EAR Ch 11

Jaemin’s eyes quickly scanned the phone screen. If it was Oh Seungpyo’s SNS, he had visited it once before, so it wasn’t hard to find.

Jung Suhyun was quickly spotted among the long list of friends. She stood out that much.

‘She’s really pretty.’

The first emotion Jaemin felt upon seeing Suhyun was genuine admiration. Even from the small profile picture, she radiated a sparkling, lively aura.

Hearing the noisy chatter about how she was preparing to be an idol trainee, it made sense why the classmates were so excited about Seungpyo meeting her alone. However, Jaemin’s expression grew colder, contrasting with the excitement in the classroom.

‘Why would such a pretty girl hang out with that bastard…’

He felt sorry for the girl. So sorry that he was even worried. Jaemin shook his head without realizing it.

If she was preparing for a celebrity debut, she should definitely not meet someone like Oh Seungpyo. There was no guarantee that a guy who threatened to expose someone’s secret photos at school wouldn’t do the same to others.

And they went to karaoke? Remembering what he did to him in that very karaoke room… maybe for that bastard, luring people to karaoke was just part of his routine.

‘Then he probably did it with her too.’

Jaemin clenched his phone so hard he might crush it. His teeth ground together inside his closed mouth.

He was angry because his concentration kept breaking during his study time at home because of that damn act. He thought he had barely managed to control his anger by avoiding Seungpyo’s annoying face over the weekend, but the thought that the dirty bastard might have done the same thing to someone else’s lips in the same place made him want to jump up from his seat and punch Seungpyo in the face right then and there.

“Quiet down, everyone!”

Just as Jaemin was about to indulge in his fantasy of beating up Seungpyo, the teacher’s loud voice entering the classroom forced him to fold his dark thoughts. The teacher seemed to have had something unpleasant happen in the faculty room because he looked displeased, and true to form, he started nagging like a machine gun as soon as he put down the teaching materials.

“Why are you all so restless and disorganized now that you’re in your second year? First years are tense because it’s their first time in high school, and third years are tense because they’re real exam students now. Is second year just a period to pass by? If you slack off this year and ruin your grades, no matter how hard you try later, it’ll be useless. Do you think you can just play around until the second year and then suddenly ace the college entrance exam? Huh?”

It was clear he was taking out his frustration on the innocent students after being slapped metaphorically somewhere else. However, for Jaemin, who had been momentarily distracted by unrelated matters, the scolding struck a chord. It wasn’t the time to be looking at some stranger’s SNS from the morning. This was such a busy time.

Until high school, he had to focus on his studies to safely get into the university he wanted, and once he got into that university, he could leave home without any trouble. Who went to karaoke or what they did there was none of Jaemin’s business.

Jaemin sighed and opened his book. From the start, he had no intention of getting particularly involved with other students during his three years of high school. There was a reason he found stress relief and freedom in the anonymity of the internet rather than in real-life friendships. Jaemin didn’t want to get deeply entangled with anyone, and that ‘anyone’ definitely included Oh Seungpyo.

Ryu Jaemin had long believed that his true life would begin at twenty, when he went to university. Until then, he was just preparing for that real life. Like a cicada waiting for summer to grow into an adult after nearly ten years underground.

But Ryu Jaemin wasn’t a cicada. Instead of enduring for ten years and then singing for one summer before dying, he would live the rest of his long life freely as a successful person.

His parents had told him that if he just endured the remaining three years of high school and studied hard to get into a good university, he could do whatever he wanted from then on. They wouldn’t interfere if he wanted to spend all day on his phone or move out to live on his own.

The words were grand, but judging from how they treated his sister, he couldn’t completely trust them. But it didn’t have to be perfect. Just the assurance that things would be different from now was enough to make him look forward to becoming an adult. He had done well until now; maintaining that consistency wasn’t an unrealistic goal.

“You all know there’s a test next month, right? Get your act together.”

“Yes…”

With a half-hearted response from the students, the teacher seemed to finally calm down and started the lesson. Jaemin’s restless heart also began to settle, much like the teacher’s mood.

The third period was a music class moved to the music room. While the number of arts classes would decrease in the third year, it wasn’t so for the second year. The students, who had been goofing around, felt a sense of relief upon entering the music room after the rigid classes, but they quieted down only after the teacher banged on the podium with some papers.

“Quiet, quiet. Kids, let me say something.”

The music teacher set up his laptop and projected the screen onto the electronic board. When he opened the file he had prepared, a list of well-known song titles that the students were familiar with appeared.

“Since it’s the first day, I’ll briefly explain how we’ll conduct the performance evaluation this semester.”

The teacher explained the songs they would learn throughout the semester and the instruments that would be recognized for the performance evaluation. Students who had learned or enjoyed playing instruments like the piano, violin, guitar, ocarina, or recorder listened with ease, while those who hadn’t looked at the teacher with anxious faces.

“If you’re not confident with instruments, you can do more singing. Besides singing and instruments, I’ll give you some other assignments like attending a performance I recommend and writing a review, or researching musicians. Don’t think of it as too hard, let’s have fun with it. Even if you’re stressed about exams, enjoy music! Got it?”

“Yes…”

The students’ lackluster response made the teacher raise his eyebrows slightly.

“You all look like I said something impossible. Who’s the class president here?”

Seungpyo raised his hand silently. At the start of the new school year, the homeroom teacher had held a vote for class president on the first day. Oh Seungpyo, with his good grades, impeccable character, and skills in games and basketball, always attracting many friends to hang out with, naturally received the most votes.

Although the result was independent of his own will, Seungpyo didn’t refuse the position since he was already elected. He had served as student council president in middle school, and being class president could add another line to his school record, so he saw no disadvantage.

“Oh, it’s Seungpyo. Alright, Seungpyo, stand up and sing a song as a demonstration. You know some of these songs, right?”

“Pardon?”

Had he miscalculated? The disadvantage was already there. The students, who had quieted down a bit with the announcement of the performance evaluation, quickly perked up and started clapping. Some among the crowd even snitched.

“Seung went to karaoke with a girl over the weekend!”

“What, did you go on a date? Then you should sing a song in front of your friends as a memento.”

The music teacher didn’t ignore the quick snitch but played along. Seungpyo frowned, clearly showing his displeasure. The music teacher knew well from last year’s singing evaluation that he was tone-deaf.

“There’s a vice president too.”

“The president should do it.”

“You’re not going to count it towards the evaluation anyway.”

“No, I’ll think positively. If you liven up the class atmosphere.”

“You’re not going to count it, we all know that.”

Grumbling, he stood up anyway. He cleared his throat and looked around the classroom, his eyes meeting Jaemin’s, who had avoided looking at him all morning.

Jaemin flinched and frowned, quickly looking away, but Seungpyo had definitely seen the cold glare directed at him.

The teacher had only told him to stand, not to come to the front, but Seungpyo went to stand before the teacher’s podium on his own. The teacher looked up at him in admiration.

“Oh, you’ve grown taller during the vacation?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t measured.”

“Alright, what will you sing? Since new songs might be tough, pick one from what you sang last year.”

Seungpyo carefully examined the list of songs written on the board. There were refined songs suitable for performance evaluations, old pop songs, and some popular Korean songs from a few years back.

“I’ll do this one.”

The students started laughing already. The song Seungpyo chose was a regular for vocal exams, one that every Korean high school student would have heard or sung at least once. The teacher displayed the lyrics on the screen and smiled as he sat down at the piano.

As the clear sound of the keys spread out, the laughter quieted a bit. However, the amusement didn’t completely fade, and students were pressing their lips together, trying not to burst out laughing. Seungpyo began to sing.

“Che bella cosa na jurnata ‘e sole—”

So far, it was decent. Although the pitch and rhythm were off from the start, it was a relatively low part of the song.

“Ma n’atu sole cchiù bello, oi ne.”

When he reached the high notes, the students started laughing, banging on their desks with their heads down. Despite this, Seungpyo didn’t blink, intentionally amplifying his off-key voice to flaunt his lack of singing ability even more.

“Oh, sole mio, oh, sole mio.” After finishing the song without laughing once, Seungpyo even bowed like a real tenor singer. The students cheered and chanted his name, clapping, except for one person in the entire classroom.

‘He’s not laughing.’

Seungpyo returned to his seat, slightly disheartened. He thought Jaemin might react to his singing, remembering how he had laughed at his singing in the karaoke, but it was a misjudgment.

‘Why bother caring?’

Seungpyo hardened his expression in defiance towards Jaemin. He didn’t want Jaemin to know about him going to karaoke with Jung Suhyun, but even if he did know, so what? They had only touched lips once; they weren’t in any special relationship. Whether he hung out with another girl or not, it wasn’t Jaemin’s business to be angry about, nor did Seungpyo need to care.

“Seungpyo sings really well. But it was too short, let’s hear one more song before we start the class?”

“Yes!”

The excited teacher wanted to extend the karaoke session, and the students immediately agreed, eager to delay class time.

“Who wants to go next? Any recommendations?”

“Ming-jun!”

Since the president had sung, naturally, the vice president’s name was suggested. Then another student shouted:

“Ryu Jaemin!”

Jaemin, who hadn’t expected his name to come up, was visibly surprised, his eyes widening. Only the names of these two, due to being vice president and top student, were mentioned. With the students’ opinions split, the teacher nodded and asked:

“Then let the person who sang first choose. Seungpyo will decide who sings. No objections, right?”

Despite the two candidates being forced into this impromptu karaoke session without any real justification, with Oh Seungpyo having gone first, it was hard to back out now. Both the class vice president and Jaemin waited for the choice with sour expressions, and Seungpyo’s decision was swift.

“Then Ryu Jaemin.”

“Ohhh!” The students cheered, getting the atmosphere lively. Jaemin let out a small sigh and glared at Seungpyo, but it didn’t last long. As if even a brief glance was a waste, he quickly averted his eyes and stood up without a word, eager to get it over with.

“I’ll just sing from here.”

“Sure, go ahead. What song will you sing?”

“«Lascia ch’io pianga».”

Handel’s “Lascia ch’io pianga” was as common in vocal exams as the Italian folk song “O Sole Mio” that Seungpyo had sung. It was an unremarkable choice, but Seungpyo couldn’t help but take exception to it in his mind.

‘Picking something as gloomy as his personality for a title.’

Jaemin took a moment to steady his breath before starting to sing along with the piano accompaniment. Seungpyo leaned his chin on his hand, listening intently.

Come to think of it, even at the karaoke, Jaemin had dodged singing by saying he didn’t know any songs, claiming it was his first time there, so Seungpyo hadn’t seen him sing properly.

“Lascia ch’io pianga mia cruda sorte—”

Unlike when Seungpyo was preparing to sing, no one laughed. The music room became silent as if the earlier commotion had never happened.

Along with the clear sound of the piano, Ryu Jaemin’s crisp voice filled the room like a neat shape filling a blank space.

“Make me weep. My cruel fate. Give me back my lost freedom. Let this sorrow break the chains of pain. Lord, have mercy on me…”

Seungpyo knew the lyrics from when he prepared for the performance evaluation, but most students probably didn’t. The song coming from Jaemin’s mouth was less like a prayer lamenting a wretched fate and more like an elegant, noble recitation; if you didn’t know the lyrics, you wouldn’t guess what song it was. Seungpyo dropped his gaze to the desk, quietly absorbing the smooth melody.

After the second singer finished, the class atmosphere turned as the teacher had hoped. As soon as the song ended, there was a round of enthusiastic applause, and with that, the once rowdy classroom atmosphere became as refined as the song Jaemin had sung. The class then proceeded normally.

The top two students in the school, who were in the same class, were so strongly imprinted in the teachers’ subconscious as the president and vice president that this time too, they were called upon together.

Since they had spent time setting the mood at the beginning, the teacher, apologizing for the rush, asked them to clean up the equipment. Seungpyo and Jaemin were left alone in the empty music room, tidying up sheet music and demonstration instruments.

They focused on the task without exchanging a word, and the work ended sooner than expected. Jaemin, who had been kneeling to organize the cables, stood up briskly to leave as soon as he was done. Seungpyo, who had been watching his back, finally called out to him.

“Hey.”

Jaemin stopped walking without turning around. Seungpyo continued speaking to his back.

“You sang well, huh?”

“I’m good at everything.”

“I thought you couldn’t sing because you bailed out that day, saying you didn’t like it.”

“You can be good at something you don’t like.”

Jaemin turned around to face Seungpyo. Seungpyo took a few steps closer to him.

“How long are you going to keep this up?”

“Keep what up?”

“We’re in the same class; we’ll keep running into each other. How long are you going to stay mad?”

“Who’s mad?”

Jaemin scoffed, clearly showing his disbelief, his gaze toward Seungpyo cold. But the criticism from his mouth was passionate and unreserved compared to his icy stare.

“When you were acting perverted in front of me, you were the one frothing at the mouth. I’m still pissed because of you. I’m holding back from hitting you, so stop talking to me.”

“Then hit me and get it over with. Don’t just sulk.”

Jaemin’s smooth forehead creased, and he raised his fist as if he were actually going to hit Seungpyo. Seungpyo didn’t even blink, waiting for the strike to land on his cheek or forehead.

But the punch didn’t come, and Jaemin’s glare only grew fiercer. Seungpyo, now the target, added another comment.

“If you’re going to hit me, do it quickly.”

Seungpyo also frowned, his mouth shut tight. After he spoke, he realized the situation was similar to what happened at the karaoke. Jaemin had said, “If you’re going to hit me, do it quickly,” when Seungpyo was pretending to strike, but instead of a flick to the forehead, Seungpyo had done that thing with his lips.

Did Jaemin remember that too? His gaze, which had been glaring at Seungpyo, shifted ambiguously into the air. Seungpyo noticed that the strength had left Jaemin’s fist and narrowed his eyes slightly.

“Why aren’t you hitting me? Are you thinking about our kiss?”

Despite telling himself it was just a lip hit, like a punching bag game, Seungpyo ended up calling it a ‘kiss’ out loud. Damn it. He sighed internally, but his expression remained poker-faced.

Jaemin too wouldn’t want to acknowledge that day’s kiss as such. Naturally, the rebuttal came.

“That wasn’t a kiss.”

“Wow, you really are on another level, selling explicit photos. You don’t even count that as a kiss.”

Jaemin no longer got angry at the sarcasm, as if he had developed some immunity. He looked at Seungpyo with contempt and lowered his voice.

“Stop talking about that already. How long will you keep…”

“Why? Even if you don’t talk about it, the fact that you were the pervert who stripped for people to watch doesn’t disappear.”

But there was a limit to acting indifferent. Jaemin’s face finally twisted at the persistent mockery. For someone who had lived as an exemplary student all his life, the shame and humiliation in front of classmates was hard to get used to, inevitably distorting his cold, composed face.

At this pure, pointed anger directed at him, Seungpyo felt a kind of fresh excitement. Was it because he had never lost to anyone before meeting Ryu Jaemin? He had never felt this way except when facing Ryu Jaemin, so he couldn’t understand or compare this emotion.

Seungpyo, as if he wanted to further provoke Jaemin’s anger, approached without hesitation, lifted Jaemin’s chin, and leaned in. The moment their lips barely touched, Jaemin pushed Seungpyo away with enough force to make a sound.

Seungpyo wasn’t surprised by this expected reaction. He didn’t ask why or mock him for being pretentious.

“…Hey!”

But Jaemin’s immediate action was something Seungpyo hadn’t anticipated. Jaemin started rubbing his lips vigorously with the back of his hand. The force was so strong that his lips seemed on the verge of tearing.

“Ryu Jaemin, stop it!”

In his panic, Seungpyo quickly grabbed Jaemin’s wrist. Jaemin resisted, struggling not to stop the self-destructive act, but Seungpyo had the upper hand in strength.

After finally pulling his hand away, Jaemin’s lower lip was slightly torn, and blood was dripping. Seungpyo, in shock, opened his mouth before raising his voice.

“Why are you acting like a psycho?”

“You’re the psycho, you dirty bastard. I don’t go around rubbing lips with just anyone like you do.”

“When did I ever with just anyone…!”

Seungpyo trailed off, his words jumbled, then bit his lip and lowered his voice.

“Are you doing this because you heard about Jung Suhyun? We really just sang songs. She’s just a middle school friend.”

“Who cares.”

“You’re mad because I went to karaoke with her.”

“What are you talking about? Don’t you think I’m mad because you’re threatening and sexually harassing again?”

Jaemin’s glare was lethal. Facing such a sharp gaze, Seungpyo finally sighed and lowered his head. When he looked up again, his expression was quite serious.

“Okay. I won’t do it anymore, for real.”

“…”

“I promise I won’t bring up that story again. Isn’t that enough?”

“I’ll believe someone trustworthy.”

“But…”

Seungpyo sighed again, unable to continue, then ran his hands through his hair as if he wanted to tear it out, making a strange groaning sound.

Even Jaemin, who had been full of anger, showed curiosity on his face as if wondering, ‘What’s wrong with him?’ At that moment, Seungpyo looked Jaemin in the eye with determination and got to the point.

“I want to keep doing this though.”

“…Doing what?”

“Kissing.”

“Don’t call it a kiss.”

Jaemin frowned again but still gave reasonable advice.

“Get a girlfriend and do it with her.”

“Now that we’re not in co-ed schools, it’s a hassle to keep dating outside, and next year I’ll be a senior, so dating isn’t ideal…”

The uncharacteristic hesitation and groundwork he was laying seemed significant. Jaemin, without listening further, responded:

“I can guess what nonsense you’re about to say, and even imagining it annoys me, so shut up.”

“Listen to me. You’ve got things you want to get out of your system too, right? Not to mock you, but that’s the truth. Anyway, there must have been a reason you posted those videos and photos, right? I looked into it, and it’s all because of sexual confusion during adolescence. Before, you didn’t even smoke. Doing dangerous things to relieve stress isn’t good for you either.”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?”

“We’re in the same school, so it saves time, and no one else will find out.”

“What good does it do if no one else finds out when you might expose it?”

“If you don’t trust me, take a picture of me jerking off. That should be fair.”

When Seungpyo kept insisting, Jaemin made a face, clearly annoyed.

“I won’t take it even if you give it to me.”

“I was so confused about why I felt this way that I posted on a consultation site. And apparently, it’s common at our age. It’s not a big deal.”

It seemed like a decent proposal for someone who had done such things with strangers. Seungpyo tried to gauge Jaemin’s mood before asking:

“You don’t mean to tell me that was your first kiss, right?”

It would be even more surprising if someone who ran a porn account and exchanged dirty talk with unknown people online hadn’t kissed before. Frankly, Seungpyo felt confident he wouldn’t even blink if Jaemin confessed to going offline and physically meeting those people.

Still, he asked out of curiosity since Jaemin seemed so repulsed, and a sharp response came back immediately.

“Of course not, you bastard.”

“Oh, well, it wasn’t my first either. So, if it’s not a first for either of us, we can just take it easy.”

He pretended it wasn’t his first because he didn’t want to lose. There was no other choice. Admitting now that it was his first kiss would make him seem like a fool who wasted it on nothing. It was an act almost as crazy as calling Jaemin a psycho.

Jaemin looked at Seungpyo, who stood there stubbornly, with disdain before spitting out:

“Are you bragging about how many times you’ve done it? You really are like a pervert…”

“Let’s not use such bad words like ‘pervert’ anymore. I won’t talk about it anymore either.”

“You were the one who used that word first today.”

“Ah, sorry.”

Seungpyo thought Jaemin would agree. If he intended to refuse, he would have left the music room by now, but Jaemin was still standing in front of him.

Moreover, the sexual orientation confusion of adolescence, the vivid desires that occasionally overwhelmed the body, couldn’t be something that only applied to him.

“We’ve both screwed each other over once already, so from now on, if we want to do it, we can just do it.”

Just as Oh Seungpyo first showed his low nature by blackmailing Jaemin with his weaknesses, perhaps Ryu Jaemin was the only one who had seen Oh Seungpyo’s true, psycho-like nature?

With nothing more to expose, Seungpyo thought it wasn’t a bad idea to agree to relieve each other’s built-up frustrations until this phase of sexual confusion ended. Being the intellectually sharp one, he believed Ryu Jaemin, the top student, would understand. Normal people might think they’re crazy, but it wouldn’t reach anyone else’s ears anyway.

“I…”

Just as Jaemin was about to respond, there was a sudden sound of the door opening. They hadn’t locked it, after all.

As Seungpyo swallowed nervously at his oversight, the music teacher appeared, eyes wide with surprise.

“You’re still here? Go back to the classroom, class is about to start.”

“Yes. Sorry.”

“Was there a lot to clean up? I should have done it.”

“No, there wasn’t much. I’ll go up now.”

He needed to be more careful next time. As they left the music room and climbed the stairs, Ryu Jaemin, who seemed about to say something, remained silent the whole way.

His cold, composed profile suggested he had forgotten the incident entirely. Only the small drop of blood on his lip bore witness to what had happened in the music room.

In the crowded hallway, Seungpyo couldn’t press further, and without getting an answer, they approached the classroom. Oh well. In a moment of boldness, Seungpyo whispered into Jaemin’s ear.

“I’ll be in the resource room during lunch. Come if you want.”

“Wait eagerly then.”

Jaemin strode ahead, opening the classroom door as if there was no value in even considering the proposal.

📚

After finishing his classes, Jaemin stood alone at the school gate, waiting for the car to pick him up.

As always, he was looking at the distant mountains with an expressionless face when he suddenly laughed a little, his lips relaxing. He tried to suppress the laugh because it felt like losing, but with no one around, he let it out.

What did Ryu Jaemin do after receiving that audacious proposal during lunch?

What could he do? Of course, he didn’t go. He was skeptical whether Oh Seungpyo was really waiting in the resource room. If it was a genuine offer, Oh Seungpyo would just end up embarrassed alone, and if it was a lie, Jaemin couldn’t fall for such a prank, so from the start, his only choice was ‘not to go.’

When Oh Seungpyo returned to the classroom just in time for class to start, his expression was sour, pretending everything was fine. Seeing the kids question where he had been after playing on the field, it seemed like he had indeed been holed up in the resource room.

Oh Seungpyo didn’t give a proper answer and returned to his seat without speaking to Jaemin until the end of the school day. He had the audacity to pretend he was trying to catch Jaemin when he himself hadn’t gone, but this time, he didn’t even make that kind of excuse, suggesting he felt embarrassed himself.

Jaemin, who had been trying not to laugh in the classroom, now freely mocked Oh Seungpyo. He couldn’t fathom what confidence led Seungpyo to wait in the resource room during lunch, the more he thought about it, the more he seemed like a madman. Did he really think Jaemin would come to meet him after hearing that?

‘Is he an idiot? It’s surprising he’s the second in school with that brain.’

Although he had heard from adults that the mind used for studying is different from the one used for living, this wasn’t much of a compliment for Jaemin either.

Just because you do well in exams doesn’t mean you’re quicker on the uptake or less prone to mistakes than others, and being criticized or looked at as if to say, ‘Why can’t someone like you do even this?’ when faced with common mistakes or worries, wasn’t a pleasant experience. Considering his own experiences, Jaemin didn’t want to mock Oh Seungpyo by linking his grades to his foolishness.

Still, what’s funny is funny. As he nodded to himself, a familiar car pulled up close. Quickly running to open the passenger door, Jaemin was greeted by the driver.

“Hello. Are you Jaemin?”

“…Ah, yes.”

The driver holding the steering wheel was someone he’d never seen before. After a brief hesitation, Jaemin quickly got into the car and responded.

“Hello.”

“Yeah, I’m supposed to pick you up from today, did your parents tell you?”

“…No.”

“I was just confirmed yesterday after an interview, so I started today. They must have changed too quickly to inform you.”

Jaemin was confused since he had no idea the driver had been changed, but he soon accepted the situation. This wasn’t the first time his pickup driver had been changed without notice.

The previous driver had been around for quite some time and had been quite accommodating to Jaemin’s needs. He even kept secrets like Jaemin asking for a 10 or 20-minute delay from his parents, but maybe he got caught. If he was fired because of Jaemin’s request, that would be unfortunate.

He was an interesting person who often shared stories about university life or his dating failures, making the rides enjoyable, so Jaemin felt a bit disappointed thinking he wouldn’t see him again. If he was leaving, Jaemin would have liked to say goodbye at least. He thought about sending a message but hesitated since he didn’t know what had been said to his parents about quitting.

After all, part-time jobs change all the time. He knew this, but it still brought his mood down. If they were going to allow him to use the phone, a heads-up about a new driver would have been nice.

“Do you have another place to go after this? I’ll adjust accordingly.”

“Yes.”

Entering the academy building, Jaemin joined the crowd of kids to get into the elevator. Feeling slightly down about the sudden change in drivers, he leaned against the wall.

The academy lobby was bustling with kids chatting, doing last-minute homework, or drinking water or beverages before class started. Among a group of kids, there was Oh Seungpyo.

When their eyes met, Oh Seungpyo’s expression turned cold. Jaemin wondered why he was acting like he’d been caught when he hadn’t promised to go. Considering the kind of low-life Seungpyo was, with his threats and sexual harassment, not being reported to the police was already a stroke of luck.

‘Come to think of it, I did it once, but that bastard did it twice.’

The idea of them being even because they each got one over on the other no longer held up. The second display of rabies-like behavior in the music room today was just Oh Seungpyo going mad on his own without any reason.

Jaemin completely ignored Seungpyo and entered the classroom, pretending not to see him. Thinking he had knocked down Seungpyo’s absurd confidence, the slight dip in his mood from the driver issue felt like it was floating away. His heart felt light as if it were on a balloon. Jaemin sensed his expression relaxing and quickly composed his face.

‘No. I can’t get into this kind of thing.’

Getting deeply involved with others doesn’t only mean forming close relationships with affection. Relationships where you constantly irritate each other with malice or hostility can be even more profound than those where you merely exchange greetings.

Hadn’t he decided not to be distracted by trivial matters until the exams were over? Jaemin shook his head, trying to regain his focus. Unnecessary thoughts flew away as if shooed by physical force. Fortunately, the instructor began the class before his mind could refill with those thoughts.

By the time he got home, it had started to drizzle. The new driver got out of the car with Jaemin. Since the car was provided by Jaemin’s parents, the driver would have to use public transport to return.

“Goodbye.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

After parting ways with the driver, Jaemin got into the elevator alone and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His cheeks felt heavy from keeping his face tense all day.

He deliberately pulled up the corners of his mouth to make a smile. It looked unnatural since it was forced.

Just before entering the house and greeting, Jaemin spotted a pair of women’s sneakers. At a glance, they weren’t the kind his mother would wear. Rushing inside, he found a guest in the living room whom he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Sister.”

“Oh, Jaemin’s here?”

His sister, who had last visited during the previous Chuseok and was coming to their house for the first time this year, was sitting at the sofa table talking with their mother. Jaemin sat down next to her without even properly setting down his bag.

“When did you come? I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I had something to discuss with Mom, so I stopped by after work. I was just about to leave.”

“Already? I just got here…”

His disappointment was evident in his voice, and his sister gave a wry smile. He knew she didn’t like to stay long at home, but he thought she would stay overnight since it was late. His mother, who had been listening, interrupted the short sibling conversation.

“Did you think you could fool around because your sister came on a weekday? Go wash up and change. Somi, if you’re leaving, you should get going before it gets too late.”

“Yes.”

His sister really stood up to leave. It was a bit disappointing, but if she wasn’t staying over, it was time to head home.

“I’ll treat you to something nice next time. Let’s meet outside.”

Although she said this, given both their busy schedules, it would take a while before they could meet for a meal. Knowing this, Jaemin nodded quietly and asked:

“Okay, how are you getting home?”

“I’m going to take a taxi.”

“Let’s go out together. I’ll watch you get in the taxi and then come back in.”

“No, go back in. Mom’s not in a good mood right now. I’ll send you the ride confirmation on your phone.”

The last sentence was whispered. With a click of the lock and the door closing, he felt an unexpected sense of loneliness. If he hadn’t known she was coming, he wouldn’t have felt this disappointed.

While Jaemin saw his sister off at the entrance, his mother didn’t even come out to see her off. When he returned to the living room, she was sitting with her arms crossed, staring straight ahead. It seemed like whatever discussion they had wasn’t a pleasant one.

“I’ll go wash up.”

He intended to go to the bathroom without asking what had happened, but a cold voice held him back.

“Aren’t you interested in what’s going on with your sister? How can you be so ungrateful?”

“…I was going to ask after I wash up.”

“She says she’s going to quit her job. She came today because she didn’t want to see your father.”

“She’s quitting? Why?”

“She wants to live abroad. If she wanted that, she should have gone abroad earlier. She didn’t want to go when we told her to…”

“Is sister going to study abroad?”

“If she said she was going to study abroad, would you say that? She wants to do some working holiday, which is just a waste of time, and now she decides to go, giving me a headache. She knows her cousins are studying abroad, so how am I supposed to explain this to relatives?”

Jaemin had no more words to say, so he stayed silent. He knew what a working holiday was, but whether his sister’s decision was good or bad was something hard for a high school student like Jaemin to judge.

All Jaemin knew was that his sister thought it was a good choice, while his mother disapproved.

“Please, don’t do that. Somi was so smart when she was in high school. She’s doing this for her own good, but she doesn’t understand and keeps acting like this just because she got hurt by your father…”

Maybe it was time for Jaemin to disappear to wash up. His mind was already filled with such thoughts. His mother, perhaps realizing she had rambled on too long, sighed and waved her hand.

“It just gives me a headache to talk about it. Go wash up quickly and do your work.”

“Yes.”

Jaemin quickly returned to his room. After organizing his bag, changing out of his school uniform, and coming back from the bathroom, his mother was still sitting in the same spot without having moved an inch.

There was a ride confirmation message from his sister on his phone. Jaemin placed his phone on the charger and sat down at his desk. The already stiff atmosphere in the house felt particularly icy today. When his father returns, it would become not just stiff but sharp.

Somehow, even in his room, he found himself holding his breath. Jaemin put on his earphones, turned on the ASMR he often listens to while self-studying, and opened his book. He just wanted to shut out what was happening outside his room.

“…”

Feelings, thoughts, and moods don’t move according to one’s will. Jaemin, unable to solve even a relatively simple problem and just underlining the text repeatedly, sighed and tilted his head back. Trivial thoughts were hindering his concentration.

What kind of people get married? Do his father and mother love each other?

Do they understand each other because they are similar? If so, why can’t their children, his sister, and he, understand them?

Since graduating from university, his sister has barely come home during holidays and hardly calls. She could have lived in the office-tel owned by their parents, but she chose to rent a place with a friend. She even refused the car they offered as a job gift and used public transport.

To some, it might seem like the complaints of a privileged person, but sometimes courage and will are needed to reject what’s given. Not many can choose the unclear, roundabout path when there’s an obvious shortcut. That’s why Jaemin respected his sister.

How could the clear signs of rejection visible even to his young eyes be explained away with just “she got a bit hurt”? If you don’t completely cut ties, does the rejection become not rejection, and all past events become just something that “can happen” within a family?

“Ouch.”

Jaemin, without realizing it, had been fiddling with the end of his mechanical pencil and pricked his fingernail, suddenly realizing how deeply he had been lost in thought.

It seemed like the day was cursed; one thing after another was disrupting his studies. Individually, these might seem trivial, but like pain from repeated light hits, the small disappointments accumulated, draining his energy completely.

Jaemin gave up on sitting at his desk any longer and headed to his bed. From experience, staying in the chair out of sheer willpower would only drain his energy without advancing his studies.

Lying on the bed, he looked up into the dark void. The day’s unpleasantness, black, rough, and sticky like the night but not as smooth, settled like sediment in the lower part of his body.

These are the emotional sewage that should be discarded in places where people can’t see. If it were before, he would have poured them into his own trash bin, mixed them with others’ filth to make them unrecognizable, and then gone to sleep, but because of Oh Seungpyo, even that had become difficult.

In the pitch-black darkness, silently blinking, Jaemin reached his hand inside his pants, the touch of his thigh sending chills down his spine.

Words that had been lying dormant in his mind began to surface: slut, pervert, degenerate… The explicit criticisms he had only known from the screen of his phone, which he had heard several times recently, echoed in his mind. His hand, sliding inside his thigh, grasped the heat that had begun to form at his core.

‘Doesn’t not talking about it make the fact that you were the pervert who stripped for people to watch go away?’

Remembering the voice he heard during the day, Jaemin closed his eyes. In a room without a speck of light, he pulled the blanket over his head.

His breathing quickened, making the space under the blanket hot in an instant. It felt like he would sweat from the heat and suffocation, but Jaemin focused solely on his movements. Grasping his erect member firmly, he continued with actions he would never show another person. His lower abdomen heated up. He remembered another thing Oh Seungpyo had said.

‘Act like a pervert in front of me too. I was curious while in class, wondering what it would be like to see the number one student acting like a slut.’

In his tight shut eyes, Jaemin was standing before a Seungpyo smirking arrogantly. Stripped naked in front of Seungpyo, who was still in his school uniform, Jaemin obediently shook his erection as instructed, masturbating.

Unlike in reality where he would have resisted or fought back, here he was not defiant or aggressive, just obediently following orders like an exemplary student performing a task. Seeing Jaemin like this, the imagined Oh Seungpyo chuckled and spoke.

‘Does it feel good? You pervert.’