Hng, h-hnggh! It’s not… that…”
“Tell me the truth. It’s alright.”
“Hng, ugh…”

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. How could he possibly express his heart? How could he tell the Crown Prince, who was treating him so well despite having kidnapped him, that he was crying because he missed Hayley?

Lyndon knew well enough. He knew his relationship with Hayley was over and that Cedric was the one he had to depend on to survive now. But the kinder Cedric was, the more it served as a trigger to remind him of Hayley.

Hayley had also fed him breakfast after sex. They had walked in the garden together. They had fallen asleep sharing each other’s warmth at night and washed together. 

Virtually every act he performed with Cedric was permeated with Hayley. 

He was Lyndon’s first man. 

Even if he didn’t want to think about it, he couldn’t help but yearn for him.

Like a curse, like an incurable terminal illness, Hayley was stuck to him.

“Lyndon, it’s okay. Tell me. I won’t punish you.”
“… D-do you, hngph! Do you really m-mean it?”
“Yes. This time, I mean it. Should I even make an oath if you want?”

Cedric seemed to realize himself how many lies he had told, given that he felt the need to add the mention of an oath. Reassured by those words, Lyndon began to speak hesitantly.

“T-that… Hayley… I mean, the D-Duke… I was… th-thinking of him…”

Lyndon watched Cedric out of the corner of his eye, consumed by fear.

‘What if he gets angry again? What if he suddenly starts torturing me? Things have been so peaceful lately; what if he flips?’

Even though he had been brave enough to admit he missed another man, Lyndon was now desperately trying to gauge the fallout.

Surprisingly, however, Cedric didn’t look angry. He just laughed lightly and swept his ink-black hair back. His smooth forehead and straight nose bridge shimmered in the light.

“Ha, what… is that the only reason?”
“… Pardon?”
“Lyndon, you foolish brat. That guy has no interest in you. Don’t you know that?”

He knew. He had gone to find him even as the soles of his feet were bursting, only to have his confession rejected just a few days ago.

“I… I know…”
“Then why do you miss him? What’s so great about that sanctimonious bastard?”
“…”
“Ha.”

His erection having faded, Cedric walked over to the table and picked up a Cuarsan cigar. With leisurely movements, he clipped the end and lit it. As white smoke billowed from the tip, Cedric roughly ruffled his hair.

The sound of him puffing on the cigar filled the room. 

After a moment, Cedric approached Lyndon again and, with a complex, subtle expression, said: “Why don’t you just love me instead?”

For a second, Lyndon stared at him blankly, wondering if he had heard correctly. He wore a dazed expression like someone who had lost the ability to speak before finally manage to stammer out a reply.

“… Pardon?”

Cedric blew a cloud of cigar smoke into Lyndon’s face. Lyndon coughed and sputtered. Cedric laughed lightly at the clumsy sight. 

Belatedly, Lyndon looked up at him with narrow eyes.

An inexplicable, strange aura of intimidation radiated from the man. The white smoke contrasting with his pitch-black hair looked oddly erotic. 

Lyndon couldn’t take his eyes off him, as if he were being hypnotized. 

Even though it was Cedric who was smoking, Lyndon felt lightheaded as if he had taken a puff himself.

“It’s over between you and that guy anyway. Now, you have to be by my side.”
“…”
“So, love me. Erase that guy, who doesn’t even love you back, from your head.”

As he spoke, Cedric crushed the cigar out against the silk wallpaper. A black char mark appeared amidst the subtle beige tones of the silk.

“…”
“Well, if you hate me, I suppose there’s nothing I can do… but objectively speaking, aren’t I better than the Duke?”
“… Pardon?”

It was a staggering statement. 

While his looks were as perfect as Hayley’s (though their vibes were completely different), the problem was his personality. Cedric… though he had become a bit kinder, was still the definition of a madman.

“What else is there? Height? I’m probably about 0.03ft taller than that bastard, aren’t I?”

It was a difference no thicker than a fingernail.

“And looks – the Duke looks like a woman, doesn’t he? I’m the one who’s manly and handsome.”
“Ah… I see.”

“Status? That goes without saying. No matter how much of a master the owner of the Whittaker Ducal house is, I’m the one who will soon become the Emperor.”
“…”

“No matter how you look at it, I’m better than him. I don’t understand how you can still like the Duke when you have someone as perfect as me…”

‘Does he really not know? It’s your personality… your personality…’

Even with his slow-witted mind, Lyndon had learned a few things, so he didn’t dare say it out loud. He kept his thoughts safely to himself.

“The same goes for personality. Aren’t I, humorous and cheerful, better than the rigid and boring Hayley?”

He seemed to have absolutely no self-awareness. 

Humorous and cheerful? 

More like cruel, selfish, hot-tempered, and lacking any impulse control… Lyndon’s expression grew colder and colder.

“I really don’t get why you’re pining for him in front of me… It’s so absurd I can’t even get angry.”
“…”

Lyndon was also so flabbergasted that he wasn’t even scared anymore. It was too exhausting to even try to point out everything that was wrong with that statement.

Cedric lit another cigar. 

The light from the roaring fireplace flickered across his face. Even amidst the flickering shadows, his features remained remarkably perfect. 

Honestly… he was striking to look at. He lacked absolutely nothing – from a purely physical standpoint, that is.

‘It’s just that damn personality that’s the problem…’

While Cedric was letting it slide now because it was “absurd,” Lyndon never knew when he would turn back into a madman and hand out punishments. He really didn’t want his nipples reshaped or a long rod inserted into his urethra again. 

He thought that if he had to go through that one more time, he might actually die of a heart attack.

Belatedly realizing his mistake, Lyndon was about to offer a hollow apology just to survive, when Cedric, who had been sitting by the fireplace, approached him. He pushed Lyndon back into the bed and lay down beside him.

“My dick’s dead. I’m just going to sleep.”

With those words, he pulled Lyndon into his arms. He didn’t get angry anymore, nor did he force Lyndon to answer.

“…”

Instead, it was Lyndon’s heart that began to race. It thundered as if to announce its presence. Barely enduring the loud heartbeat, he whispered back to Cedric.

“A-are you… not a-angry?”
“Angry? About what?”
“J-just…”
“Well. I can make your body feel pleasure, but I can’t do anything about your heart.”

‘Why is he being so rational today?’ Lyndon was so taken aback he was actually more frightened.

In truth, compared to Lyndon and Hayley, Cedric was exceptionally dull when it came to the emotion of love.

To him, love was something like a useless legend – a mysterious emotion he would never understand. For him, there was only the pleasure of deeply exploring each other’s bodies and physical relations. He had zero concept of sharing hearts and loving one another.

That was why he didn’t accurately realize that he had started to feel a spark of affection for Lyndon, or that Lyndon truly loved Hayley. He acted vaguely, as if standing in a place with terrible visibility, thick with fog.

However, his heart was a bit unsettled.

It was an unpleasant sensation he had never felt before. It felt like a tingle behind his navel, or a prickle at his fingertips.

And then there was the fact that his erection, which usually sprang up for no reason, had died. Usually, seeing others beg him not to violate them because they had someone in their hearts would make his cock throb. This time, it had done the opposite.

Something was strange. He didn’t quite understand why, but it was.

Looking back, ever since he had removed the blindfold from Lyndon – who had been about to bite his tongue out after calling for someone in despair – and met those sapphire eyes filled with a tangle of hope and despair, everything had been strange.

So, Cedric chose sleep. Just as someone feeling intense fatigue and stress sometimes flees into deep slumber, Cedric chose sleep to escape this first-time stress.

With that unknown heart, he held Lyndon tight and closed his eyes. He didn’t think sleep would come easily, but holding the moderately warm Lyndon in his arms, he felt himself growing somewhat drowsy.

‘This is the first time I’ve ever slept while holding someone like this, too…’

With a complicated heart once more, Cedric whispered into Lyndon’s ear, “So, Lyndon… just love me instead.”

So muttered the man who didn’t even know what love was.