CHDY 0

‘Anyone can become one!’

‘3-Hour Omega’

‘A thrilling experience’

The phrases on the advertisement window would not let his eyes go. For 10 minutes now, Jaeon had only been staring at his cell phone screen.

“Huu……”

A sigh escaped his lips. Jaeon turned the cell phone he had been holding for so long face down on a corner of the counter. Only after putting it down did he notice the customer who had come inside the convenience store and shot up in surprise.

“One pack of Change 1mg, please.”

“Ah, yes.”

Jaeon’s heart began to beat rapidly as he recognized the customer’s face. He was a man with an ordinary appearance that you could find anywhere, but to Jaeon, he was one of the customers whose face was specifically identified.

It was because this customer was ‘his’ friend.

Tinkle, the bell rang. Even though he had been expecting it, the moment he saw the face of the man who entered, Jaeon felt his heart sink.

The man walked straight to the beverage section. As always, he took out two bottles of the same sports drink and placed them on the counter.

“You buying mine too?”

His friend, who was already standing at the counter, smirked.

“Sure.”

The man took out his wallet, replying as if it were a bother. After Jaeon scanned the barcodes and stated the price, he promptly inserted his card into the terminal.

While the payment was processing, Jaeon stared at the tattoo that ran from the man’s wrist to the back of his hand. To be precise, he was staring at the tattoo, of which only the very end was visible, hidden by his sleeve, the bluish veins that stood out on his unusually pale skin, his neatly trimmed fingernails, and his long, slender fingers.

“……Thank you.”

A hoarse voice escaped Jaeon’s lips.

“Thank you—.”

His friend greeted him brightly and took the cigarettes. The man who had been standing there quietly collected his items and left without any sort of greeting. Jaeon, who was silently gazing at the man’s back as it grew distant outside the window, turned his head back.

“……”

The man’s scent lingered faintly inside the convenience store. It was a fresh, artificial scent that even Jaeon, a beta, could smell.

It must be perfume or lotion, Jaeon thought as he took a breath. He stuck his head out and sniffed, then stopped, thinking it was perverted. A wave of embarrassment washed over him, and he rubbed the back of his neck for no reason.

……What kind of scent would it be?

Being a beta, he would never be able to know the man’s natural scent. It was a reality where wondering about it only deepened his sorrow. Knowing this, Jaeon still pictured it in his mind. He fervently tried to recall scents that would match his image. Soon, only a dizzying feeling intensified, and a sigh burst out.

“Hah……”

He stumbled backward and slumped into a chair in the corner. His limbs went limp as if his muscles had suddenly atrophied. It was because he had been overly tense from the moment he opened his eyes until now, in the afternoon. Whenever he waited for the man to visit, he felt like even his internal organs were tightening.

The man’s face from just a moment ago quickly took over his mind. The expressionless face, the cold attitude as if dealing with an inanimate object, replayed in vivid detail like a saved video.

The tingling sense of happiness he felt whenever he thought of him was still there. But separate from that, the memory of his indifferent eyes and gestures, as if looking at an inanimate object, made his chest grow cold.

It had already been six months since their relationship had become like this. He should have been used to it by now, but somehow, his heart sank and his hands and feet grew cold every single time. Just when he thought he was getting used to it, he would be shocked again and again, as if doused with ice water.

Hello.

Have you eaten?

The weather is nice today, isn’t it?

See you again.

He was a man who used to greet him more kindly and warmly than anyone else. In the past, Jaeon had waited every day just to see that smile. It would not be an exaggeration to say that he lived each day to hear his voice, to have a brief, passing conversation with him.

Any hardship was forgotten in front of his smiling face. Breathing became easier, and everything became something to be grateful for. He wanted to be alive tomorrow as well.

But now, all of that was like a memory of a time gone by. The man no longer spoke to Jaeon. Forget conversation, he did not even greet him, nor did he give him the slightest glance. To the man, Jaeon had become a person who no longer existed as of ‘that day’.

The fact that he had not completely stopped coming was, in truth, something to be thankful for. Jaeon was grateful to him just for being able to see his face once in a while. The week after the incident when the man had stopped coming was truly reminiscent of hell. It was an ordeal several times more difficult than the time he had to sleep on the streets because he had nowhere to stay. He could state with certainty that it was the hardest time he had ever had to endure in his life.

At the sign of a customer entering, he shot up from his seat. Customers who looked like college students from nearby flocked in front of the standing Jaeon. They chattered loudly amongst themselves about something amusing while picking out their items. The quiet convenience store quickly became boisterous.

After the group swept out all at once, the convenience store regained its quiet. Jaeon, standing there blankly, rummaged through his pockets. A small snack came out of his pocket.

Plum-flavored caramel.

It had been since the man placed it in his hand, saying, ‘This is delicious.’ It became his favorite snack, and Jaeon bought a pack of it every week. And he would eat them one by one over the course of the week. As he slowly let the sweet caramel melt in his mouth, it felt as if the happiness from the day he first received it from the man was reviving.

He unwrapped the paper and popped it into his mouth. His face, chewing on the caramel, gradually relaxed. The glass door of the convenience store opened, and the bell attached to it tinkled. As a group of customers came in, Jaeon hastily swallowed the caramel. His face, which had been relaxed as if warming by a bonfire, hardened as if hit by a bitter wind.

“Prime.”

The customer asking for cigarettes was a man in his 30s. The man, who ordered informally while tossing down a bill, had his gaze fixed on his cell phone, not on Jaeon.

His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he gulped. Thankfully, it was not ‘those men’. Jaeon handed over the cigarettes with a trembling hand. He completed the transaction, trying his best to suppress the shaking.

After the group of customers left the convenience store, the strength in his legs, which had been holding him up, gave out. Staggering, he almost collapsed as he sat down.

Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…… His heartbeat sounded like the frantic footsteps of someone running away. Even as he hunched over and sighed, his fingertips trembled minutely.

“Huu……”

He barely managed to get up and covered his eyes with his palm. Just how long will this go on? A heavy fatigue settled on Jaeon’s shoulders as he thought.

When he removed the hand covering his eyes, he saw the caramel on the desk. Staring at the caramels, of which only two were left, he muttered abruptly.

“I should’ve saved it and eaten it later.”

A bitter smile crossed the lips that had uttered the pointless regret. Rubbing his face, he looked down at the desk calendar.

Time flew like a flash of lightning, and it was already his last month of work. When this month ended, Jaeon would no longer come to the convenience store. Starting next month, he was scheduled to work on a production line at a factory with a company dormitory, living there and working in two shifts.

In truth, he should have quit much earlier. He had stubbornly held on out of a selfish desire not to lose his only connection to the man. It was only when he reached a point where he could no longer endure and a situation where he could no longer obsess that he finally brought himself to say he would quit.

Now, it could truly be said that everything was the end. As it was the end, it was also time to get things in order. The time to deal with the pathological feelings deeply rooted within him. The point at which he had to remove them or suppress them, and if both were impossible, he had to make it so he could somehow endure.

It was sentimental, but his last wish was to see the man’s warm gaze. He wanted to see once more the look in his eyes and the smile that gave meaning to life just by seeing them. But deep down in his heart, he already knew it was impossible.

Besides, Jaeon could not deny it. He could not deny that he was craving something far more explicit and tangible than simply seeing his smile.

He wanted to have a memory that would remain like an imprint for a lifetime. He wanted the physical contact of two bodies becoming one. His instincts knew it first. They were telling him that it would be an experience he could never forget, even if he tried. What would it feel like to accept him into the softest, deepest part of his body? What would he feel if he could hold his thing inside and cling to his shoulders?

Jaeon desperately yearned for that unknown. Perhaps he longed for it even more because he did not know it. The selfish desire to spend his first and last time with him only grew day by day.

He was certain that with that, he could live out his entire life. He had not the slightest doubt that he could endure the remaining time. It was a firm belief, almost like a religion.

A single reward that would allow him to live. The only permission granted to a life that had never had what it wanted.

Even if it meant deceiving himself and deceiving the other person, Jaeon wanted to receive it. He could deceive anything. As long as he could receive it, it would be alright even if there was no more satisfaction or joy for the rest of his life.

Feeling his throat burn, he rubbed his face. After repeatedly washing his face with his dry hands, he looked down at his cell phone with bloodshot eyes.

‘Just one time’

‘An unforgettable night’

As if drawn in, slowly, his finger touched the screen.