BL Ch145

When the surroundings become quiet enough, one starts to hear sounds usually drowned out – the rhythm of breathing, the thump-thump of a heartbeat, the ringing in one’s ears.

Ji Lin heard them all now.

These subtle sounds amplified a thousandfold, echoing Mu Hao’s earth-shattering question, creating a deafening cacophony in his mind.

During the prolonged blank period where his brain seemed to have short-circuited, Mu Hao continued speaking, oblivious. “Sorry, this question might seem strange, but based on the available evidence, this is the most logical explanation I can come up with…”

Accustomed to obeying him, Ji Lin instinctively followed his train of thought, asking dumbly, “What… evidence?”

Mu Hao scratched his cheek apologetically. “I saw the surveillance footage from outside my apartment on my birthday last year. I didn’t expect you to come… Were you trying to give me a present?”

Ji Lin’s face burned crimson. He opened his mouth, words forming on the tip of his tongue, but he hesitated.

“I initially thought you liked… Never mind, forget it.” Mu Hao finally understood Yu Duqiu’s earlier reaction; his misunderstanding had been truly outrageous.

Ji Lin started to feel nervous. The jacket on his shoulders felt like a net, trapping him in place.

“I… I did want to give you a present…” he mumbled, forcing the words out of his burning throat. “I was just passing by, not specifically going there… And it wasn’t anything expensive…”

“Then were you also ‘just passing by’ when you spent almost every rainy night in that alley by Yiqing Bar?” Mu Hao suddenly asked.

So that was the crucial clue.

Caught off guard, Ji Lin felt a chill run down his spine. “I was just investigating the case,” he blurted out.

Denying his feelings had become second nature, a reflex. Whenever questioned, his first instinct was to say, “I didn’t,” “I don’t like him,” “Don’t ruin his reputation.”

But now, being questioned by Mu Hao himself, after denying it, he desperately wanted to confess.

Yes, I was there because of you. The rain reminded me of the night you were attacked. I couldn’t sleep, so I went there, thinking a part of your soul might still linger there, and I could keep you company.

Then he heard Mu Hao sigh in relief. “I’m glad it’s not because you like me.”

Ji Lin squeezed his eyes shut.

Those words cut a deep wound in his heart, years of suppressed emotions pouring out, the pain almost bringing him to tears.

Just endure it… The wound had to be cleaned before it could heal, the blood drained before it could scar.

“I was worried you might have developed an excessive dependence on me,” Mu Hao said, touching the top of his bowed head. “And mistaken that feeling for romantic interest.”

Ji Lin froze, looking up incredulously. “…What?”

“Like back in university, you always followed me around. Other students teased you, saying you were like my boyfriend, and you would get so angry.” Mu Hao chuckled wryly, patting his arm encouragingly. “You don’t need to rely on me anymore, Xiao Ji. You’re already very capable. Come on, it’s windy out here. Let’s go inside–”

Ji Lin grabbed his sleeve.

Mu Hao turned back, puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

“I do want to be your boyfriend…” The dam of his repressed emotions burst, the flood of unrequited feelings overwhelming his timidity and hesitation.

Ji Lin bit his trembling lip, steeling himself, confessing the secret he had harbored for so long. “I… I really like you… Brother Mu.”

“It’s not dependence… I know what I’m saying… and I know what I’m thinking…”

“It’s okay if you reject me… but please don’t treat me like a fool…”

“Every night I spent hiding in that alley, I regretted… not being braver on your birthday, telling you… how I felt.”

“But after you came back, I was afraid of you knowing…”

“Now, though… I think it’s worse to never confess than to be rejected…”

He had never said these words to anyone, not even himself.

The flood had finally receded, calmness returning to his heart. He felt an unprecedented sense of relief.

Perhaps because he had already known the outcome.

“There, I told you everything, Brother Mu.” Ji Lin even managed a smile. “You can reject me now.”

Mu Hao remained silent for a long time, his expression stunned, as if his soul had left his body.

Ji Lin’s courage quickly dissipated, replaced by embarrassment and regret for his impulsiveness. “Sorry, I talked too much. I–”

“Why were you afraid of me knowing?”

“…?”

Mu Hao looked at him, bewildered, scratching his head. “Am I that scary?”

Ji Lin couldn’t articulate his feelings, only managing, “Because I didn’t want to be rejected… afraid you’d distance yourself from me.”

Mu Hao: “Why would you think I’d reject you, distance myself from you?”

Now it was Ji Lin’s turn to be stunned. He stammered, “Th-Then are you going to accept me?”

“Accept…” Mu Hao stroked his chin, seemingly considering the option seriously. “I don’t know yet. I never considered this possibility before, not until I saw those surveillance videos… Normally, people would be touched, right?”

The light from the banquet hall, filtered through the glass door, softened Mu Hao’s expression. “Xiao Ji, you saved me, took care of me tirelessly. I can’t thank you enough; how could I possibly distance myself from you? I owe you everything, but as for a relationship… let me think about it. This isn’t a decision I can make lightly. I need to like you first before we can be together, right? I understand that much.”

Ji Lin was overwhelmed, waving his hands frantically, stepping back. “No, Brother Mu, d-don’t force yourself! We’re not suitable. You can’t possibly like a man…”

Mu Hao stepped forward, taking his flailing hands in his.

His palms were broad and warm.

“I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t even know if I like men or women. How can you be so sure?”

“But if we were together… I mean, if!” Ji Lin couldn’t bear to continue, his face burning, bewildered by how the situation had unfolded. “If we were together, what about your parents? What would your colleagues and superiors think? It would affect your work and relationships. You love your job so much…”

“Your logic is flawed.” Mu Hao leaned closer, gazing into his eyes, his voice serious. “What does my love for my job have to do with others? Even if I remained a patrol officer my entire life, never getting promoted, I would still love my job. It doesn’t conflict with loving you.”

Ji Lin shivered at the last sentence, wanting to cover his burning face, but his hands were trapped. The sip of liquor he had swallowed earlier seemed to be resurfacing, making him lightheaded.

After speaking, Mu Hao suddenly realized what he had said and blushed as well, explaining sheepishly, “I also meant ‘if’… Sorry, you know I’m not very perceptive about these things.”

Ji Lin buried his face like an ostrich. “Um… l-let go of my hands first.”

“No, I think you’ll run away if I do.” Mu Hao squeezed his hands, smiling. “See, I don’t mind holding your hands at all. I’m quite happy. So, shall we try the next step?”

“W-What?”

As he spoke, a weight suddenly settled on his shoulder – Mu Hao, slightly unsteady on his feet, leaned against him, then wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

Ji Lin froze.

Mu Hao’s low chuckle echoed in his ear. “Sorry, I’ve been standing for too long, I’m a bit tired… Strange, I’ve hugged you before, but this time… it feels different.”

They had indeed hugged before, usually in celebration, a purely platonic embrace between brothers, never like this, without any reason, simply holding each other close.

Ji Lin was on edge tonight, startled by every little thing. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help but crave the warmth so close, sinking deeper, his voice barely a whisper. “How is it different…”

Mu Hao whispered in his ear, “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll find out if I hug you more… Will you give me a chance?”

Ji Lin clutched his shirt, sniffing hard, and nodded vigorously.

Mu Hao stroked his hair. “You’re like you were at graduation, clinging to me, refusing to let me go, but saying nothing, just crying… Did you like me back then?”

Ji Lin hesitated for a moment, then gave an almost imperceptible nod.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t notice, and I even misunderstood, thinking I was helping you become independent… No wonder Duqiu always says I’m clueless.”

Ji Lin chuckled softly.

Mu Hao chuckled too. “If I do anything wrong in the future, you must tell me.”

“You don’t have any flaws.” Although he wanted to continue the hug, Ji Lin gently pushed him away – his heart was beating too fast.

“Even if you don’t like me, you’re still a good person in my heart.” Ji Lin bit his lip, his voice barely audible. “No… you’re the best.”

Mu Hao looked at his flushed face, suddenly feeling his own heart race, his gaze darting around.

He knew this person so well, yet something felt different. What was it…

As he pondered, the terrace door was suddenly flung open. Lu Qing exclaimed excitedly, “Captain Ji! Look! Baoguo went out and bought me a qipao! It looks so… oh… sorry! Carry on!”

“Bang!” The door slammed shut again, almost shattering.

“…”

Mu Hao looked at Ji Lin, who had jumped out of his arms and was now pressed against the corner, nervously. That strange feeling intensified.

He seemed to understand now.

The reason it felt different was because Ji Lin… looked rather adorable at this moment.

Lu Qing retreated hastily, nearly bumping into Lou Baoguo, who had just arrived. “Oh, Xiao Lu, what’s wrong? Where’s Captain Ji?”

Zhou Yi spotted the familiar figures on the terrace. “Hey? Isn’t that Officer Mu? And Captain Ji? What’s he doing huddled in the corner?”

Lu Qing waved her hands frantically, blocking their view and pushing them back. “Don’t look, don’t look! Let’s go eat something delicious! Come on, come on! Thank you, Baoguo!”

“Hey, don’t mention it! The young master asked me to buy something for him anyway; it was no trouble!”

Seeing his teammates completely smitten, the lonely Zhou Yi sighed. “I won’t be a third wheel. Where’s the young master? I’ll go eat with him. Xiao Bai isn’t here; he must be lonely…”

The cheerful atmosphere in the banquet hall reached a crescendo with the arrival of the cake cart, drowning out his voice.

And on the third floor above, the noise below was almost negligible.

Bai Zhao supported Yu Duqiu out of the elevator. The guest room corridor was deserted.

Unlike hotels that required key cards, this villa was primarily rented for private events, so the guest room doors were unlocked. Guests could lock them after settling in, just like at home.

All the rooms were similarly furnished. Bai Zhao chose the nearest one. As he was about to carry Yu Duqiu inside, the seemingly drunk man suddenly pushed him against the wall, nuzzling his neck and inhaling deeply. “Mm… you smell so good…”

The scent was faint, not any perfume with top, middle, and base notes, but a fresh, natural scent of soap, indicating the person took their showers seriously.

He had smelled this faint fragrance when they first reunited at the Grand Hyatt.

Whenever possible, Bai Zhao always appeared before him clean and tidy.

He had initially thought it was to cater to his own obsession with cleanliness, but now it seemed it was because Bai Zhao was afraid of being disliked again.

The puppy had always been good, always trying to please him; it was his damn fault for not noticing.

“I didn’t wear any perfume; you’re drunk.” Bai Zhao, oblivious to his intentions, didn’t mind his drunken behavior. He leaned against the wall, pinched his flushed cheek, and asked softly, “Do you remember who I am?”

Yu Duqiu looked up, his eyes hazy. “I remember… you’re my… beloved.”

Bai Zhao froze, surprised by the unexpectedly direct and passionate response.

He seized the opportunity and asked, “Do you like me?”

“L-Like…”

“How much?”

“Can’t… live without you…”

The drunk Yu Duqiu was incredibly honest, the sweet nothings he usually couldn’t get even after risking his life now flowed freely, even with a bonus:

“Want to kiss… kiss me…”

Bai Zhao’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He lifted Yu Duqiu’s chin, his thumb caressing his unusually sweet lips. “Who do you want to kiss? Be clear.”

Yu Duqiu leaned against him, nuzzling him slightly, murmuring, “You…”

Bai Zhao wasn’t satisfied with this answer. He tilted Yu Duqiu’s face up, asking, “Who am I?”

The next second, he realized something was wrong.

Yu Duqiu’s breath on his face carried no trace of alcohol.

And this corridor, this scene… seemed familiar.

“You’re faking it… Mm.”

The seemingly pliant man in his arms suddenly kissed him, pulling him towards the room. “You’re my only baby… Come inside.”

The door was kicked shut, the lock clicking into place.

The corridor fell silent, witnessing this familiar scene. But this time, there was no arrogant mockery, no heart-wrenching sobs, only the echo of soft whispers, lingering in this intimate corner.

Author’s Note:

How they got inside, continued in the next chapter, will update later.