RODH Chapter 38

38.

My heart stopped.

That familiar feeling of life being suppressed—this was death.

Then, someone struck my chest with a loud thump.

“Hhic, my—my lord!”

It was Bain.

It was ridiculous to think that a single hit to the chest could bring me back—but somehow, like a ball bouncing back up, I came to life again.

“Gasp! Gasp! Hhhk—hh…”

My eyes flew open, and cold hands and feet were filled with rushing blood.

My heart, which had been still for who knows how long, began pumping wildly, trying to circulate blood through my body once more.

How long did I lie there like that?

Soon, a heavy drowsiness washed over me like a thick blanket.

“My lord, my lord…”

And in Bain’s warm and gentle embrace, I lost consciousness once more.

---

‘The young lord was undergoing treatment for alcohol intolerance. The wine he drank today was a rare vintage, full of tannins. Had he finished the glass, he wouldn’t be among the living now.’

Seor had nearly killed Ian.

Sitting beside him as Ian breathed calmly in his sleep, Seor scrubbed his face over and over with both hands.

There were times when Ian’s arrogance irritated him so much he truly wanted to strangle him—but today’s incident made one thing crystal clear.

He didn’t want Ian to die.

More than that, he didn’t even want Ian to be harmed in the slightest.

What was this feeling?

When he was younger, he once raised a bird.

It was a robin the attendants had found.

A bird specialist had said it had a congenital leg deformity and wouldn’t live long.

‘Then I’ll raise it myself. I’m the Crown Prince of the Empire. Under my protection, it won’t die.’

He’d been full of pride. But not knowing a thing about the bird’s nature, the result was disastrous.

The robin, yearning for freedom, met a pitiful end in its cage.

‘Why? I did everything I could… why…’

As he despaired, his father had spoken to him.

Sometimes, such tragedies happen in this world.

‘So, Seor. You must act while considering all possible outcomes. You now see what happens when you act recklessly. If you understand what life is, then today, you killed someone.’

The memory hit him now with painful clarity.

The robin had been precious to him.

And just like that, so was Ian.

Which is why he couldn’t even bring himself to look at Ian’s pale face.

When he woke, he’d surely resent him.

Just like that time Seor had spoken thoughtlessly about omegas—and Ian had shut him out completely.

Seor wished more than anything that he could turn back time to that morning.

Just like how others had congratulated him when he’d completed his first rut cycle, he had simply wanted to do the same for Ian.

If only it hadn’t been that damned wine.

But since he was the one who brought it, no matter how many times he blamed himself, the conclusion was the same:

‘You killed someone today.’

I killed him.

Ian…

“Ian. Damn it, Ian.”

As the Crown Prince destined to lead the empire, he shouldn’t cry. But his fragile heart trembled nonetheless.

Seor gently took Ian’s hand, which had just begun to regain warmth.

At that moment, Ian flinched, then slowly opened his eyes.

Seor stood up abruptly and leaned close.

The hand he’d been holding slipped away—but Ian reached out and gripped it again.

Ian spoke.

“Bain… don’t go anywhere.”

“……”

“I died once today. So please… stay with me. Don’t leave.”

“I won’t leave, Ian. I’ll stay by your side, so rest now.”

At that firm promise, Ian’s blurry eyes closed once more.

His grip slowly loosened.

Seor sat at the edge of the bed and gently wiped Ian’s sweaty forehead with a handkerchief.

He remembered something Ian had said once.

‘Your Highness! Could I have just one handkerchief from you?’

He should’ve given it to him then.

He should’ve given it without hesitation.

“I’d give you a hundred, a thousand if you asked, Ian… So please, just get better.”

Today more than ever, Seor felt the full weight of his responsibilities pressing down on his shoulders.

---

Ian regained consciousness half a day later.

As soon as he came to, he tried to sit up.

But he couldn’t—because Seor was lying asleep right beside him.

‘What the hell is this bastard doing here?’

As he tried to trace the outline of his thoughts, a string of events replayed in his mind.

I’m screwed!

There’s no way Seor wouldn’t know his condition now.

An overwhelming wave of shame hit him all at once.

‘Shit. Shit. Shit.’

At that moment, swearing was the only thing Ian could do.

He had promised himself he’d change, that he’d be different—but in the end, he’d exposed his most vulnerable self to the person he hated most in the world.

What now?

Just as Ian was wracking his brain to figure something out, Seor stirred and woke up.

Damn timing. Fucking awful timing.

“You’re awake.”

“…How’s your body? Are you alright?”

Seor’s tone was cautious.

Was it because he was shocked?

Ian made a snap judgment.

“Your Highness Seor.”

“Ian.”

They both spoke each other’s names at the same time.

Seor gestured for Ian—who had nervously swallowed—to speak first.

But Ian insisted on hearing from the Empire’s little sun before saying anything himself.

“What happened today…”

“……”

“…was all because you weren’t feeling well due to your heat cycle.”

“Your Highness.”

“Isn’t that right, Ian?”

A faint crease formed between Ian’s brows.

So… he’s trying to cover for me.

Why?

Ian stared at Seor’s face, now soft and gentle like a lamb, but he couldn’t find an answer. This time, Seor abruptly started talking about something else.

How so many roses had been left over after the May Festival, so they were placed in the greenhouse garden.

How his mother had arranged them into beautiful vases.

Then came the finale—a statement so outrageous that even the bedridden Ian sat bolt upright.

“It seems best we move our wedding up.”

“…What do you mean by that?”

Ian pushed himself upright.

A searing pain bloomed in his chest like someone had stomped on it, and his expression twisted—but that wasn’t what mattered right now.

Seor leaned in again and, like sealing a deal, kissed Ian’s powerless hand.

“I mean we should change our engagement into a marriage.”

“I have absolutely no intention of doing that. You saw it yourself today. Just how disgracefully I—”

“Ian Pearl Ruben.”

“…Yes.”

“What happened today was because you weren’t well. I was as shocked as you were, so let’s not bring it up again.”

“Understood.”

“…Do you still hate me that much?”

Seor’s face turned slightly pouty as he mumbled like he was talking to himself.

“I know there are excellent alphas around you. The dragon prince, the tower master… fine choices. But as the empire’s little sun, I don’t think I pale in comparison. What do you think?”

Ian pulled his hand away.

“I don’t know anything about that.”

“Don’t try to dodge the question. Today, I want to hear your true feelings.”

After some hesitation, Ian finally said,

“I once loved Your Highness.”

“Then…”

Hope lit up Seor’s face.

But Ian had no intention of fulfilling that hope.

There was no way love could bloom with someone who’d killed him twice. Hatred, maybe—but love?

“But I’ve decided not to believe in things like love anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because love is fleeting.”

“What if I say I love you?”

“…What?”

Ian frowned again, like he’d just heard something impossible.

Seor, looking a bit wounded, replied in a slightly sulky tone.

“I said I love you, Ian Pearl Ruben.”

“Why? I mean… may I ask why?”

“Who needs a reason to love? Just looking at you scorches my chest. I’m constantly worried—I feel like I’m going to die from it. If that’s not love, then what is it?”

“That’s just… concern.”

“Hah, concern?”

“Please leave. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear what you just said.”

Seor, flustered by the cold cut of Ian’s words, shouted like an angry child.

“I said I love you! I—me—the empire’s little sun, said I love you! And yet how can you act like it means nothing?!”

“As I said earlier, I no longer love Your Highness. My head is aching, so please leave now.”

“I’ll come again.”

“There’s no need…”

Slam!

Seor stormed out, clearly fuming.

Slamming doors like that, honestly…

Ian sighed and lay back down.

Even though they had only talked for a short while, his whole body ached like it had been wrung out.

“Did I really die and come back to life?”

The feeling of death had been vivid—like a paper cut so sharp you couldn’t forget it.

“Then why didn’t everything reset?”

Coming back to life was one thing, but why had the return point changed?

Should he call Bain and ask?

No—if word of his return got out, who knows what might happen.

This was a secret he’d have to carry to the grave.

Closing his eyes, Ian began to recall everything that might be related to his return.

‘The one who brings spring is born in spring. And a deer with a pure soul is the first to recognize them. They weaken monsters’ powers… are free from death…’

Am I really the one who brings spring?

No.

According to Berkisto’s journal, all Grand Duchesses of House Kirias were able to use magic.

He had no such talent.

He couldn’t even properly wield a sword, let alone magic. All he could do was plant saplings and flowers.

Even that had been discouraged by his parents—they hated seeing dirt on his hands—so he hadn’t done it for long…

Still, Ian rummaged through his mind, searching for something—anything—that could explain this bizarre life.

And then, suddenly…

A song came to mind.