TLLKTBD CH 18

Chapter 18: If You Don’t Want Me, Don’t Just Find Someone Else

“Why is Xiao Qi-ge so nervous? Does Director Xu discriminate against gay people?” Jin Lang, unable to get a response from Qi Shaobai, turned to ask Lu Qian curiously.

Lu Qian also saw Qi Shaobai’s pitiful reply. He glanced meaningfully at Jin Lang, chuckled without saying anything, and turned on the speaker, letting music fill the car again.

Jin Lang fell silent as well. The past two days had been overwhelming, as if something had been laid out right in front of him, but he had failed to notice. He needed time to process it.

Just now, Xiao Qi-ge teased him about going on a date with Lu Qian and even said that Qian-ge was hard to chase. Would Lu Qian be angry about that? He sneaked a glance at him.

Wait a minute. How would Xiao Qi-ge know that Qian-ge is hard to chase?

“You’re hard to chase?” The moment the question popped into his mind, Jin Lang blurted it out—only to regret it immediately.

“Mm…” Lu Qian shrugged vaguely, neither admitting nor denying it.

“Who chased you?” Seeing that Lu Qian wasn’t upset, Jin Lang pressed on.

“No one.” Lu Qian still tried to muddle through.

Jin Lang lowered his head in thought, then suddenly had a realization. “Xu Yang. It’s Xu Yang.” He slapped his thigh and shouted before turning his head to stare at Lu Qian’s profile. “Isn’t it? It has to be him.” His tone was a bit aggressive.

Looking at Jin Lang, who had suddenly exploded, Lu Qian found it amusing. Though unnecessary, he still explained, “That was in the past. We’re just friends now.”

No wonder he always looks at me with disdain—he must’ve mistaken me for a romantic rival.

Jin Lang recalled the first time he met Xu Yang outside their company’s dining area. Back then, he had casually mentioned that Xu Yang liked Lu Qian and even said the two of them weren’t a good match. Who would’ve thought he was actually right?

“You didn’t accept him, did you?”

“…” Lu Qian hadn’t expected Jin Lang to keep pushing and was momentarily unsure how to respond.

“You did?” Jin Lang was shocked. “You two dated?”

“No.” This time, Lu Qian answered quickly. “We… were just a little short of that.”

“A little short of what?”

“…” A little short of feelings, a little short of fate, a little short of courage… They were short of everything. Lu Qian smiled slightly but didn’t answer.

Since he didn’t get the answer he wanted, Jin Lang started piecing things together himself. He suddenly realized that the three other people he usually had meals with were all gay.

How could he have been so slow?

Qi Shaobai—fine, maybe that one wasn’t so obvious. But Xu Yang? From their very first meeting, he had already noticed that Xu Yang liked Lu Qian, yet it had never occurred to him that that kind of “like” was that kind of “like.”

And then there was Lu Qian.

Sister Jin had made it very clear that his benefactor was unable to have intimate contact with people. Jin Lang was sent on a mission—to get into his benefactor’s bed within a year. And yet, even when faced with the idea of two men sleeping together, he hadn’t immediately connected it to being gay.

How dense could he be?

It had never occurred to him that Xu Yang was gay.

It also never occurred to him that Lu Qian was gay.

Most importantly, it had never occurred to him that he was a complete idiot.

No wonder this morning, when he showed up in front of Qian-ge with his clothes in disarray, the guy’s ears had turned bright red. And then his attitude had been so weird afterward—had he thought Jin Lang was deliberately flirting with him, teasing him just for fun, with no intention of following through?

Was that why he was mad?

Actually, if it came down to it, Jin Lang wouldn’t mind taking responsibility. After all, that was his job.

“… Qian-ge,” Jin Lang hesitated, unsure how to explain his idiocy. “You… you also…”

Lu Qian parked the car and asked, “If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

“You’re also gay?” The way Jin Lang said it made it unclear whether it was a question or a statement.

Lu Qian glanced at him. “Mm… is that a problem?”

“Ah, I mean, I just forgot.” Jin Lang sighed.

“…” Lu Qian let out a helpless sigh as well. “It’s not something you need to remember. It’s fine if you forget.”

“This morning, when I—my clothes were a mess…”

“So? You’re only realizing now that you should be scared?” You finally understand that you were basically tempting someone to commit a crime.

“No, I wasn’t scared.” Jin Lang felt embarrassed. “I just think it was kind of rude.”

“It wasn’t. I didn’t feel anything.” Lu Qian lied with a straight face.

“…Why not?” This was about the little lion’s dignity. Jin Lang forgot his embarrassment and shouted, “What do you mean you didn’t feel anything? Am I not good-looking? Is my body not good enough? What’s wrong? You don’t like what you see?”

“…You’re good-looking. You have a great body. Everything’s good. I like what I see.” Lu Qian, exasperated, slammed his hand on the steering wheel and shouted back, “So what do you want? You want me to sleep with you?”

“…No… not… never mind… Thanks…” Jin Lang suddenly realized what they were arguing about and stammered incoherently.

“…”

“…”

“…It’s fine.” Lu Qian sighed again, finally breaking the awkward silence. “I already told you, I won’t do anything to you. Don’t worry.”

“That’s not the problem.” Jin Lang’s face turned red again. “I—I wasn’t worried.”

“…”

The atmosphere in the car became increasingly stiff. The two of them spoke in disjointed sentences, both awkward yet trying to act normal.

Then, Jin Lang suddenly shouted, “Ah—!”

The noise startled Lu Qian so badly that his hands jerked on the wheel, almost crashing into a roadside trash bin.

“Xu Yang is gay himself, so why is Xiao Qi-ge afraid of him finding out about the blind date?” Jin Lang grumbled. “What, just because he doesn’t have anyone to love, he won’t let others fall in love either?”

What kind of logic is that? Lu Qian was exhausted. “Enough already. You’ve been obsessing over this the whole ride. Do you still want to see the art exhibit or not?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then get out of the car.”

Lu Qian was drained. He had zero interest in discussing this topic any further. He checked the road behind him, confirmed it was clear, and reached for the door handle.

But Jin Lang grabbed his arm, stopping him from getting out. Lu Qian turned back in surprise.

Jin Lang suddenly remembered his mission. Even though he knew Lu Qian couldn’t have intimate contact with others, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have moments of weakness. With a flushed face, he whispered, “If you don’t want me, don’t just find someone else.”

Lu Qian frowned. “What? Find someone else for what?”

“The circle is messy.” Jin Lang had seen enough chaos at the club. He couldn’t imagine Lu Qian being part of that. He refused to accept it. “People out there… aren’t safe.”

Lu Qian narrowed his eyes. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

“If you…” Jin Lang took the biggest leap of faith in his life, risking a brain hemorrhage, and declared, “Find me.”

His face was burning red, but he forced himself to meet Lu Qian’s gaze. He spoke with the utmost seriousness, “At least I’m clean.”

“…”

Lu Qian almost coughed up blood. Looking at Jin Lang’s solemn expression—like he was bravely sacrificing himself for the greater good—Lu Qian was at a loss for words.

He leaned in close, voice husky. “And how do you know…” He paused. “I’m clean?”

His breath brushed against Jin Lang’s ear, sending a shiver through him.

By the time he snapped out of it, Lu Qian had already gotten out of the car.

Jin Lang, ears still burning, had one thought:

…I think I screwed up again.

(To be continued…)