WHF Ch 61 – “Men are very dirty.” 

The room was untouched, and the night outside was quiet as ever. Xiu Ma remained seated, facing the television, his expression calm and his eyes clear, but a deafening roar had just exploded in his mind.

While the young master was lost in the mental equivalent of quarrying a mountain, Yu Tianbai let the smile fade from his face. He didn’t know what Xiu Ma was feeling at this moment, but he could imagine, because he himself was hardly calm. Something was burgeoning inside him, pushing its way out, and his five senses had become so acute that they wanted to absorb a little bit of everything.

He had never been devoid of feelings—not for the person before him, and not for this winter.

Once a person passes the age of twenty-two, many things are no longer so simple and straightforward. You can’t just say you’re poor; you can’t just say life is hard; you can’t just say you’re lost. And you certainly can’t just say you’re stuck on a silly love that should have been confined to your youth. Whoever speaks first loses face, becomes the black sheep, the one to be condemned by all.

Why twenty-two?

At that age, you’ve either left campus to strive to become a reliable adult, or you’ve gone on to further studies, striving to become a reliable adult in the future. Yu Tianbai had done neither. He was struggling to adapt to being twenty-nine.

He could only stay where he was, trying his best to be calm. He asked, “You just want to spend some time with me, and then do nothing, is that right?”

But Xiu Ma’s twenty-one years were different. He was free, far too free. Although he wasn’t jumping up and down confessing his love every second, every glance he directed at Yu Tianbai was undisguised, spontaneous, and uninhibited.

Yu Tianbai’s life had never known such freedom. He’d had an age where he fell for people easily, but never an age as reckless as Xiu Ma’s. Back then, when he liked someone, he would wish that during their time alone in a room, his eyes would be glued to that person, and then they would do everything that could possibly be done.

So he didn’t believe it. He didn’t believe that Xiu Ma just wanted to “spend some time” with him, as he put it.

But the words had been spoken, and the young master’s eyes had returned to the television. The moment was lost. It was as if Yu Tianbai himself had become the black sheep, about to be condemned by all.

How dull.

“Forget it.” He sighed deeply. “If you don’t have anything in mind either, I’ll be going—today’s room charge has probably already been counted. Don’t let it go to waste. Get a good night’s sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

He had just finished the last word but hadn’t stood up, because the person on the sofa had already walked over and was now standing before him, looking down at him.

Yu Tianbai didn’t raise his head directly; that would feel like admitting defeat. He kept his gaze level, letting it rest for a moment on Xiu Ma’s abdomen before slowly tilting his face up to meet his eyes.

“What do you mean?” the one standing asked.

What do I mean by what?

“You said you weren’t devoid of feelings for me,” Xiu Ma paused, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “What does that mean?”

Yu Tianbai leaned back in the chair, blinked, and then realized that despite his profound internal monologue about past and present, day and night, he hadn’t actually stated his meaning clearly—nor could he. He had no intention of saying it.

“It means exactly what it says,” Yu Tianbai said succinctly.

Yu Tianbai hated explaining. Coincidentally, Xiu Ma didn’t, so he chose to speak for him. “You mean you don’t dislike me, you’re just unwilling to say it.”

No one spoke. Yu Tianbai watched him with his lips sealed.

Objectively, Xiu Ma’s interpretation was spot on. A top student was a top student, able to read between the lines. But subjectively, Yu Tianbai didn’t want to hear him say the truth.

He understood now. His earlier self-perception of a mature man’s restraint, of lacking Xiu Ma’s passion—it was all bullshit. He was just trying to save face. Just trying to preserve a shred of dignity for himself in this five-thousand-a-night suite in a prime location opposite the train station.

Before the stony-faced Yu Tianbai, the young master slowly raised his chin, bit his lower lip with his upper teeth, and squeezed out a devastatingly handsome smile. Then he said, “And because you’re too proud to admit it.”

Now it was Yu Tianbai’s mind that was being dynamited. He was being struck by lightning alone in the armchair while the young master, standing before him, took a deep, heavy breath and looked up at the window.

A high-class hotel was a high-class hotel. The lighting was dim enough that the inky night view wasn’t marred by reflections from inside, yet it was bright enough to illuminate everything. From the moment they entered the room until now, Yu Tianbai’s expressions and micro-movements had all been within his line of sight.

Xiu Ma was excited now.

At first glance, it seemed like nothing had been resolved—from the thugs waiting downstairs to society’s prejudice against homosexuality—but he felt like he’d been given a piece of candy. He no longer had time to feel sorry for himself. The focus now was the candy, and how to handle it.

“You want me to do something, don’t you?” Xiu Ma asked.

The very moment he asked, he saw the change in Yu Tianbai’s expression. Just as he’d praised, the lighting was perfect, the view was perfect, and the reaction was incredible. It was as if, from a certain point on, Yu Tianbai was no longer the only one holding the chips. Now, the chips were on the center of the table, and Xiu Ma owned half of them.

In other words, Yu Tianbai was no longer the one who was always effortlessly in control.

But he would never show it. He lowered his gaze, lifted his chin as calmly as he could, and replied, “Not anymore.”

The reply hung in the air, dissipating into the suite. Xiu Ma no longer stood still. He turned toward the sofa, as if looking for something.

“I don’t know how much I like you, and I don’t know how long I’ll like you for,” Xiu Ma said, having found what he was looking for. He straightened up, his eyes on Yu Tianbai. “For this period of time, why don’t we both just be a little happier?”

It sounded like a declaration of war—if not for the curtain remote in his hand.

“What are you doing with that?” Even Yu Tianbai couldn’t help but ask.

The remote beeped. He heard the curtains behind his head begin to close, unhurriedly, with a slow, leisurely hum. Yu Tianbai stared at Xiu Ma’s face, unable to even manage a smile.

Like a dancer drawing the stage curtain, like business partners closing the conference room door, any sound of closure heralds the beginning of something else. The tracks locked, the clasps clicked together. Xiu Ma tossed the remote onto the sofa and returned to stand before Yu Tianbai’s grand armchair.

Yu Tianbai hadn’t changed his posture the entire time, merely switching which leg was crossed over the other. His gaze followed the other man’s approach, from looking up, to down, to looking straight ahead.

Xiu Ma knelt on the carpet.

Not in a posture of apology, nor with any somber expression. Xiu Ma placed his left foot back and went down on one knee. Fortunately, he didn’t maintain this awkward, proposal-like stance for long, quickly shifting to both knees, his upper body straight, his gaze fixed on Yu Tianbai, firm and calm.

Just like when he knelt by the corpse on the bank of the Songhua River, the young master was kneeling before him for the second time.

Yu Tianbai had no idea what this kid was planning, but that didn’t stop him from appreciating the sight. He’d always believed it was a skill to make someone so beautiful—someone with every right to be arrogant—kneel willingly. And so, he would appreciate it with great satisfaction. His greatest joy on this journey had been surprising the young master at every turn. Now, it was the young master’s turn to surprise him.

But one thing was less than perfect. If Xiu Ma had been wearing a suit right now, the pose would have been even more stunning.

He rolled his eyes at the ceiling, mocking his own unrealistic fantasies. When his gaze fell again, Xiu Ma spoke.

“I was wrong,” Xiu Ma said.

The apology, though its reason was unclear, matched the posture perfectly.

“I should have given you some face and some time,” Xiu Ma said again.

This reminded Yu Tianbai that he had just stumbled because of Xiu Ma, and the thrill cooled by half.

“I won’t take it any further, but I will do something, just like you wanted.” This was Xiu Ma’s final sentence.

What followed was his hand on Yu Tianbai’s knee—a warm, solid, man’s hand. Then, slowly and deliberately, he began to part his knees.

Yu Tianbai knew almost instantly what he intended to do and decisively pushed against Xiu Ma’s head.

Yes, if not for Yu Tianbai’s reaction, the man’s face would have already been pressing forward.

“I need to remind you of something.” Yu Tianbai opened his mouth, his voice so deep it surprised even himself. “Men are very dirty.”

Xiu Ma’s eyes looked up at him. The ceiling light above them was on, making his light-colored eyes shine brightly.

He said, “You’re not dirty.”

So simple, so direct. An answer Yu Tianbai found impossible to refuse.

He added, “And you showered before you came out. I can smell it from here.”

Yes, even though he had reacted quickly and held the kid’s head, he had still gotten close enough. Now they were breathing in the air that carried Yu Tianbai’s scent together.

Who knows what kind of shock, or rather, what kind of education, this kid had received in the last three days. He had been enlightened in a very unorthodox way, completely enlightened. Looking at that face less than a foot from his crotch, Yu Tianbai could feel the heat in his own exhaled breath.

Forget it.

Yu Tianbai let him go, relaxed back into the chair, one knee pressing against Xiu Ma’s throat, and then voiced a question born of experience:

“Do you even know how?”

Clearly, he didn’t, but he didn’t look timid.

“I looked it up,” Xiu Ma answered.

Right. In modern society, with the internet so developed, even though the young master was a virgin, he wasn’t that much of a virgin. He wouldn’t be asking innocent questions like “How are babies made?” He definitely knew that men could do this, or that, with each other.

The young master didn’t flinch. His knee brazenly nudged the kid’s chin upward again. What a beautiful face, and what a shame it was about to do such a thing.

His foot, down below, pushed the young master’s knees further apart, making him kneel more properly. Yu Tianbai’s last shred of kindness was not stomping on his crotch. If he did that, the kid would probably explode, and Yu Tianbai couldn’t guess what would happen next.

Although he really, really wanted to do it.

But Yu Tianbai was in no mood to delay. He was impatient, his breath trembling as he said, “It’s all up to you now.”

…

His mind was in a daze, the fingers on him were warm. For a moment, Yu Tianbai truly wanted to say nothing, think nothing, and just let this continue.

Under the dim gold light, Xiu Ma made no further move. He asked, “If I touch you here, will you feel good too?”

“Too.” That meant the young master had enjoyed himself in the car as well.

“I will,” Yu Tianbai didn’t even bother to struggle, speaking the truth. “It will feel incredibly good. So don’t touch it.”

Don’t touch it.

It wasn’t a command, more like a plea. There was no resolve in Yu Tianbai’s eyes. His mind was clouded by lust; he was willing to do anything at this point.

But with his last shred of reason, he was afraid that if they did this, he would have nothing left.

After about two or three seconds, Xiu Ma’s hand withdrew. Without hesitation, it was gone. He pushed Yu Tianbai’s leg down, slowly got up, and stood straight.

The unchanging small-town night, the unchanging hotel suite. Xiu Ma stood on the carpet that seemed somewhat vast, his eyes not on the man in the chair, his thoughts unreadable.

Without turning his head, Xiu Ma said to Yu Tianbai, “You… go clean up.”

How noble of him. At a time like this, the young master was still concerned about him.

“You’re still worried about me?” Yu Tianbai felt a laugh coming on. “You go brush your teeth. Men really are filthy. Don’t tell me you don’t believe me.”

Yes, the true magnanimity of an experienced man was to be disgusted even with himself.

But after saying it, he found himself hoping Xiu Ma wouldn’t do it. If someone could just say a few more words, the post-climax emptiness wouldn’t wash over him so quickly, and the night wouldn’t be so hard to bear.

And then the young master really left.

He went to the bathroom and closed the door, clean and decisive. The room truly became unchanging now.

Outside the bathroom, Yu Tianbai lifted his face again. They both knew that behind those two simple sentences, both of their hearts were heavy with unspoken things.

Perhaps all they needed was for someone to call a timeout. The evening had passed too quickly. If they could just exchange another pleasantry, ask what the weather was like today, what tomorrow would bring, whether it would be better, whether it would be longer. But this was not the occasion for pleasantries, and they were not the people who could exchange them right now.

So empty.

He didn’t know if it was the post-orgasmic emptiness, or something else. Yu Tianbai took a deep breath and buried his face in his hands. It seemed this night was about to become a difficult one.