SFO CH 2

The Young Man’s Life So Far

From the beginning, our marriage was far from smooth.

We lived together in a large mansion for two years after our marriage, until my husband inherited the title after his predecessor retired. Although my husband was the son of a family I owed a lot to, and the childhood friend who broke off their relationship with my husband was the cause of his apathy, the servants still kept a certain distance from me. Of course, being servants of a high-ranking noble, none of them openly displayed any dislike. My husband’s father also kept a close eye on this, so on the surface, everything seemed fine, but there were still things I could sense. I feel like if I hadn’t compartmentalized it for the sake of my family or kept myself busy with my demanding job at the royal palace, I might have lost my mind.

Since my husband was an only child, his family consisted solely of the predecessor and his wife. My mother and the predecessor’s wife had become close through our disaster recovery efforts, so she welcomed me kindly. Although she didn’t outright oppose the relationship between my husband and his childhood friend, she concluded that splitting up would be ultimately better for both, considering the friend’s exhaustion and my husband’s excessive obsession with him.

By the way, I got most of this information from a maid I became close to, who served the predecessor’s wife.

I’ve always believed in making my own place wherever I go, so I worked hard to gradually close the distance between me and the servants. I started by asking the head maid and steward to teach me the duties that the predecessor’s wife used to take care of as lady of the house, setting aside time to study them after my royal palace work. Being a bureaucrat, I quickly learned how to manage the household’s accounting and social arrangements. By maintaining a humble attitude, their behavior softened over time. The steward, who had served my husband since childhood, even started saying things like, “Although he acts that way now, deep down he’s a kind young man… Please don’t give up on him!”

Once I won both the head maid and steward over, things became much easier. After all, the younger staff tends to follow their superiors’ behavior. I made an effort to chat with the maids around me and shared just enough personal stories to build rapport. Now they no longer wait for me to initiate conversations, and have even started sharing their own romantic stories. Apparently, they are rooting for my relationship with my husband, and I appreciate the sentiment.

I try to come across as a friendly young man when I speak, but it seems that I do catch a few eyes here and there whenever I stay quiet. Well, with platinum hair inherited from my mother and emerald-like green eyes, I was quite popular with both men and women during my student days.

In this world, opposite-sex marriages are the norm, but same-sex marriages are not uncommon, either. This is because there are far fewer women than men, with a gender ratio of about 7 to 3. Our ancestors, fearing the extinction of our species, developed a means for men to become pregnant. To conceive, two men must consult a specialized magic doctor to create an artificial womb in the abdomen of one of them. Once the womb settles in and begins to ovulate, they can conceive just like an opposite-sex couple. However, since men find it difficult to endure labor pains, childbirth is usually done via C-section.

Incidentally, only about 20% of the population can use magic, and most of them work in specialized professions such as medical workers or magic tool technicians. Magic is strictly prohibited for offensive use across the world, and when children turn five, their magical abilities are assessed by a specialized magician at the church. There is no obligation to take up a specialized job, but since they tend to pay well, many choose to pursue them unless they come from a wealthy family. The use of magic is tightly controlled by international law, and those with magical abilities are marked. Unauthorized use of magic is immediately punished.

Well, I digress, but because of this, I’ve had experiences with both genders. Nobles are expected to uphold chastity, but it’s also common for them to engage in secret relationships. My husband had a relationship with his childhood friend, and by the time I got engaged to him at 18, I had already had my own share of experiences. My first relationship was at 13 with the class Madonna at the royal school. It was an innocent relationship that didn’t go beyond a kiss and ended after a class change.

My next relationship was when I was 14. I started dating a younger boy in the student council, who looked up to me. I was happy to be relied upon, and after some innocent mistakes on his part, he frantically confessed his feelings to me, and I excitedly went for it. He was young and brimming with sexual desire, and so we quickly developed a physical relationship. Or should I say, I quickly gave in to his advances. But after about a year of us chaotically throwing ourselves under the sheets whenever we had the chance to, we both suddenly lost interest and parted ways amicably. I suppose both of us had run out of curiosity about the unknown side of sex. Since our parting wasn’t particularly awkward, I still occasionally meet him for drinks.

When I entered my final year at the age of 15, I was appointed vice president of the student council. I was also confessed to by its president, who I had struggled against adversities alongside with, and we started dating. He introduced bold ideas and reformed many of the traditional ways of doing things. He was met with a lot of opposition and failures, but we trusted each other as comrades. I took on the role of mediator, smoothing over friction that arose among other members and following up with departments that presented issues. Honestly, it was all so stressful I would often feel like my whole body could be crushed at any moment, but having the support from the student council president, my boyfriend, gave me a deep sense of fulfillment. Three months into our relationship, we had just finished working on a major event, and for the first time, we found ourselves having an entire day to ourselves. Although we had found moments to kiss and fool around, we hadn’t actually had sex yet. From the way he acted, I could tell the president wanted to take the next step with me, so I secretly asked one of my ex’s younger fellow students for advice on how to prepare and made plans for that day. And—

To be honest, it wasn’t very good. While the feeling of becoming one with someone I loved was fulfilling, in terms of physical pleasure, it felt much better to be the one on the receiving side. I thought I might get used to it, and following that younger student’s advice, I kept going along with it, but nothing changed. Eventually, things started to become a little awkward between us, and we ended up breaking up after six months. Even so, I still respected him, and we remained close friends and comrades until graduation. I liked him a lot as a person, and I was aware that even after we broke up, his gaze still lingered on me. Because of that, I didn’t get into any other romantic relationships before graduation. Sometimes we’d still kiss and hug.

After graduation, and having come of age, I was recruited as a civil servant at the royal palace due to my grades and student council experience. The president, being the eldest son, returned to his family’s estate, and I heard he got engaged. Back on graduation day, he asked me if I would marry him since he didn’t want any children. But I knew he’d eventually regret not having children, so I tearfully turned him down. We said our goodbyes with a long kiss and some more fooling around.

After that, I didn’t enter into any other serious relationships. However, there were times when I craved physical contact, so I would often spend the night with people who wouldn’t turn into any trouble, regardless of gender. At first, it went well, but after a few times, some of them started to get a little too attached, to the point where it started to cause problems. So, I started visiting brothels instead. And before I knew it, I found myself engaged.

To be honest, I’m relieved my husband doesn’t expect me to have children. Even with the student council president, who I loved so much, it didn’t feel right, so there’s no way it would go well with my husband, for whom I have nothing but mixed feelings.

If my husband had shown more respect for me, I wouldn’t have had to walk on eggshells around the servants, and I wouldn’t have had to take so many difficult tasks upon myself. I never expected him to love me, but a little consideration would have been nice. Even a smile about half as worth as the ones I give him every now and then would have eased some of this feeling of exhaustion and emptiness…

A year ago, my husband inherited the title from his father, who had long expressed a desire to retire. My husband had gradually been taking over the duties of the family head after our marriage, so the transition was smooth. Well, my husband’s parents had moved to a villa on their territory, so we could always consult with them whenever we encountered any troubles. They still come over for dinner once a month.

As for me, I’ve been taking over duties from the previous lady of the house on my days off, meaning I manage the estate and attend the minimum required social events as the marquess’ wife. But considering that my job at the royal palace is already exhausting enough, what I really want to do on my days off is sleep. I can’t even allow myself that pleasure, though. The steward helps a lot by taking on many of my tasks, but there are still some things only I can do. It’s honestly overwhelming, but I push myself to get through it all because, well, it needs to be done.

And yet, on top of all that, I still have to go through the ordeal of cheerfully talking to my husband, only to be mostly ignored…

Huh? Wait a second… Am I already tired of my husband?

The steward and the other servants are already on my side. My relationship with them is great. 

My husband and I only meet for breakfast, dinner, and to check on estate matters. We sleep in separate rooms and don’t spend any time together on our days off.

In fact, my husband rarely takes days off, so even on my own days off, I feel too guilty to relax, so I end up working on the estate.

This is becoming a burden. Before I got married, I could sleep until the evening…

Since the day we got married, I’ve never heard my husband say anything to me except for pleasantries or backchanneling during meals. We’ve never even discussed why we sleep in separate rooms, what we think about having children, or what we want our relationship to be moving forward.

Wait a minute… Am I the only one putting in all the effort here?

And if, after all this time, my husband’s attitude hasn’t changed… It never will, will it…?

Yeah, I’ve had enough.

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to stop trying altogether.