TG Ch 9 Part 9

Jeong Taeyul had a dream. At first, he thought it was just a nightmare, but it wasn’t.

It was worse than a nightmare; a memory from his past was overwhelming him.

In the dream, Jeong Taeyul was suddenly transported back ten years. He knew it was ten years ago because he was surrounded by complete darkness. Even with his eyes open, he couldn’t see a thing and had to rely on his other senses.

He could feel the characteristically somber atmosphere of the research institute. The air was heavy, and the unpleasant smell of chemicals lingered everywhere. Jeong Taeyul felt suffocated and wanted to run away.

Then, he sensed his hyung’s presence.

Even without sight, Jeong Taeyul, a Guide, could sense his hyung’s small, flower-like energy close by. But even when he reached out, he couldn’t grasp anything.

His hyung sobbed, ‘Why didn’t you come…?’

‘…Hyung.’

‘Did you… hate me that much, too?’

Hearing those words, Jeong Taeyul felt as if all the blood had drained from his heart.

His hyung was clearly crying, his voice unstable. Jeong Taeyul, blind in the dream, could hear his every sob, a mixture of disappointment and despair, and even the sound of his tears falling.

Back then, his hyung had been retaliated against. Because he was the researcher’s son, some of the experimental subjects had subtly oppressed him, an ordinary person.

His hyung continued, his words pouring out, ‘So… you couldn’t forgive me?’

‘……’

‘I… didn’t hide it on purpose… Really, you were like family to me… I wanted to be with you….’

In the dream, he couldn’t speak, as if being punished. Jeong Taeyul, who had grown taller than his hyung in the past ten years, wanted to offer some kind of excuse. But in the nightmare, he could only feel the searing pain in his heart.

Instead, Jeong Taeyul reached out, trying to hold onto him. But as soon as their clothes brushed, his hyung recoiled as if to escape. Even his energy trembled faintly, as if afraid of an ability user.

‘…I’m sorry. I won’t come again…’

‘……’

Don’t go. Jeong Taeyul’s reply was stuck in his throat. He wanted to rip out his vocal cords and force the words out, but his hyung’s presence only grew more distant.

In the pitch-black darkness, Jeong Taeyul frantically searched for him. He overturned furniture in the hospital room and tried to rip the bars off the window. But he couldn’t reach his hyung.

But his hyung came back.

When the terrorist attack happened, he was the first to rush to Jeong Taeyul’s room. He grabbed Jeong Taeyul’s hand blindly reaching forward and ran, even amidst the deafening sound of twisting metal.

Remembering that, Jeong Taeyul shuddered at the painful memory. The longer the nightmare continued, the more his heart ached.

Hyung.

Hyung…

Jeong Taeyul, gasping for breath, finally managed to speak. And as soon as he sensed his hyung’s energy, he desperately clung to him.

At that moment, Jeong Taeyul woke up from the nightmare.

“Ha… haa…”

As soon as he opened his eyes, Jeong Taeyul took a few ragged breaths. He quickly regained his composure and looked around.

He saw the guiding room, illuminated by the mood light. Confirming that he was back in reality, Jeong Taeyul rubbed his aching forehead with his large hand, then gritted his teeth, his brow furrowed. Even after ten years, the events of that day were still difficult to bear.

“Haa…”

Then, he felt someone stirring in his arms. Jeong Taeyul hurriedly looked down.

Sijin was asleep in his arms. He was frowning slightly, probably because Jeong Taeyul had been holding him too tightly. Jeong Taeyul quickly loosened his grip. Sijin’s breathing evened out as he fell back asleep.

Jeong Taeyul gazed at him, every detail of his face, as if in a dream.

He couldn’t believe that the person sleeping in his arms was him. Ten years after that nightmare, he was finally with his hyung again. Perhaps because of the resurfacing memories, Jeong Taeyul felt an overwhelming sense of happiness looking at him now.

Jeong Taeyul, a former experimental subject, had been very unhappy. But thinking back, those days had also been happy because Sijin had been by his side. Sometimes, he even felt grateful for his unhappiness, since it was the reason Sijin had approached him.

Jeong Taeyul gently caressed Sijin’s cheek as he gazed at him.

“Baek Sijin…”

It felt strange looking at his anchor. It was as if he were looking at his own heart. When he sensed his waves, he could feel Sijin’s heart beating in sync with his own. Jeong Taeyul carefully pulled him closer, their hearts almost touching.

Thump, thump. With each beat of Sijin’s small heart, he could feel a faint wave. Each pulse felt like quenching a burning thirst with falling snowflakes. But even that small comfort was so precious that he couldn’t let go.

Sijin was sleeping soundly, even though he must have been uncomfortable being held so tightly. Seeing that, Jeong Taeyul mustered his courage and whispered the name he had been holding back, “…Hyung.”

“……”

“Hyung.”

There was no response. Jeong Taeyul chuckled hollowly.

When Ham Geonwu had called Sijin “hyung” under the influence of alcohol, he felt like his heart would explode.

It felt like the most important thing in his life had been taken away by Ham Geonwu. He and Ham Geonwu were supposed to be close enough to trust each other with their lives, but in that moment, he couldn’t control the surge of jealousy and anger. He wanted to make Ham Geonwu disappear. The reality that Sijin cared more for Ham Geonwu than him always filled Jeong Taeyul with a bitter sense of inferiority.

Anxiety washed over Jeong Taeyul again.

‘…What if hyung really doesn’t remember me?’

Jeong Taeyul bit his lip. The accident had happened ten years ago. Ten years. He was still in high school then, and he could only remember fragments of that depressing time.

But he remembered everything about his hyung. Just as one might memorize a beloved book after countless readings, he fell asleep every night thinking of his hyung. It was easy to remember him. He just had to close his eyes, and his hyung’s words, voice, warmth, and the feeling of his touch would come flooding back.

But even Jeong Taeyul had something he couldn’t remember about his hyung.

He couldn’t remember any of his flaws. His hyung used to be forgetful and a picky eater. Now, only the emotions remained; the flaws had faded from his memory.

But what if his hyung felt the same way?

What if, instead of remembering the cruel him, he only remembered being rescued by Ham Geonwu…?

Was their reunion just bringing back his hyung’s nightmares? Jeong Taeyul’s gaze at Sijin wavered.

To Baek Sijin, Ham Geonwu was a hero, while he was a trauma.

Was it okay for them to be this close? He had intended to give it time, to wait until Sijin felt safe before starting again. Was this really okay?

‘When you like someone… everyone makes mistakes.’

Jeong Taeyul suddenly remembered his confession. He remembered the fine hairs standing on Sijin’s cheeks from nervousness and his wet, trembling eyelashes. Seeing him like that, Jeong Taeyul had realized he couldn’t hold back any longer. Even if he could go back to that moment, he wouldn’t have been able to resist.

Jeong Taeyul slowly closed his eyes. He reached out and traced the contours of Sijin’s sleeping face. He gently caressed his smooth forehead, small, straight nose, and soft eyelids. Jeong Taeyul’s favorite feature was his eyebrows, with their perfect balance of softness and firmness. He had always loved stroking them.

That night, Jeong Taeyul stayed awake for a long time. Even though he felt drowsy, he didn’t want to sleep tonight. He finally had him back by his side. Even a single moment with his eyes closed felt like a waste.

***