PSY CH 28

In the silence, only the ticking of the old clock’s second hand echoed softly. It felt as if the air might tear apart at any moment and slice through skin. That’s how sharp the tension pressing down on the room was.

“…Haha.”

It was Dohyun’s laugh that broke the silence.

“Wow…”

“…”

“You’re saying that I like you?”

He scrunched his eyes in disbelief.

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

“Then why did you try to kiss me?”

Clang. A loud noise rang out. Dohyun turned around, startled. It was the sound of him accidentally bumping into the metal cabinet behind him as he instinctively took a step back.

“I wasn’t asleep back then.”

His fingertips turned cold, and the nape of his neck stiffened with tension. With the situation turning so quickly, Dohyun was gradually losing his composure.

“When you came to Seoul.”

His heart sank like a stone. That was something only Dohyun was supposed to know. So, how did Jooyoung…

Jooyoung left Maeyang when he was twelve, and Dohyun was ten. Back then, he thought their relationship would eventually end there. However, even after Jooyoung moved to Seoul, the connection continued.

Sometimes Dohyun tagged Jungseop along when visiting him, and other times he went alone. Although he could only visit when Jooyoung first asked him to come to Seoul, their meetings were consistent. This continued until Dohyun entered middle school.

That day, too, was one of Dohyun’s visits to Seoul to see Jooyoung. It was a three-day, two-night trip, and thanks to Jooyoung’s parents’ kindness, Dohyun stayed at their home. Jooyoung sometimes showed signs of annoyance, but since he was the one who invited Dohyun, he usually went along with whatever Dohyun suggested. Maybe that’s why, on the last night, Jooyoung fell asleep before 9 p.m.

“Is he asleep?”

When Dohyun came out from washing up, Jooyoung was already lying on his side with his eyes closed. His hair was still slightly damp, not fully dried.

“…”

Dohyun stared blankly at Jooyoung, who was sleeping under a light sky-blue blanket. A drop of water from the ends of Jooyoung’s hair trailed down from his temple to his cheek. Before he realized it, he had moved closer. By the time he came to his senses, his lips were just about to touch Jooyoung’s.

The moment he felt Jooyoung’s faint breath, Dohyun barely managed to stop himself. He hurriedly pulled back and pressed his palm against his chest. His heart pounded so loudly that it echoed in his ears.

He realized that he saw Jooyoung a little differently, but he dismissed it as nothing more than a hormonal impulse—after all, there was no one else like Jooyoung around him. No one affected him the way Jooyoung did, so he was able to brush it off. That’s why, when he found himself about to kiss him, it scared him deeply, as if he had just committed a terrible sin.

But now Jooyoung was saying he hadn’t been asleep?

He had assumed Jooyoung was sound asleep. It never even crossed his mind that Jooyoung might have been awake.

“Bye.”

The next day, Jooyoung acted completely normal. He’d even walked Dohyun to the terminal like it was nothing. Dohyun was so shocked that his face froze in a blank daze.

“Look.”

“…”

“Because you saw me that way, now you’re seeing everyone else like that too.”

The back of his neck burned with heat. It was humiliating. He had known all along and still pretended not to—who knew what he’d really been thinking? Even when he mocked and cornered Jooyoung after they reunited, maybe Jooyoung had just been laughing at him the entire time.

Dohyun clenched his teeth. His vision flushed red with a rage steeped in shame. In a few long strides, he closed the distance. He grabbed Jooyoung by the collar and yanked him up from where he sat.

“Ugh!”

Crash—Jooyoung’s chair was shoved back hard, banging into the desk. He looked genuinely startled by how suddenly things escalated. Even when they often fought as kids, Dohyun never got violent.

“You think I see you as a woman?”

There was a burning blue fire behind his eyes. A heat fueled by fury and a storm of tangled emotions surged from him. The rising wave of fury looked ready to crash down on him at any moment.

“Ye…s.”

“…”

“That’s why you assume others will too.” 

Jooyoung stared back even more defiantly. Dohyun was clearly shaken by the memory—he had to keep pressing.

“Am I wrong?”

The muscles in Dohyun’s neck tightened. Between his clenched teeth, a chilling grinding sound rang out.

“Damn it…”

After a moment, muttering a curse under his breath, he pulled Jooyoung’s body forcefully toward himself. 

“Should I just really see you that way then?”

He felt an unfamiliar heat against his skin. Jooyoung flinched and was immediately shocked. Dohyun had slipped his hand inside the hem of his clothes.

“What are you, ugh…!”

“Huh? Should I see you as a woman?”

Since his collar was grabbed and his clothes lifted, Dohyun’s hand immediately touched Jooyoung’s bare skin. Goosebumps rose enough to make his hair stand on end.

“Stop…it!”

Jooyoung flinched and tried to push him away, but Dohyun used his larger frame to trap him instead. Despite the forceful contact, Jooyoung couldn’t move an inch. A large, hot hand traveled up his side to just below his armpit. Dohyun’s cold, hardened face showed no desire. That made it even more frightening.

“Ah…!”

Jooyoung hunched his shoulders and tried to pull his body back as far as possible. When the rough, calloused hand brushed against his chest, he almost screamed.

“This is what it means for me to see you as a woman.”

Dohyun growled, gripping Jooyoung’s waist with such force that it felt like his insides were being crushed. The pressure made Jooyoung gasp involuntarily.

“Got it?”

“…”

“This is what it means to see you as a woman.”

Dohyun’s thumb pressed firmly against Jooyoung’s abdomen.

“…”

Jooyoung stopped his feeble struggling. Before he knew it, he had frozen in place, holding his breath. 

Dohyun’s hands were so large that when he wrapped his arm around Jooyoung’s waist, his thumb nearly brushed against his navel. Jooyoung had always known Dohyun was much taller and bigger than others, but feeling the size difference up close sent a jolt of fear through him. More than anything, the situation itself felt overwhelming. All he could do was grip the wrist that had slipped beneath his lifted shirt.

“I didn’t do a damn thing to you.”

“…”

“You think I’m fucking crazy…?”

And then, something unexpected happened. Dohyun, who seemed immovable, suddenly let go and stepped back first. 

Jooyoung staggered, grabbing onto the desk to barely steady himself. Only then did the breath caught in his chest escape.

“Haa…”

Like someone rescued from underwater, he gasped for air for a long moment until his tangled breath began to return to normal.

“…Crazy bastard.”

Jooyoung glared at Dohyun, his breath ragged. He didn’t forget to pull down his crumpled shirt to cover himself. The skin touched by Dohyun’s hand still felt hot.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Jooyoung was asking what the hell his reason was for suddenly showing up and bringing up Hangyeol. In the end, it had all come full circle, back to square one.

“You show up out of nowhere…!”

“Hold on.”

“…”

“You called me up to Seoul after that too.”

Dohyun mumbled like he hadn’t heard a word Jooyoung said. His eyes, dazed and staring off into space, seemed strange.

“You knew everything. So why?”

He slowly lifted his head and asked. Jooyoung hadn’t expected Dohyun to bring that up again, so he was caught off guard and momentarily lost for words. His lips parted a few times before he finally managed to respond.

“…Because it didn’t happen in the end. I figured it was just a mistake and let it go.”

Dohyun stared at him with an unreadable look.

“No. The fact that I tried is what matters.” 

“…”

“Normally, you’d either beat the hell out of someone or cut them off completely for something like that. It’s always one or the other.”

It was a fair question. Most people, if someone tried to initiate physical contact while they were sleeping without consent, would be repulsed by the act alone. It would be more than enough reason to end a relationship, especially if it was between the same sex.

But Jooyoung hadn’t done that. He pretended not to know. Acted like nothing had happened.

Why?

It felt like he was on the verge of figuring it out—but not quite there yet.

“But why did you pretend not to know?”

And then suddenly, Dohyun wondered what he would’ve done if their roles were reversed.

If it had been Jooyoung, Dohyun would’ve stayed quiet too. If it had been any guy other than Jooyoung, he wouldn’t have. Without hesitation, he would’ve ended the friendship that very day. The mere thought made his stomach turn.

But if it had been a woman instead of Jooyoung? 

He might’ve been uncomfortable about the nonconsensual touch, but he wouldn’t have found it revolting.

At that moment, something shifted in Dohyun’s gaze. The thread that had been slipping through his fingers finally caught. The reason Jooyoung had acted out of character. The reason he hadn’t looked at Dohyun with pure disgust, hadn’t pulled away like he was repulsed.

“…”

Jooyoung swallowed dryly before he could stop himself. He knew Dohyun could see every flicker of tension in him, but there was nothing he could do about it. After a long pause, he finally found the most plausible excuse and opened his mouth.

“I just didn’t think it was worth ruining what we had—”

Or at least, he tried to say that.

“Goddamnit! Then you should’ve felt more betrayed!”

Bang! The sudden crash echoed through the room, making Jooyoung flinch and shut his eyes before snapping them open. Dohyun had slammed his hand on the desk and leaned in, locking eyes with him.

“…”

They were now close enough to feel each other’s breath. A faint mix of sweat and fabric softener drifted to Jooyoung’s nose—Dohyun’s distinct scent.

Dohyun’s eyes darted rapidly from side to side. The intensity in his gaze was so sharp, it felt like he wouldn’t miss a single twitch, not even the tiniest involuntary reaction.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

Jooyoung clamped his mouth shut and dropped his gaze to the floor. That silence was the only answer he could give.

“You’re not the kind of guy who would let that slide. So why’d you pretend like nothing happened? Fuck, the more I think about it, the weirder it is.”

“…”

“Is it because you’re used to situations like that, or…”

“…”

“Are you used to men?”

His shoulder jerked before he could stop himself. Instinctively, Jooyoung whipped his head around to glare at him. Dohyun’s eyes gleamed, like he’d been waiting for that exact reaction, like he’d just caught him. 

He made a mistake. Jooyoung bit down on his lower lip. 

“…Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true.”

He tried his best to stay calm, forcing himself to ignore the rising panic.

“Do you even know what I’m thinking?”

Dohyun tilted his head slightly. The silence between them pulled taut, like a rope on the verge of snapping. It was a strange moment, brimming with both tension and curiosity. Then, finally, Dohyun’s lips parted.

“You have dated a man, haven’t you?”

Jooyoung’s eyes flew wide open. In that instant, he couldn’t even remember the resolve he’d made to keep his cool.