RAT Chapter 2 (Part 3)
by Brie“Will you give my phone back now?”
“Oh, yes. I brought it with me. But…”
He stopped mid-motion as he reached for his bag, hesitating.
There was clearly something he wanted to say, but I pretended not to notice and just looked at his hand. Then, as if I’d only just realized something, I let out a small, awkward laugh.
“I’m still a student, so… I can’t give you much.”
“…Huh? What?”
When he pulled out his wallet, fumbling, I blinked in confusion, only for him to suddenly grab my hand in panic.
“No—! That’s not what I meant—!”
“Oh, because you didn’t hand over the phone, I thought…”
“No! Really, no!”
The implication was basically “You’re not holding my phone hostage for a reward, are you?” and Yoorim turned bright red from his neck to his ears, shaking his head over and over.
It was a bit much, honestly, but with that face, it didn’t look bad. Maybe that’s how someone like him could get tangled up with Eden, even though they hated each other.
Since my hand was still in his grasp, I couldn’t exactly pull away, so I just watched him, taking in his face. Then, as if he’d realized what he was doing, he tightened his grip again—so much that it actually hurt.
He really was still a guy, after all. I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought.
I’d always had this weird, unfair assumption about him.
I can’t remember exactly when—somewhere in the early days—but I do remember Eden throwing some snide remark at Yoorim, and before anyone could react, Yoorim slapped him across the face. Not a punch, a slap.
Dojun, watching in shock, muttered, “What are you, a drama’s female lead?” and ever since then, the phrase “Jin Yoorim = female lead” stuck in my head.
And honestly, nothing ever happened to change that image.
Yoorim had a naturally gentle personality, and since he’d even dated Eden… well, you know.
But maybe he took my smile the wrong way, because his expression froze up. Then, realizing it, he forced another bright, sugary smile, as if to fix the mood.
I pretended not to notice, glancing down at the hand that still held mine. He followed my gaze, and even though he realized I’d noticed, he didn’t let go. Instead, he gave my hand a small shake.
“Hyung.”
“……”
“Aren’t you thankful I found your phone?”
“If you let go of my hand, I could probably express that gratitude better.”
“I don’t want to.”
“……”
Technically, I was the one planning to use this whole “gratitude” thing as an excuse to lure him to the company… but still.
I really don’t want to get caught between him and Eden.
I covered my mouth like I was laughing awkwardly and finally pulled my hand free. It took more effort than I expected—he’d been holding on that tightly.
“…Do I look like that kind of person to you?”
“…Sorry?”
“Sorry, but I’m not gay.”
“…What?”
“It just felt like you were hitting on me.”
When our eyes met, my look said, Was that another one of my misunderstandings?
Jin Yoorim’s face flushed again, red down to his neck, and he opened his mouth as if to say something—but just laughed instead.
I had no idea what that laugh was supposed to mean, but one thing was certain: if I didn’t get my phone back right now, things were going to get a lot more complicated.
I forced myself to stay still instead of turning away. Then finally, Yoorim held out my phone.
But the moment I took it, he grabbed my hand again.
“Did you not understand what I just said?”
Even though I sighed and spoke with clear irritation, Yoorim didn’t let go. Instead, he smiled brightly and leaned closer.
“But, hyung.”
“……”
“If you thought I was hitting on you, that means you were aware of me.”
“…Wow. Unbelievable.”
I thought I’d changed a lot after all those regressions, but this version of Jin Yoorim was something else entirely. A completely different person. I had no confidence I could handle this one.
And the problem was, he looked too perfect as an idol.
Park Yeoul, who wanted to end the regressions, clashed with Park Yeoul the producer.
A seventeen-year-old who could sing about past love with real emotion, smiling sweetly like sugar melting in the air—Jin Yoorim was flawless.
Throughout all the regressions, I had never once seen a Yoorim like this.
The way both of them acted as if they remembered me, their subtly different personalities and behaviors—everything about this round was off. It bothered me a little, sure, but… I still had my pride.
Honestly, if I were going to lose my mind, it would’ve happened hundreds of loops ago. The only thing that kept me sane was producing. Turning D.I.Y. into a first-tier group—that was how I held myself together… or maybe it was just my pride.
I had always written songs that fit D.I.Y.’s main vocalist, Jin Yoorim—cold, sharp, emotionally restrained tracks. It worked fine, but to be honest, I’d always been curious.
What would my song sound like if this Jin Yoorim sang it?
A song made for this version of him.
Maybe he noticed I was half-distracted, halfway caught in his teasing, because he suddenly leaned in close and whispered.
“Listen to me, okay? Just come over to my side.”
“…Ha.”
“I’m serious. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.”
“What are you, a puppy? Doing whatever I say?”
“Woof.”
Well, the situation was already heading that way anyway. One way or another, things were bound to restart.
If I was lucky, maybe we’d even debut before that happened, and I’d get to hear a few of his songs performed live.
Thinking about it that way, it probably wouldn’t last long anyway. For now, maybe I could just play along with him for a little while.
After deciding that much, I tilted my head toward Yoorim and smiled.
“So, if I go along with you, what exactly do I have to do?”
“…Huh?”
“Do you want me to kiss you or something?”
It had been half a joke, but somehow, Jin Yoorim looked like he was actually expecting something. His chin tilted slightly upward.
A main vocalist who could sing well and smile that sweetly? For someone like that, I wouldn’t mind kissing him—not just once, but every day if he wanted.
And since he’d said he’d do whatever I told him… would it be too scummy to tell him, Sure, I’ll kiss you every day, but only if you stop fighting with Eden and get along with him?
“Are you really going to do everything I tell you?”
“…Woof.”
“Ha. Cute.”
Still, since this would technically be my first kiss in this round, I found myself wondering stupidly whether I’d put on lip balm today.
As I leaned closer, those trivial thoughts vanished, replaced by the urge to laugh when I saw his face.
He was the one who’d flirted first, the one who’d said he’d listen to me, even barked for God’s sake—but now, with my face drawing closer, he looked completely frozen.
He didn’t even blink, just stared straight at me.
Barely managing to hold back a laugh, I stopped when our noses were almost touching and lightly tapped his cheek with my free hand.
“You’re staring too much.”
“……”
“At this rate, you’re going to cry. Are you even breathing?”
Maybe he really had stopped breathing, because only then did Yoorim consciously inhale again. The moment his lips parted, I kissed him.
It was just a brief touch, but even that made him stiffen in shock. His cheek flushed red, his ears turning so crimson they looked ready to burst.
I brushed my thumb gently along the edge of his ear, and all the tension drained out of him. His grip on my hand loosened until I could finally pull free.
I flexed my freed fingers once and then cupped his face between both hands.
“My phone. Will you give it back?”
“…Y-yeah.”
He handed it to me with a dazed look, completely out of it. I took the phone and then held out my hand again.
“Give it to me.”
“…Huh?”
“Your number. You’re not going to give it to me?”
“…Ah.”
He seemed to have lost all verbal ability, managing only “yeah” and “ah,” so I took his phone almost by force and dialed my own number.
Of course, I already knew his number, and he probably knew mine, but still—I was pretending we didn’t.
“…Mine?”
“…Ah! That’s…!”
After “My beloved Yeoul hyung,” now it was just “Mine”?
Setting aside how childish that sounded, I couldn’t help but laugh. These regressors weren’t even trying to hide that they remembered.
But right at that moment, a rough hand grabbed me from behind and yanked me back.
Ah, I’d lingered too long, hadn’t I? I should’ve finished this quickly and left, but Yoorim’s reaction had been so unexpectedly cute that I got distracted.
Maybe I’d be pulled back and fall over, or maybe I’d step aside to avoid Eden’s anger and end up getting hit by a car. I didn’t care which, as long as it didn’t hurt too much.
But no impact came.
When I opened my eyes, the first regressor—Eden—was holding me by the shoulders, glaring past me at the second regressor, Jin Yoorim.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Should you be asking that?”
And just like that, the two of them started glaring at each other over my shoulder.
…Oh, this was familiar. Like something straight out of a drama, wasn’t it?
Of course, from my perspective—stuck between these two and having lived through countless regressions—it was the kind of drama that had long since grown dull from repetition.
The real problem was that for everyone else, it wasn’t.
And even if it was Sunday morning, there was no way the streets of Hongdae were completely empty.
Coming from someone who’d just kissed another person in the middle of the street, this might sound hypocritical, but—there were enough people like that around here that such skinship barely drew attention.
But a love triangle? That always turned heads. And from this point on, it would just be pure entertainment for everyone watching.
…Honestly, did these two forget they were idol trainees?
And setting all that aside, the truth was—I just didn’t want to be caught between Jin Yoorim and Eden.
I sighed quietly, wondering how I could get out of this mess without making a scene, and called out.
“Hey, you.”
“…Yes, hyung.”
“What’s your name? And I am the hyung here, right?”
“……”
From my point of view, it was the first thing that needed clarifying if I was going to straighten out this situation. But clearly, everyone else didn’t see it that way.
All at once, every gaze turned toward me—Yoorim’s, Eden’s, and even those of the people who’d been pretending not to eavesdrop but had clearly been listening the whole time.
“…Hyung?”
The color drained from Yoorim’s face, which had been bright red just moments ago. He called out to me again, but I didn’t have anything to say in return.
I just looked at him with a light smile, and for some reason, Eden’s arm around my shoulder tightened.
It didn’t hurt, but it was uncomfortable enough that I considered pushing him off—until his arm slid naturally down to wrap around my waist.
“Ha… you really never change, do you? Right?”
“……”
“He asked me my name first too, you know?”
He spoke in a strangely amused tone, pretending to make conversation, but all he was really doing was provoking Yoorim.
I lightly tapped the back of Eden’s hand resting on my waist, but instead of backing off, he rested his chin on my shoulder and pressed closer.
Being used as some jealousy-fuel between two soon-to-be lovers—well, potential lovers—wasn’t exactly pleasant.
And if I didn’t manage to smooth this situation out quickly, the kiss with Yoorim would end up meaningless, and the loop would restart anyway. Then what?
Would there ever be another version of Jin Yoorim who could sing like this, smile like an idol, and look this bright?
The Yoorim who only gave short answers on shows. The one who refused fan requests for aegyo by saying, “I only want to sing.” The one who stared silently at me during live broadcasts until rumors started that I was bullying him.
Ha. Like hell.
If it were that easy, would I have said I was meeting this Jin Yoorim for the first time? How many times have I already restarted?
I knew this round was already a failure, but honestly, just figuring out my mom’s seaweed soup recipe felt like enough of an achievement.
Still… would it be too much to ask to at least sing one D.I.Y. song with this Jin Yoorim before the next reset?
I was silently wishing—though I wasn’t sure who I was wishing to—when Yoorim suddenly gave me a cold smile.
Ignoring Eden completely, he fixed his gaze on me.
“Hyung. I’m Jin Yoorim.”
“Jin Yoorim.”
“Can’t you just call me Yoorim?”
“Ha… wow, really? You’re trying everything now? ‘Can’t you call me Yoorim?’”
“……”
“Why the hell should he call you that?”
—And of course, there was no way our dear regressor number one would just watch quietly.
As expected, Eden started mimicking Yoorim’s tone mockingly. Yoorim tried to ignore him, but if that were possible, I wouldn’t even be here right now. The regressions would have ended, and I’d be living my happy ending already.
Just as I thought, it’s over, and closed my eyes, Yoorim spoke again, voice tight with anger.
“Why not? We’ve already kissed.”
“…What? What did you just say? You what?”
“You really never change, huh? Only hearing what you want to hear.”
That one hit home. Eden’s expression twisted, his temper clearly boiling over. His arm around my waist tensed, then abruptly dropped away.
At that point, even I was starting to get irritated.
Really? Starting this early and already crashing this hard? For me, this was the first time these two were meeting.
I grabbed Eden’s arm just as he started moving toward Yoorim, as if to stop him from lunging.
“What the hell is your problem?”
“……”
“Because of the kiss? You actually believe that?”
Eden stopped walking and glared at me.
Wait. So… he was angry because of that?
An idol Jin Yoorim, and Eden, jealous of me and Yoorim—maybe, just maybe, all the problems were already solving themselves in this round.
Honestly, that made me hesitate to reset.
“…Was it a lie?”
“No. It wasn’t.”
“……”
Watching Eden’s expression shift from hope to despair in seconds, I clenched my jaw to keep from laughing and tightened my grip on his arm.
Then, deliberately picking the most provoking tone I could, I added,
“Is that really something to get this mad about? Over just one kiss?”
“…Just one kiss?”
“And it’s not like it has anything to do with you—”
“—So then it doesn’t matter if it’s with me either, right, hyung?”
“…What?”
And instead of punching me or grabbing my collar like I expected, Eden suddenly lunged forward and grabbed my face.
If I’d wanted to dodge or block him, I easily could have.
But I hadn’t expected that at all—because honestly, I thought he was about to hit me.
Because of that, I was standing there with my face completely open toward the regressor, thinking, If you’re going to hit me, go ahead. And Eden leaned straight in toward me.
It wasn’t what I’d expected, but since I’d already said, Is one kiss really worth getting mad over? it felt awkward to dodge now.
I don’t know if you could call it a matter of fairness, but if kissing Jin Yoorim was fine and kissing Eden wasn’t, that just felt… uneven, didn’t it?
Of course, unlike Yoorim, who had promised to “listen well” while holding my phone hostage, this one hadn’t attached any conditions, so I wasn’t planning to actively play along either.
I figured I’d just stay still and push him away when it felt right—but the regressor was moving too fast.
With my face held in his hands, I couldn’t even turn my head, and before I knew it, the worked-up regressor crashed into me without slowing down.
Honestly, that was closer to a headbutt than a kiss.
Pain shot through my lip, like the inside had split, and I frowned. Just as quickly as he’d lunged forward, Eden stumbled back—
—or rather, he was shoved back by Jin Yoorim.
“……”
“……”
Then both of them started staring at me in silence. I rubbed my lip with my finger and let out a small laugh.
“Ah, I think my lip’s swollen.”
Yeah. I could tell they were both waiting for me to say something, but what? Who kissed better? That couldn’t be it. One was me kissing him, and the other ended with me bleeding.
I was irritated, sure, but I didn’t feel like wasting energy arguing with a couple of kids who didn’t even seem to understand why they were angry—or who they were angry at.
I’d kissed Jin Yoorim as a joke, and Eden had kissed me out of spite.
Until they could face their own emotions, any conversation would just turn into a hollow excuse.
Just thinking about it bored me already. If a conversation like that happened, I hoped I wouldn’t be included.
Anyway, even something this small—this pointless—was more than enough to trigger another reset.
There was a road nearby. Hopefully, it’d be a car accident this time. Please. The dump truck from last time was top tier.
While I was mulling over how I might restart, Eden, who clearly still hadn’t gotten control of himself, ground his teeth and spoke.
“…That’s all you have to say?”
“To you?”
I tilted my head, not even trying to hide the thought—What exactly am I supposed to say to you right now?—and Eden reached his hand toward me.
Maybe he really was going to hit me this time. But I didn’t see any reason to take the hit. The last one had already been for kissing Yoorim.
Just as I stepped back, a hand shot out from beside me and grabbed Eden’s wrist, stopping him.
He tried to shake it off and failed, glaring at Jin Yoorim.
Yeah… I’d been on the receiving end before, so I knew—this version of Yoorim was surprisingly strong.
“Since when does a molester get to demand an apology from the victim? What do you expect him to say to you?”
“That’s for him to decide. Why don’t you back off?”
“Me? Why should I? I was first.”
“Ha. You were first? What kind of stupid shit—”
“Seriously, are you hearing yourself right now? Fucking ridiculous.”
Watching the two regressors’ argument turn even nastier than before, I suddenly felt tired of everything.
If any of this made it online, forget debut—I’d be socially executed in no time.
And they were both acting like they had feelings for me, but… come on. I’d been through this too many times to mistake it for anything real. I’d lost count of how many times I’d reset while caught between them.
If they were going to end up together anyway, they might as well just kiss each other and make up.
If they could just admit their feelings and confess to each other right now, maybe—just maybe—the reset wouldn’t happen this time.
…Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen.
When it got to the point where it wouldn’t even be surprising if they started throwing punches, I took a deep breath and held it.
No matter how many times I’d gone through it, this part never got easier. All I could hope was that it’d be over quickly.
“…I… I hate… people like you… the most….”
“Urgh…!”
—Ever since the moment I’d kissed Jin Yoorim, I’d felt someone’s gaze on us.
So this time, was it that again?
Still, I really had hoped it would be a car accident this time. Car crashes, if you’re lucky, end quickly. I’ve gotten so used to it that I even know how to take the hit now.
…Of course, if things ever actually went the way I wanted, I wouldn’t still be stuck in this loop, would I? Ha.
I’d been holding my breath so I wouldn’t scream, but apparently, it hadn’t been enough.
The small sound that slipped out of me drew both Yoorim’s and Eden’s eyes my way. The moment their attention shifted, whoever the executioner was—excited by the reaction—tightened his grip on the knife.
“You… you think just because you’ve got a pretty face… you can play with people’s… feelings… play with… people!”
“……”
…For fuck’s sake. If I’d actually done that, at least this would be a little less pathetic. I’m just the poor victim caught in the middle of this damn love triangle.
I opened my mouth to curse at him, but of course, no sound came out. I was probably already bleeding all over the place.
Ah… and why is it always this side when I get stabbed? Left side again. Is that some kind of rule too?
I wasn’t sure, but it hurt like hell again this time. I was still thinking that when, through the screams around me, I heard the voices of the regressors.
“—Hyung! No, this—this time—!”
“Hyung, please—don’t close your—your eyes—!”
They threw the attacker to the ground and ran to grab me. I guess getting blood on their clothes didn’t matter much.
…Yeah, I must be running low on oxygen now. Even I could tell that thought had come out weird.
When I blinked, I saw Yoorim crying and Eden shouting—both faces clear for a moment, then blurring until they vanished completely.
Well, it’s been disgusting as always. Maybe next time, let’s not see each other again, huh?
Still, this round’s Jin Yoorim really was something.
I wonder if, after a few more regressions, I’ll ever meet another Yoorim like that again.
…If not, maybe I’ll end up being cruel to the next one.
Now that I’ve seen a Jin Yoorim who can smile like that, who can sing like that, what else can I do? The next version will just have to deal with it.
As the familiar, hateful pain began to fade and the regressors’ voices disappeared completely—
—I opened my eyes again, just as I always did.
The ringing in my ears and the headache from just before death were still faintly there. I took a few slow, deliberate breaths and started moving—first my fingers, then my toes.
Thankfully, everything was still intact. No missing limbs, no numbness.
Just like always. Perfectly healthy. Except for my head, maybe.
…Even knowing it’s a restart, it still hits me hard each time. The pain never really gets easier.
I let out a quiet sigh and reached under my pillow.
Even if memories didn’t carry over, the experience did. I didn’t know exactly how it worked, but my twenty-year-old self was influenced by the nineteen-year-old me before regression, and the nineteen-year-old me by the eighteen-year-old one before that.
So I always kept my phone under the lower right corner of the pillow before sleeping.
After realizing I always woke up in bed whenever a reset began, it became my little ritual—a way to get my head straight.
Wake up, take a few deep breaths, tense my hands and feet, and check the date and time on my phone.
But as I reached for the phone, someone grabbed my hand.
…What? I fell asleep with someone else in my bed?
Since the regressions started, I’d been living alone—no dormmates, no roommates—because I didn’t want distractions while composing.
I blinked a few times until my vision cleared and turned my head.
Someone beside me reached out and covered my eyes with their hand.
“—Good morning, hyung.”
“……”
“It’s nice to see you. Especially nice, today.”
…Yeah, sorry, but whoever you are—I’m not happy to see you.