EAR Ch 10

The lively background music continued incessantly. Amidst it, the sounds of the game console and people’s voices flowed in.

But to the ears of the two, such noises didn’t reach at all. The only sounds they could hear were the wet breaths, confusing whether they were their own or the other’s, and small, low moans that dispersed meaninglessly into the air. With their vision obscured by the jacket, the sounds seemed to be even louder.

For Jaemin, the sudden kiss felt more like an ambush or a new prank rather than a kiss. It didn’t feel much different from when he got hit in the face with a soccer ball or when someone threatened to give him a flick on the forehead.

Calling him crazy, Jaemin tried to push him away, but Seungpyo didn’t stop at just touching lips; he even thrust his tongue inside. From then on, Jaemin’s hands started flailing helplessly.

“Ugh, mm.”

No matter what he tried to say, with his mouth blocked, no proper sound came out. It was absurd. Someone else’s tongue in his mouth. And that too, Oh Seungpyo’s tongue.

Normally, Jaemin should have punched him in such a situation, but for some reason, he couldn’t do so and surrendered his lips helplessly. Neither the lips pressed tightly against his nor the tongue moving roughly inside seemed something he could shake off immediately. Jaemin’s lost hand touched Seungpyo’s thigh. When he retracted his hand in surprise, his fingertips scraped against the solid leg.

Jaemin loved reading books and often browsed through miscellaneous articles online. Or even if not through books or the internet, he couldn’t help but know something about kissing. No matter how much he grew up in a household where sexual topics were taboo, as long as he wasn’t living completely isolated from the outside world, there were things beyond his parents’ control everywhere.

Still, he had never thought he wanted to do it…

“Haah.”

“Mm, uh…”

When Seungpyo’s tongue brushed against the inside of his gums, Jaemin’s shoulders twitched involuntarily. Strange sounds kept coming out. They were similar to the sounds he made when masturbating alone, but a bit quieter and more blurred, yet they felt much more intense.

Every time unfamiliar sounds came out of Jaemin’s mouth, Seungpyo also groaned in pain. When Oh Seungpyo made dog-like noises, Jaemin felt an itch somewhere, wanting to scratch all over his body. However, moving freely was difficult in such a cramped space, with their heads inside a single jacket.

As time passed, breathing became more difficult. Seungpyo seemed to feel the same, his panting breaths growing louder.

“Ah, stop it already…”

Unable to bear it, Jaemin pushed Seungpyo’s chest away. Surprisingly, Seungpyo didn’t resist and was pushed back.

Seungpyo emerged from the jacket first, followed by Jaemin, who threw off the jacket he had been wearing for a long time with a heavy sigh.

Both of their faces were flushed red. Their hair was a mess, and the collars of their shirts were crumpled. To anyone who didn’t know, they looked like they had just finished a basketball game, both panting heavily. Even the anime theme background music had stopped by now.

The jacket flew like lightning towards Seungpyo’s chest. Jaemin glared at Seungpyo with undisguised contempt as he got up.

He wanted to yell at him, asking if he was crazy or insane, but seeing Seungpyo’s dumbfounded face, he didn’t even feel like saying that. Jaemin grabbed his bag and stormed out of the karaoke booth.

The noises, the music, and people’s voices passed by like the wind as he quickly left the arcade, only to find Oh Seungpyo right beside him. He grumbled.

“Are you just going to leave like that?”

“Don’t talk to me, you crazy bastard.”

As the noisy, vibrant sounds of the arcade faded, the sounds of pedestrians, street vendors, and cars slowly driving by on the road made him feel like he was back to reality.

‘I’m going crazy.’

Jaemin covered his head, feeling dizzy. What kind of situation was this after planning just a 30-minute escape?

He had no particular interest in romance, always staying in the background when other kids talked about girls they liked. But Jaemin also believed without a doubt that he would eventually have a partner. Later, not now, after going to university. When the time came, someone would make his heart flutter, and he would spend happy days.

So this was definitely not like a first kiss. It was more like getting bitten by a mad dog, just an accident.

“Son of a bitch!”

The more he tried to convince himself it was just an accident like being bitten by a dog, the angrier he got. Jaemin, who had been walking silently, couldn’t contain his rising anger and swung his bag. Thud. Seungpyo was hit hard near his temple by the unexpected attack.

“Ah! Ah, why did you hit me?”

Jaemin scoffed in disbelief. Why did he hit him? Was he asking because he didn’t know? The most absurd part was that Seungpyo also looked as bewildered as Jaemin. With wide eyes, Seungpyo asked as if he didn’t understand.

“Why are you making a fuss after doing something perverted to me?”

“I told you not to talk about that.”

“You were the one who got mad. You didn’t do anything right either, so why are you only picking on me?”

“Then you should do the same. Is what you did the same as what I did?”

“It’s different. What you did was much more perverted.”

Even after getting hit in the temple with the bag, Seungpyo didn’t back down from retorting and was following Jaemin closely. Jaemin ground his teeth.

Does this make any sense? What was most infuriating wasn’t the fact that Oh Seungpyo had taken his lips by surprise, but rather that he had to go to the academy with him after such a shitty incident. He was even checking if he was late for his appointment with the instructor in haste.

If the instructor happened to call home, it would lead to an unmanageable situation. By the time the academy’s sign was in sight, Jaemin was almost running, and Seungpyo was also quickening his pace without a word. Once they got into the elevator, they both sighed in relief. Checking the clock, they weren’t that late.

The elevator seemed to ascend at an exasperatingly slow pace. Although the academy was famous and must have made a lot of money, they still stuck with this old commercial building instead of moving to a new one for years.

Beside Jaemin, who was staring at the floor indicator with intensity, Seungpyo seemed to want to say something, hesitating. Jaemin didn’t want to hear whatever it was. He tried to ignore him with all his might, but Seungpyo opened his mouth anyway, and what he said was once again far from what Jaemin expected.

“Hey, did you hate it?”

“…I feel like killing you, really.”

Seungpyo frowned slightly at Jaemin’s reflexively colder voice, whispering in confusion.

“But you were also moving your tongue like crazy.”

“Shut up!”

Jaemin swung his bag at him again, but this time Seungpyo raised his arm to block it. At the same time, the elevator doors opened, and Jaemin stormed out, creating a gust of cold air.

“I’m here to re-enroll.”

While Seungpyo was re-enrolling at the counter, Jaemin didn’t wait and entered the classroom. He quietly nodded to the lenient instructor and sat in an empty seat.

Coming in from the cold outside to the warm indoors made him feel hot and sweaty. Even though it was March, it was still winter, yet he felt too hot and thirsty.

He should have drunk some water before coming in. Jaemin swallowed dryly, took off his coat, and tried to calm his breathing. His breath wouldn’t settle, making him conscious of his surroundings. He felt like everyone could tell he had kissed Oh Seungpyo outside.

‘You were also moving your tongue like crazy.’

The words Seungpyo had said kept coming back, making him want to die of embarrassment. Jaemin’s face, now slightly red, couldn’t easily return to its normal color.

The reason he couldn’t immediately refute that statement wasn’t because they were almost at the academy, but because it was true.

He knew what a kiss was, but he had never wanted to try it for real. When he was actively using social media, he would see all sorts of comments on photos every day, but while there were people who talked about wanting to spread their ass or suck on nipples, no one talked about wanting to kiss.

The things they said to Jaemin were mostly vulgarities that couldn’t be spoken without the anonymity of the internet. Just like Jaemin had left his aimless pressure and frustration there, they left their aimless desires on the faceless Jaemin.

Even after enduring a year of endless vulgar comments and mockery, Jaemin had never once imagined actually touching someone. What they spewed at him was too extreme to be translated into reality, and though he sometimes felt disgusted even knowing it wasn’t aimed at ‘Ryu Jaemin’, it never once stirred an impulse in him to try it.

Yet, in that completely unexpected situation, with an unexpected person, the moment their lips touched and the tongue invaded his mouth, he found himself thinking strange thoughts.

‘Is this why people like it so much?’

His sudden curiosity, that damn curiosity, prevented him from pushing Seungpyo away immediately. After the initial shock that left him frozen, as Seungpyo stirred inside his mouth, Jaemin also actively licked Seungpyo’s tongue and awkwardly explored inside his mouth.

It was purely out of curiosity. What was it that made everyone want to do it and like it so much?

The first touch of another’s lips, the distance completely erased, making it feel like they were the only two left in the world, the loudness of their breaths.

At first, the tongue moved roughly with tension, but as it relaxed, it turned into a soft lump caressing the inside of his mouth. When it brushed against his gums or somewhere on his tongue, he shivered, and strange sounds, not his own, escaped through his blocked lips.

Because they were under a jacket, it was pitch black, and even with his eyes open, he couldn’t see Seungpyo’s face properly. If he could have seen his face, he would have pushed him away out of curiosity or not.

No, he should have done that from the beginning…

Regretting the disaster his curiosity had caused, the lecture he had arrived late to was even harder to focus on. Knowing that Seungpyo would be happy if he lost focus, Jaemin tried his best to regain his composure.

It’s like I got bitten by a dog, bitten by a dog. No, just think of it as a passing dog suddenly licking your lips. That’s not even worth calling an accident; it’s something you can rinse off.

Just as he managed to calm himself, a dog appeared at the back door of the classroom. Jaemin’s thoughts, which seemed to be settling, spread out differently from what he had just resolved.

It’s not something you can solve by just rinsing your mouth. Shouldn’t a dog that suddenly attacks and licks someone’s lips be disciplined rather than ignored?

‘Come to think of it, when did that guy start coming to this academy? I didn’t see him before the break.’

The thought of having to see Oh Seungpyo at the academy as well as school was horrifying. Jaemin clenched his teeth silently. He might get scolded for saying this right after school started, but when he got home, he’d ask his parents if he could quit the academy and just have tutoring.

The lecture, which lasted just over 30 minutes, ended without much trouble. Jaemin, who was thirsty, immediately went to the lobby and stood by the water cooler. As he was drinking water from a paper cup, the instructor who had just finished class greeted him on his way back to the office.

“Did you have a good birthday party?”

“Huh? Oh… yes. Thanks to you, sir. Thank you.”

“I didn’t know you were close with Seungpyo. Keep up the good work together.”

Jaemin awkwardly lifted the corners of his mouth as he watched the instructor enter the office. The moment the door closed, Jaemin’s momentarily softened expression hardened.

To think he’d have to endure the misunderstanding of being close with that crazy bastard just for a 30-minute escapade. He hated the idea that his previously boring but peaceful school life might become chaotic. High school was just a preparation for university after all.

Jaemin drank another cup of cold water. His heated insides cooled down somewhat.

“Seung, are you going to keep attending the academy?”

“Yeah, I’m a sophomore now too.”

In the meantime, Oh Seungpyo was casually chatting with a few other kids as if nothing had happened. Jaemin watched this scene before crumpling his cup and throwing it into the trash can in one swift motion.

The academy class ended around nine in the evening as usual.

The students hurried out of the classroom. Jaemin was no exception. His driver was probably waiting downstairs already. He was too tired. After letting one crowded elevator go, not wanting to wait or squeeze in with others, Jaemin chose the stairs.

“Hey.”

As he trudged down the stairs, he heard a voice calling him from a few steps above. Ignoring it and moving on, a hand soon grabbed his shoulder. Jaemin clicked his tongue and turned his head.

“What.”

“I lost my phone, right? But why did it come by mail? From your house, no less.”

When Jaemin kept silent, Seungpyo furrowed his brows.

“I was going to ask about that first, but I got distracted and forgot.”

“…I don’t have time. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

“And.”

“What now.”

“I was just getting back at you for what you did to me, so stop getting mad.”

Jaemin also frowned at Seungpyo’s tone. So annoying. If he wanted revenge, he should have grabbed his crotch right in front of me or something, not take my first kiss… even if it was like getting bitten by a dog, still, he took it.

‘They say he’s popular with girls, so how many times has he kissed to be so casual about it?’

He wanted to ignore Oh Seungpyo and just walk away, but his steps wouldn’t move. Jaemin let out an angry sigh and lowered his voice.

“How fucking cheap do you have to be to rub your face against mine for revenge? You call others a pervert, but you’re the real pervert here.”

“Hey.”

“Stop talking to me and fuck off.”

This time, Jaemin descended the stairs with steps that echoed loudly. By the time he reached the building’s entrance, he was unknowingly seething with anger.

He took yet another deep breath, trying to calm himself down. The car waiting for Jaemin flashed its lights from a distance. Jaemin ran towards the car.

📚

Left alone at the stairs, Seungpyo muttered grumpily towards where Jaemin had stood.

“Is he crazy? He started it, so why is he mad?”

Was what he said wrong? Even if it was before the school year started, it wasn’t something that could be undone.

It was a clear fact that Ryu Jaemin had provoked him by flashing his dick in front of people first, and Seungpyo had only effectively returned the humiliation he felt. Since Ryu Jaemin had his lips taken by another guy, even if he was a psycho, he should understand how Seungpyo felt then. They had each taken a hit, so now they were even.

Seungpyo grumbled like this, looking somewhat embarrassed, and then frowned like an aggrieved person. He ran his hands through his hair as if he was going to pull it out and muttered a curse under his breath.

The revenge was successful, but the problem was that he had chosen a method that cost him too much personally when he only needed to mess with Ryu Jaemin.

“Fuck… my first kiss.”

Had he caught some of Ryu Jaemin’s madness from hanging out with a psycho? Was messing with Ryu Jaemin worth sacrificing his precious first kiss?

Once gone, the first kiss wouldn’t come back no matter how much he regretted it. He had dedicated lips that hadn’t touched anyone else since he was a toddler, when his family frequently tried physical contact, for such a futile purpose. And it was by his own will.

No, this couldn’t even be called a kiss. It was a hit. If he counted it as hitting lips with lips…

‘But we used tongues too.’

Remembering this crucial fact made Seungpyo even more pissed off.

Seungpyo slumped his shoulders and let out a long sigh. Sitting on the stairs, staring blankly ahead, the instructor who was leaving the now-darkened academy saw Seungpyo’s back and asked, puzzled.

“Seungpyo, aren’t you leaving?”

“Ah, I’m going.”

Seungpyo quickly got up and got into the elevator with the instructor. The instructor laughed, praising him, and brought up what happened today.

“You did a good job at Jaemin’s friend’s birthday party today, huh? But no more, got it? If you get caught doing this again, I’ll get scolded by the director.”

“Of course. I’ll keep it a secret.”

While answering cheerfully, Seungpyo’s feelings grew more complicated. So Ryu Jaemin had covered up by saying they had a good birthday party.

Honestly, it wasn’t planned. Ryu Jaemin was so annoying that Seungpyo’s pride was hurt, so he boasted about returning the perverted act nonchalantly, but when he actually did the kiss… or rather, hit Ryu Jaemin with his lips at the karaoke, the thought of revenge wasn’t even in his mind.

It sounds ridiculous, but his body moved on its own. It just happened that way. Seungpyo touched the school uniform jacket on his body. This jacket had covered Ryu Jaemin’s head just hours ago.

In the dark, cramped karaoke booth with tacky flashing lights, Ryu Jaemin’s face, which had mocked his singing under the colorful lights, looked similar to when he scored in a basketball match. Seungpyo, who had been secretly observing Ryu Jaemin throughout the previous year, had only seen that excited, laughing face twice; once that day and once today.

Until then, Seungpyo’s intentions were pure. He thought, “He seems to enjoy it, even though he’s just a nerd,” feeling somewhat proud for giving a taste of the world to someone who only knew studying. But then, Ryu Jaemin started picking fights, saying things like, “If you’re going to hit me, do it quickly,” so their faces got too close, and then…

…not just me, but Ryu Jaemin moved his tongue really actively too. Seungpyo was surprised because he thought Ryu Jaemin, known only for studying, would be rigid, but his movements were unexpectedly proactive.

But thinking about it, would someone who posted those pictures online and played around with perverts never have kissed before? Though he claimed not to have met anyone offline, it’s hard to believe. Maybe he even did weird stuff with those commenters.

“Fuck.”

Seungpyo involuntarily muttered a curse, expressing disgust. The instructor in the elevator with him widened his eyes.

“What? Why?”

“Oh, no. Sorry. I’ve got some stuff to deal with at home.”

Just then, the elevator doors opened, and Seungpyo bowed slightly in greeting before rushing out.

When he finally got home late at night, no one was there. His older brother had gone out with school friends for the night. Seungpyo flopped down on the sofa without changing his clothes.

Even though he and his brother divided the household chores, the house inevitably became messy with just a senior in high school and a university student managing it. Clothes, probably thrown there by his brother before he left, were piled on the arm of the sofa, and remnants of yesterday’s snacks still littered the dining table. The vacuum cleaner needed to be used, but with both him and his brother coming home late, cleaning was not easy.

However, accustomed to the constant mild disorder of the house, Seungpyo sat down in the midst of it without much thought today.

Seungpyo opened his phone’s gallery. Finding Ryu Jaemin’s lone photo wasn’t hard.

On his way back home, Seungpyo thought about many things. He was always proud of being handsome, tall, popular, and good at studying, but he believed he had never been foolish enough to overestimate himself. Why? Because Oh Seungpyo was smart.

So today, Seungpyo tried his best to look at himself objectively. He slumped back into the sofa, sighed deeply, and opened an internet browser on his phone. After searching a few things, he chose the most trustworthy-looking counseling site and clicked on the ‘Write’ button, quickly typing away.

Could I be gay?

📚

Hello, I’m a first-year high school boy. I went from a co-ed middle school to an all-boys high school, and I keep feeling strangely drawn to a boy from my school.

I’m not sure, but he seems gay. He doesn’t seem interested in girls but I’ve seen him fooling around in a risqué way with other guys. Maybe that’s why I keep thinking about him.

Today, I even kissed him impulsively… I don’t like him, but it was just out of impulse. I’m popular with girls and I’ve never thought I liked guys. Is it just curiosity, or could I be gay?

Before meeting this guy in high school, I had never felt this way about a guy or questioned my sexuality.

After posting, he felt an even greater sense of reality than when he was just thinking about it. Seungpyo had never imagined he’d post his concerns on an anonymous counseling site. He was never the type to have many worries.

He didn’t mention the unnecessary fact that the kiss with Ryu Jaemin was his first kiss. Whether it was his first or tenth kiss, what mattered was that it happened between two guys.

Even though his post was anonymous, he mixed in a small lie about being in his first year of high school out of worry, then posted it. Since it was late at night, he expected responses by tomorrow at the earliest.

Only then did Seungpyo take off his uniform and shower. He brushed his teeth longer than usual and scrubbed his lips clean before slipping into a T-shirt and shorts, then went to his room and lay down on his bed.

He browsed through his friends’ social media, looked at pictures, and responded to kids in the group chat begging him to join their game, saying he was too tired today. It was already 11 PM by the time he was done. As he was getting ready for bed, Seungpyo checked his post on the counseling site one last time.

“Huh?”

Seungpyo was startled. He thought he’d have to wait until at least midday for a response, but there was already a reply from the counselor.

They must run the site very diligently. Feeling proud of having chosen a good site, Seungpyo read on.

Counselor’s response:

Hello. It seems you’ve had a lot on your mind.

Many teenagers experience confusion about their sexual orientation in their late teens. So, try not to feel too lonely or distressed about it being your problem alone.

‘I didn’t think about that.’

Even though he mentally refuted it, Seungpyo kept reading.

Especially when transitioning from a co-ed environment to spending time only with same-sex friends, close friendships can sometimes feel like romantic attraction, and during adolescence, one might want to explore sexual curiosity with a close friend. This can be even more pronounced if you’ve witnessed the friend in a sexual context. This is a common phenomenon for both genders.

‘He’s not a close friend, though.’

But the part about ‘wanting to resolve sexual curiosity with someone close’ and ‘especially if you’ve seen the other in a sexual context’ resonated with him. Seungpyo nodded.

Therefore, it might be too early to classify your sexual orientation as strictly heterosexual or homosexual. There’s also the possibility you could be bisexual, capable of loving both men and women.

Instead of getting too caught up in whether you might be gay, it might be better to open up and explore your feelings calmly. You might feel drawn to this school friend now, but who knows how long this will last?

“Is this guy just talking like it’s someone else’s problem?”

Telling someone who might be gay to calmly explore their feelings, how could that be easy? This counselor must have never dealt with sexual orientation issues themselves.

However, he agreed with the point about it possibly being just curiosity. Seungpyo himself couldn’t tell if his interest in Ryu Jaemin was mere curiosity or actual sexual interest.

Seungpyo left the counseling site without regret and looked for another place. Even if it’s free counseling, wouldn’t a specialized site be better? But he thought it might be better to ask people who’ve had similar concerns.

Am I gay?

📚

I’m in an all-boys school, and there’s this super gay-acting guy. He’s not clingy, but I accidentally saw him exchanging weird DMs and photos with other guys. Since then, I keep thinking about him, imagining kissing him, and wanting to see him in a naughty way.

Just to note, I’m popular with girls, and before meeting him, I had zero interest in guys. Could I still be gay?

He posted in the concerns section of a large community. As expected from a popular community, responses came quickly.

└Not all guys who think about kissing other guys are gay, but I am gay.

└Not all guys who want to see other guys in a naughty way are gay, but I am gay2222

└Maybe it’s because you saw him doing DMs, I’m definitely straight but after watching gay porn as a kid, I kept thinking about it and wondered if I was gay.

└My friend in high school always said he was gay, but he started dating girls in college and is getting married this month.

└I would have believed it if it weren’t for the part about being popular with girls.

Opinions were varied. Some said he was definitely gay, while others said he was still too young to know. It seemed like asking others wouldn’t provide a straightforward solution.

└If you’re popular with girls, try meeting one. Since you’re in an all-boys school, there are only guys around. If you hang out with a girl, you might stop thinking about him.

“Oh.”

Seungpyo was impressed by the last comment. Whether it was right or wrong, this was the first time someone had offered something resembling a solution.

But was there someone he could meet? Seungpyo was popular with girls and got along well with them, but he didn’t have a crush on any of them.

In middle school, the atmosphere was such that everyone mixed freely regardless of gender, and while there were some closer friends among them, there was no romantic tension with those friends either.

Seungpyo thought deeply and then logged back into SNS, looking for a female friend he was close with in middle school. They used to chat a lot via messenger, but since they were told to use SNS direct messages instead of phones for contact, communication gradually decreased.

Jeong Suhyun — Working hard! Fighting!

Under her still round-eyed profile picture, there was a self-description full of emojis. Seungpyo sent a message to his middle school classmate for the first time in a long while.

📚

The two high school students had to go to the academy together even after an unexpected kiss, and the day after the unexpected kiss, they had to go to the same school. With no veto power, it was a harsh reality.

When Seungpyo and Jaemin met again at school, it wasn’t much different from the first day. They exchanged glances that seemed more like glaring than greeting and spent their time surrounded by different peers.

But this was just on the surface. Seungpyo felt like he had grown antennae on his head. Even while looking elsewhere and talking with others, all his attention was on the person whose lips he had touched yesterday.

Was Ryu Jaemin different? It was hard to tell. Jaemin was thoroughly ignoring Seungpyo too, no matter what he might be thinking inside. Ryu Jaemin, who had said they’d talk the next day, never approached first since Seungpyo didn’t speak to him.

While walking through the classroom, moving to another class for a lesson, or heading to the cafeteria for lunch, Seungpyo would steal glances at Ryu Jaemin, pretending it was by chance. Their eyes met every time, even if it was just for a brief moment. Each time, Ryu Jaemin would quickly avert his gaze, pretending not to see Seungpyo.

Last night, Seungpyo couldn’t sleep well. He kept thinking about what happened in the coin karaoke room. Was Jaemin the same? Although their faces were barely visible due to the jacket, the lewd sounds Ryu Jaemin made when their tongues touched kept echoing in Seungpyo’s ears.

Then, images of Ryu Jaemin from before the school year started would automatically come to mind. Those perverted scenes that wouldn’t fade away.

He thought he was going crazy because his dick kept getting hard. When those memories surfaced, he should have felt disgusted, not aroused.

‘Just hold on until the weekend. It’s because there are only guys around me lately. Once I meet Suhyun on the weekend, things will go back to normal.’

‘Adolescence sexual orientation confusion phase.’ 

Seungpyo summarized the opinions he encountered online last night with this one sentence and clung to hope.

“Seung, what are you doing on Sunday? Let’s do a raid together.”

“I have plans.”

The moment he said ‘plans,’ his eyes met Ryu Jaemin’s again. If their eyes keep meeting, it means Jaemin is also glancing over here.

Why does he keep looking? Seungpyo wanted to confront him, but since they were in the same boat, he had no choice but to pretend he didn’t see.

“Why are you so busy these days?”

Even the complaints from the other kids didn’t register properly. Seungpyo’s mind was already flying to the Sunday at 2 PM when he would meet Suhyun.

After having fun with Suhyun, this so-called ‘sexual orientation confusion phase’ of adolescence would melt away as if it never existed.

And finally, the much-anticipated Sunday at 2 PM.

“Welcome.”

Arriving at the cafe five minutes before the scheduled time, Seungpyo quickly scanned the meeting place. Despite it being crowded due to the weekend, fortunately, one seat by the window was available.

He quickly took the seat and started thinking. In middle school, half the class was girls, so you could naturally hang out just by going to school. There was no need to specifically think about what to do; they’d share classes from morning till evening, eat together, go to the school store, and mess around on their phones. Although overlapping hobbies were rare, occasionally some would go to the PC room together, and they would often go to karaoke or the arcade.

But today was different.

‘What should we do for fun?’

Meeting Suhyun in person, not just through calls or messages, was almost after a year. The last time they met was once at the beginning of first year for lunch.

Suhyun had become busy with her trainee life, and Seungpyo was burning with the still-unachieved goal of reclaiming the top spot in school, so they only occasionally checked in on each other, and time just flew by.

‘Could this be considered a date?’

In middle school, the idea of meeting Suhyun one-on-one outside never crossed his mind as a date, not even as a jest. If someone asked if they were dating, he would have found it cringeworthy or laughed it off as crazy, and since everyone knew they’d be mocked for it, no one treated those occasional one-on-one meetings as special.

But there was a gap. Even if they were comfortable friends, the thought of meeting after only sporadic contact for a year felt a bit awkward. This awkwardness from the time spent apart made Seungpyo think he should do something different from usual.

“You’re here?”

Before he could finish his thoughts, Suhyun appeared, asking about his well-being with just one word while plopping down in the opposite chair. She already had a strawberry latte in hand, having finished her order. Seungpyo straightened up and grumbled.

“What’s this? I didn’t order because I was waiting for you.”

“You can order now. Go ahead.”

He was right. Seungpyo immediately went to the counter, got an iced Americano, and returned to his seat. Suhyun, who had been looking at her phone, lifted her head to meet Seungpyo’s eyes.

“It’s been a while, huh?”

Her smile was just like in middle school, but perhaps because she was now a trainee, her clothes and makeup seemed much more mature. Seungpyo playfully watched Suhyun gulp down her large 1-liter strawberry latte.

“You were whining about not being able to eat sweets because of your diet, what’s this? You’re eating it all.”

“I was told I can have it once a week.”

“How have you been?”

“It’s been tough, but I still like it. What about you? I thought something was up since you suddenly wanted to meet.”

“No, just…”

Why did he ask to see Suhyun? Even without Suhyun, who was busy chasing her dream of becoming an idol, there were girls he could have called to meet one-on-one.

Oh, right. The reason Suhyun came to mind first after reading that comment yesterday was…

“Because you’re the prettiest among the girls I know.”

“What’s that, you crazy bastard?”

Suhyun made a face like she was about to vomit her latte. But from Seungpyo’s perspective, it was an absolutely sincere statement without a hint of falsehood. Since he didn’t like any girl anyway, he thought it would be best to spend the day with the prettiest one among those he knew. That way, he might be able to clearly distinguish how different it felt from being with Ryu Jaemin.

“Did you come out to meet an old middle school friend, only to start hitting on me because I got signed by an agency?”

“Objectively, that’s the case.”

“Even guys who weren’t close to me back then keep contacting me. That’s why my phone was taken away.”

“They take your phone too? Agencies and academies are the same.”

It was a response that could cause misunderstanding. But there was no way he could explain the long story about how he accidentally kissed a guy from his class, posted online asking if he was gay, and was told by internet comments that it might be just a phase of sexual orientation confusion during adolescence, and that it might go away if he hung out with a girl… Seungpyo just sighed deeply and took a sip from his straw.

Even after meeting Suhyun, he had already thought about Ryu Jaemin twice despite the internet comments saying he wouldn’t think about Jaemin if he hung out with a girl. Seungpyo made up an excuse.

“What I said earlier was a joke, I just contacted you because it’s been almost a year since we last saw each other.”

“Do that kind of joke again, and you’re dead.”

But thanks to that ‘kind of joke’, the awkwardness he had worried about earlier seemed to vanish as if it had never existed.

People were bustling in the streets. The lively downtown on a weekend afternoon started to lift his mood as he watched the scene outside the window. Catching up with a friend he hadn’t seen in a while, even just exchanging meaningless chatter, took quite some time.

“What major will you go for in college?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll have to think about it. What are you learning these days? Singing or dancing?”

“Both. But I think I’m more into dancing than vocals. I never thought I was bad at singing, but I can’t compete with the really good ones.”

“Right. Want to go to karaoke after we finish our coffee?”

“Let’s go, let’s go! I’m always singing, but I hardly ever get to go to karaoke.”

In no time, they agreed and quickly finished their drinks before leaving the café. As they walked through the crowded street, they came across the game center Seungpyo had visited a few days ago. Suhyun pointed at the sign with excitement.

“It’s been so long. We used to come here all the time in middle school. I haven’t been here since last summer.”

But Seungpyo couldn’t bring himself to agree enthusiastically, only managing a wry smile.

“Let’s go somewhere else.”

“Why? This is the biggest one around here.”

“Can you freely wander around places with lots of people?”

“I’m not even in the debut lineup yet, so why can’t I go to an arcade?”

Right. Even Suhyun, who was preparing to be an idol, could visit an arcade without issue, which made him think of the overly cautious guy who had hidden his face under a jacket for fear of being recognized.

Without waiting for Seungpyo, Suhyun dashed into the center. Seungpyo sighed deeply and looked up at the neon sign, not yet lit because it was still daytime, with a resentful gaze.

Of all places, why here? A few days ago, this was where he had his first…

‘No.’

He had decided it wasn’t his first kiss but rather a hit with lips, yet he kept forgetting. Call it self-justification if you will; sometimes, justification is necessary. Above all, he needed to stop thinking about Ryu Jaemin.

Bang! Just then, people standing next to him started a punching ball game and began to score. Seungpyo convinced himself that what he did was just like hitting a punching ball. Since it happened in an arcade, it was a lip-punching game. With this thought, he confidently stepped forward.

“What took you so long to come in?”

While Suhyun was checking out various games, she grumbled at Seungpyo for entering late. Seungpyo didn’t even glance at her, focusing instead on the coin karaoke booth with a determined look, as if he were on a mission rather than there to enjoy himself, like he was about to confront a boss monster inside.

“Let’s sing quickly.”

“You seem really eager to sing.”

At Seungpyo’s urging, Suhyun didn’t delay and opened the door to the karaoke booth. Although countless people entered and left this karaoke room with light hearts every day, Seungpyo felt his heart pounding as if he had returned to the scene of a crime he had fled. Suhyun grabbed the microphone first.

“Shall I go first?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you still tone-deaf?”

“Yeah.”

When only a lifeless response came to her teasing question, Suhyun looked at Seungpyo curiously. Even though he had been urging her to sing quickly, once inside the booth, Seungpyo just stared blankly at the monitor screen without much reaction.

But Suhyun soon lost interest in Seungpyo’s response because the background music started. The song she chose was a hit by a popular solo singer, and for Suhyun, it was a song by a senior idol from her agency.

Even Seungpyo, who had been lost in thought, began to come to his senses as he listened to his friend nailing the high notes. By the time Suhyun finished the song with a finger gun performance, Seungpyo found himself clapping without realizing it.

“You’re crazy. You’ve gotten so much better at singing.”

“I practice every day, so I should have improved.”

From then on, it was all about singing. Stimulated by Suhyun’s performance, Seungpyo chose the next song and started singing. His singing ability was the same as a few days ago, but since his old friends from middle school already knew he was tone-deaf and rhythmically challenged, there was no need to pretend otherwise.

As they alternated singing, an hour passed before they knew it. Full of energy, they went outside to play a few rounds of fighting and racing games.

After focusing on games for a while, their stomachs growled, leading them to a waffle shop. While biting into a crispy waffle with apple jam and whipped cream, Seungpyo suddenly remembered something from the academy.

“Oh, by the way, Kang Jisun goes to the same academy as me.”

“Really? How is she doing?”

“Kang Jisun said she hardly sees your face these days.”

“I’m practicing late, and I can’t use my phone, so we don’t get to talk as much as before.”

True, whether preparing for entertainment or for exams, the hectic and busy life is similar. It’s hard enough to meet someone just by going to school; once you’re in an agency, it must be even harder. Seungpyo nodded in understanding.

As they finished their waffles and continued talking, it was time to part ways. Suhyun had to go back to the practice room by evening, so they couldn’t have dinner together. Seungpyo had also promised to spend the evening with his family since his aunt and uncle were coming over.

“Today was fun! Let’s meet again when we can coordinate our schedules.”

“Yeah, go home safely.”

After saying goodbye, Seungpyo watched Suhyun walk away in the opposite direction. Instead of turning around immediately, he took a deep breath and tilted his head.

‘This wasn’t a date.’

It was just like back in middle school.

In the karaoke room, they sang without much conversation, competing to see who could sing crazier, doing funny performances like it was a contest to see who could mess up the most, taking turns picking games they wanted to play, eating snacks outside, and then parting ways in a hurry because it was time to go home.

He had been so focused on having fun that he didn’t have the chance to carefully compare or test how the phase of sexual orientation confusion in adolescence might feel different when with a girl. And so, Sunday came to an end.

Feeling like he had wasted his time, Seungpyo turned around, swallowing his belated regret. It was only natural when he thought about it. He was glad to meet an old middle school friend, but there was no way a friend he had known casually for years would suddenly seem like a girl after a year.

Then who should he meet? Pondering this futile question, Seungpyo paused in front of the game center.

After hesitating for a moment, he entered the game center alone, which he had visited once with Ryu Jaemin and once with Suhyun. Leaving behind people engrossed in their own activities, he opened the door to an empty karaoke booth.

Seungpyo slumped into an empty chair. On the screen, where no song had been selected, music videos were playing one after another. He found himself back in the karaoke room within days, but unlike usual when he would sing countless songs, sitting alone made only one song keep circling in his mind since he arrived in front of the game center.

After some hesitation, he inserted coins into the machine. An out-of-place, cute animation theme song started playing in the quiet booth.

Seungpyo didn’t sing. He just stared blankly at the video where cute, round animal characters were dancing with lively motions, and then bit his lip.

“Ugh, fuck… what should I do…?”

Using the animation theme song as background music, Seungpyo, who had been hanging his head as if his life were over, ran his hands through his hair several times before the short song even ended, then stormed out of the place.

While walking quickly, almost running home, he was suddenly stopped by a familiar voice.

“Hey! Seung!”

Startled, Seungpyo turned toward the sound to see familiar faces looking at him. He gazed back at them without any sign of joy.

“You said you had plans? We’re going to the PC bang, want to join us?”

“I’m on my way home after my plans.”

“Come on, if you can come later, join us.”

“Yeah.”

He barely managed a greeting, then hurried away as if caught stealing. The kids whispered among themselves as they watched him leave.

“Why does he look like that? He looks sick.”

“Hasn’t he been acting weird all week?”

“Maybe he had another fight with his brother.”

And so, the last day of the precious weekend was coming to an end.

📚

On Monday, Seungpyo felt a strange atmosphere as soon as he opened the classroom door.

The looks from his close friends were not ordinary. Seungpyo also frowned slightly as he set his bag down.

“What’s up?”

“Oh Seungpyo, you traitor!”

One kid growled, lowering his voice menacingly.

“You met Suhyun, didn’t you?”

“Was your Sunday plan with Suhyun?”

“You went to karaoke with Suhyun!”

They were like hyenas rushing to tear into their prey. Seungpyo stepped back, instinctively glancing towards Jaemin.

Ryu Jaemin looked completely uninterested, his face expressionless as he stared at his book. Seungpyo pushed away the kids bothering him and grumbled.

“So what if I did?”

“If you were going to meet her, why not invite us all? You know we want to see Suhyun too!”

“If I brought all of you, she wouldn’t have come out.”

“Wow, listen to him, what a bastard.”

However, the kids couldn’t deny the harsh truth, and they surrounded Seungpyo with sighs of regret. Seungpyo waved them off, telling them to get lost, but their curiosity was burning like oil on fire.

“How was it? Is she prettier than in middle school?”

“Did you just go to karaoke yesterday? What did you do?”

“Why did you meet? What did you talk about?”

Overwhelmed by the barrage of questions, Seungpyo closed his eyes tightly. He had made a mistake. He should have gone to a distant place where he wouldn’t bump into anyone he knew.

Meanwhile, Suhyun, an aspiring celebrity, was probably having a peaceful day, and here he was, suffering for the crime of meeting a future girl group member alone. Not to mention, he hadn’t even resolved his confusion about his sexual orientation during adolescence.

“Shut up! We just hung out for a bit and then parted ways!”

When he shouted, the kids finally backed off, though they would probably keep grumbling among themselves. At least they weren’t bothering him right by his side anymore. Seungpyo let out a silent sigh of relief.

‘I didn’t want Ryu Jaemin to know about meeting Suhyun.’

No, why? What’s wrong if he knows? Why can’t he know?! Refuting his own inner thoughts, Seungpyo pretended to be calm on the outside and opened his textbook.

Jaemin, whether he was genuinely uninterested or just pretending, didn’t meet Seungpyo’s eyes even by accident today. Earlier he was reading a book, now he was looking at his phone with an indifferent expression.

If it weren’t for that damn phone… Seungpyo grumbled to himself, then let out a long sigh. What good would blaming the phone do now? Everything was like spilled water.