RCKS 38

“Hello?”

As he walked toward the lounge with a limping leg, someone blocked Lee Yoonsan’s path. It was a tall man with dyed, curly hair. He was wearing a flamboyant Hawaiian shirt and cotton pants, holding two bottles of beer in one hand. Lee Yoonsan stared blankly at the man who had blocked him and rolled his eyes. It was not meant in any other way, just a glance to figure out who the man was. It was routine for Lee Yoonsan to always carefully scrutinize things before judging, speaking, or acting a beat later. But the man seemed to have interpreted Lee Yoonsan’s tempo differently.

“Want a beer? Uh, I mean, I’m alone right now, separated from my friends.”

The face of the man, who spoke with a light smile, was cheerful. Just like Lee Seokjae.

“Dumbass.”

Meanwhile, Ham Sejin clicked his tongue as he watched Hwang Haekyung, who was sitting on the couch and had finished a Blue Hawaiian. The surroundings were so noisy that he hadn’t heard the entire conversation between the two sitting opposite him, but judging by Lee Yoonsan’s expression and the general atmosphere, he could guess what had been said. So, Ham Sejin criticized Hwang Haekyung without another word.

“I know what part of it you can’t stand, I do too.”

“……”

“But it’s an unavoidable problem, isn’t it?”

Ham Sejin checked that his beer can was empty, then shook other beer bottles to see if any had anything left. He found one with some beer remaining, chugged it down in one go, and picked up his phone again. Hwang Haekyung, who had been silently watching and enduring Ham Sejin’s criticism, frowned and said.

“Mind your own business.”

“I’m trying to. That’s why I’ve been glued to my phone all day.”

“That just means your situation isn’t much different from mine.”

“…My case is different from yours. Hyeyoon is a Beta.”

“Just because the reasons are different doesn’t mean the results are. Look at us now, you and me.”

Hwang Haekyung said to Ham Sejin, who was criticizing him and drawing a line, then rose from his seat. It was a rather irritable movement. Lee Yoonsan, who had gone to the restroom, hadn’t returned. And because the restroom was indoors, an extra layer of worry was added.

After Lee Yoonsan had gotten up and left on his own, Hwang Haekyung felt that his position and situation were somehow sloppy and a mess. No, in fact, ever since he had run into Lee Yoonsan early this morning, he had felt something was getting out of hand. He hadn’t meant to, but he had acted bluntly from their first meeting, trying to keep his distance from Lee Yoonsan.

He knew that must have come across as a negative signal to Lee Yoonsan. In truth, it was both the way Hwang Haekyung, who was not naturally affectionate, usually treated Omegas, and a clumsy display resulting from his inability to hide his surprise. His action of trying to leave the situation was the former, and his sulking against his own feelings was the latter.

Hwang Haekyung somehow thought that today, he was acting more clumsily and ineptly than he had in his teenage years when he used to exchange DMs with Lee Yoonsan. And he even thought that this version of himself was extremely pathetic. Then could it be that Lee Yoonsan’s reaction was because of these actions of his?

Regardless of the reality, recalling Lee Yoonsan’s expression during their conversation and his recent rejection, he couldn’t help but feel that way. It felt like he had done something wrong, and he felt he had disappointed Lee Yoonsan in some way. That feeling then led to a kind of guilt.

At first, he had tried to dismiss it as being due to Lee Yoonsan’s characteristically gentle appearance and expression. It had been like that when they were young, too. When dealing with the young Lee Yoonsan who called him ‘Haekyung-ie’ instead of ‘hyung’ with his gentle appearance, expression, and way of speaking, he felt like he, who demanded to be called ‘hyung,’ had become a mild-mannered villain. At that time, he didn’t quite understand what that gentleness Lee Yoonsan possessed was, so he had dismissed the feeling.

But now Hwang Haekyung was all grown up, and he knows that Lee Yoonsan’s habit of diligently calling him ‘Haekyung-ie’ stemmed from the kindness and gentleness he possessed. Calling him by name without his surname, in a gentle and affectionate tone.

He knows now that Lee Yoonsan possessed a rare, kind nature even in those young and immature days. And that Lee Yoonsan is a good person.

I was a kid who didn’t know kindness, so I didn’t know how lovely your kindness was. I just thought you were cocky because you didn’t call me hyung.

Hwang Haekyung thought that if only he could have endured his own shame or embarrassment, he would have surely said this to Lee Yoonsan and apologized for the past. Of course, in the end, there was no way that Hwang Haekyung, who was only twenty-one, could endure that side of himself, so the words were never spoken out loud. Still, the unspoken words continued to circle in Hwang Haekyung’s mind. As if regretting that they couldn’t be expressed.

Lee Yoonsan was still kind and gentle. He still diligently called him ‘Haekyung-ie’ and was very observant of his surroundings. That meant he wanted to understand the feelings of the people he was with, and it was a reflection of a personality that did not want to make anyone uncomfortable.

The fact that Lee Yoonsan reacted or responded a step late was likely in the same context. Because he wanted to speak after thinking things through enough. He could now understand that such a habit had formed because he thought that way he wouldn’t hurt others with words spoken in the heat of the moment. But that same Lee Yoonsan had firmly rejected him and said he would move on his own despite his injured foot. That was why Hwang Haekyung could only watch as Lee Yoonsan walked away limping.

It felt like something between them had gone wrong in that brief moment. Nevertheless, he was at a loss because he couldn’t figure out exactly what had gone wrong. Something felt wrong, but he had no idea what that something was. Hwang Haekyung had expressed, at least indirectly, that he cared for Lee Yoonsan, and he had hoped that Lee Yoonsan would meet someone who wasn’t dangerous. Because the kind and good person Lee Yoonsan was was precious to him too.

And from the intent behind all those statements, he had thoroughly excluded himself. The reason was simple. Because he was also an Alpha. It was a restraint brought on by his subconscious.

Because Hwang Haekyung himself was an Alpha who had ruts and knew how to use pheromones, there was an underlying anxiety. Use can sometimes lead to misuse, can’t it? Hwang Haekyung didn’t want even the slightest danger to exist around Lee Yoonsan. Even if that was Hwang Haekyung himself. The act of protecting Lee Yoonsan, which he had been doing since his teenage years, had now become a habit for Hwang Haekyung.

As far as Hwang Haekyung could tell, he hadn’t made any mistakes. He hadn’t been mean to Lee Yoonsan like when they were very young, nor had he been rude. Everything he said was for Lee Yoonsan’s sake. But that final expression…

The last expression Lee Yoonsan had shown him kept replaying in Hwang Haekyung’s mind. It bothered him so much that it made him anxious, eventually making him go search for Lee Yoonsan at the restroom he had supposedly gone to. But the restroom was empty, and he couldn’t find Lee Yoonsan in the outdoor area where the smokers were either.

It was the moment anxiety turned into fear.

---

“Actually, I saw you in the restroom earlier.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You didn’t even notice me washing my hands next to you. Was something wrong? You didn’t look happy.”

“It’s just, well…”

Meanwhile, Lee Yoonsan was sitting at the indoor bar with the man who had offered him a beer, having a conversation. The man, contrary to his relaxed and skilled appearance, was the same age as Lee Yoonsan and said he had come to Jeju Island, where his grandmother lives, to enjoy surfing. He was still in the middle of a one-year stay, but he had recently started teaching surfing lessons and was looking into settling down. When Lee Yoonsan expressed his surprise at hearing he was already an instructor at twenty, the man smiled brightly and told him he had been active as a surfing athlete during his school days. For Lee Yoonsan, who hadn’t even known surfing competitions existed, that too was surprising news.

“I’ve been surfing since I was 10. Oh, but I’m not an Alpha.”

As he revealed he was a Beta, Lee Yoonsan nodded, saying, “I see,” and naturally started speaking informally, opening up the conversation.

“But do you know you haven’t asked for my name this whole time?”

“…That’s right. What’s your name?”

“Choi Garam. And I know yours because I asked earlier, Lee Yoonsan.”

“Uh-huh…”

“You’re really shy, aren’t you?”

Choi Garam said with a smile to Lee Yoonsan, who was glancing around as if conscious of his surroundings. He even bowed his head as if to persistently meet Lee Yoonsan’s eyes, and as their faces grew slightly closer, he raised the corners of his mouth into a grin and lowered his voice as if whispering something private.

“That’s unexpected. Looking at your skin tone, you seem like the type who loves playing outside. You have a sexy, well-tanned skin.”

“Th-that’s not it. It’s just how I get in the summer.”

“It’s a compliment. Everyone pays money to tan to get skin like this. You saved money.”

“Uh, yeah… right.”

As Choi Garam’s face inched closer, Lee Yoonsan rolled his eyes and turned his head to the side, and he could hear the man’s laughter. Even in the loud, chaotic, and dark club-like atmosphere of the indoors, his laughter was clearly audible, perhaps because the distance between them was so close.

Lee Yoonsan was flustered, as this kind of approach was completely unfamiliar to him. Not only during his middle and high school years, but even during the semester he had spent at university, no one had approached him this way. That is, someone who exuded such a free-spirited and intimate vibe, making probing remarks and watching his reaction.

Most people who approached Lee Yoonsan tended to use their friendliness for easy conversation, drawn by his low-barrier and gentle-looking appearance; they didn’t talk about his skin tone or suddenly close the physical distance like this. It was only natural. This kind of approach was a pick-up method that existed only in places like clubs. For twenty-year-old Lee Yoonsan, who had never even been to a club and whose only experience with a bar was a group outing from university, it was impossible to be used to this sort of burdensome approach.

“It’s too noisy to talk in here, right?”

Choi Garam placed a hand on the chair Lee Yoonsan was sitting on as he pulled his head back, leaning his upper body in a little more. Then, in a light tone with a moderate mix of playfulness, he made a suggestion. It wasn’t particularly suggestive or drawled, so it didn’t feel sleazy, but it was sudden and flustering. Lee Yoonsan knew what conclusion this kind of conversation was leading to. He wants to move to another spot. Because Lee Yoonsan wasn’t slow-witted, just a deep thinker.

“…It’s fine.”

So Lee Yoonsan gave a refusal that wasn’t quite a refusal. The very reason he had followed Choi Garam to the bar seats in the first place was his desire to see Hwang Haekyung’s face even a little later. Of course, the freedom the internal atmosphere itself provided was an undeniable reason, and the fact that he could act a little dissolutely here and use ‘merriment’ as an excuse also played a part.

“If you’re worried because you have company, can you at least give me your Insta ID?”

“Me?”

Choi Garam was a Beta. The Beta that Hwang Haekyung had told him to try meeting. Perhaps that was why a pointless stubbornness had flared up in him. In his middle and high school years, he had mostly hung out with Omegas. Actually, it was embarrassing to even say Omegas, as Shin Soohyun and Kim Jihoo were all of Lee Yoonsan’s friends. It was the result of his introverted and withdrawn personality and his focus on his DMs with Hwang Haekyung.

After entering university, he had become friendly with many Betas, but it was on the level of school friends, so they couldn’t be seen as sexual partners. It was just a friendship where they would sit in nearby seats during class or eat at the cafeteria if they had time at school.

So Choi Garam was the first Beta to approach him in this way. Lee Yoonsan was just now realizing that Choi Garam’s actions had become strangely intimate and noticing that this situation was the ‘pick-up’ he had only ever heard about.

“I’ll teach you how to surf. For you, a special free lesson. But we’d have to meet separately after I get off work, of course?”

“Look, I…”

“When goodwill goes too far, it becomes touting.”

Just as he was cautiously looking for the right moment to slip away, he felt a warmth against his back and the fine hairs on his nape stood on end. Because Hwang Haekyung’s voice, which had come from behind him without warning, was too close.

At the sudden sound of Hwang Haekyung’s voice, Lee Yoonsan twisted his head to look behind him. He then saw Hwang Haekyung leaning forward, with one hand on the back of his stool and the other on the bar table. His upper body was leaning slightly against Lee Yoonsan’s back, but even without leaning, the gap was so close that Lee Yoonsan’s shoulder was about to touch Hwang Haekyung’s chest.

Hwang Haekyung stood pressed close behind Lee Yoonsan and made eye contact with Choi Garam. Choi Garam looked at Hwang Haekyung, somewhat dumbfounded, before showing a sign of recognition as if something had occurred to him; it seemed he had realized that Hwang Haekyung was a volleyball player. Then, a look of goodwill and delight appeared on Choi Garam’s face, which had only held dumbfoundedness.

“You’re him, right? The, the volleyball player!”

Hwang Haekyung answered Choi Garam’s words with a nod of his head, then turned his gaze to Lee Yoonsan. The two were so close they were practically in a back hug, so Lee Yoonsan had to tilt his head all the way back to make eye contact.

“Is this the restroom, Clumsy Bunny?”

“Don’t call me that.”

There was no irritation or anger in Hwang Haekyung’s tone, but for that very reason, Lee Yoonsan’s own irritation rose. He was reminded of the situation before he went to the restroom, and it felt like he was the only one who had made such a fuss. Since Hwang Haekyung still looked and sounded perfectly fine and nonchalant, he seemed a bit detestable.

“If you wanted a tour of the inside, you should have said so.”

“……”

“Did you drink?”

“Just a sip. I was thirsty…”

Hwang Haekyung picked up the beer on Lee Yoonsan’s side to gauge how much he had drunk, then asked. Lee Yoonsan replied in a small voice, looking furtive, and Hwang Haekyung studied his face.

The lighting was dim so his complexion wasn’t clearly visible, but since the eyes meeting his were as clear as usual, Hwang Haekyung decided not to say anything. That is, anything about drinking a beer ‘without a bottle cap’ given to him by a stranger when his foot was injured. After all, no matter how he looked, there was nothing on their bar table that could be presumed to be a beer cap.

“It’s not like that. I was about to leave.”