CHDY 6

“……I’m okay.”

He would have liked to talk more, but he didn’t even have the energy to speak. He finished with a formal goodbye and left the convenience store.

The sun had set, and it was just turning into evening. The sky was burning red. He could see colors that were yellow, reddish, as if bruised. His gaze lingered for a moment, following the texture of the spreading clouds.

He stood in place, even forgetting the desire to rest. After looking up at the sky like that for a long while, he turned to leave. He passed through the usual street corner in the usual way. His steps stopped one pace further because of a figure that caught his eye. Jaeon’s head turned toward one place as if by instinct.

A falling sound, thump, echoed inside his body. His perfectly fine heart dropped all the way to his lower abdomen in an instant. He felt dizzy, and the now-familiar vertigo washed over him. Jaeon’s limbs froze, unable to react to the situation before him.

The one approaching him, as he stood completely rigid, was the man.

“Are you done now?”

It felt like his throat was blocked. No words came out. After a long silence, Jaeon finally managed to squeeze out a reply.

“……Yes.”

“I was just passing by…… and it looked like you were just changing shifts.”

He was passing by? He saw me changing shifts?

Even with the simple words, his mind became a tangled mess. He couldn’t properly grasp the point of what the other person was trying to say. Amidst that, it sounded somehow like he had been waiting. His heart pounded unpleasantly, thump, thump.

“Are you okay?”

At those words, the events from a few hours ago flashed through his mind reflexively. Jaeon clenched his hands and lowered his head. His facial muscles crumbled and his skin flushed unbecomingly.

“Has your fever gone down a bit?”

Realizing it was a question about his physical condition, Jaeon nodded his head in a fluster.

“……Ah, yes, yes, I’m okay now.”

After he nodded and babbled in a disoriented way, the conversation broke off. Like reaching the edge of a cliff, his thoughts also came to an abrupt halt.

Jaeon didn’t know what to say. The man, who had always led their conversations, was for some reason keeping his mouth shut. Only a heavy atmosphere flowed between the two of them as they didn’t speak. He had the illusion that gravity was getting stronger and time was slowing down endlessly. Breaking the building silence, the man finally spoke.

“Dealing with strange people is really something, isn’t it. You went through a lot today.”

It was clearly a word of comfort. A warm acknowledgment that represented and understood Jaeon’s position. But the moment Jaeon heard it, his chest felt uncomfortable, as if he had indigestion.

Without even a moment to hide it, his face became soaked in shame. He lowered his head and quietly held his breath. He wanted to react naturally, but it was an impossible task from the start.

“……”

With his awkward attitude, the air grew even more uncomfortable. Thinking that the man must be feeling the same way, Jaeon found it even harder to lift his head.

Why can’t I react in any way but this? His self-loathing was on the verge of overflowing.

“Actually, I was waiting to give you this.”

The man held out the bag he was holding to Jaeon.

“It’s nothing much, just.”

“……”

“It’s medicine and porridge. Because you didn’t look well.”

“……Ah.”

Jaeon, having accepted it in a daze, looked down at it blankly. Through the slightly open gap of the heavy bag, just as the man had said, porridge and medicine could be seen.

“Was I being too nosy?”

At the man’s words, Jaeon’s head snapped up as if it were broken.

“No!”

Jaeon, who had shouted, looked almost on the verge of tears. One of his eyebrows contorted. The eyebrow, wrinkling like a wave, formed a pathetic shape like that of a person lost in grief.

“……I’m just so grateful…….”

He mumbled in a weak voice. He meant it. The concern and kindness the man had given him were more than Jaeon deserved. It was so undeserved and so surprising that it hardly felt real. He felt as if his whole body was being swept away by a powerful wave. Grief, shame, and elation washed over him in turns, making it hard to keep his head straight.

It was for a few seconds that Jaeon’s and the man’s eyes met after Jaeon lifted his head. The man smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. It was a smile that suited the expression ‘melting softly.’

“Rest well this weekend, and have a good time.”

“……Yes.”

By the time Jaeon muttered, Get home safely, the man’s back was already far in the distance. Jaeon looked down at the bag in his hand and then began to walk.

One step.

And another step.

With every step, the feeling was strange. He felt as if the soles of his feet were continuously floating off the ground. It felt as if the weight of the bag in his hand was the entirety of his own weight.

Arriving home, he took a longer shower than usual. He stood under the stream of water for a long time before coming out. After roughly drying his hair, he sat on the cold floor with a small table spread out before him. With a rustling sound, he took out all the contents of the bag he had brought and placed them on the table.

Once he had laid out the side dishes as well, the small table was full. A savory smell wafted from the porridge when he opened the lid. Staring at the surface of the porridge, which looked soft and lumpy, Jaeon picked up a spoon. He scooped up a spoonful, put it in his mouth, and slowly chewed as if savoring the taste.

Eating slowly and steadily like that, the bottom of the container was soon revealed. After finishing his meal, he tore open the liquid cold medicine that had been included and drank it down in one go as well.

Even though the porridge was cold, it felt warm once it was in his stomach. Not just his full stomach, but even the tips of his fingers and toes felt languidly relaxed. Lying down in his bedding with a pleasant sense of fullness, he curled his body into a ball and closed his heavy eyes.

In the pitch-black room, only his mind was dyed in the color of the sunset. Instead of sleep coming, a single scene unfolded. The dusky street at sunset shone vividly in his mind. On one side, he could see the figure of the man, standing with his broad back slightly stooped. Even with his eyes closed, he could see it clearly, as if it were drawn on his eyelids.

The man was holding a bag in one hand and a phone in the other. As soon as their eyes met, he immediately stopped all movement. Then, as if he had been waiting, he took a step forward. He approached, his figure dyed in the red light of the setting sun. He walked toward Jaeon, looking only at Jaeon.

Jaeon had a premonition that he would never be able to forget that moment for the rest of his life.

It was a premonition like an inescapable fate.

It was exactly three days later. The man he had been waiting for appeared with an unfamiliar woman. The woman, who appeared to be an Omega, had her arm linked with the man’s. The two of them had an atmosphere that anyone would see as a couple.

The man placed the cigarettes and drink he always bought on the counter. And he paid for a few items the woman had chosen at the same time.

Have a good day. After leaving that greeting, he left the convenience store, and Jaeon was spaced out for a while. He had thought they would have a more proper conversation. He had thought the man would ask if he was feeling better, or perhaps ask about his well-being in some other way. Sweeping a hand over the nape of his neck, Jaeon gave a bitter smile.

The following week, the situation was still much the same. The man greeted him with a smiling face and was kind as always. But they no longer spoke enough for it to be called a conversation.

He didn’t observe Jaeon’s condition carefully like before. He also didn’t mention or bring up what had happened in the past. To put it simply, a kind of distance had formed that wasn’t there before.

Furthermore, the man no longer visited the convenience store alone. Almost every week, the partner accompanying him changed. Their appearances and genders were different, but it seemed all of them had the secondary gender of Omega. As time passed, Jaeon came to realize that the rumors spreading behind the man’s back were not all exaggerations or false rumors.

“Hello.”

Toward the man who greeted him with a smile, Jaeon bowed his head stiffly.

“……Welcome.”

Ever since feeling a strange distance from the man, Jaeon’s demeanor had become rigid. Before, he could manage to show some semblance of a smile, but now he was busy trying to hide his hardening expression. It was as if they had returned to how they were when they first met.

“Take care.”

Today too, after finishing his payment, the man turned away. His hand was clasped with the partner who had come with him.

“……Goodbye.”

As he said his farewell, Jaeon watched their backs. His eyes followed their silhouettes as they moved away beyond the glass door of the convenience store.

The man’s partner was excitedly talking about something. He saw the scene where the man pulled him close to his chest when he was about to be slightly hit by a motorcycle. Jaeon watched blankly as his partner hugged him and kissed him. He didn’t miss a thing, taking in the sight of the man responding with a kiss and patting his back.

A few hours later, his condition deteriorated rapidly. He had no strength in his arms and legs. He picked up some items to organize the display shelves, but he had no strength and put them back down.

A few years ago, he had done a part-time job for a clinical trial. After taking the medicine, he had his blood drawn nearly twenty times a day. For some reason, he was feeling the same powerlessness now that he had felt back then. He felt a sense of deprivation, as if all the moisture in his body had been sucked out, leaving only a dry husk.

“Hoo…….”

Letting out a sigh, Jaeon rubbed his face with a weak hand.

He finished work late at night. The feeling of helplessness remained to some extent. He returned home, took a shower more slowly than usual, and finished a shorter meal than usual.

The bed he lay down in after finishing all his daily routines felt like a grave he would lie in at the end of his life. It was warm and cozy. As if being sucked into the soft touch, Jaeon lay on his stomach. He closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek slightly against the old blanket. Even though it was old, the soft texture of the blanket felt good just by rubbing against it.

Sleep seemed to come but didn’t. The boundary of his consciousness seemed to dissolve into darkness, only to coalesce again. Jaeon felt a familiar but unwelcome sensation. It would be nice if I could just sleep. He couldn’t understand why he would sometimes become more sensitive the more tired he was.

His prone body moved slowly. His lower body twitched and swayed uncomfortably. Jaeon let out a groaning sound, eugh. His hips, moving as if rubbing against the bedding, gradually took on a tint of lust.

As the speed increased, his breathing came out in ragged gasps. After letting out a strangely cracked sound, he hurriedly bit down on his lower lip.

“Hut……!”

The movement stopped. A tingling sexual sensation pierced through his body and passed. Jaeon gasped for breath, supporting himself with both arms on the floor.

The clean underwear and pants he had just changed into were soiled. The bedding was also damp. A sigh of frustration escaped him. It was the first time he had masturbated in a long time. For some reason, he felt like bursting into tears, but he didn’t cry. He just rubbed his face fiercely.