EAR Ch 21

“So you don’t hate me now?”

“Why would you ask something like that? It’s cheesy.”

Seungpyo asked back in a surprised tone, as if embarrassed. Jaemin regretted asking the cringey question, realizing it after he had blurted it out without thinking. What did it matter what Oh Seungpyo thought of him?

“How could I kiss you if I hated you? Well… even if I didn’t like you, I couldn’t do it if I hated you.”

Seungpyo, who had questioned why he would ask such a thing, still gave him an answer. It was a gruff, hesitant reply, as if he was shy…

His response made Jaemin even more embarrassed. He pulled the blanket, which had slipped down during their conversation, back up and turned away.

“Just go to sleep.”

“You’re the one who asked.”

Jaemin replied curtly, but his expression didn’t match his tone. If it hadn’t been dark, his flushed face would have been exposed. He was glad he had turned off the lights quickly.

Perhaps because so many stimulating things had happened throughout the day, he wasn’t sleepy at all, even lying in the dark bed. Staring at the dark wall, his mind raced with pointless thoughts.

The game that had started with a kiss felt like it had jumped over a hurdle and reached a faraway place today. Oh Seungpyo insisted it wasn’t sex because they hadn’t penetrated, but honestly, by Jaemin’s standards, it wasn’t much different from sex.

So what would happen from now on? Could they go back to just kissing after coming this far? Just like with studying, once you’ve moved on to a new chapter, you can review, but you can’t go back. You can’t return to a time when you didn’t know.

“Ryu Jaemin, are you asleep?”

Seungpyo, who had fallen silent, spoke again. Jaemin was quiet for a moment, then answered,

“…No.”

“What did you like best out of what we did today?”

Jaemin, who had been trying to figure it out, was taken aback and closed his mouth.

There was no trace of contemplation in Oh Seungpyo’s tone. He sounded as lighthearted as if he was asking, “What was the best food you ate today?”, seemingly quite satisfied with their day’s activities.

“Why do you want to know?”

“So I know what to do next time. It’s better to do what you liked, right? Did you like having your nipples sucked or your dick played with more? You liked the dick playing more, right?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. We never said we’d do it again.”

He quickly poured cold water on his enthusiasm, and the ensuing awkwardness was palpable. Sure enough, Seungpyo’s voice rose slightly.

“What, so you’re saying we won’t do it again?”

“Why are we talking about this now? I don’t know what will happen in the future.”

“Why don’t you know so much? And you’re the top student.”

“We’ll have to do it at school anyway, and how can we do all that at school? It’s obvious.”

He answered, lacing his words with exasperation, and turned back towards Seungpyo, bringing up a concern that had been on his mind.

“At this rate, you’re going to ask for real sex.”

“That’s not it. We’re not really gay…”

Seungpyo vehemently denied it, then trailed off, his voice suddenly firm as if making a new resolution.

“You feel the same way, right? We’re doing this because we can’t date and we’re in an all-boys school, but when we go to college, we’ll want to have girlfriends and proper relationships, right?”

“Of course.”

“So we should save real sex for then. What are we going to do if we do everything now?”

Jaemin blinked, silently pondering his words. Not have sex to save it for when he had a girlfriend? So…

“You haven’t had sex?”

“What? The way you’re asking, you’ve obviously done it, haven’t you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You were popular with girls since middle school. People said you secretly dated a lot of girls.”

“Those are all rumors. I was popular, but I haven’t had a girlfriend yet.”

After diligently clarifying the misunderstanding, Seungpyo’s voice trailed off, as if feeling guilty.

“Hey, this is a secret. Just let everyone think I’ve dated a lot of girls.”

“You’re so full of it.”

“Ah, just leave it.”

Jaemin heard Seungpyo rustling the blankets. It was surprising that Oh Seungpyo, the player who had just been on top of him naked, hadn’t actually gone all the way yet, but the realization made Jaemin dumbfounded once again.

“That’s funny. You’re saying you’ll pretend to be a virgin for your girlfriend after what we just did? Don’t pretend to be a virgin, just be honest and say you’ve done it. You’re totally falsely advertising yourself.”

“I am a virgin. By that logic, you should say you’ve done it if you’ve jerked off. I haven’t put it in anywhere yet, so how is that having done it?”

But it’s not. It feels like a total scam… He felt uneasy, but there was nothing more Jaemin could do. He just pitied Oh Seungpyo’s future girlfriend, who would be deceived by this scammer and end up dating a player.

He didn’t know what kind of girl she would be, but the thought of this player pretending to be innocent made him feel sick to his stomach. He hoped no one would be fooled.

“Hey, but…”

Seungpyo’s tone softened, as if wanting to change the subject. Jaemin played along and asked indifferently,

“What?”

“Have you actually done it with those people online?”

“Are you crazy? Why would I meet those people and risk getting doxxed?”

Jaemin’s previously subdued tone suddenly flared up. Seungpyo, as if he couldn’t believe it, asked again,

“You really only talked online?”

“Did you think I’d been doing offline meetups this whole time? I wrote in my account bio that I don’t do offline.”

“Who believes those account bios?”

“Ah, whatever. Stop talking and go to sleep.”

“I want to ask one more thing.”

Jaemin didn’t answer, but Seungpyo went ahead and asked another question.

“Then why did you run that account?”

This was the second time Oh Seungpyo had asked this question. Jaemin, who had initially ignored it thinking he was being teased, now stared into the darkness and answered,

“…Because it was cost-effective.”

“Cost-effective?”

“It felt like I was doing something bad, even though I was just managing an online account.”

“Ah, you wanted to do something bad? You sound like a real goody-two-shoes.”

“I told you to go to sleep. I’m sleepy.”

Seungpyo seemed to settle down without saying anything further. Jaemin thought about his secret account, which he had deleted a long time ago and rarely thought about anymore, and the people he had met there.

When he first created the account, Jaemin had assumed that since he was a guy, more girls would visit his account. But he was completely wrong. Regardless of whether the account owner was male or female, most of the people who followed similar accounts were men.

Not all visitors revealed their gender, but when he occasionally snooped on the social media accounts of persistent visitors, they were all the same. They posted uncensored pictures of their penises or underwhelming nudes, and they lurked on multiple accounts that uploaded explicit photos, spamming them with the same copy-pasted harassment.

The online perverts had a purpose. The men who lusted after and harassed the body of an anonymous boy all wanted the same thing: to lure Jaemin offline and eventually have sex with him.

They used all sorts of methods to achieve their goal. They would send nauseatingly violent sexual messages, or offer sweet words of comfort and praise. Some would empathize with Jaemin’s twisted desires and console him, saying it was okay, while others would offer ridiculous lectures, saying he shouldn’t be doing this at such a young age.

Jaemin was too cautious and had too much to lose to fall for their tricks. But on days when he was feeling particularly down, he sometimes wanted to lean on those sweet words. Even though he knew they were empty lies, he would exchange comforting words with them and pretend to heal.

But he couldn’t say that. If he admitted that he had ever relied on those online perverts’ empty words, he would sound like a total loser, just like Oh Seungpyo often teased him.

He liked the feeling of doing something bad, it was cost-effective. Those reasons weren’t lies either. Oh Seungpyo’s argument about saving sex for later seemed like sophistry, but he couldn’t disagree either. Jaemin also doubted he would tell his future girlfriend about running a porn account in high school or rubbing dicks with a classmate.

“Are you asleep?”

Seungpyo asked again, relentlessly. Jaemin didn’t answer.

Then Seungpyo sat up and shuffled closer to the bed. Jaemin blinked, watching him approach. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and he could vaguely make out Seungpyo’s face. Seungpyo also seemed to notice that Jaemin’s eyes were open.

“Let’s just kiss one more time before we sleep.”

“Again?”

“A goodnight kiss.”

Seungpyo leaned down and kissed him. Jaemin lay still on the bed, receiving his kiss.

True to the term “goodnight kiss,” Seungpyo didn’t push his tongue inside or explore his mouth. He just gently rubbed their lips together, then lifted his head.

“Goodnight.”

Jaemin didn’t move until Seungpyo lay back down after the kiss. His lips and cheeks felt warm.

The thoughts of his old account, which had filled his mind just moments ago, completely vanished. Now he finally felt drowsy.

📚

When Jaemin opened his eyes to the arrival of morning, Seungpyo was already up. Seungpyo, who had just finished tidying up the bedding, turned around, noticing that Jaemin was awake.

“You’re up?”

“Yeah.”

It was five minutes before his alarm was set to go off. Since it was time to wake up anyway, Jaemin sat up on the bed without lingering.

His thighs felt slightly sore, probably from the commotion with Oh Seungpyo last night. Embarrassed by the memory of last night’s events, he deliberately stretched his arms and yawned.

“The housekeeper would have cleaned it up if we left it.”

“It’s quicker to clean it up ourselves. Where should I put the bedding?”

Instead of answering right away, Jaemin stared at Seungpyo.

It was an awkward morning scene. Jaemin had shared a room with his parents when he was very young, but those days were long gone from his memory. And because of their age difference, he had never shared a room with his older sister either.

As Seungpyo said, he had only woken up with someone else in special situations like school trips, when he was away from home. Perhaps because it was unfamiliar, this moment, with Oh Seungpyo in his room, felt surreal.

“Follow me.”

Seungpyo followed Jaemin, carrying the pile of bedding. The housekeeper, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen, looked back in surprise.

“You’re up already? You could have left the bedding, I would have taken care of it.”

“It’s no big deal. I don’t have anything else to do.”

“Breakfast is almost ready. You can eat, wash up, and go to school together. Don’t put the bedding in the closet, just leave it in the guest room. I’ll wash it and put it away later.”

“Okay!”

With just the addition of Seungpyo, Jaemin’s morning had become much livelier. He usually didn’t say anything other than the prescribed “Good morning” and “I’m leaving” before leaving the house. He would answer if his parents asked him something, but he rarely initiated conversations with his family in the morning when his eyelids felt heavy.

Seungpyo muttered as he placed the bedding on the floor as instructed by the housekeeper.

“Washing it after just one use? It’s different having a housekeeper.”

“Isn’t that normal?”

“My brother and I don’t do that.”

“That’s dirty.”

“You wouldn’t do it either if you had to do your own laundry.”

He hadn’t bickered with anyone about such trivial things first thing in the morning for years. He was acting nonchalant, but Jaemin couldn’t shake off the awkward feeling.

After finishing the breakfast the housekeeper had prepared, just as they had done last night, they quickly got ready for school. They took turns showering and put on their school uniforms, which the housekeeper had washed and ironed early last night. Seungpyo asked, combing his hair in front of the mirror,

“You don’t put anything in your hair, do you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I need to fix this part… Oh well.”

Seungpyo grumbled, smoothing down the sides of his hair with his hand. Jaemin just stared at his profile. He couldn’t see any difference from usual, but Oh Seungpyo seemed to notice some minute detail.

“I’m going to call my brother. I’ll go out and wait for you.”

“Okay.”

Seungpyo, who had been bustling around, finished getting ready before Jaemin and left the room. “Bye, housekeeper. Have a good day.” He heard Seungpyo exchanging goodbyes with the housekeeper outside the door.

Jaemin checked the contents of his bag one last time to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.

Ring, ring, ring. After a few rings, Seungpyo’s call connected.

―Hello.

His brother’s voice was still raspy with sleep. Seungpyo always wondered why they had to go to school so early every day before becoming an adult, even though they wouldn’t have to wake up early every morning once they went to college.

―Are you going to school?

“Yeah, I’m going today.”

―So you were planning to stay out for two days? Alright. See you later.

Their brief call to confirm each other’s whereabouts ended in a few seconds. While waiting for Jaemin, Seungpyo went over to the window and looked outside.

He had a clear view of the well-maintained, spacious apartment complex. His own house was nice enough, but he imagined the quality of life would be different living in such a spacious and luxurious place. What would it be like to live like this, as a rich person? He wasn’t envious, just curious.

Ding, a short chime interrupted his thoughts. A woman in elegant attire stepped out of the opening elevator doors and, instead of moving right away, looked at Seungpyo with a questioning gaze. Uncomfortable with her intense stare, Seungpyo glanced back at her awkwardly.

“Oh Seungpyo, let’s go!”

As Seungpyo stood in an awkward silent standoff with the stranger, Jaemin called out, emerging from the apartment.

He seemed to have rushed out, mindful of the person waiting for him, but he stopped abruptly. His face was filled with surprise.

“Mother.”

Mother? Seungpyo, who had been glancing at the woman sideways, quickly turned around properly. She looked back and forth between the two of them and asked,

“Are you Jaemin’s friend?”

“Hello! Yes, I’m Ryu Jaemin’s friend.”

“I see.”

Seungpyo bowed quickly and deeply. Even as she acknowledged his greeting, her expression remained wary as she looked at the unexpected visitor.

“But why are you here so early before school…?”

“We’re working on a group project these days. We have to go to school together today, so I came to pick him up. I was going to wait outside, but I arrived too early, so I came up here.”

“Oh, you’re going to school together?”

“Yes, my name is Oh Seungpyo. I’m the class president with Jaemin.”

After the self-introduction, Jaemin’s mother slowly nodded as if she finally understood the situation. Then, as if remembering something, her eyes widened slightly.

“You’re the friend who lost his phone in the winter, aren’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Jaemin brought Oh Seungpyo’s phone home once, right?”

“Yes! That’s right. You sent it back by courier. You remember.”

Seungpyo’s face suddenly brightened as if he had met someone he knew. Jaemin’s mother’s face also softened into a gentle smile as she confirmed Oh Seungpyo’s identity.

“I heard from Jaemin that you’re a very good student. Please continue to be friends with our Jaemin.”

“Of course! We’re very close. Thank you.”

She then turned to Jaemin. Seungpyo watched her movements, mesmerized. Every little gesture was as graceful as a painting.

“Your father will be home in the evening, and I had to come up early this morning for work. Have a good day at school.”

“…Yes.”

Jaemin gulped and continued,

“We’re leaving.”

“Okay. Be careful, both of you.”

“Yes!”

It was Seungpyo who gave the last energetic reply. Jaemin’s mother went back inside, and the two boys stood in front of the elevator, which had already gone down. Seungpyo whispered, slightly excited,

“Wow, your mother is really beautiful. And she’s a university professor, right? You’re so lucky to have such a beautiful and elegant mother.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you talk about me at home? Your mother remembered my name.”

“Just briefly.”

Unlike the excited Seungpyo, Jaemin’s reply lacked enthusiasm. He had been unusually energetic when he had called out to Oh Seungpyo to leave, but now he seemed drained of all energy, standing dazedly in front of the elevator like an empty shell.

He looked like a white statue standing near the school gate. Seungpyo peered at Jaemin and lowered his voice.

“What’s wrong all of a sudden? Are you sick?”

“No.”

“Are you worried that they’ll find out I slept over? They won’t. I saw the housekeeper cleaning up the dining table when we left. And she put the bedding away in the guest room.”

“I said I’m fine.”

Since he said he was fine, there was nothing more to say. They got on the elevator that had just arrived. As befitting an expensive apartment, the high-speed elevator was very quiet.

They didn’t speak until they left the apartment complex. Only when they reached the bus stop did Seungpyo finally open his mouth.

“If you’re not feeling well, do you want to take a taxi?”

Jaemin stopped walking and replied after a pause,

“Maybe.”

“You really aren’t feeling well. Wait a minute. I’ll call a taxi.”

Seungpyo opened a ride-hailing app on his phone and started looking for a taxi. It wasn’t easy to find one during the morning rush hour, with many people trying to commute, but they finally managed to snag one. Once they were in the car, Seungpyo greeted the driver, who asked if they had a preferred route. They told him to take the easiest route, and the driver started the car without further questions.

In the quiet taxi, only the morning radio, tuned in by the driver, calmly delivered the day’s news. The weather forecast, song requests, listener stories and interviews…

The calm tone and gentle voice of the announcer, marking the start of the day, soothed the listeners. The boys, who usually watched online videos and rarely listened to the radio itself, found themselves unexpectedly drawn to the everyday stories of strangers.

“I went to a wedding over the weekend. All my friends are dating or married, but I haven’t met anyone special yet. It feels like I’m being left behind as my close friends move on, and I feel lonely. I haven’t dated anyone since breaking up with someone two years ago. I thought listening to my favorite song on my favorite radio program in the morning would be comforting.” The announcer read the story softly and continued in a warm voice.

[Love is a strange thing. It never comes when you’re desperately searching for it, but when you give up, thinking ‘It’s not meant to be, I guess I won’t find love in this lifetime,’ it suddenly appears. I know quite a few people who found love later in life after giving up. But don’t you need to have space in your own life to share it with someone else? I think if you live your life with more ease and enjoyment, love will surely find its way to the empty seat next to you. Now, let’s play the requested song. “Tell Me That You Love Me” by James Smith.]

A sweet, mellow pop song, one they had never heard before, began to play. Listening to the poignant song about longing for a past love, Seungpyo suddenly lowered his voice and asked,

“What kind of girl do you like?”

“Huh?”

“What kind of person do you want to date in the future? She has to be pretty, of course.”

Jaemin didn’t disagree. He blinked, as if he hadn’t given it much thought before, but he seemed to be considering his preferences in response to Seungpyo’s question.

“Well… I don’t know specifically, but I like someone I’m comfortable with.”

“Comfortable? Isn’t that just a friend?”

“If you’re dating, you have to spend a lot of time together, and it’s tiring if you’re not comfortable with each other.”

After a pause, Jaemin added,

“It would be even better if she was pretty, smart, and had a bright personality.”

“So basically, she has to be top-tier in everything. Why didn’t you just say that from the start?”

Seungpyo smirked sarcastically.

“You’re so horny. You were practically dying earlier, saying you weren’t feeling well, but you come alive when we talk about dating girls?”

“I wasn’t dying. I was just a little dizzy.”

“The housekeeper was right. You should eat properly.”

“I told you I’m fine… Ugh, whatever.”

Jaemin turned his head towards the window as if he didn’t want to deal with him, then looked back at Seungpyo, feeling wronged that he was the only one who had given a detailed answer.

“Then what kind of person is your type?”

“Me? I don’t have a type.”

“You don’t?”

Seungpyo nodded confidently.

“Yeah, my dad said that when he first met my mom, it was like fireworks went off in his head. Falling in love with someone isn’t about preference, it’s about seeing them and having flowers bloom before your eyes. I’ll meet someone like that too.”

At Seungpyo’s confident words, the taxi driver reacted first, in a cheerful voice.

“Your father is quite the romantic. Are you two still lovey-dovey?”

“Yes, they still are.”

“You’re lucky, student. It’s useless spending a fortune on your kids’ education. If the parents have a loving relationship, that’s the best education. I realized that too late, and now my kids are all grown up, so it’s too late for me.”

“Nah, I don’t think so. Spending a fortune is more helpful in life.”

“Oh, is that so?”

They arrived at school after exchanging a few jokes. “Study hard!” The driver cheered them on and drove away.

He had missed the chance to retort because of the taxi driver’s interruption. He hadn’t had anything particular to say anyway, since he had made a dumbfounded face at Seungpyo’s words, but he wanted to complain about what the taxi driver had said.

“What’s the point of parents getting along if they’re weird people? Does that count as a good family education?”

“He just meant it in general. Why are you so cynical? You must still be feeling unwell. You’re so grumpy this morning.”

Jaemin closed his mouth. Complaining to someone who didn’t know the circumstances would only make him seem cynical, just as Oh Seungpyo had said.

Despite the unexpected delay earlier in the morning, they arrived at school earlier than usual thanks to the taxi. As they walked across the quiet playground and reached the hallway, only a few early-arriving, well-behaved students were wandering around like zombies. The usual morning commotion hadn’t started yet. The entire school felt drowsy, as if still waking up.

Seungpyo, who had been walking silently, suddenly reached out and turned the doorknob of the resource room. His eyes widened.

“Oh, it’s open.”

So what if it’s open? Leaving the indifferent Jaemin behind, Seungpyo quickly slipped inside and beckoned him. It was an obvious ploy, but Jaemin played along without complaint.

As soon as the door closed, their lips met. Peck, peck, smack. Childish kisses were exchanged. The softest parts of their bodies touched repeatedly, and even though they weren’t doing anything explicitly sexual, heat bloomed between their lips. Jaemin’s lips, which had been closed while they were walking, parted slightly.

“You’re so horny.”

Seungpyo whispered, a hint of laughter in his voice, after licking Jaemin’s parted lips. Jaemin tried to retort, but Seungpyo was faster, swallowing his words with a kiss.

Their lips met in a deep kiss. A soft, wet flesh explored his mouth slowly, like swimming, and a pleasant languor, different from the exhaustion of physical exertion, enveloped Jaemin’s body.

With the unnecessary tension gone, his body felt like a cat relaxing in the spring sun. His resolve to retort to the “horny” comment melted away along with the tension.

Oh Seungpyo seemed to be getting better at kissing. Had his own skills improved too?

The quiet kiss in the sleeping school quickly turned competitive. Ragged breaths, the sound of wet lips rubbing together, the eager sounds of them trying to swallow each other whole—the space between them grew charged with urgency.

Haa, mm. The moans escaping between their joined lips spoke of their shared arousal. This wasn’t right. Both of them felt the unspoken awareness that he wasn’t the only one troubled by the memories of last night.

But regardless of their circumstances, the morning kiss couldn’t last long. While they were kissing, the school was also waking up, starting a new day.

The sound of footsteps running up the stairs grew louder, and the presence of people moving around in the hallway beyond the thin door became stronger and clearer. Voices calling out friends’ names and exchanging greetings echoed loudly.

They pulled away, holding onto each other’s shoulders. They quickly caught their breath. Their hesitant eyes met. Oh Seungpyo, his eyes filled with regret, grinned.

“See? Don’t you feel better after kissing?”

“Don’t use me as an excuse. I was already feeling better before we kissed.”

“We kissed before going to bed, so we have to kiss after waking up too.”

“Shh.”

Jaemin cut off Seungpyo’s nonsense and listened to the sounds outside. Taking advantage of a brief lull, they quickly slipped out of the resource room and walked with some distance between them, like indifferent classmates who had just arrived at school.

As soon as they entered the classroom, they went to their respective seats without so much as a glance or a greeting. Jaemin sat down and took a deep breath.

He had been feeling better even before the kiss, but he felt like he could breathe more easily after kissing. Despite the slightly awkward start, it was the beginning of a decent day.