TBM Vol 4 Part 13

“…”

He felt sorry enough to make his nose sting, but it was an effective method. The strength left Sa Seung-yeon’s hand as his eyes shook violently. Since he couldn’t tell him that he was actually an Omega, that he was carrying the baby Sa Seung-yeon so despised, making it impossible to even start, he had no choice but to bring up past issues to push him away.

“You thought I was promiscuous just because of what others said. Throughout our relationship, not once did you ask for my side of the story. And even when it hurt… When your semen stayed inside too long… Even when I fell asleep, you never once cleaned me up.”

He paused to catch his breath before continuing. The end of his usually calm voice began to tremble slightly.

“You might not remember, but… Your rut was terrifying.”

“Lee Il-seo.”

“All I got when I confessed was being treated like a sex-crazed person, so how can I believe your confession?”

Once the words began, they surged like a flood. It was cruel, but it seemed to be the right answer, as the long, thick fingers that had barely wrapped around his wrist slowly loosened.

“…I see.”

Sa Seung-yeon nodded a beat late. As the emotional surge subsided, he ran his palm over his face, which had lost some color compared to earlier, and briefly gazed out the window.

“I’m sorry for being selfish until the end.”

His voice cracked, thin and barely audible. Just hearing his voice made his heart ache, and Il-seo couldn’t bring himself to look at Seung-yeon properly. He had hurt him. He had ended up hurting the person he had loved so much that he was willing to erase himself. It was as painful as self-harm.

With a short sigh, Sa Seung-yeon leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes briefly, as if thinking about something. The tense silence was broken by Sa Seung-yeon’s soft voice.

“You know…”

Though Lee Il-seo was the one doing the rejecting, and  Sa Seung-yeon was the one being rejected, his voice was so kind and gentle that Il-seo couldn’t help but slowly lift his head. He met Seung-yeon’s eyes.

“There’s something you can still do.”

“What…?”

“Hate me all you want.”

“…”

“Resent me as much as you want until you get rid of all the frustration and disappointment you felt towards me.”

Lee Il-seo looked at Sa Seung-yeon with wavering eyes. His expression was strange, though he was clearly hurt. His deep eyes seemed sad yet somehow piercing. Staring blankly at him in an indescribable feeling, Sa Seung-yeon gave a faint smile.

“It seems like there’s no room for me to squeeze in because of all the things you’ve endured and suppressed while loving me.”

Sa Seung-yeon, you bastard. The husky curse grazed his flushed earlobe.

“Until there’s space in your heart, I’ll love you, on my own, without expecting anything in return.”

As much as he wanted, without regret. For the first time, Sa Seung-yeon, having thrown off the mask he wore when dealing with others, revealed his true feelings without hesitation. His black pupils, which became rather relieved now that his target was clear, were transparent like a dawn lake after darkness had lifted. He had never imagined that Seung-yeon’s eyes, which were always so black and difficult to read, could have such a color.

His own trembling figure was reflected in them, transparent like obsidian. Lee Il-seo, who had momentarily forgotten to breathe, finally averted his gaze.

It wasn’t fair. Saying such things with such an expression, while emitting pheromones that bewitched the other, it was a violent form of cheating that only Sa Seung-yeon could pull off, and that only worked on Lee Il-seo. He could tell him not to love him, but he had no right to tell him not to have an unrequited love. Especially since he himself had been doing that for 9 years.

“Who confesses an unrequited love so… publicly?”

“This is how my love is.”

“…Do what you want. I won’t be seeing you anyway.”

The end of Il-seo’s voice, who bit his lip at the surging emotions, trailed off. The feeling of cold sweat running down his spine was vivid, but he pretended not to be flustered and forced out words of denial. Fearing his burdensome heartbeat would be heard, Lee Il-seo moved further away from Sa Seung-yeon. His shoulder bumped against the passenger door.

Sa Seung-yeon let out a self-deprecating laugh at the sight of Lee Il-seo. Seeing him trying his best to distance himself made his declaration of unrequited love difficult after just one second. Sa Seung-yeon asked with a voice tinged with a slight sigh,

“How did you manage to like me for 9 years?”

“I wonder.”

Lee Il-seo, exhaled a short sigh and rubbed the back of his neck.

“How I managed to like you for 9 years, only to end up giving up all those feelings….”

The knife-like words stabbed him in the heart. Sa Seung-yeon had told him to resent him as much as he wanted, and now a fierce wind was clawing at his heart. He was more than just firm. he had a subtly cold side. As Seung-yeon stiffened, unable to say anything, Il-seo unlocked the car door.

“I’ll be going now, sunbae. Take care.”

After getting out of the car, Lee Il-seo gradually widened his stride until he was practically running as he quickly left the parking lot. Lee Il-seo also found it difficult to gather his thoughts in this flood of emotions he was experiencing for the first time in his life.

His mind was noisy from the sound of his own heartbeat. He couldn’t forget Sa Seung-yeon’s expression that had been briefly caught in his gaze at the end. With a face that truly didn’t match the clear voice that had declared he would act as he pleased, he ultimately failed to hold onto him.

Lee Il-seo, who had run to the front of the building, stopped walking and tilted his head back to look at the sky. White breath spread with each exhale from his breathing, which quickly became labored after just a little running.

“Haa….”

At the end of his unrequited love, someone else’s unrequited love had begun. The timing was so ironic it made him resent the sky.

***

12 (1)

Il-seo, who was entering his grandmother’s hospital room, hesitated and stopped. Unlike usual, his grandmother, who had been sleeping unusually more often recently, turned her head straight at Il-seo’s presence. Lee Il-seo approached her with a bright smile.

“Grandmother.”

Perhaps because he had nagged her during his last visit to not just sleep but to watch TV and think of him too, his grandmother slowly met his eyes as he walked toward her. Lee Il-seo’s eyes lit up with excitement seeing that his grandmother’s condition, which had recently been lethargic, seemed better than it had been in a while.

“I heard your cough got worse. Are you feeling better?”

Lee Il-seo asked various questions he was curious about. His grandmother didn’t give any particular answers, but she kept looking at him warmly. Unlike before, her gaze wasn’t questioning who he was. Her eyes were clear, as if she knew exactly who he was and understood what he was saying.

Lee Il-seo showed her himself appearing on TV and joked about how inconvenient it was when people recognized him. He wanted to confide in his grandmother about his transition and pregnancy and receive comfort, but he held back. He only wanted to share good news, happy news with his grandmother.

Thanks to his grandmother not falling asleep during his talking or staring blankly elsewhere, Lee Il-seo’s voice remained buoyant throughout his conversation with her. After massaging his grandmother’s hand for a while as he continued talking, Lee Il-seo only checked the time after hearing a text message from Choi Kyung-hyun.

“I have another schedule after this, so I need to go now.”

Lee Il-seo hurriedly packed up. Excited about his grandmother’s improved condition, he had stayed longer than the time he had told Choi Kyung-hyun. Responding to Choi Kyung-hyun’s message that they should start leaving soon, Lee Il-seo gently hugged his grandmother’s shoulders.

“Sorry, I couldn’t stay longer. I’ll come again, Grandmother.”

Just as he was about to wave with his palm showing, his grandmother’s lips slowly parted.

“Eat a lot.”

Lee Il-seo, who had stopped adjusting his bag, stared at his grandmother with disbelieving eyes. His eyebrows slowly rose. Wondering if he had misheard, Lee Il-seo stood frozen in place, looking at his grandmother with wavering eyes.

“Grandmother…?”

Though the surprised Lee Il-seo tried to say more, his grandmother only lifted the corners of her mouth in a faint smile instead of answering. But Lee Il-seo felt. In that fleeting moment when she spoke to him, she’d recognized him. And even in that brief instant, she had worried about him, which made his heart ache with a tingling pain

In the end, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the hospital room. He stayed by her side until she drifted back to sleep. Only then did he rise from the caregiver’s chair, prompted by a call from Choi Kyung-hyun saying they’d be much later than expected. Still, the image of his grandmother’s frail back as she lay curled on her side lingered in his mind. How long had it been since her mind had been this clear? Lee Il-seo experienced his heart racing for the first time in a very long time.

The officetel door opened into complete darkness, and fingers fumbled for the switch under the auxiliary light. As the living room lights came on, Lee Il-seo, standing in the cool atmosphere of the living room, put down his bag within reach and immediately poured and drank a cup of water. Every part of his body felt stiff, as if turned to stone, making movement difficult.

“Hah.”

After visiting his grandmother, completing an advertisement shoot, and a magazine interview, he felt his energy had reached its limit. Moreover, the advertising set had been particularly cold. The February wind, jealous of the approaching spring, was sometimes fiercer than midwinter. He couldn’t afford to catch a cold with so many schedules. Worrying, he sniffled once and slowly changed his clothes.

After showering, Lee Il-seo flopped down on the sofa in the living room and just stared at the porridge that Choi Kyung-hyun had given him to eat, which remained untouched on the dining table.

“It’s because my stomach doesn’t feel good.”

Recalling his grandmother’s request to eat a lot, Lee Il-seo left an excuse that sounded like talking to himself and left the porridge untouched. As time passed, his morning sickness symptoms had gradually decreased, but his digestion was still slow. Instead of the porridge, he opened a bag of tangerine jelly that he had been eating. As he rolled it around in his mouth, the initially hard candy began to melt, spreading a sour taste throughout his mouth.

With a tired face, he picked up and ate a few more jellies, then got up with a groan. His steps walking around the house were somewhat unsteady, and his faltering feet stopped in front of the cupboard next to the dining table.

“…”

There were only enough pheromone injections left in the cupboard to count at a glance. Lee Il-seo stared intently at the syringes while leaning on the dining table with both hands.

Recently, Lee Il-seo had received a call notification to visit a trait center. The phone had rung during a photo shoot, and not long after, Lee Il-seo felt his heart tighten with a distant feeling.

-We’re contacting you because there are records of you receiving I-type synthetic pheromone injections from B Hospital, C Hospital, and D Hospital recently. While the prescription itself isn’t illegal, in cases where pheromone injections are prescribed from multiple hospitals in a short period, you need to come to the center in person to verify your pregnancy.

He bit his lip nervously. He first received the synthetic pheromone injection after meeting Sa Seung-yeon. That was already a month ago. That day, he felt to the bone how sweet and gentle an Alpha’s pheromones could be to a pregnant Omega.

Not long after, an athletic wear advertisement was canceled after a meeting because he had lost too much weight. Feeling his daily life beginning to crumble, Lee Il-seo learned about synthetic pheromone injections that Omegas without Alpha guardians take acutely when they need therapy, and he got the medication prescribed from the hospital where he first received his pregnancy diagnosis. Since he couldn’t identify an Alpha, he had to purchase the synthetic injection, and although the price was burdensome, the effect was tremendous, perhaps because his body was in such poor condition.

Lee Il-seo habitually took injections before going to schedule or when his body was in unbearable pain, and his prescriptions quickly ran out.

Unfortunately, there was a limit to how many times injections could be prescribed from one hospital legally without an Alpha. Even those had short-lasting effects, so he had to purchase additional injections by going from one hospital to another. Looking at the injections he had collected bit by bit like a squirrel gathering acorns, he felt somewhat relieved even when struggling with pregnancy symptoms.

It seemed that this behavior had prompted an investigation from the trait center.

His head throbbed with the thought of yet another thing to worry about. Nevertheless, Lee Il-seo gathered the required documents and went to the nearest trait management center to prove his pregnancy. It was nerve-wracking to enter the trait center and to think that people inside might recognize him, but there was no other option. Fortunately, the investigator who carefully examined his documents returned the papers without saying much.

“Thank you for your cooperation. While your pregnancy status has been verified, receiving prescriptions from multiple hospitals in such a short period is actually illegal. This is because non-trait individuals or trait individuals who aren’t pregnant often abuse the medication for its stimulating effects.”

“I didn’t know. …I’m sorry.”

“Right, since this is your first time, we’re just giving you a warning, but a record of this verification by the center will remain. Please receive prescriptions according to the appropriate dosage timing from now on.”

Though the voice informing him was gentle, it was essentially no different from being scolded. While it was a simple procedure requiring only proof of being an omega and pregnant, for Lee Il-seo, who had weakened to the point of staggering at the slightest breeze, handling these matters alone felt extremely difficult.

That’s why he decided to use the remaining injections sparingly. Even now, with his poor physical condition, he wanted to immediately give himself an injection, but seeing how few remained made him hesitate. In the end, Lee Il-seo closed the cupboard with a bitter expression.

Lying in bed, Lee Il-seo tossed and turned. With his body heavy and his mind full of thoughts, he couldn’t easily fall asleep. His biggest worry lately was that he couldn’t find a hospital willing to perform an abortion.

Together with Choi Kyung-hyun, he had searched for all hospitals that would perform abortions without an Alpha guardian, but they were repeatedly rejected due to his unusually late physical transition and the risks associated with aborting a male Omega’s pregnancy. The fear began to surface that he might not find a hospital until it was time to give birth or until a natural miscarriage occurred.

If he were to undergo a semi-forced procedure, the hospital would certainly look for the Alpha, and it could potentially be revealed that Sa Seung-yeon was the father of the child.

Lee Il-seo closed his eyes tightly and sighed. His anxiety-ridden breathing gradually became rougher. He reached out and groped under the pillow. Before long, a rolled-up cardigan slipped out from under the pillow.

It was the clothing he had hidden under his pillow to prevent Sa Seung-yeon’s scent from fading away. He unfolded the soft cardigan and covered his nose and mouth with it.

Holding the garment tightly, Lee Il-seo curled up into a ball and closed his eyes. His shaky breathing slowly found its rhythm, but perhaps due to rising heat, his exhaled breath was filled with stifling warmth.

The spacious living room was filled with hazy cigarette smoke. Sa Seung-yeon, sitting in a slouched position while staring at the TV screen, stubbed out his finished cigarette and absent-mindedly put a new one between his lips.

With continued insomnia, his head ached as if it might split open, and the unrelieved pheromones accumulated throughout his body, irritating his nerves. It wasn’t an unbearable pain, but it was an annoyance that subtly tormented him.

His bored, pitch-black eyes never left the flickering screen. By now, he had memorized every word and expression Lee Il-seo made in the video, yet he continued to watch without moving his gaze elsewhere.

He wanted to see him.

He wanted to touch him.

The memory of Lee Il-seo’s body warmth and sweet scent that he had last felt was beginning to fade.

As the cool darkness in his eyes deepened, the phone lying face down on the coffee table rang loudly. It was late. He was going to ignore it, but after hanging up once, it rang again. Muttering a curse under his breath, he checked the caller ID. It was Hwang In-seong, the CEO of Ril Entertainment.

For CEO Hwang to call at such a late hour and with such persistence meant something had happened. Sa Seung-yeon connected the call while looking at his phone with half-closed eyes. Slowly crossing his legs and lighting his cigarette, he answered in an indifferent voice.

“Yes.”

[Oh, Sa Seung-yeon. Sorry for the late hour. It’s urgent.]

“Go ahead.”

His tone was fierce, with subtle pressure to get to the point quickly. CEO Hwang hurriedly continued.

[I received an article. They’re saying… Lee Il-seo is pregnant?]

The fingers that had been flicking ash stopped as if frozen. The dark pupils, which had been consistently indifferent, narrowed in an instant.

“What did you say?”

[He’s pregnant. The news is about to break soon, haven’t you heard anything? You two were close.]

Sa Seung-yeon found it difficult to understand what he was saying despite hearing it in Korean. Like chewing on something dry, he mulled over the words several times before he could respond. Lee Il-seo was definitely…

“He’s a Beta.”

[Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But this doesn’t seem fake. They have photos of him entering a trait investigation center. Plus, the trait medical clinics reported his visits.]

The feeling of hearing something he was immune to made his stomach churn just from inhaling the cigarette smoke. He had clearly examined Lee Il-seo’s physical trait test results before they became partners. He was definitely a Beta. When Sa Seung-yeon showed no reaction due to his shock, CEO Hwang spoke in a somewhat relieved voice.

[This won’t have any blowback on us, right? You didn’t know about this?]

“What blowback?”

[He got famous because he was a beautiful Beta. But what if it’s revealed that he was an Omega? If you add the rumors that he slept with Director Chae, starting with the casting of <Temperature of Overflow>, his downfall will be the end of his career in the entertainment industry—]

“Watch your mouth.”

At Sa Seung-yeon’s cold remark, CEO Hwang abruptly stopped his rambling. Relieved at the thought that it had nothing to do with Sa Seung-yeon, he had forgotten that the two had become personally close and thoughtlessly spilled his inner thoughts.

[I’m not trying to badmouth Lee Il-seo—]

“Hang up.”

After ending the call in an emotionless voice, Sa Seung-yeon exhaled cigarette smoke through his lips. Lee Il-seo’s interview was still playing on the TV.

Seung-yeon repeatedly opened and closed the lighter lid without any change in expression. As he exhaled smoke over the clear face on the screen, his memories of Lee Il-seo overlapped in a chaotic manner.

Beta, Omega, pregnancy.

Physical trait test and rut.

Lee Il-seo’s strange scent that clung peculiarly to one’s senses.

His brow slowly furrowed.

At first, he thought it was nonsensical, but strangely, his nerves remained on edge. When the lighter lid was flipped open, he recalled the nosebleed Lee Il-seo had, and when it closed, the image of him vomiting after eating a few pieces of chicken flashed through his mind.

With a strange look in his eyes, Sa Seung-yeon massaged his stiff neck and took another deep drag of his cigarette. The news he had been waiting for about Lee Il-seo came from a completely unexpected source.

“…He went to a trait medical clinic.”

A faint heat infused his quietly muttering voice. Though rumors were prevalent in their circle, if it had reached CEO Hwang’s ears, there was a high probability it wasn’t unfounded. Verification was essential now that he knew, because he had been in a long-term partnership with Lee Il-seo and had even called him to his home during his rut.

Did he experience a late manifestation? He had definitely confirmed Lee Il-seo was a Beta, but in those few months, not only had manifestation happened, but he had also become pregnant?

In that unlikely situation that had actually occurred, whose child was he carrying? Asking himself this question, Sa Seung-yeon naturally thought of his rut. Lee Il-seo had spent his rut with him. If the pregnancy was real, there was a high probability that he had impregnated him.

A strange glint flickered through Sa Seung-yeon’s eyes as he tapped his cigarette ash with an odd expression. If the child Lee Il-seo was carrying was his, then there was still one reason left for Lee Il-seo and himself to face each other. But why hadn’t Lee Il-seo given him any indication about the pregnancy?

Was it because he didn’t want to use the baby as an excuse to reconnect a severed relationship? Or if not that… because the baby’s father wasn’t him?

“No way.”

As if contradicting the sudden muttering, a scene pierced through his memory. The day he met Lee Il-seo in front of Park Jae-ho’s house, there had been bite marks of unknown origin coloring his slender nape. Those marks had been left precisely on the nape where Lee Il-seo’s scent was strongest.

The moment he considered the possibility that the owner of those bite marks could also be the biological father, an emotion difficult to contain surged within him. Was it Park Jae-ho’s doing? But Park Jae-ho was a beta. A beta who couldn’t impregnate Lee Il-seo. If so, there was a possibility that Lee Il-seo had relations with a third party, became pregnant, and then went to Park Jae-ho’s house. If, by some remote chance, what was in Lee Il-seo’s womb was the bloodline of some other bastard… and that’s why Lee Il-seo hadn’t contacted him.

“Ha, fuck.”

With a coldly crumpled face at the paranoia that flew like glass shards, Sa Seung-yeon crushed out his cigarette on the ashtray. The more his thoughts continued, the sharper his black eyes became, turning almost blue with intensity. As too many tormenting thoughts persisted, he even felt dizzy, his vision distorting.

But Seung-yeon’s eyes gradually blazed. A quiet, yet engulfing blue flame. With an instead composed face, Sa Seung-yeon stroked his defined jaw while staring at Lee Il-seo smiling brightly on the screen.

***

“[Exclusive] Lee Il-seo Pregnancy Controversy, Agency ‘Checking the Facts'”

“[Comprehensive] Lee Il-seo Pregnant…? Actor Lee Il-seo’s Side Maintains Silence”

“[Starlight] ‘Temperature of Overflow’ Affected by Lee Il-seo’s Trait Transformation Issue”

“[HOT] Actor’s Privacy vs. Professional Ethics, Heated Debate Around Actor Lee Il-seo’s Pregnancy”

CEO Hwang’s worries about backlash weren’t unfounded. After the explosive report on Lee Il-seo’s pregnancy, the media became a battlefield overnight.

Lee Il-seo’s pregnancy was revealed to the public with specific evidence that seemed difficult to refute. The article included a photo of someone with a hat and mask, head bowed, entering a trait center, along with records of the pheromone injections Lee Il-seo had been prescribed. Even though the face wasn’t visible, the frequently worn clothes, shoes, and glimpsed figure were clearly Lee Il-seo’s. A comment on the internet from someone who claimed to have seen a handsome person resembling Lee Il-seo at a trait medical clinic also belatedly gained attention as a “holy site.”

Illegal use of pheromone injections was an issue frequently controversial in the entertainment industry. However, the article specified that it wasn’t severe enough to warrant more than a warning, and the public wasn’t particularly interested in Lee Il-seo’s pheromone injections.

The fact that Lee Il-seo, a rising actor who was just starting to gain fame and “had been a beta,” was an omega and pregnant came as a considerable shock and dominated the news like a hot potato day after day.

Actor Lee Il-seo Pregnancy, Lee Il-seo Casting Controversy, Possibility of Late Manifestation, Synthetic Pheromone Injection Addiction Controversy, Lee Il-seo Abortion, Omega Lee Il-seo, Lee Il-seo Departure.

Sensational words competed to appear in article headlines, and articles with nuances attacking Lee Il-seo while pretending to convey facts poured out. The comment sections were in such chaos that it was difficult to even open them.

[Comments]

* * *

-Wow, the most shocking article I’ve seen this year;;;;

1082 294

* * *

-An Omega what? Pregnant WHAAT?

945 220

* * *

-Haru’s casting only accepted Beta actors lol If he hid it and applied, that’s fraud

945 108

* * *

-I was a fan… but too many sexual controversies… disappointed…

812 189 ↳What’s wrong with being pregnant? Is it a crime?

↳Probably pregnant with Chae Geom-soo’s child

↳That’s just a rumor.

↳Who knows if it’s a rumor or not lol

* * *

-But this is… a bit too much invasion of privacy, isn’t it?

445 380 ↳What about pretending to be a Beta to get the role? ㅡㅡ

↳All the actor applicants who lost that role should be compensated

↳Omega manifestation could have happened later, you know

↳Then why doesn’t he explain that?

↳If you’re going to argue about privacy, why become a celebrity?