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    Loves Balance

    West Fort Owner, Blue Hawk (2)


    He stared down at my face for a long time. He was so close I could hear his breathing, and even though his hand was exploring my body, which was only covered by a single layer of underwear, it didn’t feel awkward or embarrassing. Instead, all I felt was a tense pressure.

    In the past, I would’ve given in to this tension, muttering apologies and promises not to repeat my actions. But this time, I didn’t. I just glared at him, silently daring him to see this through to the end.

    I was scared he might hit me, but fuck it, I didn’t care. If he wanted to hit me, let him. No matter what his bastard self tried to do, I wasn’t going to cooperate. If he was fine with our relationship turning into a complete disaster, then sure, he could keep pushing his way.

    “You seem to be misunderstanding something.”

    The man ran his hand along my waist. I flinched and trembled at the sensation of his rough nails grazing my sensitive skin. His fingers slowly made their way down to my pelvis.

    “Whether you live or die is entirely up to me. Where do you get off acting tough when you can’t even handle a wild dog on your own?”

    His fingers tugged at the waistband of my underwear, slipping one inside. My heart pounded wildly at the sensation of someone else’s warmth invading such a private space. Anxiety welled up inside me—I had no idea what he intended to do. My confused expression must’ve given him the upper hand, because he whispered lazily.

    “You want to live, don’t you? Then do as I say. Don’t regret it once you’re dead. I’m the one ensuring your survival, so who are you to defy me?”

    Defy…

    This bastard must really want a submissive slave. Maybe the ‘Prophet’ who came before me was that compliant. She probably only devoted herself to him to survive, and that seems to have become an accepted norm.

    He flicked the waistband of my underwear and pulled his hand away. Having silenced me with his commands and threats, he carried on with his sickening kindness, unbuttoning the shirt that had been restraining my arms. Then, he turned and walked over to the table.

    “Now that you’re undressed, put a cotton swab in.”

    I rubbed my arms, which had been tied up in my shirt, and took a deep breath.

    What he said was true.

    Yeah, I can’t handle a wild dog on my own. If you and your companions hadn’t helped me in that moment, I would have been torn to shreds by its teeth. Even if I had somehow escaped, I might have caught sepsis and wasted away, dying slowly.

    It’s a fact that he’s stronger than me. I also know that if I tried to survive here alone without his help, I’d last only a few days before dying. I can’t do anything by myself. That helplessness made me angry and miserable.

    I clenched my molars and turned around. I leaned against the wall and pulled my panties down to my thighs. I pushed the cotton swab from the kit into the back. Even though it was thin and soft, the foreign sensation made me grimace. My face reddened as I could feel him watching me the entire time.

    Fxck, Fxck, Fxck…

    After swearing to myself for a while, I placed the cotton swab I had inserted into my body into an opaque container and threw it at the man.

    “Done?”

    You’d think he’d be disgusted by something that had been in someone else’s an*s, but the man calmly placed the container into the kit. As he pulled out a rubber hose and a sterile syringe, he spoke to me, his voice showing annoyance.

    “Sit down. I’m going to draw some blood.”

    I adjusted my pants and returned to the sofa. He tied the rubber hose around my forearm and unwrapped the sealed syringe. He found a vein in my arm and inserted the needle. After collecting the necessary amount of blood, he detached the needle from the cylinder and placed it next to the rectal examination kit. Then, he placed an oral exam kit in front of me, the kind that scrapes the inside of your mouth.

    Overcoming my helplessness, I spoke up.

    “I’ll do that myself.”

    “As if I’d trust you.”

    “…How can you cheat on an oral swab? Is there some amazing cheating method that I don’t know about?”

    “You’d do well to keep your mouth shut.”

    I obediently closed my mouth since he didn’t want to hear my voice. The man holding the oral swab paused for a moment. A tense silence passed between us. He broke the silence with a single word, uttered as if he were embarrassed.

    “…Not now. Open your mouth. Let’s get this done.”

    Whether I close my mouth or open it, there’s always something.

    He grabbed my chin, forcing me to turn towards him. With his fingers, he pressed my jaw open. As I looked up at him from this close distance, my eyes kept being drawn to his long eyelashes.

    The atmosphere was cold, but he didn’t seem that old. At most, he was in his late twenties. His face looked young enough that I would have believed him if he had said he was my age.

    As I stared at the man’s face, which was less than a foot away, his eyes met mine from behind his long eyelashes. His irises were so black that I couldn’t even tell where his pupils ended and his irises began.

    I had never seen eyes like this before. How could both his pupils and irises be completely black? His eyes were impossible to read. Maybe that’s why he’s so confident when he argues.

    While I stared at him, the man wore a complex expression, but in the end, no words passed between us.

    He packed up the kits and put them in his bag. Honestly, I was hoping the Doctor who received the samples would diagnose me with pneumonia or something, so I could be separated from him.

    “Put this on.”

    It was a new shirt, the same size as the one whose buttons got ripped off. I was speechless at the enormous waste of resources. It was the first time I’d worn and discarded clothes worth millions of won in a single day.

    I fastened only two or three of the middle buttons and asked,

    “I at least want to know what all the fuss was about, why you thought I was hiding something.”

    The man replied as he fixed his coat.

    “Because you might have something attached to you that the wild dogs would chase after.”

    I don’t know who the wild dogs are, but it was clear this man was hostile towards them. His words suggested they were making sure I wasn’t involved with those hostile forces.

    “So, you were suspicious that I was working with another group?”

    “Yes.”

    “Now that you’ve confirmed I wasn’t, don’t you have something to say?”

    I waited for an apology. If he had just said sorry, I was ready to let it go and tell him not to do it again. But instead, what I got was an audacity beyond belief.

    “Next time, don’t do anything to raise suspicion. Next time, I’ll strip you down to your underwear.”

    It was my mistake for expecting anything.

    It was so absurd, I couldn’t even get angry.

    “Ugh, you really have a lousy way of talking.”

    “Don’t get emotional over things like this.”

    “How can I not? With open ears, all I hear is your obnoxious tone.”

    The man turns to face me, not backing down an inch. I flinch at his cold gaze, but this time, I don’t back down and meet his gaze head-on. Then the man says something with a mocking tone.

    “Your world must have been gentle and easygoing. Too bad. This place follows a fierce law of survival.”

    It was a statement that negated my life. It reminded me of the stark contrast between my situation and this man’s, even though we spoke the same language, were the same race, lived in the same city, and had the same living space. He was essentially saying that unlike my gentle and easygoing world, the place he lived in was harsh and unforgiving. Treated like a naïve child, I kept my mouth shut.

    “Why? Go ahead and complain this time too. You’ve had such a comfortable life that you even care about how I talk, so if you’ve got more to say, go ahead.”

    …Aren’t you supposed to be asking me for help right now as the ‘Prophet’ or whatever? If I am that ‘Prophet’, aren’t you making a mistake? You need to be friendly with me if you want me to help you with anything, but if you keep this up, even if there is something I can help you with, I’ll just wipe my mouth and pretend I don’t know anything.

    While I was grateful for the help in surviving this unfamiliar and terrifying world, I knew it wasn’t out of kindness. It was an investment, made to gain something from me. Later, they’d want to reap profits greater than what they invested, but I wasn’t willing to be dragged down emotionally by them.

    “Don’t try to boss me around.”

    At my firm warning, the man raised an eyebrow. My heart pounded, fearing he might grab my collar again, but outwardly, I acted as if I was unfazed.

    “You said yesterday that I wasn’t your subordinate, so I don’t have to call you ‘Captain’. Stick to your own words. I’m not your subordinate, so you can’t just treat me however you want.”

    I was worried he might grab me and tear my clothes like before. Luckily, the man didn’t notice my fear and didn’t dwell on my plea not to push me around.

    “Go down to the first floor and wait.”

    If he still wanted to boss me around, he would have dragged me along instead of telling me to wait. He was showing me the utmost consideration he could.

    “I’ll come down too, so go ahead and wait.”

    His consideration was still overbearing by my standards, but I decided not to be difficult with someone who was making an effort.

    Instead of replying, I just clicked my tongue.

    Understanding this new world was one thing.

    Understanding the people who lived here became a whole new challenge.

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