Guest Ch 4

Invitation to the New Seoul (4)

I once spent a year as a shut-in after graduating high school. I stayed in my room, reading books, watching dramas and movies, and playing games. I don’t want to delve into the reasons why because it makes me feel miserable, but at the time, I had this thought while watching a disaster movie.

The main characters should just stay put. Why do they have to satisfy their curiosity and rush into dangerous places, causing accidents? Seriously, if you’re not an expert, isn’t it best to just stay calm and in a safe place? Why do they run off, endangering their companions and getting hurt themselves? It’s really frustrating.

I used to laugh at how disaster movie protagonists always have to be overly nosy^[1] and have curiosity as a passive skill.

But now, if I ever watch one of those dramas or movies again, I’ll have to reflect. This is a situation where I have no choice but to go outside. If I don’t go out and stay inside, I’ll die of thirst.

“…The water’s out too.”

I turned on the bathroom sink faucet.

Creak, creak.

Only rust came out. Even when I checked the toilet’s water tank, all that was left were dried-up water stains. None of the light switches in the rooms worked, and when I opened the closet, the clothes hanging there were either decayed or moldy. No matter where I looked, I couldn’t find a single place untouched by dust. Even the phone cover my grandmother had carefully knitted was so faded that its original color was unrecognizable.

There was no food either. The refrigerator, which had lost power, contained only unidentified food waste that had turned into a black lump. My throat was parched, but with no water to drink, all I could do was swallow my own saliva. Every now and then, strange creaking sounds came from the old roof, making me hunch my shoulders as my heart raced wildly. I was constantly on edge, not just from the bugs crawling on the walls or the field mice that would peek out from the holes and disappear, but also from the constant feeling that I wasn’t alone, even though it was an empty house.

I guess this is why the movie protagonists leave their safe houses behind. It’s not just about escaping the wind and rain when you can’t sleep peacefully or find water to drink. They must have wanted to go out and find something to eat because they would have starved to death if they had stayed put.

Now that I understood those protagonists, all I could do was fiddle with my phone, which had lost connection. My anxiety grew as I stared at the screen, still showing [Out of service area].

“Woo Hyunho, pull yourself together.”

I placed my hand on my anxiously beating heart and tried to calm myself.

“Stay calm, stay calm, and think through things one at a time.”

But no matter what I did, my chaotic mind wouldn’t settle down. As a last resort, I put on my earphones and listened to some downloaded songs to calm myself down. It didn’t help much. I couldn’t even hear the lyrics of the idol’s cheerful song. The high notes that burst out in the chorus sounded like screams, only heightening my anxiety. Battery life: 82%, no, 81%. The lower the battery got, the more anxious I became.

I turned off the music. I stopped all background apps and switched my phone to the lowest power usage. Even so, I held it tightly in both hands, afraid that something might happen to the only line of communication I had left.

I glanced up at the heavily clouded sky again. The cloud cover was so thick that I couldn’t tell whether the sun was rising or setting. The hazy red light seemed either due to the sandy color below the clouds or the sunlight being blocked—I wasn’t sure.

What time could it be? Could it really be 6 PM, like my cell phone said? If not, is it day or night now? There was nothing I could rely on to figure it out.

A fierce battle began to rage in my conflicted mind.

‘Let’s go outside. Let’s at least figure out what’s going on.’

‘Are you crazy? What are you expecting to find out there? Do those clouds look normal to you? If you look closely, you can see strange red sand swirling in the air. That sand is falling, not rain or snow. How do you know if it’s radioactive or not?’

‘Even so, if I stay here, I won’t have any water to drink, and I can’t sleep with all these bugs and rats crawling around.’

‘Are you sure there’s somewhere safe out there?’

‘I have to find someone. I need to ask for help. What can I do alone?’

‘People are more dangerous. You’ll have to worry about whether they’ll kill you.’

‘So what? How long are you planning to wait here?’

‘Well…’

“‘Well’ isn’t an answer.’

‘Whether I go out or stay, it’s still a problem either way.’

I continued to have unanswered thoughts, then stared blankly at the cloud again. I wondered how harmful the red sand dust would be to my body. If it was radioactive fallout, there wouldn’t be any living creatures outside, but the red spider lilies blooming in the yard were fine. And crows were flying over the buildings, so it probably wasn’t too dangerous. But what if I don’t see a single person? Should I wander around looking for someone? Or should I jump from a high place? Maybe that would wake me up from this dream.

A chill ran down my spine.

Goosebumps appeared on my arms. I was scared of myself for even considering suicide as an option. I wasn’t sure if this was really a dream. What if I jump from somewhere high and actually die?

I looked up at the sky again, fear gripping me, and coughed dryly.

“Cough, cough.”

My throat burned and cried out for water, making my face contort. If I stayed here any longer, I felt like my throat would burn up in a few hours and I wouldn’t be able to bear it.

I decided to go outside and enter any building, whether it was a store or a villa, and turn on the faucet or open the refrigerator to find at least a bottle of water. If that didn’t work, I’d try to walk back home along the subway line. I wasn’t sure how far it was, but I figured I’d get there before dying of thirst.

I checked my reflection in the glass door and adjusted my backpack straps. I double-knotted my sneakers and took a deep breath.

“Okay, let’s focus.”

I carefully opened the front door. The surroundings were hazy, as if there was a red mist due to the sand falling from the sky. My vision was limited, making it hard to move forward.

“…”

I hesitated, then went back inside. I pondered between the leg of an old chair and the sink pipe, and eventually chose the sink pipe. I held the rusty iron pipe bent like a question mark in my hand and tried to get used to it by swinging it.

If danger comes, don’t hesitate to swing it. People could harm me too, so I can’t let my guard down.

After repeating this to myself several times, I finally gathered the courage to pass through the front door and walk toward the main gate.

I opened the iron gate carefully, making sure not to make any noise with the hinges, and peeked outside. The scene was the same as before, but holding onto my makeshift weapon gave me a bit more confidence. The parked cars on the street especially caught my eye. Quite a few cars were abandoned in the alleys. Seeing those cars gave me a little hope.

Let’s take one. That would be much safer.

I decided to steal one that was still in good condition. I cautiously checked the cars abandoned in the alley. There wasn’t a single decent car. Some cars had their hoods open, and their engine rooms were completely stripped, leaving them empty. It seemed like someone had taken the car parts because they could be used somewhere.

It seems there are still people living in this strange version of Seoul. Seeing the signs of looting made me even more afraid to trust anyone here. They might even kill me if they needed to.

I kept searching for a car that still had an engine. But none of the cars had any of their parts intact. Tires were missing, and engines, batteries, and wires were all stripped out. Thinking the cars on the street might not be the only ones, I entered an underground parking lot beneath a villa.

But there wasn’t a single intact car in sight. Finally, after searching through several commercial buildings and underground parking lots, I found a small box truck with an intact engine. It looked clean, like it would run if it just had some gas.

Clunk, rattle.

The door was locked. I carefully looked around, then took a step back.

Gulp.

I swallowed my dry saliva. I carefully raised my hand holding the pipe. I swung the pipe down on the window next to the driver’s seat.

Thud!

Along with the dull sound, my hand holding the pipe throbbed.

“Ugh.”

I guess I didn’t have enough strength to break the window. I checked that it hadn’t even cracked and took a deep breath. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and readjusted my grip on the pipe. This time, I swung it harder.

Crack!

Damn it!

It cracked. This time, I swung with all my might.

Crash!

With a loud crash, the window shattered, spilling glass everywhere.

“Haa, ha…”

My heart pounded like a drum.

I really can’t handle a life of crime. Maybe this is the limit for an ordinary, law-abiding citizen like me. How can something like this be so terrifying?

I reached my trembling hand through the broken window. I unlocked the door from the inside and got into the driver’s seat. I sighed and pulled myself into the seat. I pressed the brake pedal firmly and tried the engine button, but there was no response. In a panic, I leaned forward and started pressing random buttons.

Looking at the car that was still unresponsive, I felt like I understood what anxiety and fear were.

If all the cars are like this, will I have to walk around to find water?

If I run into someone who wants to harm me, will I be able to survive?

It’s obvious that if I face someone who’s adapted to this world while I’m just wandering clueless, winning would be nearly impossible.